Archive of Our Own ^beta

The hardest part would be slipping Gon the poison. 

That was the single thought running through Killua’s mind as the three of them left the King of Heart’s garden. Killua knew the poison would be the toughest challenge because Gon was Wonderland. He’d long ago stopped needing to drink or eat anything, or so he’d proudly told Killua. 

But he would need to drink this because without it, Killua and Alluka wouldn’t stand a chance. They wouldn’t make it back to the tunnel where they first fell down, they wouldn’t ever return to normal life again. Because even after all these years Killua still knew Gon, knew him better than anyone, and Gon wouldn’t let him go. 

So Gon had to drink the poison. The only question was how. 

-o0o-

Killua knew when Alluka went missing because of the dream. 

It was the same dream Mito had when Gon disappeared nearly ten years ago. But back then Killua had been too far away to follow the events of the dream in real life, to wander to the knobby tree on the edge of the Zoldyck summer home estate and see if there really was a hole at the base that hadn’t existed before. 

This time was different. Because when Killua checked his sister’s bedroom, fear choked the air out of his lungs. When he dialed her cell phone number and got no response, he made his decision. 

So he’d tied his sneakers, grabbed a flashlight and backpack, and ran outside as moonlight streamed down from the heavens above. 

-o0o-

Killua didn’t like trading away big things to find Alluka. And he could tell Gon knew that, because his requests were usually small. 

A long lost memory to know which path to take. 

A smile to illuminate the darkness. 

His hand to hold, with Gon’s grip so tight that Killua lost all feeling in his fingers. 

Gon would even lead Killua straight to Alluka if only he asked. But the cost might be something incomprehensible. It could make him forget why he was stumbling through Wonderland in the first place. 

So Killua never asked for help unless there was no other option. And Gon’s golden gaze rested heavy on him all the while. 

-o0o-

Gon was the nephew of Mito, the grounds keeper, even though he called Mito ‘mom’ and his own father ‘Ging’. Both Gon and Mito were already living in the small cottage at the corner of the mansion’s property when Killua’s parents were gifted the place from Netero Issac through his will. 

Killua was only twelve and had been homeschooled his entire life. Meeting and befriending Gon, staying glued to his side those three hot months, made Killua the happiest he’s ever been. Every year since then Killua would count down the days until his family would return to the estate for the summer. And every year Gon continued to prove to Killua that there could be wonder and joy in his otherwise bleak existence. 

It was Killua’s sixteenth birthday when Gon kissed him. Killua kissed him back. 

By the next summer, Gon had vanished. 

-o0o-

Killua turned around, frowning. “What do you mean I can’t go in there?”

“Exactly that,” Gon said simply. “You can’t go in there, Killua. It’s dangerous. The King of Hearts is good at manipulating people to get them to do what he wants. I won’t let him do that to you.”

Killua looked back at the garden entrance. The hedge maze twisted not too far off, angling out of sight and into the mysterious unknown. Fog coiled on the ground and cool air flowed from within. Just standing here made the skin on the back of Killua’s neck crawl. Gon was probably right. This place oozed something forbidden and ominous. 

But—

“You said Alluka’s in here, right?”

“Killua…”

“Don’t even try lying to me, Gon.”

Gon sighed. “You know I’m not lying. Not about Alluka or the King. I just don’t want you to go in there. Let me pass through instead. I’ll bring your sister back to you as long as you wait here.”

“I can’t accept that. Alluka doesn’t know who you are, she was never brought on the family trips to the mansion. She won’t trust you. So I have to be the one to go.”

“Killua, please—”

“I’m going in there, Gon. No matter what.”

Killua kept his stare steady as Gon searched his face. Those inhuman gold eyes and slitted pupils no longer sent a shiver down his spine. They were a part of Gon now, just like his magic. And underneath it all he was still the freckled, cheerful teen who Killua fell in love with all those years ago. The teen who loved him back just as much. 

At last, Gon nodded. “Alright. I’ll let you go in—but only if I can stay by your side.”

Killua faced the garden entrance once more. “You already do that, anyway.”

-o0o-

When Killua arrived at the tree on the edge of the property, he almost couldn’t believe his eyes. 

There was a gaping hole at the base of the tree. When he shone the flashlight inside, the walls dipped down and out of sight. The tunnel was just big enough for someone his size to crawl through. 

Killua gripped the flashlight until it creaked. There was no guarantee Alluka had gone in there. What would have possessed her to do so in the first place? People didn’t just run off and disappear into strange tunnels. 

Only, that’s what happened to Gon. Mito told the locals after he went missing—she and Gon went to bed like usual and then she had woken in the middle of the night from a strange dream. The same strange dream Killua had, with this same old tree opening to reveal a gaping hole at the base. At the time Mito hadn’t thought much of the dream and went back to sleep. But when she checked Gon’s room the next morning, he had vanished. 

Gon’s father had left too once upon a time. Back then it was Gon’s grandmother, Abe, who had the dream. The next day Ging was gone and had effectively abandoned Gon to Mito. 

Killua had been young and thousands of miles away when Gon disappeared. But he was here now. And he wasn’t about to make the same mistake as Abe and Mito. 

So Killua got on his hands and knees and crawled into the tunnel. 

-o0o-

Killua quickly learned to be wary of food and drink in Wonderland. 

A single bite of fruit would have him towering over the land. The smallest sip of water from a river would leave him talking in riddles. Nothing was safe, nothing without a side effect. 

Gon, at least, was able to point out which things were safer to consume. He wouldn’t even ask for anything in return. Instead, he just watched Killua eat with an unblinking, intense stare. 

“You can eat with me, you know,” he told Gon one time after he swallowed a pear-looking thing. His tongue was numb and tingling but at least it was better than shrinking to the size of a bee. “I wouldn’t mind sharing.”

“That’s nice of you, Killua. But I don’t need to eat. Or drink.”

“Not at all?”

“Nope. Not at all.”

That was…weird. But not as weird as everything else Killua had gone through to get to this point. “Is that why you watch me? Because you miss it?”

Gon smiled widely, revealing two rows of shiny teeth. “No. I watch because you look good enough to eat.”

Killua’s face grew hot, even as his stomach twisted.  He looked away. “St-Stupid. Don’t say stuff like that. It’s embarrassing.”

Gon simply laughed and Killua finished his fruit in silence until it was time for them to start moving again. 

He didn’t ask any more questions after that. But from that moment on he started packaging some of the more useful food away in his backpack. He never knew when he might need some extra nutrients—or the special effects they came with. 

Plus he didn’t like the gleam in Gon’s eye. It was too genuine to be faked. 

-o0o-

Getting back to the tunnel leading to the outside world wasn’t a problem. 

All Wonderland creatures had been stuck here long enough to wander back there at some point. So even though every twist and turn looked the same to Killua, Gon would cheerfully steer him back on track. Sometimes even Alluka would speak up to point out a shortcut told to her by Nanika. 

Killua followed their directions without complaint. He knew Gon would keep his promise to help Killua bring his sister home. And Nanika herself seemed as desperate to leave Wonderland as Killua. She wouldn’t have bound herself to Alluka otherwise. 

So it would only be a matter of time before they reached their destination. Sometime before then, Killua had to find a way for Gon to take the poison. 

But how? There had to be a way of tricking Gon, despite him being trapped here for the past ten years. Everyone was malleable as long as they were offered something desired. 

So what did Gon desire badly enough to be blind sighted?

“Killua.”

A cold hand encircled Killua’s wrist and he jumped, startled. When he looked down, Gon’s golden eyes were staring back at him. 

“Y-Yeah?” Killua stammered. His heart hammered against his ribs. “What is it?”

Gon’s probing look didn’t fade. “We’re just leading them back to the entrance right?”

“Uh…”

“You can’t go with them. You promised me we’d stay together and I can’t leave Wonderland. So you’re staying here, with me.”

Gon’s grip on his wrist tightened. The realization hit Killua, leaving him breathless and skin tingling. 

“Killua,” Gon repeated. “You understand. Don’t you?”

Killua nodded. He understood all too well. 

Gon only wanted one thing—he wanted Killua. He wanted him trapped here in Wonderland, the two of them together forever. He wanted Killua as his friend and lover and everything in between. That much had grown obvious during their time here together. 

So that’s what Killua would use against him. 

-o0o-

The King of Heart’s hedge maze was eerie in every sense of the word. No flowers bloomed across the towering greenery. No wind blew through the tunnels. Even his and Gon’s echoing footsteps had a muffled edge to them. 

