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Dear Will,
Chances are I will never send this, I already have a spot saved for it in my drawer that is piling up with letters just like this, but maybe one day I will stop being such a coward, maybe one day I will be able to tell you how I really think of you, and chances are, you will despise me for it.
I can’t stop thinking about you, you are the first thought in my head in the morning and the last one to leave at night, and those are only the nights that I don’t dream of you. I dream of your lips the most, I don’t know if I could ever tell you that, though. I’ve been so scared to write to you because I know I will say the wrong thing, it is inevitable, I always do. I am sick and tired of hurting you, whenever you’re in pain, it makes me want to die…I almost did once, it wasn’t just for you, but it was why I was so willing.
I write one of these for you every few weeks, hoping that one day I will finally find the courage to send one, even if I know it’s an unrealistic goal, I have never had much courage. Certainly not as much as you. The party is doing okay, we all miss you a lot, I don’t think anyone's taking it as hard as me, though. I’ve been a total mess ever since you pulled out of that driveway.
I want you, Will. I know you would never give that to me, and I would never ask it of you, this was supposed to be an apology letter of sorts, a simple confession, I always find a way to make everything about me, don’t I? Actually, please don’t answer that, I couldn’t bear it.
I’m sorry for not calling enough, I miss your voice, I miss everything about you. I’m sorry for not sending anything. But why haven’t you called? Do you really hate me so much you can’t stand to speak with me? Every time I’m on the phone and ask to speak with you, someone says you aren’t home, and sometimes I know it is a lie because I can hear your music playing from the next room. I heard you’ve been painting, would you ever make something for me? I have a stack of poems waiting for you if you’re ever interested, but they aren’t that good.
I’m so in love with you I can’t think sometimes, why do you have to be so perfect? I hate it. But I really just wish I could be in your arms again, I should have never let go when you said goodbye, I should have hugged you longer. Would you ever hug me again knowing all of this? I’m sorry I’m so gross, Will. I didn’t mean to get you caught up in this. I’m sure you have a lovely girl in Lenora, and I try to pretend like that thought doesn’t tear my heart to shreds. You’ve always had so many girls throwing themselves at your feet, but you never pursued any of them, it gave me a glimmer of hope. Most of that hope died a long time ago.
I’m rambling, Will, I’m sorry. But I don’t want to end the letter. Writing these makes me feel closer to you, but I know I have to.
With too much love,
Mike
Will was nearly too stunned to speak, he was holding a letter in his trembling hands, one that came from Mike, which was surprising in and of itself. The contents of the letter were really what got him, though. He didn’t know what to think, had Mike sent it by accident? Was he hallucinating? Was Mike trying to mess with him?
He eliminates the latter option, Mike has been weird to Will for a while now, but he has never been cruel, and he would never do that. He rereads the letter, and then he rereads it again, and then he has to sit down because this is real. Mike is in love with him. Mike is in love with him and he’s clearly not doing very well. Will had to quickly weigh his options, what could he really do, anyway? He should call him, or maybe send him a letter in return, but maybe the best option was to ignore it, even if he did send it intentionally, Mike seemed frantic in the letter, he might not be in sound mind.
It is not like Will had never thought of Mike romantically before, but for some reason, he was afraid he was taking advantage of him, even if the letter was literally addressed to him. He at least needed to talk to Mike and make sure he was doing okay. There was a lot to unpack on that one piece of paper, and it made him feel guilty for not noticing his friend was struggling so much sooner. He ultimately decides to sleep on it.
In the morning, as he gets ready for school, he can’t get the letter out of his head. It’s pretty much impossible to do especially when it is sitting on his nightstand, sadly discarded. He only has a couple of days or so until spring break, so the teachers are a little more relaxed than usual and his day won’t feel too long.
Will freezes at the thought, Mike was coming to visit for spring break. So he had to figure out what he was going to do, and fast.
As he grabs something to eat for breakfast with El, he almost doesn’t have an appetite due to the pit in his stomach, so he opts for a banana over the Eggos in the freezer that El never quit her obsession with. Apart from a soft “Good morning” from each of them, they sit quietly together, and it isn’t unusual. But when they start their walk to school and Will still hasn’t said anything, El finds it strange.
“Why are you being so weird?” Will curses El for being so intuned with him.
