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“Knock knock.” Jack toddles over and whacks his tiny fist against Tim’s shin.
“Who’s there?” He sighs and reaches down to intercept his little hand. “Don’t hit, that’s not nice.”
“Knock knock!” He uses his free hand to pound on the couch cushion.
“Who’s there?”
“Knock knock!”
Tim pantomimes opening a door. “Who’s there?”
“Knock knock!” Jack waves his hand in the air. It takes every ounce of self-control for Tim not to roll his eyes at the 2-year-old.
“Oh look, it’s Jack!” He tries a new approach, hoping it’ll break the cycle.
“Knock knock, Unca Tim!”
“Yes, Jack, who’s there?”
“Knock knock!” He laughs so hard that he topples over onto his backside.
“That’s only half of the joke, buddy.” Tim watches him roll onto his knees and stand up again. “Like this, I’ll go first. Knock knock.”
As soon as he says it, Tim realizes that he doesn't actually have a knock-knock joke prepared. He wracks his brain for anything that’s not orange you glad you didn’t say banana? and waits for Jack to respond.
Fortunately, he doesn’t have to come up with a punchline. Jack grins widely and grabs onto his pants leg.
“Knock knock! Knock knock!” He repeats the phrase over and over again, long enough that Tim starts wondering if it’s worth the medical leave to puncture an eardrum. He reaches for his phone again, checking to see if Lucy or Angela have sent anything about when they’ll be back from shopping for Lucy’s wedding dress.
“Nobody’s home,” he tries, and “go away,” though he’s careful to keep his tone cheerful enough that Jack won’t think he actually means it. He finds a chunky plastic car and sits in the floor to push it around, hoping it’ll distract Jack long enough for him to forget about the new ‘game’ he’s discovered. Jack takes the car from his hand and pushes it himself; just when Tim thinks he might have won, Jack shoves it into the leg of the coffee table, pulls back and does it again.
“Knock knock!” He shouts, clapping his hands together.
Tim groans.
“Jack. Kiddo.” He waits for Jack to turn around and look at him. “It’s simple. You say ‘knock knock,’ I say ‘who’s there?’ Then you say whatever your next part is, and I say ‘who?’ and you say the funny part for the end. Yeah? Make sense?”
Jack nods solemnly.
“OK, give it a try.”
“Knock knock!” He has the first part figured out, but Tim has known that for most of the afternoon.
“Who’s there?”
“Knock knock!”
Alright, he can try and work with this.
“Knock knock, who?”
“Knock knock!”
He should have seen that coming.
Jack keeps going, though he seems content enough to just prattle on to himself. Tim keeps an eye on him, but lets him entertain himself until his phone dings. It’s Angela, letting him know that they’re on the way back.
“Jack! Buddy! Your mom and Aunt Lucy are going to be back soon!” Jack turns around and claps. Mercifully, he does not reply with ‘knock knock,’ but he does go back to telling nonsensical, single-word ‘jokes’ to his stuffed cow.
Tim tunes him out until the front door swings open.
“Where’s my guy?” Angela comes in first, already holding her arms out for her son.
“Right here,” Tim waves. “Thank god you’re back.”
“Was he trouble?” Angela hoists Jack onto her hip as Lucy locks the door and kisses Tim hello.
“He behaved fine, but he’s not a great conversationalist.”
“Tim, he’s 2,” Lucy chastises. “I doubt he’s going to be able to keep up with the Rams starting lineup this season.”
Instead of responding to the jab, Tim pokes gently at Jack’s leg.
“Jack, tell Mom your new joke.”
“Oh, you’ve got a joke?” Angela bounces him and smiles.
“Mama! Knock knock!”