Everything was so still. Unbearably so. And Killua hated it. 

“Have you been here before?” he asked Gon, just to hear something besides his own heartbeat. 

“A few times.”

“Is it always…like this?”

“Yeah. Hisoka doesn’t like to have any distractions when guests arrive.”

Killua looked over his shoulder with a frown. “Hisoka?”

“The King of Hearts,” Gon clarified. “That’s his real name. If he likes you, he’ll ask you to use that instead of his title.”

“And he likes you?”

Gon’s nose wrinkled. “A little too much.”

Killua frowned. The entire time they’d been traveling together, Gon had approached Wonderland with a smirk and a laugh. But he wasn’t laughing now. If anything, the distaste on Gon’s face made Killua more wary than before. He should probably go back. 

But Alluka was ahead. And if it took facing this Hisoka creature to get her back, then that’s what Killua would do. 

“Well, maybe that’s a good thing,” Killua said with a confidence he didn’t feel. “Maybe Hisoka will go easy on us since you’re with me.”

“Maybe.” Gon didn’t sound convinced. “But we have to be careful, Killua. We can’t let him separate us.”

“Got it.”

Killua didn’t understand what Gon was so worried about. Gon was practically glued to his side, hardly more than a step behind Killua. If Killua stopped right here and now, Gon would collide into his back. The idea of them getting separated was laughable. 

But then he thought of the time he fell down the cliff when Gon had been only an arm’s reach ahead of him. So maybe he should be worried. 

Just as the thought crossed his mind, they turned a corner. 

Killua blinked as light flooded the space in front of him. The hedge opened a few steps ahead, revealing a curved archway serving as the entrance to what looked like a flat meadow. 

Relief made Killua’s knees weak. Thank god. They’d made it. 

“Gon, we’re almost—” Killua turned with a smile, but it fell away almost instantly. 

Because there was no one behind him. Only the curling fog and endless greenery of the hedge. 

Gon had vanished. 

-o0o-

Killua was devastated after the news of Gon’s disappearance. He’d all but thrown himself out the window trying to escape their penthouse in an effort to get back to their summer house. The farthest he ever got was the train station before Illumi stepped in front of him with eyes dark as death. 

It wouldn’t have mattered if he did get to the summer house. Killua eventually learned the truth of that himself. Because Gon was loved, dearly and fiercely, by so many people besides himself. Search parties went out for months. Mito even made the local news, tears streaming down her blotchy face as she held up a picture of Gon laughing as he hugged Killua. 

Killua watched the interview on his phone in the dead of night as his own eyes prickled and burned. He remembered the day that photo was taken with vivid clarity. Just like he remembered the warmth of Gon’s eager lips against his, the way he gently carded calloused fingers through Killua’s hair. How was it fair for them to finally act on the feelings that had been bubbling under their skin for years, only for Gon to leave a month later? How cruel for Gon to abandon Killua with all this hope and yearning that would never come to fruition?

The video on Killua’s phone screen blurred and Killua cursed quietly, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. 

“Do you have any idea where your son might have gone?” the interviewer asked Mito kindly. 

“N-No. I have no hints no—no nothing. Just…”

“Just, what?”

“I had a dream,” Mito’s whisper reached Killua through the speakers. “The night Gon vanished. The police think it’s nothing but I can’t shake the feeling that it means something.”

“What was it about?”

“It was about Gon. He got out of bed and went outside. He walked through the grounds until he reached the tree.”

“The tree?”

“It’s the oldest one on our property. He climbs it all the time. But in this dream, he didn’t climb it. Instead he went through it.”

Killua was crying in earnest now. He knew the tree Mito was talking about. Gon had kissed him for the first time in that tree. 

Killua closed out of the video, unable to listen to another word about the boy he loved and lost. 

-o0o-

“You’re telling me I have to cross that?” Killua asked once more, just to be sure. Gon’s giggle did little to reassure him. 

“Yes, Killua. I’ve told you that loads of times already!”

Killua eyed the path warily. So far, it had been manageable to follow Alluka’s scent through the twisting landscape that was Wonderland. Gon’s nose had led them through silent forests and foggy marshes and dark caves. And Killua had been just fine with all those. 

This, though. This might be out of his depth. 

“C’mon, Killua, you’ve done so well so far! You can handle this, too. I know you can.”

“Gon “ Killua said as his heart flipped in his chest. “The rocks are floating in the air. They’re flat now, but what if I step on them and they tilt over? I’d fall all the way down to the bottom of the ravine!”

“No, you wouldn’t. I’d catch you before that happened.”

Killua chewed on his bottom lip, edging to the edge of the cliff. The drop was easily a hundred stories. If he really did fall, if Gon didn’t catch him, he would die. 

“Killua…” Strong arms encircled his waist in a close embrace, a cold nose brushed the back of his neck. “You trust me, right? I promise you’ll be safe. I’ll make sure of it. Okay?”

Killua let out a shuddering breath. Gon hadn’t led him astray yet. But this was easily the most difficult part of the path they’d come across. Killua couldn’t save himself if something went wrong, and the apple he’d stored in his backpack wouldn’t make him large enough to cross the ravine without using the floating stones. That’s just how big the drop was. 

So it wasn’t a matter of trust, really. There just wasn’t any other choice. 

“Okay,” he whispered and the arms around him tightened. “I’ll—I’ll cross. But you go first.”

“Of course, Killua. Whatever you want.”

Gon’s presence vanished from behind him. Gon stepped into Killua’s viewpoint, smiling in a way Killua assumed was meant to be reassuring but showed too many teeth. Again, Killua wondered what exactly Gon had lost to Wonderland. He’d given away his smile and his eyes—what else was missing? And were they things Gon would ever be able to recover?

There was no way of knowing. And Killua couldn’t focus on that, anyway. He had one goal in Wonderland. To find Alluka and bring her back home without losing himself in the process.

So he watched warily as Gon nimbly jumped off the safe ground of the cliff and onto the first rock. It wobbled ever so slightly, a sign that weight had been applied to it but not so much to send it teetering. That rock was steady enough to bear a single person, at least.

Gon didn’t seem to hold any of the fear that was currently choking the air out of Killua’s lungs. For he lept from rock to rock, crossing the entire ravine within seconds. He landed on the opposite cliff with a loud whoop before spinning around. He waved at Killua, shouting, “Your turn, Killua!”

Shit.

Killua breathed in deep. For Alluka. He was doing this for Alluka.

He stepped onto the first floating rock. It held his weight as easily as it did Gon’s. And so Killua tried the next rock. Then the next. Then the next.

Gon’s voice carried over to him, “You’re doing so good, Killua! You’re almost there!”

“Gon, shut up. I’m trying to concentrate.”

“What’s to concentrate on? It’s just rocks. Besides, I’m just complimenting you!”

“Yeah and that’s really—”

Killua’s foot passed straight through the next rock in the path. The world tipped as he started to fall. His ears rang with the whistle of wind and a shrill scream of his name.

And then everything went dark.

-o0o-

The tunnel under the tree was longer than Killua expected. And darker. Thankfully he’d thought to bring his flashlight when he left the house and it was enough to brighten the space. Not that there was much to see, but still. The walls of the tunnel seemed to be made of the same bark of the tree, the calloused texture of the wood pressing uncomfortably into Killua’s elbows and knees. No bugs or animals seemed to linger in here for Killua heard no sound beyond his own heavy breathing. 

It was creepy. Unsettling.

But just when Killua was starting to feel claustrophobic, the walls of the tunnel started to spread out. The size of the tunnel grew larger and larger until he could stand without crouching. And after he’d finished dusting off his jeans, he looked up to find a pinprick of light further down the tunnel.

Finally.

“Alluka, you’d better be in here,” Killua muttered before heading towards the light.

-o0o-

In the end, sneaking Gon the poison was easier than Killua had originally thought. He just had to use Gon’s desire against him, like how Gon had used Killua’s desire to find Alluka to get things from Killua.

“Gon,” Killua said, trying his best to keep his tone light and casual despite the heavy thumping of his heart against his ribs. “Do you want to try this bread? It’s really good.”

Gon looked over his shoulder from where he stood a little ways up the path. Killua lifted up the half eaten bread with a smile while Alluka munched happily on the tongue-numbing pear Killua had stored in his backpack earlier.