“I got a really weird letter from Mike.” Will couldn’t lie to his sister, and he needed someone to consult over it anyway.
“That’s funny, I haven’t gotten one in a while, he usually sends them every two weeks or so.” Will ignores the pang in his chest because he knows that Mike is clearly struggling, plus, El has always had a very healthy friendship with Mike compared to his own.
“Maybe he just mixed up a couple of his letters, but now I’m worried about him. It was some pretty heavy stuff.” El nods her head but doesn’t ask for more information, not wanting to invade her brother’s or Mike’s privacy.
“Have you tried talking to him yet?” He probably should have called Mike right away.
“No, I only opened it last night. I feel like it might be better to wait until he’s here so I can talk to him face-to-face. We’re infamous for our communication issues and I don’t want to make anything worse.” Will was glad he could talk to someone about this.
“That sounds smart, you said it was…heavy? Which is bad, right? Maybe you should just check in to make sure he’s okay, I would offer to ask the next time he calls, but I'm sure he would like it more coming from you if he would write you a letter about it.” There wasn’t a moment where Will wasn’t elated to have El as a sister, but sometimes he felt it a little more intensely.
“Thanks, El. I’m glad I told you about it, I already feel a little less stressed out.”
El just smiles and wraps an arm around him in a halfway hug as they stop walking, they have arrived at their stop just in time to get on the bus before it leaves.
The day passed slowly, and Will had plenty of time for his anxiety to build up, but he wasn’t going to chicken out, for Mike’s sake. By the time he got home, his mom was still working, so he wouldn’t be able to use the phone for another hour or so. In the meantime, he did some work on the painting he was making for the boy he was so deeply worried about, he’s proud of how it’s turning out. Now all he had to do was add some finishing touches to it and it would be complete.
Some time had passed so he went to check if the phone was still being used or not, he wasn’t sure how to feel when he saw it there, sitting in the receiver with his mother nowhere in sight.
He sighs as he makes his way over to it, he contemplates it again and then dials Mike’s number that had been committed to his memory. It rings only twice before he hears the phone being picked up on the other end.
“Hello?” Will is surprised to hear Mike’s voice.
“Hi, Mike.” Will hopes he doesn’t sound too nervous over the phone, anxious to not make Mike uncomfortable.
“Oh. Hey, Will. What’s up?” He sounds oddly stiff, to be fair they hadn’t really spoken since a couple of random phone calls that happened right after the Byers moved to Lenora.
“Just thinking about you, I guess. I wanted to see how you’re doing.”
“It’s good to hear from you, I- I’m sorry I haven’t called sooner.” Based on how Mike is acting, Will assumes he didn’t send the letter intentionally. He’s far too relaxed compared to the tone of it.
“It’s okay. Life’s been getting pretty busy, with high school and all. I should’ve called more too, phone works two ways.” Will already feels himself getting more comfortable talking to Mike.
“Yeah, everything's been kind of stressful I guess.” Mike's voice goes soft and he almost misses what he says.
“Are you doing okay?” Will hopes his concern is made apparent even through the tinny sound of the phone.
“I honestly don’t know anymore. I feel like I’m going crazy, it’s not the same here with you gone.” The last part is said so quietly that Will almost feels as if he imagined it.
“I feel the same way. Somedays I feel like I’m still stuck on the fact that I used to see you every single day and all of a sudden I’m across the country. I miss you, Mike.”
“I…I miss you too, Will.”
Will is called by his mother to come eat dinner, he is disappointed that his phone call got cut short. But at least he got to talk to Mike for a little bit and check in on him.
“I’m so sorry, I have to go. I would call you after dinner but that's pretty late for you and I don’t want to get you in trouble right before your visit. Can I call you tomorrow?” Will couldn’t wait to talk to him again.
“Yeah. Yeah, of course. I’ll be home at around five tomorrow, are you free then?” Mike seems just as eager to talk as Will is.
“Yep, I’ll talk to you at five, tomorrow. Your time.”
“Sounds great! Bye, Will.” Mike’s voice sounded smiley.
“Goodnight, Mike!” Will hangs up the phone and he isn’t sure how such a simple social interaction was making him so ecstatic.
“Will! Hurry up, your food is getting cold!” He can hear his mother call from the dining table.
