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When Ron starts vomiting Butterbeer in the back garden – never mix over-indulgence in Butterbeer and Quidditch, you’re likely to end up with a Bludger to the stomach and a rather nasty mess – Hermione heartlessly leaves her husband to the tender mercies of his scolding mother and goes in search of Luna. It’s her first Weasley Halloween, and Hermione has a strong suspicion that she might be feeling a bit overwhelmed.
Luna is curled up in the kitchen armchair when Hermione finds her, carving a pumpkin with a face in the shape of a terrifying Blibbering Humdinger. “Hello, Hermione,” she says, looking up. “Is anyone injured?”
“A Bludger’s the worst of it so far,” Hermione says, cheerfully, sitting down on one of the chairs (the one that has the strongest structural charms on it – she’s seen how the twins throw themselves into chairs). “Your boyfriend put one into my husband’s stomach, and now they’re quarreling about whose fault it is, Ron for not paying attention or Harry for being reckless.”
“Oh dear,” Luna says. “I did warn Harry that playing Quidditch without his glasses wasn’t a good idea, but he insisted that it would spoil his costume. Is Ron going to be all right?”
“He’ll be fine,” Hermione says, heartlessly. “And it’ll teach him not to drink so much Butterbeer. Why the Weasleys have a traditional Butterbeer drinking contest on Halloween is beyond me.”
She actually thinks it might have something to do with George wanting his family to be a little tipsy when he unleashes whatever spooky/scary Halloween entertainment he’s arranged, but she generally doesn’t share information like that with Harry’s girlfriends. First Halloween at the Weasley house can be overwhelming enough, without ‘oh my god, Harry’s adopted brother enjoys making everyone shriek and wet themselves’.
“It’s probably George trying to make sure nobody’s sober enough to notice the boggart traps,” Luna says, serenely.
…But then, Luna Lovegood is not exactly like one of Harry’s usual girlfriends. She’s known the Weasleys for twenty years, and even if she hasn’t been at a Weasley Halloween before, she probably has a very shrewd idea of the dynamics at play.
“Boggart traps?” Hermione says. (Forget the Butterbeer.) “How...?”
Luna smiles. “Oh, George recruited me weeks ago. I’m supposed to suggest a scary-story competition after Quidditch. Then when Ginny trips the boggart trap when she goes to get hot chocolate, everyone will be still so spooked, the boggarts will turn into the monsters from the stories.” Her smile turns into a thoughtful look. “That’s the theory, anyway. I’m not sure it will work. But George thinks it’s worth a try.”
“Does George know you’re telling me?”
“Well, no,” Luna says, and smiles again. Her smile transforms her face from quiet prettiness into something luminous, and Hermione only wonders why Harry didn’t fall in love with her fifteen years ago. But then, she’s been a world-traveler for so long, perhaps their paths simply haven’t aligned until now. “I’m telling you in case things don’t go according to plan. I always think it’s best to have a good wand-hand to cover my back.”
“A good, non-intoxicated wand hand,” Hermione observes.
Luna nods, turning her pumpkin to get the curve of the Blibbering Humdinger’s lethal beak just right. “Would you like to carve a pumpkin while we wait?”
“I’d love to,” Hermione says, and pulls out her wand.
Outside, the Quidditch noise has resumed. Hermione can see Little Fred and Dominique jostling for position as they halt momentarily outside the window, looking for the Snitch. Ginny is shouting creative profanity somewhere overhead, and a nearly-blind Harry is still wielding a Bludger (unless they’ve forced him to put his glasses on, costume be damned).
When someone does catch the Snitch, they’ll pile in to the Burrow, all laughing, some muddy, in wildly-colored fancy dress, and Hermione will meet her slightly green husband’s eyes and smile fondly, and Molly will tell them all to take off their muddy shoes this instant, and George will try not to look in the boggart traps’ direction, and Luna will propose a scary-story tournament –
Yes, there’s nowhere else Hermione would rather be.
She takes the pumpkin Luna gives her and begins to carve.