They were taking a small break. Time was impossible to keep track of in Wonderland but it felt to Killua like it had been some time since they’d parted from the King of Heart’s garden. His grumbling stomach told him that they needed to eat, at the very least. So they’d stopped beside the dirt path to sit on an overturned log with strange faces carved into the bark. 

Killua really hoped they weren’t the faces of humans who had fallen prey to Wonderland.

Gon smiled, though his brows furrowed in confusion. “I don’t need to eat, Killua. I told you that.”

“Right, I know. I just thought…”

Killua let his voice trail off and lowered his gaze to his lap. Gon quickly walked back to where he and Alluka sat, taking the open spot besides Killua.

“You thought, what?”

“I thought you might want to try this one. It makes everyone’s faces glow. You look like the sun, Gon.”

It was true—Gon looked like a god to Killua’s Wonderland-affected eyes. He had no idea how long it would last, but in this moment Gon looked like light personified.

Gon laughed. “That’s so cool, Killua! But you’re already beautiful to me, so I don’t need you to glow.”

Heat rushed to Killua’s face as Alluka cooed, “Awww. That’s so sweet, Gon.”

Killua elbowed her side—hard enough to make her yelp. “Shut up. You’re both being embarrassing.”

Gon grinned. “It’s only embarrassing to you, Ki-llu-a.”

Killua’s heart squeezed at the adoration in Gon’s tone. Why did this have to be so hard? Why did he have to trick the only other person he cared about as much as his sister? If only Gon could come with him and Alluka back to the real world.

But he couldn’t. Gon was Wonderland. Gon himself confirmed he’d never be able to cross the barrier around the exit, so that meant he had to stay behind.

It meant he had to take the poison. Now.

“I get it,” Killua huffed, his cheeks still prickling. “You don’t want to share food with me. You think I’m gross.”

Gon sat up straight. “What? Killua, no—I never said that!”

“But you’re rejecting the food I’ve eaten. So you must think there’s something wrong with me.” Killua sighed heavily and looked at his dirt-scuffed shoes. “Soon you won’t even want to kiss me—”

Two warm hands grabbed Killua’s face, forcing him to look up. He was met with blazing gold eyes and a face as blinding as the sun. 

And then Gon was kissing him roughly, lips insistent and stupidly perfect against Killua’s own. The bread dropped from Killua’s fingers as Killua’s eyes fluttered shut. Even with everything that had changed—even with every way they had changed—Gon’s kiss filled Killua with a storm of butterflies. It breathed life into every nerve in his body and made his head fuzzy. 

He would never get tired of Gon’s kiss. But this would be the last one he’ll ever receive. 

So Killua pushed back just as hard. He angled his head, nipping at Gon’s mouth. He pressed as close to Gon as possible, wanting to feel every part of him against his own body. He parted his lips for Gon to taste the poison on his lips—

Gon’s grip slackened. Killua blinked dazedly as golden eyes clouded over in confusion.

“Gon?” Killua said hoarsely. His blood roared in his ears. Had it worked? “Are you okay?”

Gon opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He swayed suddenly and Killua lurched forward to catch him before he fell. He lowered Gon to the ground as Gon weakly grasped at his wrists. 

“Brother?” Alluka was standing now. “What’s going on? Is Gon hurt?”

Killua didn’t answer. Instead he brushed a lock of hair out of Gon’s face and whispered, “I’m sorry, Gon.”

Gon’s breathing had turned harsh. The betrayal and pain that flooded his expression was like a stab to Killua’s side.

“Ki…Ki’la…y-you…”

Killua’s throat closed up. He’d known this would be difficult. He can’t go back now. 

Cupping Gon’s cheek, Killua croaking out, “I know what you’re thinking. But everything will be okay. I promised we would be together forever, right? And no one can lie in Wonderland.”

Gon’s eyelids dropped. His hands hit the ground with a quiet sigh. 

Silence. 

Alluka whispered, “Brother, what—?”

Killua stood and grabbed her hand. “There’s no time to explain. We need to get to the exit in the tree— now.”

They took off at a run. 

-o0o-

Killua didn’t return to the Zoldyck summer property for nearly ten years after Gon’s disappearance. In part because of his family, in part because of himself. His reaction to the whole situation had shocked his parents. They didn’t expect the heir of their great and esteemed family to be devastated by a missing teenage boy with no money and no real importance. So they sent Killua off to the opposite end of the world to complete his education, never allowing him to return to the summer estate that had been Gon’s home.

And Killua had been relieved. Because going back there would have been too difficult for him. Reliving the memories he made with Gon only for Gon not to be there would have been…excruciating.

But ten years later with his sister at his side, Killua found himself standing in front of the great house again.

Alluka nudged Killua’s shoulder. “Are you okay, Brother?”

“Y-Yeah. Just…it brings back memories, y’know?”

Alluka squeezed his hand. She’d never met Gon, having been barred from any sort of family outing at a young age. But Killua told her stories of him and he appreciated her quiet understanding and sympathy even if she didn’t understand the depth of the connection that had existed between himself and Gon.

“We won’t be here for long,” she said reassuringly. “We’re only stopping here for the night to catch our breath, right? We’ll be gone by this time tomorrow.”

Killua breathed in deep. Alluka was right. Like always. They weren’t here for fun. They’ve only just slipped out of their family’s control, with Killua handing in his resignation at their father’s company and running away with Alluka just yesterday. They only needed a place they could rest their heads for a single night and then they would leave to find a home to call their own.

So Killua will just have to deal with Gon’s ghost tonight. Tomorrow, they’ll be gone.

-o0o-

Killua had no choice. He had to keep going, even if Gon’s loss made his breathing grow heavier and his heart to pound. So he steeled his nerves and approached the opening into the meadow. 

Gon said Alluka was here, in the King of Heart’s garden. Killua would just have to find her without alerting the King himself. It shouldn’t be too hard, Killua had snuck around his parents and butlers often enough to have some experience—

“Killua, yes?”

Killua jumped with a curse. When he spun around, a pale man with red hair was leaning against the curved archway Killua had just walked through. His clothes were all scarlet, bold and bright in a way that made him hard to look at, and two large hearts were painted on both cheeks. 

“You’re…You’re the King of Hearts,” Killua said. “Aren’t you?”

The King smiled. It reminded Killua of Gon, of how Gon’s smile looked like he’d forgotten how to do it so when his lips spread it revealed too many teeth. 

“Please, call me Hisoka,” he purred and the hairs on the back of Killua’s neck rose. “Won’t you join me for a tea party?”

-o0o-

The path ran out sooner than Killua expected. 

“I told you it would stop,” Gon said in a whine as Killua gaped in disbelief. “Why are you so surprised?”

“I—I just…I didn’t think it would happen so soon.”

“How soon is soon?”

“Soon is—” 

Killua stopped. Because he actually didn’t know how soon was soon. It seemed like he had left the tree behind a short while ago, but how much time had actually passed?

He shrugged off his backpack and dropped to his knees. Gon hovered in the air above, floating over him like a large bat while Killua pushed aside the various foods he’d started collecting not too long ago. 

Gon asked curiously, “What’re you looking for?”

“My phone. I tried calling Alluka when I found she was missing but she might have reached out again. Also I need to know what time it is.”

Gon clicked his tongue with disapproval. “Technology doesn’t work in Wonderland, Ki-llu-a. I told you that, too.”

“I know. But I still want to check.”

Finally, he pulled out his phone. The battery had been full when he left the house but now, when he pressed the power button, a distorted mess lit up his screen. 

Killua stared. Had it broken or was it the nature of the land like Gon suggested? Regardless, he couldn’t unlock it to get to his apps, much less tell what time it was. 

“See?” Gon said. “It won’t work. Wonderland doesn’t operate with the same rules as where you came from.”

Killua gritted his teeth, dropping the phone back into his backpack. “How does Wonderland operate, then? Because I need to find Alluka and you told me she was on this path! What am I going to do now to find her?”

“You can use me.”

Killua looked at him sharply. Gon floated back down to the ground, landing so lightly that his feet made no sound. 

“I mean it, Killua!” Gon chirped when Killua didn’t respond. “I told you when we reunited that you smelled like Alluka. So I can guide you to exactly where she is. You don’t need the path when you have me.”

Gon’s not lying—no one can lie in Wonderland. But it’s not a question of truth. It’s a matter of cost. Because that was another Wonderland rule. Nothing was given for nothing. 

After a pause, Killua asked, “And what do you want in return?”