“Sorry, mom! I’m coming.” He places the phone in the receiver and makes his way into the dining room.
His mom made lasagna, which was honestly one of his favorites. And smiled for the rest of the evening because he was finally having a non-mediocre day.
“What are you so happy about?” Jonathan asks Will right after finishing his plate.
“Yeah, honey. You’ve practically been grinning ear to ear ever since you came to dinner.” His mother chimes in.
“He was talking to Mike. On the phone.” El responds for him while raising her eyebrows, making his cheeks flush.
“Aww, I’m so glad the two of you are talking again. You are quite the pair.” Will buried his face in his hands at his mom's comment, feeling embarrassed at being the center of attention.
“It was just a phone call, no big deal.” In reality, it was a big deal to Will.
“Well, I’m glad you guys talked.” El cut into the conversation, giving a small approving smile to Will.
“So am I, you have such a beautiful relationship. I’m proud of you for taking care of it.” Despite his embarrassment, he does feel grateful that his mother is so supportive of him.
After dinner, El follows Will up to his room so they can talk privately about the phone call.
“Does he seem like he is okay?” Despite not being as worried as Will, she still had an edge to her voice that showed how much she cared about him.
“Yeah. I think he was pretty pleased to hear from me, I wish I knew that he didn’t hate me sooner. Maybe he never would have had to write those letters.”
“Mike could never hate you, silly. And I thought you said it was only one letter?”
“Yeah, I did. But, in the letter he mentioned having written a bunch more that he just never sent. I know he wrote a lot when I went missing, I just hope he’s not feeling that same way again.” Despite Mike’s chipper mood on the phone, he couldn’t help it but be concerned for him.
“Oh. And you promise that when he is here you will tell him that you got it, as soon as you can find a moment?” El wasn’t trying to pressure him, but they were both uneasy about how Mike was actually doing.
“Of course, friends don’t lie.” Plus, Will is dealing with his own confusion that needs to be clarified.
“Good, I have a homework project to finish, so I will see you in the morning. Good night, I love you.”
“Night, El. I love you, too.” She gives him a quick hug and then makes her way to her room.
Will wants to just leave the letter alone until he can talk to Mike about it, but he can’t help himself, so he reads it for probably the fourth time. He is processing it more than he was last night, hung up on words like:
“ I dream of your lips the most ”
“ I have a stack of poems waiting for you ”
“ I’m so in love with you I can’t think sometimes”
“ I really just wish I could be in your arms ”
“ I try to pretend like that thought doesn’t tear my heart to shreds ”
It was clear that it was an admission of love, the romantic kind, Will could still not believe his eyes. Another group of words sticks out to him for a different reason:
“ I am sick and tired of hurting you, whenever you’re in pain, it makes me want to die…I almost did once, it wasn’t just for you, but it was why I was so willing. ” He doesn’t know how to begin to take that in, and once he does, he cries for Mike. The words are ringing in his ears, making him wish he was back in Hawkins so he could reach out and hold him.
All he knew was that he needed spring break to get here faster. He hates picturing a world without Mike in it. And that very night, he is haunted by nightmares where that is the reality.
He wakes up drenched in sweat twenty minutes before his alarm is supposed to go off, he is still tired but he cannot find it in him to go back to sleep. So, he decides to just get up early and start a shower.
He turns on the water so that it is freezing cold, he hasn’t been comfortable taking hot showers in a while, additionally, he still feels overheated and fatigued from his nightmare. He makes sure he has a towel for when he gets out and steps into the shower, only shivering slightly at the temperature. He has a lot to think about to pass the time, and his mood continues to be troubled even when he has finished getting ready and is making his way downstairs, he tries his best to shake it out of his mind.
El notices as soon as she makes eye contact with him, and she beckons him over to the seat next to her at the table. He decides to have a banana for breakfast again and then moves to sit down next to her.
“Worried about Mike?”
“El, I think he was seriously thinking about hurting himself. He said he almost died before and ‘it wasn’t just for you, but it was why I was so willing’ I can’t believe I never noticed something like that happened.” At this point, Will could probably directly quote the entire letter if he needed to.
A flash of recognition and concern showed up on El’s face, and it made Will’s anxieties worse.
