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“So…Aragaki-san,” Junpei drawled from the lounge, “I asked Sanada-san this when we were at the beach two months ago, so it’s only fair I ask you too.”
Kotone ignored them at first, determined to finish writing this stupid - strange - pointless - newsletter for the library committee. What business did a library committee have offering relationship advice for imaginary situations?
She could probably ask Yukari for help - even if she had no practical experience herself maybe her mother’s history could provide inspiration - but she wasn’t sure she was desperate enough.
Yet.
Yet her eyes darted towards the lounge in the end, towards where Aragaki sat on one end of the couch, leaning so far back it looked like he was trying to sink into the cushions. He sat with his arms crossed and knee bouncing, still somehow wearing his coat and beanie, Koromaru lying down at his feet while he glared at the TV.
He seemed perfectly content to ignore Junpei too, till the underclassman wondered, “So…what’s your type?”
Kotone’s pen left a wide blue streak across her notebook in her surprise. She stared at it, lamenting that that had been the first thing she managed to write, even as she couldn’t help listening and bracing herself for the answer.
“My…type?” Aragaki echoed.
“Yeah, your type!” Junpei said. “Your type of girl! Don’t tell me you don’t know what that means, because even Sanada-san did.”
Her breath stuck in her lungs even as her chest tightened. She wasn’t sure why; why should she react to Junpei asking their newest (oldest?) member a personal question to get to know him better? Wasn’t that what she’d been doing pestering Aragaki to spend time with her the last couple of weeks?
Really, Junpei was just embarrassing himself. Maybe he should go back to being afraid of Aragaki instead of—
Did…did she imagine the way his eyes darted past Junpei, towards the table - where she sat pretending to write a fake relationship advice newsletter?
“None of your business, Iori,” Aragaki said what felt like an hour later. “Now move. You’re blocking the TV.”
“Aw, come on!” Junpei whined, but he dropped onto the other end of the couch to sulk. “Like I said, even Sanada-san answered me! I’m just trying to bond as, you know, guys.”
“Find something else then,” Aragaki said - which still surprised Kotone, despite knowing he was friendlier than he seemed.
A smile prodded at her lips.
It didn’t last long.
“You’re pretty respectful of Kirijo-senpai,” Junpei noted, “and you’ve known her the longest. Is she your—"
Kotone decided it was then she’d heard enough. She gave up on the newsletter (for now) and pushed her chair away from the table before jumping to her feet. When Koromaru raised his head inquisitively, she forced a grin and asked, “Do you want a walk, Koro-chan?”
Koromaru bolted up and gave an affirmative bark before running to the door.
“Didn’t Fuuka-chan already…” Junpei’s voice trailed off.
Kotone waved to them as she grabbed Koromaru’s leash from where it hung on a hook near the door (not that he needed it). “I’ll leave you to your ‘boy talk’,” she said, because she didn’t want to be around for it.
But why? she wondered as she opened the door and Koromaru bolted out ahead of her. She remembered when Junpei had asked Sanada too, and it hadn’t unsettled her like this. Exasperated her, made her roll her eyes and sympathize with Yukari, even amused her, but bothered her?
Really, she should be glad Junpei no longer seemed intimidated by Aragaki, and that Aragaki himself felt more comfortable around the rest of SEES. She should want teammates to get along as their leader, because if nothing else it helped give them all something to keep fighting for.
And yet—
“Kotone!” Junpei’s voice sounded behind her before his footsteps thundered along the sidewalk. He caught up even as Koromaru bounded ahead towards the shrine, doubling over and panting to catch his breath.
“And here I thought I finally had a chance in a race against Koromaru…” Kotone joked.
When Junpei straightened back up, his face red from his run, he asked, “What’s wrong?”
She blinked. “Wrong?” she said. “Why would anything be wrong?”
He waved away her denial. “You seemed in a hurry to leave,” he said. He shoved his hands in his jacket pockets, bouncing on the balls of his feet before beckoning for her to lead the way towards the shrine.
She did, mulling over how to reply, or what excuses she should make. “I was just getting frustrated with the library committee newsletter,” she explained - and was pleased it wasn’t a total lie. “Needed some fresh air to help me think.”
“Oh, the relationship advice letter thing?” Junpei said.
When Kotone nodded, he said, “You were complaining you had to fake something, but why don’t you try writing something from experience? Wouldn’t that make it easier?”
She crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. “I’ve never had a boyfriend, Junpei,” she said.