“Nothing big.”

“I doubt that.”

Gon pouted. “You have so little faith in me? I’ve helped you so far!”

“Telling me which fruit to eat is very different from taking me the rest of the way to my sister. You said that the cost of favors has to equal the cost of the desire. And I want nothing more than to find Alluka. So what is the price equivalent of that?”

Gon’s lips curled. “You always were so smart, Killua. Okay, I’ll tell you. I want you to promise to stay with me.”

Killua frowned. That…didn’t seem too bad. He wasn’t too keen on being separated from Gon, either. Not after they’d only just reunited. Killua’s priority was Alluka but he couldn’t deny the longing he still felt pulling under his skin for this long lost childhood friend, even if he’d been twisted and chanced by this strange landscape. 

But nothing was as it seemed. Gon’s request couldn’t be entirely innocent. 

“For how long?”

“Hmm?”

“For how long do you want me to stay with you?”

Gon laughed. “Well, forever of course!”

Killua’s blood turned to ice. Forever? As in, all eternity?

“Why do you look so scared, Killua?” Gon stepped closer, head tilted. “We said we would always be friends. This isn’t so different.”

“Gon, it’s—it’s totally different. How could you not see that?”

“Because it’s not different at all. I always wanted us to be together, even when we were kids. I would have married you, you know? But I can’t leave here. So let’s just both stay in Wonderland instead.”

Killua closed his eyes, curling his fingers on his backpack. Gon’s words shouldn’t cause warmth to bloom in his chest. The idea of marriage with the only person he’d ever liked shouldn’t make him so happy. Not when he was on a rescue mission to save his sister and this request would only serve to trap him here. 

“Killua?”

Letting out a long breath, Killua said, “I can’t accept that. I can’t abandon Alluka.”

“You wouldn’t, though! We’ll find Alluka and she can stay with us too.”

“And if she wants to go back to the real world? What then?”

“Then we bring her back to the tree with the exit, simple!”

“And if I want to go back to the real world?”

Gon’s smile fell. The light faded from his eyes. “You…You can’t do that. I can’t go back there. So you have to stay here. With me.”

Killua didn’t like the dark look on Gon’s face. He didn’t like the seriousness of his tone. He didn’t like his price. How could Killua bring Alluka back home and give her the life he’d promised upon rescuing her from their family if he was here in Wonderland with Gon?

But he wouldn’t be able to find Alluka at all without Gon’s help. Even with the path guiding him, he had needed Gon’s assistance. Now without the path, Killua would undoubtedly get lost and never reunite with Alluka.

So he had to give Gon what he wanted while also leaving his options open. He couldn’t lie, but that didn’t mean being honest and truthful was as simple as black and white, either.

“Alright,” Killua said at last and Gon perked up. “I…I promise. I promise we'll be together forever if you lead me to Alluka and bring us back to the Wonderland entrance. Okay?”

The joy on Gon’s face was unparalleled. And when Gon rushed forward to throw his arms around, Killua shoved down the swell of guilt in his chest.

He cared about Gon. Unquestioningly. But Alluka had to come first.

-o0o-

When Killua stepped out of the tunnel and into the light, he couldn’t believe his eyes.

A dense, thick forest spread out before him. Tall trees, thick trees, small trees, baby trees—they went on and on as far as his eyes could see. Though the tree he’d just climbed out of was the grandest tree of all. When Killua stepped back and lifted his chin, the top of the tree vanished through the surrounding canopy.

It made no sense. He’d just climbed out of a tunnel. How is it that he just went underground and came out of a monstrous tree? Something like that shouldn’t be possible. 

And yet, here he was. 

Killua turned to face the forest. If Alluka had come through here, she most likely would have followed the path snaking out from the tunnel. It stretched farther than he could see and was completely deserted. There was no sign at all that Alluka had come this way. 

Letting out a long breath, Killua squared his shoulders. There was nothing to guide him but his instincts. And his gut—and his dream—was telling him Alluka had come this way. He needed to keep going if he wanted to find her. 

And so he set off down the path. 

-o0o-

Killua came to consciousness slowly. 

At first he couldn’t remember what he’d been doing or why he had passed out in the first place. But then the details rushed back to him in dizzying spurts—Alluka missing, the tree opening, reuniting with Gon, the path running out, his promise to Gon, falling through the stone path and into the ravine below—

Killua jolted upright with a gasp. 

“Killua!”

Gon tackled Killua with enough force to have him tumbling backwards again. His back hit the ground and stars danced across his vision. It took him a few seconds for the world to stop spinning, to realize Gon was trembling against him as tiny hiccups echoed in the air around them.

Why, though? Killua was the one who had a near-death experience, not Gon.

“Gon?” Killua asked quietly. He raised a hand to brush his fingers through spikes of dark hair—soft, just like he remembered from his childhood—and Gon shuddered. “Are you okay?”

“I—I—I thought…”

Gon squeezed him tighter. Realization struck Killua like lightning.

Because Gon was terrified. Not for himself but for Killua.

Killua swallowed, throat suddenly tight. “Gon, I’m fine. Really. I promise.”

Gon sniffed. “Pinky p-promise?”

Immediately Killua was transported back to hot summers spent under the old tree that had brought them to Wonderland, to laughing so hard his sides ached, to Gon’s shimmering brown eyes and freckled cheeks and endless smiles. To Gon’s pinky wrapped around his, holding on tight enough to bruise but never hard enough to entice Killua to let go.

Back then, Killua swore to himself that he would never let go of Gon. But that had been once upon a time and right now was the nightmare before dawn. And Gon was not separate from the twisted reality Killua was fighting through to reunite with Alluka.

These memories were a double edged sword. Beautiful in their nostalgia, deadly in their ability to revive all of Killua’s adoration for Gon to its original blinding intensity. 

Gon pulled back, hands shifting to grip Killua’s shoulders. “Pinky promise, Killua,” he repeated even as Killua clenched his jaw against the sharp pricks of pain from Gon’s nails. Gon’s eyes, now golden, seemed to shimmer in their intensity.

Killua held up a hand. “I pinky promise.”

Gon immediately wrapped his pinky around Killua’s. “You pinky promise what?”

“I pinky promise that I’m not hurt or injured. I’m totally okay.” Killua paused. Then he said, softer, “And that’s because of you. Right? You saved me.”

The panic in Gon’s expression softened. “Of course I saved you, Killua. We’re going to be together forever, remember?”

And then, before Killua could think of a response, Gon cupped Killua’s face and kissed him.

-o0o-

Killua trailed behind Hisoka, careful not to get too close, careful not to be separated. Hisoka never once checked that Killua was following. He just hummed happily to himself as he led them across the meadow in what felt like a never ending and unnecessary amount of twists and turns. He did not even avoid stepping on the flowers, despite the fact that this was his supposed garden.

If he didn’t care about his own garden, what did that mean for Killua? Was he more valuable to the King than a mere flower or was he just another bloom to be trampled under his feet?

Killua didn’t dare to ask. He just kept silent until they reached a long table in the middle of the meadow set with tea, small cakes and porcelain dinnerware.

“Please,” Hisoka said with a gesture to the right end of the table. “Have a seat. Take your pick of what you’d like to eat!”

Killua sat, eyeing the food and drink warily. “What will it do?”

“Hmm?”

“What will it do?” Killua repeated, more harshly this time, and Hisoka’s smile grew impossibly wider from across the table. “Wonderland food is not normal for humans like me. If I drink this tea, will I turn into a rabbit? Will I only speak in croaks like a toad? Will it paralyze me?”

Hisoka leaned forward and cupped his chin in his hand. “My, my. You are bright. No wonder Illumi spoke of you in such high regard. There is no need to worry, however. I make sure to have a variety of human appropriate dishes for guests such as yourself.”

Killua stared. Did Hisoka just…no, that’s impossible. But to make sure—

“You know my brother?” 

Hisoka plucked a raspberry tart off one of the trays. “Oh, yes. Quite intimately.”

“How? Illumi’s never mentioned this place to me.”

“I would expect nothing less. How could he, without sounding like he was mad? But I assure you that your brother used to be a semi-frequent guest to Wonderland.”

Used to be. Meaning Illumi doesn’t come here any more. 

“What changed?”

“Your little friend appeared in Wonderland. And your family never came back to the estate that hosts Wonderland’s only entrance ever again.”

“Are you talking about Gon?” Killua asked and Hisoka hummed. “Where is he? Where did you put him?”

