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He was walking, now, after only four months. He got used to his prosthetic
He had told his fans already, the hardest part was already over.
He was happier, he was filming vods and streaming so frequently now, as if nothing even happened at all.
But, it wasn't always this easy. Let's start this story from the beginning.
He alarm beeped. Bleary eyed, he woke up... Was that a dream or memory, he couldn't tell.
He had his prosthetic stashed under his bed for safekeeping, that's for sure. He leaned off the bed and reached down for it, landing his hand on it almost immediately and pulling it out.
His shrinker— the thing that resembled a tan sock which he had to wear on his stump to keep it protected as he used his prosthetic— was in his drawer, along with his boxers and a couple more shrinkers.
He put it on his— what remained of his left leg, then grabbed the prosthetic and put it on, admittedly taking longer, bleary mind still blurry from sleep.
He used the nightstand for support, standing up mainly with his right leg, still.
When he stood up, he was okay. So it was real, he rejoiced.
After a moment, he stepped forward, immediately being knocked out of sleep by the fear of falling, the fear of his prosthetic not being able to support him. And right he was for still having that, he noted how hard it was for him to step and keep his balance, and realized it must be a dream.
Just to be sure, he checked his last tweet, last stream.
Sighing heavily after seeing his last stream was still from a bit over a full month ago, he let his head fall onto his desk. Why did reality have to hate him?
"Step." Thomas said, and Tommy followed
"Balance." Thomas guided, though he didn't need to anymore.
"Step." He said before Tommy was ready.
Tommy lagged behind
"Balance." He said the moment Tommy's prosthetic foot touched the wood.
"Step." Thomas ordered, Tommy lagged and it angered him.
Channel it, he knew.
"Balance." Tom stood patiently but also teasingly on the other side of the stairs excercise. "Step." That's the one he'd been working on with Tommy for a bit now. "Balance."
"Step." While Tommy was medically allowed to wear his prosthesis for an entire work day, he still, as proven by that morning, "balance." wasn't reliant enough on his fake leg to be able to walk without the promise of grabbing something if he fell.
"Step."
For instance, the railing that was with him on every exercise in this room, and even the treadmills which he commonly used after his physical therapy session was over.
"I said step," Thomas demanded, Tommy had been taking a break for a moment. Step and balance, before he says it. "Balance." Fuck.
Using such tall stairs, which had to be nearly a foot per step height (not that he knew the standard system by heart), certainly wasn't fucking easy. "Step."
While he started with a stair set that was smaller but more numerous, something geared more toward him, something made for those that had a hard time using stairs. "Balance."
Almost there... "Step." Fuck you, Thomas, "balance" Tommy was superior, he could fucking step before you said it again— "step."
FUCK.
"Balance." Thomas said, Tommy wanted to punch him the moment he got to the last step and got back down to floor level. "Step."
"Balance."
"Step." "Yeah yeah I know dickhead." Tommy teased, having reached the end, and Tom already sticking his hand out to help him down from the the half a meter ledge.
"I got this." Tommy said overconfidently, purposefully ignoring Tom's hand.
He let go of the rails, stepping down rather softly. After everything was okay, he allowed a stupid grin to coat his face's previous look of concentration.
Tom stared at him, an expression Tommy couldn't decipher.
"What!?" He smiled wider, twisting to his right so Tom was in front of him. "Tom? What!?"
"Aw, you called me Tom." An absolute dick move if you ask Tommy, Thomas used a considerate tone as his expression warmed as he opened his arms for a hug as if Tommy using his nickname verbally for the first time actually phased him.
As he was stepping towards Tommy, the blond had no choice but to step backwards to avoid him. "Stop it! I'm not gonna hug your rank ass... Fuckin, leave me alone!" Tommy chuckled, it was funny guy stuff, it was dumb he was getting attached to his physical therapist, it really was, with how much of an ass the man was.
Thomas finally stopped, adopted a smug smirk on his face befores taking a stupid ass bow. "And that, was me making you walk on your own."
Tommy looked down, as if he didn't believe his training wheels weren't on his bike. It was true, he didn't even feel hesitation, caught up in the moment.
He smiled a bit, looked back up at Tom, and hesitantly replied. "Actually, thank you, Thomas. I know I haven't said that 'cept maybe once, but this is your job and you're fuckin amazing at it, helping me more than you have to," early on into the impromptu speech, Tommy realized he didn't know where he was going with this, and as he went on, he wished more and more that Thomas would interrupt him, but no, the man made him suffer.
"...and you're just- you're just so cool, just, genuinely. Like, you act like a friend and you do shit you know will motivate me and, and just, just," he sighed, lightly. He breathed, looking back up, barely realizing his gaze ever faltered from the man's face. "Just, thank you."