“I think I know what he’s talking about. I never realized how serious it must have been for him.” Will isn’t sure what she means.
“How serious what must have been?” Will feels like he is completely out of the loop.
“Back when you were in the upside down, they got cornered by these bad people. Dustin got grabbed, and the person had a knife up to his face. I couldn’t see it that well because I was a little far away. I think the only way he wouldn’t hurt him was if Mike went into the quarry, so he jumped. But I could get close enough to pull him back up.” El realizes that he could have never known she would be there to save him, and she feels guilty for not worrying sooner.
“Oh my god, I’m glad you were there, El.” He knows it is not her fault but he wishes he was told sooner, he would have never left Mike alone ever again.
“Me too. Sometimes he might be too good of a friend, it makes him hurt.” He can tell El is upset at the new-ish information too.
“Yeah, I don’t know if I’ll ever let him leave once he gets here.” Will doesn’t even know if he will allow him to be more than five feet away from him once they are reunited.
“We are probably leaving soon, I think Argyle is giving us all a ride today.” He brings them to school pretty much every day, with the exception of yesterday because he was “sick”.
Will only had to make it through two more school days until he could see Mike, but he was so anxious that every class felt hours long. In most of his classes they were watching documentaries or movies, but there was always that spiteful teacher that kept assigning work up until break, for Will, it was his Spanish teacher.
Spanish was his last period of the day, so it was dragging on extra long. They were working on a vocabulary worksheet that Will had already finished 15 minutes prior and he was bored out of his mind, itching to be able to go home and call Mike. When the bell finally rings he feels an incredible sense of relief.
“Adiós clase, lo termina por tarea si no lo terminaste en clase hoy. ¡Vacaciones no están aquí todavía!” Will can barely understand her and he really doesn’t care to ask for clarification, he just wants to go home.
He finds El in the hallway, Spanish is the only class they don’t share together because she was too nervous to attempt to learn a new language when she didn’t have a good enough hold on English yet, so she had just finished up with her extra writing class.
“Are you still worrying about him?” El had been trying to calm him down all day, but it was to no avail.
“Of course I am, I can’t get that thing he said out of my head.” Will still finds relief in talking to El about it.
“I understand, I am feeling worried for him too. I hope everything will get better when we can finally see him.” Will couldn’t agree more.
They get a ride home and Will is relieved to see that his mom is already done with work, he goes to put his backpack into his room and rushes back downstairs to call him, praying that he is home.
“Hi.” It wasn’t Mike, but his little sister, Holly.
“Hey, Holly. It’s me, Will. Is Mike home?” The second after he asks he can hear her shouting across the house for him.
“He’s coming.” Will can hear her pass the phone a couple of seconds after she says it.
“Hey, Will. How are you?” He already sounds less nervous than last time.
“Hi, Mike. I’m pretty good, I mean school sucks but what's new. How are you doing?”
“Same here, have you been working on anything cool?” Will knows that he has heard about the painting through El because of the letter, and he isn’t sure if he should lie or not. He wants it to be a surprise.
“I guess, I’m working on a painting for someone. I’m actually pretty happy with it, I can’t wait to show you.” It’s mostly the truth, but he isn’t spoiling the surprise.
“Oh, cool. Is it for anyone special?” Something in Mike’s voice dulled, maybe it was the wrong thing to say.
“Yeah, it’s for someone pretty special. What about you, have you been writing anything interesting lately?” Will knows that he had.
“Um, I guess you could say that. This person, did you meet them from school?” Mike was really hooked on the idea of this “mystery person”, it made Will feel a little bad.
“Yeah, I met them at school. What have you been writing about?” Will was trying to steer their subject of conversation away, he knew he wouldn’t be able to outright lie to Mike if he had to.
“A lot of poetry here and there, it’s not that good. I wish I was as creatively talented as you are, Will.” The compliment made Will flustered.
“Oh, please. I’ve read your stuff before, it’s awesome.” It was now Mike’s turn to blush.
“Do you really think so? I’m planning to make something for…someone.” It doesn’t take a lot of thought for Will to realize he is referring to him.
“I’m sure they’ll love it. You’re a wonderful poet.” Will hopes Mike is actually believing him, he deserves the praise.
“Thank you, I bet your person is going to love your painting. You’re a wonderful artist.” Mike returns the compliment and Will swoons at the fact that he is unknowingly referring to himself as “Will’s person”.