“No need to fret. Only those who I want to play with can enter my garden. Gon is not useful to me at this moment, so I saw no need to invite him in.”

There was a pause. Killua knew Hisoka’s implication without having to spell it out loud. But how should he proceed? Alluka was in here somewhere, meaning Hisoka must want something from her as well. Killua wouldn’t leave without her.

At last, Killua spoke up, “What do you want from me?”

“I think the more important question is what do you want from me?”

“I want my sister.”

“And I…I want your brother.”

-o0o-

Killua’s breaths came in hard and fast as he and Alluka sprinted through Wonderland. 

His shoes pounded on the ground. The taste of iron rose in his mouth. His hand grew sweaty but even so he refused to let go of Alluka.

“B-Brother!” Alluka panted. “What’s going on? Why—Why are we running away from G-Gon?”

Gon.

Killua’s heart ached at the name. It almost hurt enough to make him stumble.

But he didn’t. They couldn’t stop now. If they hesitated, even for a single second, their chance of escaping Wonderland would be gone forever.

“Because we’ve gotta get out of here.” He pulled her around the bend of the path. How much farther until the end? How long until they reached the tree? “And Gon won’t let us leave. Not as long as he’s awake. This—This is the only way. So keep running, okay?”

He looked over his shoulder. Alluka’s blue eyes were wide with fear and adrenaline, her cheeks red from the exertion of running.

She nodded. He squeezed her fingers and they kept moving.

-o0o-

Killua had no idea how long he had been walking for when he started to notice some things. First, this forest was not a normal forest. There were no animals he could see, no insects, no signs of life anywhere at all. No breeze caused the leaves and branches to sway. Even the light illuminating his path was soft like the sunlight on a cloudy day. But if there was a sky, Killua couldn’t make it out through the dense canopy of trees above his head.

Second, someone was watching him.

He couldn’t be exactly sure how he knew that and yet he could feel the truth of it in his bones. The back of his neck prickled and chills ran down his back. Several times he stopped in his tracks and waited for something— anything. But the only sound was his own breathing and the soft thudding of his shoes on the dirt.

It was unnerving. 

Killua dared to glance behind him. The path looked the same from behind as it did in the front. If he turned around, he would quickly lose his sense of direction. He had to stay focused and not get distracted. Even if something was out there, he would fight with all his might to survive. 

“Alluka,” he whispered to himself as he faced ahead again. “Where are—AH!”

Killua jerked backwards, heart leaping into his mouth and his throat closing.

A boy had suddenly appeared in front of him. No, not a boy. This person looked closer to Killua’s age than Kalluto’s. A man.

The man tilted his head. Dark spikes of hair fell into round golden eyes. “Who’s Alluka?” he asked, hands clasped behind his back.

Killua stared wordlessly as he waited for the thunderous pounding of his heart to slow. Was this the person who had been watching him?

“Hello?” The man took a step closer and Killua immediately retreated. “I know you can talk. I heard you just now. And you’ve been muttering to yourself for a while. So tell me, who’s Alluka?”

Alluka’s name echoed in Killua’s ears. It sounded familiar in this stranger’s voice. It looked familiar in the way it shaped his lips. Why, though? Killua couldn’t have met this person before. And yet he can’t shake the feeling that he’s missing something.

“...who are you?” Killua said at last and the man brightened.

“I’m Gon,” he chirped and Killua’s world stopped moving. “But I asked you a question first. So now you should really tell me who Alluka is.”

-o0o-

“Y-You,” Killua stuttered as Gon floated back down to the ground. “You can fly? Since when?”

Gon grinned. “I can do more than fly, Killua.” 

His figure blurred and suddenly all Killua could see was gold eyes.

“See?” Gon whispered. They were nose-to-nose, the space between them no more than an inch or two. Soft skin and freckles and a love lost over a decade ago were all within Killua’s reach. “I can move super fast, too.”

Killua’s heart couldn’t take Gon’s proximity. He shoved Gon away, cheeks burning. “You don’t need to prove it to me, stupid.”

He took back off down the path. He didn’t need to check behind him to know Gon would follow. Sure enough, his childhood friend laughed in delight and quickly fell back into step besides Killua.

“Why’s your face so red? Did I embarrass you again?”

“You’re always embarrassing,” Killua grumbled. It was the truth. Even as kids, Gon knew no sense of personal boundaries. The fact had obviously carried over throughout the years despite Gon being trapped in Wonderland.

Not that Gon seemed to notice. Or care.

“And you are always easily embarrassed,” Gon teased with a bump to Killua’s shoulder. “Do you want to see what else I can do?”

“Can’t you just tell me?”

“Aw, but there’s no fun in that!”

“Gon.” Killua grabbed Gon’s wrist, forcing him to stop and face him. “Listen to me. I’m not here for some grand adventure. Okay? This isn’t like when we were fourteen and trying to collect fireflies or catch the biggest fish in the pond. I need to find Alluka. She’s my priority. I can’t goof off or risk getting sidetracked.”

Something dark flickered in Gon’s eyes. “It’s not goofing off,” he muttered with a glower. “We have all the time in the world to find your sister. So why can’t we have some fun first?”

Killua clenched his jaw. Gon didn’t get it. His isolation in Wonderland combined with his originally selfish nature was stopping him from understanding the stakes here. This wasn’t a game. Alluka was alone and she needed Killua’s help. And no matter how much Killua missed Gon, he wouldn’t let Alluka fall to the same fate.

But maybe he could use that to his advantage.

“When you first got stuck down here,” Killua spoke slowly. “Didn’t you want someone to find you? Didn’t you get lonely?”

Gon shrugged. “At first, yeah. But you’re here now! Why would I be lonely?”

But I won’t be here forever.

Biting his tongue, Killua held the words back. Gon wouldn’t react well to something like that. And the last thing Killua needed was to upset someone with a currently unnamed list of superpowers.

“Let's just keep going.” Killua released Gon’s wrist, shoving his hands into his pockets. “You can show me some of your magic tricks on the way.”

“Ki-llu-a!” Gon whined as he followed. “You know they’re not magic tricks! When I fly, I fly for real. I could prove it to you—let me carry you and I’ll fly us both!”

“No, thanks.”

“Why not?”

“I remember the time you grabbed me as you fell climbing the tree. I’m not going to let you drop me again.”

-o0o-

Killua watched Hisoka warily. He had no qualms giving up Illumi. But— “Why do you want Illumi?”

“Because he is the most fun toy I’ve ever played with.” Hisoka’s eyes turned distant, his smile fond. “It’s been too long since he’s last stopped by to visit. The next time he comes, I’d like to make him a permanent resident of my garden.”

Chills ran down Killua’s spine. He looked down at the flowers under his seat, then across the meadow. There were no other creatures around them as far as he could see. 

Only flowers. Endless, neverending flowers.

“Y-You…” Killua clenched his hands into fists to keep them from shaking. “Is that what you did to my sister? You turned her into a permanent resident?”

Hisoka focused on him once more, nose wrinkling. “If only. Your sister is an intruder in my garden.”

“I thought you only allowed people in who were of use to you.”

“As I said, she is an intruder. She brought someone with her who could sneak past my walls.”

Killua didn’t like the sound of that. Gon spoke about Hisoka as if he was an unparalleled force in the Wonderland world. Who could be strong enough to challenge him? Was this unknown person the reason why Alluka had traveled so far into Wonderland without looking back?”

“Who did she bring?”

“That is unimportant. I only want your brother.” Hisoka waved his hand and a pin with a red tip appeared clasped between his fingers. “Take this with you when you return to your world and show it to Illumi. If you promise to do so, I will take you to your sister.”

“I promised Gon I wouldn’t leave Wonderland,” Killua said, not moving a single inch to take the needle. “How can I give that to Illumi?”

Hisoka smiled. He flourished his other hand and this time a small vile the color of emeralds appeared in his palm. “This is a sleeping drought. It is effective on all Wonderland creatures. As long as a single drop of this lands on Gon’s lips, he will be out in minutes. You can escape.”

Killua’s heart started to race. He’d known all along that he would have to do something to Gon to trick him into letting him escape with Alluka. But no matter how hard he’d wracked his brains, he hadn’t come up with a solution. And here Hisoka was, giving it to him without hesitation.

“Well?” Hisoka purred. “Do we have a deal?”