“Does it have to be about a boyfriend?” he said. “Can’t it just be…romance? Crushes?”
She frowned, tapping her chin thoughtfully. “Yeah, it could be, but that’s no good either.”
Junpei halted right as they reached the shrine playground, where Koromaru happily sprinted around. He spun around to face her, his eyes wide with surprise. “Wait, have you seriously never had a crush on someone before?”
Kotone shrugged. “I mean, not really?” she admitted. “It’s hard to open yourself up like that when…” When you had no family left, when you were the only one awake (alive) for that strange, dangerous hour after midnight.
“Haven’t you read, like, shoujo manga then?” Junpei wondered. “There’s love in that too.”
She snorted. “You think I should base a newsletter on a manga?” she said. “Isn’t that plagiarism?”
He shrugged even as a laugh burst from him. “If all else fails…” His eyes narrowed thoughtfully. “Or I can give you an idea based on my experience!”
Kotone considered it, then shook her head. “Nice of you to offer, Junpei, but you haven’t been successful yet.”
“Wow that’s cold, Kotone,” he said. “Weren’t you encouraging me to spend time with Chidorrin?”
She flashed him a smile. “I said yet , didn’t I?”
“So you did,” he said cheerfully. “But, look, I didn’t follow you to ask about your newsletter. You really did seem bothered about something when you left. Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” Kotone wondered. “Things are looking up a little. We only have three more full moon Shadows left to defeat, our senpai have been in a better mood since Aragaki-senpai joined, and—why are you looking at me like that?”
Junpei’s eyes had widened before a slow smile crept across his face. “Kotone-chan,” he said, “ you’ve also been in a better mood since Aragaki-san joined.”
She blinked, then laughed even as foreboding trickled down her spine. “What?” she said. “That’s—I mean, why wouldn’t I be? He’s strong, and he can cook, and Koro-chan likes him, and—“
“And you like him,” Junpei said, smiling far too smugly.
“Why wouldn’t I?” Kotone retorted, but she was sure the flush creeping into her cheeks betrayed her.
Wait, why the hell was she even blushing?
“Well, there you have it,” he said. “You didn’t like it when I asked Aragaki-san about his type because you want to be his type.”
She could only stare while her thoughts ground to a halt - and then went into overdrive. Could Junpei be right? Did she like Aragaki? She barely—she’d only known him for a few weeks! Random encounters in the last few months notwithstanding.
But she did always find him…intriguing. Maybe he was strange, or maybe she - they - ran into him so randomly she couldn’t help but wonder when the next encounter would be, and why he always seemed to know more than he let on.
And Kotone liked spending time with him, but she liked spending time with all her friends. Why should he be different?
You don’t look for your other friends the way you look for him, Orpheus whispered unhelpfully. Your eagerness to see him every evening is mine to share. You always look behind for him…
Shut up.
Kotone buried her face in her hands and groaned. “Junpei,” she whispered into them, “I think you’re right.”
“That’s a first,” he said. “Can I tell Yukarichi?”
She lifted her head to glare at him. “Don’t you dare .”
“Okay, okay.” He raised his hands placatingly. “I can’t entirely understand what you might see in him, but my offer to help you get with someone still stands.”
Kotone took a deep breath, then another, and despite the way her heart raced - with anticipation, because how was she meant to face Aragaki at the dorm from now on? - she managed to compose herself enough to lower her hands. “No, thank you,” she said. “I’ll just suffer for now.”
“But—“
“You’re right, I guess I can use the inspiration.” She tapped her foot and sighed. “‘How to Recognize a Crush: Five Signs’.”
Junpei chuckled, then frowned. “You okay?” he said. “A crush can be pretty devastating.”
“I’m perfectly fine,” Kotone said. “It’s not like now’s the time for stuff like this, you know? So either I’ll get over it or…”
Or her feelings grow stronger? Well, she’d cross that bridge when she reached it. For now she at least had something to write her newsletter about.
For once, Kotone didn’t quite feel prepared to return to the dorm when Koromaru came up to them with his tail wagging, but she couldn’t just stay out the entire evening. Best case scenario Aragaki wouldn’t be in the lounge when they returned, worst case scenario—
“Hey, is that…” Junpei’s voice tore her out of her thoughts, along with Koromaru’s greeting bark at the tall figure approaching them.
Oh no. Kotone couldn’t help tensing when she spotted Aragaki kneeling down to stroke Koromaru’s head and scratch behind his ears. The dog whined happily, tongue lolling out, and the ghost of a smile flickered across Aragaki’s face.