He wrapped up the quote unquote speech in a stupid little, ugly bow and stupidly, embarrassingly, he hoped it was enough for Tom, he hoped the way Tom would feel from that made up for the embarrassment he felt.
"Thank ya, fellow Tomas." Thomas eventually said, smile present and genuine, and enough for Tommy's embarrassment to eradicate. "No one actually says that enough."
Tommy smiled, but the actual impact of the therapy session didn't hit until later.
"I think I'm ready to go out in public. Like, actually." He started, in a call with Toby and only Toby.
Toby was hesitant. "Without hiding like a wuss?" Toby didn't care about feelings, well he did, but he assumed teasing was allowed unless otherwise specified or if it was obvious. It actually only took a drunk Tubbo to make a very poor in taste joke about the queen after her death.
"As myself, yeah. Without a bald cap or my hiding outfit or anything."
Toby started laughing. "Bald cap?" He asked, and to be fair, it was questionable. Tommy waved it off. "It's nothing, or, it's a long story..." he corrected himself. It really wasn't, but it wasn't something Tommy cared to go into at the moment.
"But yeah! Um, like not film a vod or anything— and I'll make a thing, I'll tell my fans soon, too." The last part of the sentence was stilled, he didn't know the first thing of his to go about it, about telling his fans.
Toby brushed off the tone, probably not even realizing, and making a joke or a silly comment thereafter.
Tommy was glad he didn't push, and it was only later that day when he called Ranboo to tell him what he told Toby when he used the same recycled bit of diologue, that anyone looked into it.
"Tommy, if you don't want to tell them... We can find a reach around." Ranboo said, so caringly and so safely, stifling a chuckle for whatever reason.
"No, no, I do..." Tommy said before realizing it was a complete lie.
However, instead of addressing it, it was like Ranboo ignored it, though acknowledged he said it and thought it indeed as he reached into his brain for spitballing. "You can like, film a vod or whatever and be wearing something to make your prosthetic noticable, or-"
"I'm fine, Ran." He paused, seething for a moment. "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you... But I'm fine. I just don't know how I'll tell them."
A long silence filled the electricity between them, filled the thousands and thousands of miles between them.
"I hate to bring him up, I know you're still..." Ran started. Tommy pleaded he didn't mean- "But think about how Techno did it?"
Tommy didn't want to, fuck, he loves- loved Techno so much. He was so badass, Tommy was a weakling compared to him...
"He just said it." Tommy was stifling tears. It was harder to, when he was alone, or at least off stream.
"I think you should-" "I can't fucking do that!" Tommy blinked, not realizing he'd raise his voice. He breathed, so he'd be able to speak again, and at a normal volume this time.
He gasped for air, goddamn it, Tommy couldn't even keep his own tears in line. "Ranboo, I'm not strong enough for that, or, I dunno how the fuck i'd just say it." He said the words as if using quotes.
The questions Tommy had went unanswered as Ranboo fell dark, Tommy had to make sure he was still in the discord call.
Tommy thought he hurt Ranboo by how he spoke and what his words meant. In reality, while this was true, it was also fact that Ranboo thought long and hard, and eventually interrupted Tommy blinking away some rogue tears, "How about a joke?"
Tommy breathed, letting memories of jokes of blood and murder slip from the front of his mind to the back. He sniffled first, trying to breathe out of his nose before he noticed it was naught.
He blew his nose before he asked the question, "what d'you mean?"
"I mean, like." Ran breathed. "Well, you love making jokes, so why not start off a video with it? You don't have to go into exact detail." With hesitation, he said the next part of his sentence. "He never disclosed what type of, well, you-know he had to his fans."
Tommy breathed, letting anger or frustration or anything take hold over that could threaten being stronger than the almost overwhelming feeling of loss. "I don't like references to cancer because it reminds me of him, not because it's triggering or anything."
Ranboo breathed, Tommy could hear, although distant, Tommy could hear him holding back tears, and Ran didn't deserve that!
...Alas, Tommy didn't know the first thing to say to that.
"Sorry." Tommy hesitantly said, lower than everything else in existence.
"Not your fault... I'm sorry for not asking." Asking to bring him up, Ranboo meant, but that was only on stream where that rule counted, anyways.
Tommy breathed, made a joke, and the two wished each other a good night.
Though, Tommy couldn't fall asleep until he watched about three or eight videos— some fan made clip compilations, some his own videos he made too soon yet also too long ago of a time before, videos of him and Technoblade, a lot of the time there were others, but that wasn't what Tommy needed, nor what he was looking for.
Though, surrounding him grieving Techno, did he ever really know what he needed or wanted?
No, no he did not.