Killua stood. He walked around the length of the table, careful to avoid stepping on any flowers. Hisoka watched him all the while, keeping track of his movements like a cat stalking its prey. When Killua finally reached his side, he held out both hands—one with the vile, one with the needle.

Guilt squeezed Killua’s heart. Gon would be furious with him. But Killua would make it up to him later. Even if it cost him the rest of his life.

“We have a deal,” Killua said, snatching the vile and needle, and Hisoka clasped his hands in glee. “Now, show me where my sister is.”

-o0o-

Gon’s kiss didn’t last for longer than a second before he was pulling back. He pressed his forehead to Killua’s, his lips quivering. 

“Listen, Killua,” he murmured reverently. “I’ll always save you. I won’t ever let anything bad happen to you. Okay?”

But Killua wasn’t listening. He was too preoccupied with the heat of Gon’s hands on his cheeks, the phantom softness of Gon’s mouth on his lips.

“Y-You,” Killua stammered. “You kissed me.”

That got a small smile out of Gon. “Well, yeah. It wouldn’t be the first time.”

Killua’s heart flipped in his chest. He placed his own hand over Gon’s, searching his face desperately. “You remember?” he whispered. Do you remember falling in love with me?

“Most of it. Some of it is still blurry, but the details are getting more and more clear the longer I’m with you. Soon I’ll have it all back. But I’ve always loved you, Killua. And I always will. Not even Wonderland could change that.”

Killua squeezed his eyes shut for a brief moment. Gon’s words were everything he had ever wanted to hear since his disappearance. He’d never doubted his own neverending fondness for Gon, but he’d always wondered if Gon ever thought about him after he vanished into thin air. Did Gon miss him as badly as Killua did? Did Gon lose sleep over what might have been? Did Gon replay their summers together in his mind whenever he had a moment to himself?

“Killua?”

Exhaling slowly, Killua opened his eyes. Gon was watching him. 

“What?” Killua asked.

“Do you still love me, too?”

Ah.

Killua cupped Gon’s cheek, brushing his thumb across scattered freckles on round cheeks. Gon leaned into his touch and Killua’s chest ached. 

“Do you really need to ask?” Killua asked and watched as a blinding smile spread across Gon’s face. He tugged Killua up and into his arms, laughing with delight.

Killua buried his face into Gon’s shoulder. Love. It was a beautiful thing, especially when reciprocated. But it wasn’t always enough. It wasn’t enough to stop Gon from disappearing without a trace so many years ago. And it wouldn’t be enough to keep them together now. No matter how badly Killua wished it was.

-o0o-

Killua grabbed the man’s shoulders and pulled him close. The stranger blinked but otherwise didn’t react as Killua desperately searched his face for clues to a past he’d obsessed over for years. 

No. No, it was impossible. Gon had vanished a decade ago. And yet…

And yet the similarities between this man and the teenager Killua had fallen in love with were undeniable. They had the same round cheeks, the same scattered freckles, the same warm skin. The spiky hair was the same dark brown and the build of his body was exactly how Killua remembered, short but stocky. 

The eyes, though. Those were different. Gon’s eyes had been a beautiful, soft brown. Like chocolate or amber. The eyes of the stranger were solid gold with slits for pupils. They weren’t human eyes.

Still…

Killua bit his bottom lip. Still, the similarities were too strong to ignore. It couldn’t be a coincidence.

“Are you,” Killua started, heart thumping in his chest, “really Gon? Are you Gon Freecss?”

Golden eyes widened. “You know my name. My real name. How? Who are you?”

Killua could hardly breathe. Could this really be happening? He choked out, “Gon. Gon, it’s me. It’s Killua.”

Gon’s reaction was instant. Recognition flooded his face and he cried out with joy. He threw his arms around Killua and crushed him to his chest. Killua was lifted off the ground from his strength as Gon’s laughter rang in his ears. 

Killua squeezed his burning eyes shut. Yes. This was Gon without doubt. 

“Killua!” Gon chanted, spinning Killua around. “Killua—it’s you! It’s really, really you!”

“It’s me.”

“But how?” Gon carefully lowered Killua to the ground before looking him up and down. “What are you doing here? Wait—are you here for me?”

Killua winced at the hope in Gon’s tone. “I’m searching for Alluka.”

Gon’s smile fell. “Alluka?”

“My sister. Do you remember her?” 

Even though Gon and Alluka never met in person, Killua had mentioned Alluka to Gon several times during their summers together. She was the only member of his family he actually liked and Gon had always been curious about what made her so different from the rest. If only she’d been allowed to come to the summer house with the rest of the Zoldycks, then Killua could have introduced her to Gon.

But Gon was still frowning at Killua, like he had no idea what he was talking about.

“You don’t remember her,” Killua asked. “Do you?”

“To be honest, I don’t remember much outside of Wonderland. Everything about my life before is a big blur. That’s why I didn’t know you right away. But, now, with you here—” He stepped closer to Killua, his hands slowly sliding down Killua’s arms to clasp his wrists, “—I’m starting to remember things.”

Killua’s heart skipped a beat. It would be so easy to fall into Gon’s orbit. His proximity made Killua want to lean in and—and, what? It’s been years since he and Gon last spoke, let alone stood so close to each other. Gon just admitted he didn’t remember much about his life. He probably didn’t even know that his touch alone sent sparks dancing across Killua’s skin.

So Killua pushed down the breathless anticipation bubbling in his chest, choosing instead to focus on the most important question, “Wh-What’s Wonderland?”

“It’s where we are now, silly!”

“Uh-huh.” Whatever ‘Wonderland’ was, Killua did not like it. It was too dark, too quiet, too otherworldly. “And how did you get down here? Have you been stuck here all this time?”

Gon shrugged. His thumb pressed against the thin skin of Killua’s wrist, his nail digging against where Killua’s pulse beat. “It’s like I said, I don’t remember much of the other world. I traded away a lot of memories of my old life to survive here. Everything costs something, y’know?”

Killua doesn’t know. Not really, not at all. He didn’t believe in things like magic and other worlds until tonight. But it’s clear Gon has been trapped down in this Wonderland for so long that he’s not entirely human anymore. 

What did Gon earn to lose the warm brown of his eyes? What else did he give up besides his memories? Was Alluka currently doing the same things? Would anything be left of her by the time Killua found her? 

“If I ask for your help to find Alluka,” Killua asked slowly, “will that cost something, too?”

Gon grinned and Killua sucked in a quick breath. Gon’s teeth were sharp, pointed. Like those of a shark’s.

“Of course, Ki-llu-a. But I wouldn’t ask for anything big, I promise.”

Killua backed away, pulling his arms out of Gon’s hold. “No, no thanks.”

Gon pouted. “Aw, why not?”

Because, Killua thought, I can’t afford to lose anything. Because you might ask me for something I can’t give. Because finding Alluka comes first, even before you.

Aloud, he said, “I can do it on my own. I’m sure she took this path. If I follow it, I’ll find her.”

“The path will run out at some point. What’ll you do then?”

“I’ll figure something out.”

“You’re overcomplicating it,” Gon said with a shake of his head. “I can smell her on you, I could just lead you right to her.”

Killua scoffed. “I know you always had a strong sense of smell, Gon. But even you can’t do that.”

“I can, though. Wonderland changed me. I can do lots of things now that I couldn't before.”

Ah. So Gon really wasn’t human anymore. How long would it take before Alluka was forever warped too? 

Gon slid closer. “Let me help you, Killua. I want to help you.”

“Is that all you want?” Killua asked quietly and Gon shrugged. “Yeah. That’s what I thought.”

“Don’t be mad.”

“I’m not. I’m just…I’m worried about Alluka. I’m going to find her. I have to.” He stepped back, despite the aching in his heart and the pout that appeared on Gon’s face. “Goodbye, Gon.”

As he turned, Gon yelped, “W-Wait, Killua! Don’t leave me!” Killua didn’t stop, not even as Gon rushed to join him. “We just reunited, we can’t separate now.”

“I’m not waiting. And I’m not going to ask for your help, either.”

“That’s okay! I’ll just hang around until you need me.”

“That’s not going to happen.”

Gon laughed again. “Oh, Killua. Anything’s possible in Wonderland.”

-o0o-

True to his word, Hisoka brought Killua straight to Alluka.

Also true to his word, Alluka wasn’t alone.

It took all of Killua’s willpower not to scream when Alluka’s face shifted into something strange and unrecognizable. Her skin turned a chalky pale, her eyes sunk into their sockets and her mouth opened to a gaping hole. The creature his sister had become smiled toothlessly at him, gurgling something in a language he didn’t understand.