Her heart stuttered in her chest. Had it been doing this when he smiled all along? How had she never noticed?
She was an idiot.
“What’re you doing out, Aragaki-san?” Junpei wondered so she didn’t have to stumble through her words.
“I just felt like taking a walk,” he said, shrugging before giving Koromaru one last pat and standing. “Was getting too stuffy in the dorm.”
Kotone somehow bit back the automatic retort that he could’ve tried taking his coat off. The glance Junpei shot her was embarrassing enough.
“Well, don’t let us interrupt you,” he said cheerfully. “Or, hey, Kotone-chan can go with you! I think she’s still brainstorming something for her newsletter, so I can take Koro-chan back for her.”
She couldn’t help glaring at Junpei even as her whole spine stiffened. “W-why would I go with Aragaki-senpai?” Kotone demanded. “Maybe he wanted to be alone.”
Maybe she’d bothered him enough!
“You idiot,” Junpei whispered, leaning closer to her, “can’t you tell he’s lying?”
“Lying?” Kotone retorted. “About—“
“Didn’t you see him look at you when I asked that question earlier?” he hissed. “Now go get ice cream with him or something.”
He gave her no time to argue, nor Aragaki a chance to insist he did actually want to be alone, just patted Kotone on the shoulder, flashed her a grin, and whistled for Koromaru to follow him on the path back to the dorm.
Kotone had never felt more betrayed in her entire life.
“Is Iori always…weird?” Aragaki wondered.
“Weird, actually,” she said. She swallowed a sigh - the last thing she wanted was for him to think she didn’t want to spend time with him - and tried smiling instead.
Shockingly, it helped take away the sting of Junpei’s betrayal.
What it failed to do was help her forget her recent epiphany - and the way her stomach now quivered with nerves she’d never had before.
Kotone wasn’t usually nervous when interacting with people, so that in itself was an unfamiliar and unpleasant experience. How was she supposed to act normal around Aragaki now? What did “normal” even look like?
Next time Yukari expressed a desire to kill Junpei, she just might become an accessory to murder after all.
Aragaki, at least, had never seemed uncomfortable with silence, and the quiet gave her some time to notice things. He didn’t walk as fast to accommodate her shorter stride, and when he slouched it almost looked like he was trying to shrink himself.
Was it because passersby averted their eyes from him, or swerved around them, or picked up their own paces? She’d noticed those things before, and it annoyed her then, but she’d mostly written them off.
Idiots.
She wasn’t sure how it happened - or, God forbid , if he’d overheard any part of her and Junpei’s hushed conversation before parting - but he ended up buying her an ice cream cone from a convenience store. They settled together on a bench outside, and Kotone felt herself almost relaxing into the routine of it.
(A routine that had only been going for a little more than two weeks, but still…whatever helped settle her nerves.)
He didn’t let her pay him back for the ice cream cone, just like when he’d gotten her tea from Chagall a few evenings ago. “It’s not like I have much else to spend it on,” he protested with a shrug.
“Buy a pasta cooker,” Kotone said, remembering that recording she’d come across in the control room.
“A p-pasta cooker?” he echoed with a cough. “What would I do with something like that?” He tugged the hem of his beanie down.
She smiled; she supposed it was obvious from the recording he wouldn’t particularly want anyone to know its contents. Which was a shame - it wasn’t like it was as…private as some other recordings (she really needed to talk to the chairman about where the cameras should not be in the dorm next time he visited).
In fact, it was…cute, or as cute as a teenage boy almost 180 centimeters tall capable of swinging a giant axe at Shadows could be.
“Save it instead then,” Kotone tried to insist. “Once Tartarus is gone we won’t be making more money like that.”
Aragaki’s perpetual frown deepened, somehow. “No point if I’m not around to spend it then either,” he mumbled.
She opened her mouth to argue, only to close it again. Why did he get like this sometimes, talking as if he expected to…die any day? It was true their missions put them in danger. It was true many of her teammates - including her - had endured tragedy and loss, but Aragaki seemed so…
Maybe he didn’t slouch to shrink himself; maybe it was the weight of those invisible burdens on his shoulders.
She wished she knew the right thing to say; for once, she was at a complete loss. “Well, thank you for the ice cream anyway, senpai,” Kotone said as brightly as she could. She bit into the vanilla ice cream, wincing at the sting of cold in her teeth.
