Work Text:
"
In reality
I thought you knew me.
You knew just what to say
When I wanted to disappear,
When I felt like I was going insane,
When the world was starting to become
Too much.
In reality
I thought you knew me.
When one look from you
Would make the thoughts fade away.
At least for a little while.
When a smile from you
Could break through my defense walls.
The ones I didn’t know how they got there.
(Or probably I did, but I didn’t want to remember.)
The ones which were as tall as far as the eye can see.
The ones which were made of strong concrete.
The ones which I thought were
Impenetrable.
Eternal.
They were rooted to my core.
Your smile
- Somehow -
Cracked them.
And ever since a long time ago,
I found myself able to crack a smile of my own.
My lips looked very weird,
indeed.
Because the truth is:
I had forgotten how to smile.
In reality,
I thought you knew me.
You made me feel whole again.
You made me feel
So
Alive.
In reality,
I thought you knew me.
But then something happened.
We started to fade away.
My eyes could not believe
What they were seeing.
Who is this person who once saved me?
Was it me?
Had I become too happy that
I had forgotten everything else?
The questions started growing…
And growing…
And growing…
Soon
Too soon,
The walls who were nearly destroyed started growing…
And growing…
And growing…
Soon
Too soon
I realized
The walls were still rooted to my core
That’s why they built themselves again
In reality,
I thought you knew me.
I thought you wanted to help me.
We were best friends,
After all.
In reality,
I thought you knew me.
And you did.
Better than I wanted to.
Than I expected to.
All this time,
You knew I had been the fool.
I had fallen in love with you.
You took that chance to try and fix me.
When in fact,
It was my love for you.
My love for you
Gave me what I never thought I had:
The power to heal.
But I was still broken.
It was too late.
Too late when I found out that
After all,
Your love was the fertilizer that
Made the roots in my walls
Grow further into me.
In reality,
I thought you knew me.
This time,
I wasn’t so sure.
In reality,
I thought you knew me.
Then why is it that when you see me smiling, you think I’m happy?
I’m actually shredding inside.
Why is it that when you see me sad, you think it’s just a little phase? -
It’ll just go away?
I’m actually trying
- Not -
To remember being happy.
Because it hurts.
All our memories hurt.
In reality,
I thought you knew me.
Why do I still call you my best friend
When all you did was take advantage of my love,
For self entertainment?
The boy I once knew has turned into something that doesn’t feel like home anymore.
What I thought all along had ended up being lies.
In reality,
I thought you knew me.
You did.
But you didn’t.
"
— I don’t miss you anymore | K.S.