“Thanks. Have you been doing anything fun lately?”
“I mean, I joined this DnD club at school. There aren’t that many people in it but it’s pretty fun, you would love it.” Will pushes down his bubbling jealousy, it’s not like Mike can’t have other friends.
“Yeah, that sounds pretty cool. Are you excited to come see sunny California?” Will couldn’t get his mind off of the fact that Mike would be here, in person, in less than two days. He doesn’t know how he is going to bring up the letter.
“I’m more excited to see you guys again if I’m being honest. It’s really hard being apart.” The feeling is mutual.
“I know, I really miss you. We’re going to have a lot of catching up to do once you get here. Me and El can fill you in on all of the weirdness of Lenora Hills.” They both can’t wait to be reunited.
“Plus, Hawkins is permanently weird. We’ll never run out of things to talk about.”
They end up falling into different, random conversations for the next two hours or so, until Mike has to leave to take a shower and start getting ready for bed. Will misses Mike’s voice the second he hangs up the phone and decides to go help his mom with dinner to take his mind off things.
That night and the following morning go the same as the ones before: get teased by his family for his obsession with Mike, work on his painting, go to bed, wake up, shower, reread the letter, talk to El over breakfast, and go to school. Fortunately, he has a sub for Spanish which makes his day much more bearable.
When he gets home that afternoon, he truly begins to stress about how he is going to confront Mike. Should he confess to Mike as well, or would that be too abrupt? He doesn’t think he should just leave him hanging though, so what should he say? He doesn’t want to be too corny and he doesn’t want to be too serious and awkward, and he doesn’t want Mike to feel embarrassed.
He stress-cleans his room and adds the final touches to his painting, he even washes his sheets and some extra blankets in case Mike needs them. He even cleans out the filter in his barely-running AC, dusts his baseboards, and cleans the glass on his windows. He feels like he is going insane, and he probably is. When he goes to sleep that night, he has to play music to get himself to focus on something other than his jumbled thoughts.
In the morning he makes his bed, which he pretty much never does, grabs a quick breakfast, and showers for a bit too long followed by brushing his teeth twice. It’s 9:45 and the flight Mike was on was getting in at eleven, so they probably had to leave in about thirty minutes if they didn’t want to be late because of traffic.
Will continues to drive himself crazy, fixing fine details in his room and getting dressed, making sure to remember cologne and deodorant. He rolls up his painting and puts a small piece of string around it to hold it in place. He debates with himself whether to bring it with him or not and ultimately decides against it, he wants it to be more personal than just some present in the airport. He cannot help himself but reread the letter again, he is halfway through it before he hears his name being called from downstairs.
“Will, come on, it's time to go! We don’t want to be late!” He checks the time, seeing that it’s already 10:20, and sets the letter back down on his nightstand to run downstairs.
He slides his shoes on while halfway out the door and clambers into the van, not wanting to make everyone wait any longer. His nerves continue to build up on the drive there, El notices but she doesn’t say anything in front of everyone else, she just offers him a small smile, he appreciates it and returns one to her.
By the time they were waiting outside the correct gate, about ten minutes had passed since the plane had landed, and Will was fidgeting with his hands so much that El grabbed it and held it in her own, squeezing him softly as a kind form of scolding. When people started to funnel out of the hangar, Will could feel a mix of nervousness and excitement mixing in his stomach.
When his eyes land on Mike, he scoffs lightheartedly, he looks ridiculous with his open yellow button-up, yellow-lined shorts, and interestingly patterned hat. He even has on a pair of sunglasses with a strap. Will honestly finds it endearing, as if he is trying to fit into the loudness of California. Will thinks he looks cute.
He makes his way over to them, waving and smiling brightly the whole time, and wraps El in a hug, her being the closest to him, but when he goes in to give Will a hug, it is an awkward “bro hug”. His heart hurts for Mike, remembering when he stated in the letter that he felt as if hugging Will would make Will disgusted if he really knew what was going on in his head.
He finds the courage to give Mike a proper hug himself.
“Come on, what was that, Micheal?” He says it in a teasing tone to keep the mood light.
“Sorry, I don’t know. I’m so tired, it’s been a long day and it's barely even the afternoon yet.” Mike jokes back.