Aragaki raised an eyebrow at her. “You got a little…” He pointed to his nose.
“Oh.” Her face warmed before she wiped the tip of her nose with a napkin. “Did I get it?”
He nodded before glancing away, crossing his arms and leaning back on the bench. It trembled slightly beneath her with the strength of his bouncing leg.
“Why didn’t you get yourself one too, senpai?” Kotone wondered. “Don’t like sweets?”
He shrugged and admitted, “I guess they’re fine, sometimes.”
“Then I could get you one?” she asked hopefully.
“Absolutely not,” he said quickly. Before she could grumble something about feeling like she owed him - or thinking far too much into why he’d so carelessly bought her something, however cheaply - he added, “It’s too cold for ice cream.”
She stared at what was left of hers, frowning; she was comfortable enough in her uniform blazer, even while eating ice cream. “You get cold easily, don’t you, senpai?” she noted. “That’s why you’re always wearing a coat and hat.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Are you sure you’re not the one in SEES with the ice weakness then?” Kotone couldn’t help teasing.
To her surprise - and delight - he snorted. “It is not me,” he said. Before she could think of something else to say - perhaps something that might incite a real, proper smile - he wondered, “So what’s this…newsletter thing Iori mentioned about?”
Her own smile slipped. She tapped her fingers against her thigh, trying to dispel some of her nervous energy that suddenly reared its head again. “It’s just a…silly thing for the library committee,” she said. “You wouldn’t find it very interesting.”
Or you’d think it’s silly too. Or it would make us both uncomfortable.
Aragaki shrugged as he glanced at her. “So?” he said. “Tell me anyway.”
Most of her friends were content to let her change the subject, or to steer the conversation themselves, but not him, not so much. “It’s a…relationship advice column,” Kotone admitted, “but neither me nor Saori - the other library committee member - have much practical experience, so…”
“So you were asking Iori ?” Aragaki said, his eyes wide. “What good is his advice?”
“He had some surprising insights for me,” she said. “Besides, who else would I ask? Surely not Sanada-senpai? Or”–it slipped out before she could stop it–“you, senpai?”
He sputtered, only for it to turn into a whole coughing fit. He sat upright, his face turning red, and Kotone wasn’t sure if she should pat his back or offer him a tissue before she settled on running back into the convenience store.
After buying a bottled water, she returned to find him recovered, to her relief, but his face was still flushed and his voice was hoarse when he thanked her for the water bottle. She perched on the bench beside him, closer than before, while her chest twisted with worry. “Are you sure you’re not sick, senpai?” she wondered. “When this happened at Chagall–”
“It’s not–don’t worry about it, Shiomi,” he said, waving her concern away. “I’m not the one who was laid up for three days after walking home during a typhoon.” He sounded better after drinking a few deep gulps of water, till he’d drained almost half the bottle.
“But–”
“I’m not gonna drop dead mid-coughing fit in Tartarus,” he said. “It’s not what’ll–I’m fine ,” he insisted, his eyes narrowing when they landed on her frowning face.
Her skepticism didn’t fade, despite his assurances. She crossed her arms and scowled, relenting for the moment.
“Besides, you’re the one who said something so…stupid,” Aragaki said.
“Stupid?” Kotone said, frowning. “What? I told you the newsletter is silly.”
“No, not that,” he said. His cheeks darkened again - or maybe the flush from his cough hadn’t faded - as he cleared his throat. “Although you were joking, huh?”
“What are you–oh.” An embarrassed laugh burst from her as her own face warmed. “Yeah, it was a joke,” she said, “unless you do have any ideas?”
Her breath stuck in her lungs as she waited for Aragaki to reply, unsure what, exactly, she wanted him to say at all. She leaned towards him while he stared at her with wide, bewildered eyes.
“O-obviously not!” he said. “Just read a manga or watch a drama or something if you need ideas.”
A sigh escaped Kotone - but it was no more or less than she expected.
And maybe she was a little tiny bit gratified he knew about as much (or as little) as she did.
(And maybe, a small, hopeful voice in her head offered, they could figure it out together.)
Five Signs You Have a Crush
Number 1: The idea of them liking or dating someone else bothers you.
Number 2: They’re always on your mind, and the most random things will remind you of them!
Number 3: Seeing them smile makes you happy, especially if you’re the one who made them smile!
Number 4: You look for them even when you know they’re not there.
Number 5: You want to spend as much time with them as you can, while you can, and no time with them feels wasted.