The thing’s name was Nanika, Alluka told him once she shifted back to something recognizable—to something human. Nanika had called her here to Hisoka’s garden. She’d protected Alluka against the monsters that tried to harm her.

Killua nodded like he understood, even though he didn’t. He hadn’t come across any monsters this entire trip. The only living things he’d encountered were Alluka, Hisoka and Gon. Was that because Killua was luckier than Alluka? Or did Gon’s presence make the other Wonderland creatures think twice before approaching?

The thought wasn’t at all comforting.

“Why did Nanika call you?” he asked to distract himself, leading the way out of Hisoka’s garden.

Alluka chirped, “She wants to leave Wonderland with me.”

“Is that possible? Gon told me Wonderland creatures can’t leave here.”

“Not if you’re fully Wonderland. But now that Nanika has merged with me, she can—” Alluka gasped, eyes flying wide. “Brother! Did you just say Gon? Is he here? In Wonderland?”

Killua grimaced. “In a way.”

“How? I thought he disappeared years ago!”

“Yeah, well, apparently he just got lost down here. Let’s get out of here and I’ll bring you to him.”

As he steered his sister back towards the hedge maze, Hisoka’s poison rested heavy in his pocket. It bumped his leg in a reminder of what was to come, of what he needed to do to escape with his sister.

-o0o-

There was a fork in the path. 

Of course there was. Because why would saving his sister from a magical dimension be easy?

“What’cha gonna do?” Gon asked, nudging Killua’s side. “Will you go right? Or left? Maybe she didn’t take either, maybe she went straight ahead through the trees—”

“Gon.”

“What? I’m just saying!”

“Yeah, well, you’re not helping.” Killua rubbed his brow. If he was Alluka, which way would he go? If only he knew why Alluka had come this far into Wonderland, picking a direction might be easier.

“I could help,” Gon grumbled. “If you’d just let me.”

“You’d only help if you got something in return. Besides, I have no way of knowing if you’re telling the truth or not.”

Gon stepped in front of Killua, blocking his view of the path. “Killua, do you really think so little of me?” he asked in a whine. “I can’t even lie in Wonderland. No one can.”

Killua tried leaning around Gon but Gon just leaned in the same direction as him. Killua huffed, “That’s dumb. Anyone can lie.”

“Not here. Go on, try it.”

“Why should I?”

“Because then you’ll believe me. C’mon, I dare you. Lie to me.”

Killua narrowed his eyes. “Fine. Since you’re so insistent on it. My hair color is br—br—”

He stopped. He couldn’t get the words out. No matter how hard he tried, every time he tried to say the word ‘brown’, his throat closed. Gon smirked.

“See? I told you. No one can lie here. And so when I say I can lead you to Alluka, I’m being totally honest.”

Killua stayed quiet. He didn’t want to rely too heavily on Gon. He was afraid of what that might cost him. So he’d rather keep following this path until he had no choice but to turn to Gon. But in order to do so, he needed to be on the right path. And if Gon really wasn’t lying, then he was Killua’s only hope.

“What do you want?” Killua asked at last and a grin lit up Gon’s face.

“It’s nothing big. I just want a memory.”

Killua tensed. “You want to take my memory?”

“No, no! Not like that, I meant…I want you to tell me a memory. Mine is still fuzzy, remember? If you talk about your past, then I might remember something too.”

“And that won’t erase my own memory?”

Gon shook his head. “I don’t have that power. Others do, but not me. I swear.”

A memory, huh? Killua hefted his bag higher on his shoulder. It was growing heavy with the weight of the fruit he’d been collecting on their trip. He was reluctant to get rid of any of it though, especially since he was trying to save some for Alluka whenever they reunited. 

And with Gon’s help, that would be sooner rather than later.

“Fine, you have a deal,” Killua gave in and held out his arm. “One memory for you telling me which direction will take me to Alluka the fastest. Deal?”

Gon grabbed Killua’s hand, shaking once. “Deal. I want a memory of us.”

Killua blinked. “Us? Are you sure? You don’t want to know about your mom or—”

“I want to hear about us,” Gon repeated firmly. His stare was intent, unblinking. “Any memory. As long as it’s about us.”

“...alright.” Killua nodded towards the fork. “Tell me the direction and I’ll tell you as we walk.”

“Your sister took the left path. Now, tell me.”

Killua sighed, lips twitching. “Still impatient as ever, huh? Okay. The night before my fifteenth birthday, you snuck onto the property and threw rocks at my window. I was really mad at first—I’d just fallen asleep and you weren’t being subtle at all. I was sure my parents were going to wake up and catch you. But you convinced me to come outside and we walked all the way to the lake on the edge of my parents’ property, and then—”

Gon finished quietly, “And then we watched the stars.”

Killua started. “How—How did you know that?”

“I told you, I remember bits and pieces. Just not the whole picture.” He paused, golden eyes growing distant. “That was…a really nice night.”

Killua looked away, ears burning. How much did Gon remember of that night exactly? Killua remembered every detail. He remembered how Gon’s hand had been sweaty in his as he dragged Killua away from the mansion. He remembered the fireflies scattering as they raced up the hill. He remembered the awe and wonder of the heavens sprawled above them. He remembered looking at Gon, his brown eyes full of stars, and knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was in love with him and that he would never love anyone else in his life.

That night was engraved in Killua as deeply as his own name. 

But he didn’t say all that. Gon had only asked for a memory and Killua wasn’t about to offer more than what was given.

“Yeah,” he agreed, Gon’s star filled eyes still vivid in his mind. “It was.”

-o0o-

Just when Killua thought he would collapse from exhaustion, the tree appeared in the distance.

His heart soared. This was it. This was what he’d been waiting for. Just a couple more seconds and Alluka would be safe. Just a couple more steps and they could finally leave this place.

“Almost there!” he panted out between heavy breaths and Alluka squeezed his hand. “I see the—”

“KILLUA!”

Killua’s blood turned to ice.

He didn’t look back. He didn’t stop. He ran, harder than before, harder than he ever had in his life, until he was dragging Alluka with him.

Because Gon was fast enough to catch up with them and Killua couldn’t let that happen.

But the tree was looming close. They would make it, Killua refused to believe otherwise. He wouldn’t let Gon stop them. So he counted down the seconds, knowing each step was another step closer to freedom.

Ten.

Nine.

Alluka gasped behind him.

Eight.

Seven.

Killua tightened his grip on her sweaty hand.

Six.

Five.

Gon’s roar of rage echoed around them.

Four.

Just a couple more steps—

Three.

Killua pulled Alluka to his side, pushed her forward so she stumbled across the barrier first—

Two.

He had one step over the barrier—

One.

Gon’s hand wrapped around his and pulled.

With a choked gasp, Killua dug his heels into the ground. Pain flared up both his arms but Alluka, safely inside the barrier of the tree, refused to let go of him. And neither did Gon.

“Gon,” Killua croaked before finally looking back.

Gon’s mouth was twisted in a snarl, revealing rows of sharp teeth. His eyes were solid gold, wild with desperation. Even his nails had lengthened into claws, digging into Killua’s wrist and causing blood to slide down his arm.

Killua swallowed. Gon really wasn’t human anymore. This is what Killua was saving Alluka from becoming.

“Gon,” he repeated and Gon‘s grip on him tightened. “Gon. Please. You—You have to let me go.”

“You tricked me.”

Killua’s throat burned. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“You used one of Hisoka’s tricks and—and you hurt me.”

“I didn’t want to. I’m sorry.”

A wordless cry of frustration clawed its way out of Gon’s mouth. “Stop saying that! If you didn’t mean it, you wouldn’t have done it.”

Alluka whimpered, her hold on Killua slipping. “Brother…”

Killua clenched his teeth. “Gon. Let me go. Please.”

Gon’s nostrils flared. His eyes seemed to glow. “Why should I? For her? For Alluka? Ever since you came here, you’ve only been thinking of your sister. But what about me? Am I not important enough to you?”

“Of course you are—”

“Don’t lie, Killua!”

Gon’s voice cracked on his name. Sobs wracked his chest even as his grip on Killua stayed firm.

Killua whispered, “I can’t lie in Wonderland. Remember?”

“B-But you promised me. You swore you’d stay with me. And now you’re trying to leave. Tell me—how did you lie, Killua? How did you do it when no one else can? How could you, after everything?”