“We have a ton of different options for stuff we can do, we can start with chill stuff. We can just go to the house for a bit too.” If they did go home he would have no way to avoid the confrontation.
“That sounds good, and then I can put my stuff away while we figure it out.” Will is going to have to figure out some way to bring it up, and quickly, before he gets too nervous.
The drive to the Byers’ house is uneventful, Mike and El are mostly chatting the whole time and Will is dreading his and Mike’s future conversation. By the time they get home, they have to figure out where Mike will be sleeping. They had originally planned for him to sleep on El’s floor because they didn’t want to share a bed, and Joyce didn’t approve of it either. But now, El was pushing for Mike to just bunk with Will, which neither of them actually had a valid reason to deny. Will is screwed.
Will leads Mike up to his room and tells him to just put his bags wherever, and once Mike does just that, he plops down onto his bed. Will moves to go get his painting, figuring it would be best to give it to him while they have a quick moment to themselves. While he is doing that, something on Will’s bedside table catches Mike’s eye, a letter. He would have just ignored it, not wanting to invade Will’s privacy, but he recognized it. It had his exact handwriting, it was the exact letter that he thought was buried in a shoebox under his bed.
“Will, how did you get this?” His voice was trembling.
“Um…from the mail?” Will is across the room, rolled up painting in hand, and he definitely was not handling this as he hoped he would.
“I- how? I never sent it…oh my god.” He was full-on panicking, trying to remember what he did that could have resulted in Will receiving it. In hindsight, it wasn’t wise to address letters he didn’t plan on sending, but pretending had always helped him with his messy feelings so he didn’t think about it too much. He definitely never stamped them though.
In this moment where his mind was going a million miles an hour, he remembers the interaction he had at the post office, where he realized he forgot a stamp on the letter he was sending even after he internally swore that he put one on there, he had to buy one while he was there. He must have grabbed the wrong letter and somehow not noticed.
“I’m so sorry, Will. I never intended for you to have to see that, you’re probably disgusted with me. I’m such a bad friend. I should probably go.” Mike has tears in his eyes, he has finally reconnected with his favorite person in the whole world and he apparently ruined it before he could spend any time with him.
“Please don’t go, Mike, I need to talk to you.” Mike is prepared for Will to yell at him, to call him the names he deserves. Mike meekly nods his head and stays frozen in place.
“Mike, I’m really worried about you. I need you to know that I care.” Mike assumes that Will is pitying his sickness.
“I feel the same way about you, but the other stuff you said, you really almost died?” Mike feels a sense of relief and then his body tightens up again.
“I’m sorry I’m so messed up, Will. You don’t deserve it, I understand what you’re saying.” He believes he messed up any chance with Will because of the nasty ways his brain thinks, because he can’t just be normal about life like everyone else. He blinks and lets the tears in his eyes trail down his cheeks.
“I don’t know if you do. What I’m saying is, I’m in love with you, too. I dream about you, too. But I don’t want to gloss over the fact that you’re struggling. I want you to know that if you are ever thinking like that again, I want you to actually send the letter, I want you to actually make the call. I want to help you because I care about you and I want to have a future with you in it. I’m saying that I want to be with you, Mike. But I can’t do that if you don’t talk to me when you’re in pain.” Will prays that he is being clear enough.
“You don’t just have to say that, Will. I can take rejection, I’m not going to break.” Mike doesn’t say it with as much conviction as he hoped.
“I’m not just saying it, Mike. Do you remember the special someone I’ve been painting for? It’s you, it’s always you, Mike.” He hands over the carefully rolled-up painting, and Mike is looking at him like he is the reason the sun shines.
Mike gingerly takes the string off and unrolls the painting, his mouth gaping at the beauty of it, his heart soaring at the thought behind it.
“You really do love me?” Mike is in awe.
“What’s there not to love?” Will is smiling down on him with such a loving gaze, Mike relishes in it.
“Will you hug me?” Mike sounds timid as if he still doesn’t believe his confession,
“I’ll do you one better.” Will’s voice is just above a whisper as he leans in for a kiss.
When their lips meet, sparks don’t fly and it doesn’t solve all of their troubles, but it feels like a puzzle piece slotting into place, it feels like coming home.