Work Text:
The creche had not prepared her for the battlefield, but Anakin had remedied that quickly. Day after day, he put her through additional training to harden her mind and build her strength. She saw the urgency in his eyes whenever she faltered or flinched, and he would push her harder. He knew what they were up against, and despite his cheerful exterior, she could tell he’d hardened his own heart, too. But he hadn’t hardened it to her.
Ahsoka had attuned to her master quickly, and their bond was growing stronger every day. His presence in the force was a comfort to her, despite his chaotic energy and ever fluctuating emotions. She knew he wasn’t perfect, but he was good, and she loved him as if he were her brother.
But as Ahsoka’s skill with the force improved, she found that being so bonded with her master also led to having a heightened sense of his emotions. She could feel them washing over her whenever they were particularly strong, and she couldn’t always manage to push them away, especially at night.
Anakin’s mental shielding was already subpar, but his shields were even weaker while he slept. And Anakin had dreams– no, not dreams, nightmares . Anakin had terrible nightmares that crept their way into Ahsoka’s head and stayed there throughout the night. Ahsoka was never sure what they were about, but she felt every ounce of Anakin’s fear and pain. But in the morning, when Anakin would greet her with a smile, she smiled back.
She sometimes wondered if he knew. After all, if she could read his thoughts, it made sense that he could read hers. But in the end, Ahsoka was sure he didn’t know. If he knew, he would have said so; he would have tried to comfort her. Maybe he would have sent her away so she wouldn’t have to endure his suffering anymore. So Ahsoka never told him. She couldn’t tell him. How could she? She could only imagine the guilt he would feel if he knew, and she couldn’t bear it if he ever did send her away. She knew she was attached to him, and she remembered the creche masters warning her against becoming too attached to your master, because one day you would no longer be a padawan. But Anakin was the one thing keeping her alive, body and spirit, and she most literally could not live without him, even if that meant she had to carry his burden with him.
<><><>
A year or so into the war, the nightmares had only gotten worse. Anakin’s were awful, but at least they were familiar. It was her own nightmares now that kept her awake. In the past year, she’d been witness to countless horrors, and they revisited her every night in her dreams. She was better at handling it and better at hiding it than she had been, but perhaps not as good as she thought she was.
The past year had also seen the slow formation of her bond with Rex. He was her best friend, the one who always had her back. She didn’t even fight the attachment when she first recognized it. Instead, she embraced it, purposefully building up a bond between them. Anakin’s disregard for Jedi teaching had definitely rubbed off on her, as well as, apparently, his stubbornness against relying on anyone.
One night, the nightmares were particularly bad. Torrent Company had been assigned to a hopefully week-long siege, and they had made camp on the side of a small, grassy hill. Ahsoka lay on her side, trembling and huddled in on herself.
Rex lay a few yards away from her. He wasn’t sure if it was some force osik that let him feel what she felt, but he didn’t really care. What he did care about was that Ahsoka was suffering. Rex watched as Ahsoka’s fists clenched and reached, reached and clenched. She whimpered softly. The fearful sound was barely audible, but Rex was listening closely, waiting with bated breath for her to call his name. He stayed still on the ground, as patiently impatient as he could force himself to be. Ahsoka’s hands reached again, further this time. Was Rex just imagining that she was reaching for him? He almost got up and went to her right then, but he didn’t. He wouldn’t go to her until she asked. Unless she asked, he forced himself to remember, though it was unbearable to think that she might not let him help her. His resolve to stay away hardened into substance in his veins, calming his adrenaline-bubbling blood. He would respect her wishes, as his commanding officer.
Ahsoka shivered violently, and reached out her hands once more, this time unmistakably towards him.
“Rex?”
He was at her side in half a heartbeat, taking her outstretched hands in his. He held them tight. She squeezed his fingers, and Rex was surprised at how small her hands were. She was still a child, he knew, but sometimes it was hard to remember. His heart filled with anger. She shouldn’t have to fight this war. There shouldn’t be a war.
Slowly, slowly , Ahsoka’ breathing hushed, and she looked up at him, eyes still wet.
“Rex.”
“I’m here.”
She smiled weakly. “I know.”
“You’d better know,” he threatened jokingly. “Because it’s never going to change. I will always be here, Commander.”
At first, he was worried he’d said the wrong thing, because Ahsoka’s eyes began to tear up again, and she looked away from him. But then she turned back to him and whispered,
“ Please .”
Rex’s heart broke for her, and was suddenly furious at whoever had taught her that she had to ask for someone to care about her personally, to be there for her.
He pulled her into a hug.
“ Always, Ahsoka. Always.”