“I didn’t lie.”

“You did.”

“I didn’t.”

“Then explain what this is, Killua! You’re one foot out of Wonderland!” He shook his head. “You can’t leave. You have to stay with me. So I won’t let you go. Even if it hurts you, I’m going to keep you.”

Killua was jerked closer to Wonderland with Gon’s next tug and Alluka cried out. Her grip had slid down to his fingers despite her best efforts to hold on. Killua didn’t know what kind of Wonderland creature Nanika was, but clearly Gon was superior in terms of physical strength.

Alluka wouldn’t last much longer. And if Killua left the barrier around the tree, Gon would steal him away forever. 

He had to do something to stop that from happening. Now, before it was too late.

Killua let out a shuddering breath. “Gon. Look at me.”

Gon was solely focused on Killua’s wrist. Blood dripped steadily off Killua’s skin from the cuts made by Gon’s nails, the drops landing heavily in a puddle on the ground. 

“Gon, please. Look at me.”

Gon raised his gaze. Killua looked into gold eyes, ones that were so different from the brown ones he’d fallen in love with, but still belonged to a part of his childhood he will never forget.

“Gon,” Killua breathed, his vision turning blurry. “Gon. I love you.”

Gon’s eyes widened. His grip slacked.

Killua yanked his hand out of Gon’s. Alluka pulled him back inside of the barrier with a startled shout and they fell in a heap onto the ground beside the tree.

Silence. 

Then Gon screamed.

The sound shattered Killua’s heart. He squeezed his eyes shut, breathing heavy through his nose. Gon’s wails echoed endlessly in his ears as Alluka buried her face into the crook of Killua’s neck with a quiet sob.

“Brother,” she whimpered. She trembled against his side and he raised his blood-free hand to run his fingers through her hair—

“No no no no no! No! KILLUA! Killua, how could you?! You promised me—you said—you—!”

There was a heavy thud. Gon’s cries became muffled.

Killua pushed himself upright. Gon was on the ground. He had his forehead pressed to the dirt as his claw-like nails scraped uselessly against the rock and dirt. Killua’s blood stained his fingers and left red streaks in the path.

It hurt to watch.

He leaned forward, every part of him burning with the need to soothe Gon, but Alluka yanked him back.

“Brother, no.”

Gon’s head snapped up. His gaze locked on Alluka and a chill ran down Killua’s spine at the dark fury he saw there.

Killua shifted to block Alluka from Gon’s view. “Gon, stop. Don’t. This is all my fault, not hers.”

Gold eyes moved to him. Gon didn’t say anything, just stared at Killua wordlessly as tears spilled down blotchy, freckled cheeks.

Killua didn’t say anything either. There was nothing he could say, nothing he could do to make up for his betrayal. So instead he drank in the sight of his first and only love—how his chest heaved, how his shoulders shook, how his hair fell messily across his forehead.

He wished so badly he could step across the border and comfort Gon. 

But Alluka was right. He couldn’t. If he stuck a single pinky over the line, Gon would grab him. And then Killua would never leave Wonderland until he died.

“Killua,” Gon croaked at last. His voice was hoarse, raw. “You can’t leave. We made a deal. You can’t break that.”

“I don’t intend to.”

Gon’s face spasmed. “You—!”

“I’ll always be with you, Gon,” Killua said firmly. “In your heart. In your memories.”

“That’s not what I wanted.”

“It’s what you’ll have to deal with until I come back.”

Gon stilled. Alluka sucked in a sharp breath, her grip on his upper arm tightening.

But Killua continued to talk, his voice steady, “I’ll return to Wonderland. Okay? I’ll keep my promise. But I have to get Alluka back first. I have to make sure she’s alright.”

Gon didn’t respond. He just stared wordlessly at Killua, as if waiting for Killua to take back his words.

But Killua didn’t intend to.

“Brother. We—” Alluka let out a shuddering breath, “—we’ll discuss this later. But for now let’s get out of here.”

“You leave first,” Killua said, keeping his eyes on Gon. “I’ll be right behind.”

Alluka hesitated. Killua tore his gaze from Gon to meet Alluka’s fearful stare. 

“Alluka, I promised I would leave with you. I won’t go back on that.”

She gave a shaky nod. Together, she and Killua moved to a wobbly stand. Gon stayed on the ground, watching them. Unblinking. Killua could feel the heavy weight of his stare pressing into the side of his face as Killua brushed the dirt off Alluka’s clothes.

Alluka moved towards the tunnel. She looked over her shoulder one last time, worry clouding her blue eyes.

Killua gave her a reassuring smile. “Go on.”

She ducked into the shadows.

And then it was just Killua and Gon.

Killua turned, then startled. Gon now stood on the edge of the barrier. He watched Killua with bloodshot eyes.

Killua breathed out. He hadn’t heard Gon move. “Gon—”

“Killua,” Gon said lowly. “If you return here, you’ll never leave again.”

Killua barked a laugh. As if he didn’t know that already. “I’m not expecting to.”

“I won’t let you escape. Not again. I won’t fall for your tricks.”

“I didn’t think you would.”

Gon searched his face. “Did you mean it?” he asked at last.

Killua didn’t need to ask to know what he was talking about. He said softly, sincerely, “I meant every word I said to you, Gon. Everything. But I have to do this. I have to finish my bargain with Hisoka. After, I’ll come back.”

Gon didn’t say anything.

Killua stepped back. “I’ll see you soon, Gon.”

Gon just stared. 

So Killua took another step. Then another.

At last he reached the tree. He took one last look at Gon, drinking in the sight of the desperate, wild boy in front of him. The boy who was looking back at him just as intently.

Then Killua turned away and followed Alluka back to reality.

-o0o-

-o0o-

-o0o-

It took time, but eventually Killua found himself standing in front of the crumbling Zoldyck mansion once more. This time he didn’t bother entering the grand doors overgrown with ivy and vines. Instead he squared his shoulders and walked through the uncut grass around the side of the house and entered the sprawling backyard.

The sun was setting by the time he reached the old oak tree. He glanced back. This would be his last glimpse of the world he was born in, afterall. Part of him wanted to take a photo to capture the soft but ethereal pink and blue of the sky, but he knew it would be pointless. There were no chargers in Wonderland so his phone would die eventually and then he would have no way of looking at the picture anyway.

When Killua turned to the tree once more, there was a gaping hole at the base, revealing a tunnel that dipped down below the ground. Killua dropped to his knees and began the familiar trek he’d taken all those years ago. It was just as dark as he remembered, just as cramped. It was a miracle he could still make his way through, actually.

He sucked in a deep breath once he finally stepped out of the tunnel. The same deadly quiet forest greeted him. Not a single living creature stirred, no wind whistled through the branches, not a single footstep littered the path in front of him.

And yet, he could feel eyes upon him all the same.

Killua’s grip on his backpack straps tightened. He’d packed lightly, only bringing what he couldn’t live the rest of his life without. And once he stepped away from the tree, it would be the only things from the outside world he would ever see again.

But he had made peace with that long ago.

So he began walking down the path. His strides were confident, steady. He almost half-expected to be tackled the second he stepped away from the barrier surrounding Wonderland’s exit. He thought maybe Gon would even try to kill him for abandoning him. He’d pictured their second reunion to be a chaotic whirlwind of emotion and revenge. This…stillness was not something he’d planned.

The second the thought crossed his mind, something grabbed the back of his shirt and yanked him backwards.

Killua stumbled back into a strong chest. Warm arms wrapped around his waist, squeezing tightly. Warm breath fanned across the back of his neck and sent chills down Killua’s spine.

“Gon,” Killua breathed.

The arms around his waist squeezed. “Killua. You came back. Why?”

“I promised you we’d be together forever, right?”

“You did.” Gon leaned heavily against him. He pressed his lips to the shell of Killua’s ear, whispering, “And I’m making a promise to you, now—I won’t ever let you leave me again. Got it? You’re mine. Now and forever.”

“I know,” Killua said and he did. From the moment he made that promise to Gon, he’d known. 

He would try to explain himself to Gon later—that he’d only left Wonderland to give Alluka the chance to live a normal life, that he always planned to come back, that Gon had been in his heart since the day they met as children, that Killua didn’t want to be in a world without Gon so of course he would ultimately choose to stay here with him. Hopefully Gon would understand. But even if he didn’t…

Gon was Wonderland. And now Killua would be, too.