Chapter Text
When James saw the boy with the grey eyes and curly hair, the world seemed to stop. The door of the Muggle bookstore Remus had dragged him to swung shut behind him, and he vaguely registered the muffled sound of the bell chiming. Remus kept walking without turning around, expecting James to follow, and got lost within the shelves almost immediately. There was someone checking out a book, and he was talking to them, scanning the book. The store wasn’t very large, and the few people who were there were spread out enough that it felt empty. The faint smell of coffee and new books filled the air.
James noticed all of this as he stood there. But at the same time, it was like his entire universe narrowed down to one person. He was handing the book back to the customer- and later, when James remembered this moment, he wouldn’t be able to recall anything about what the customer looked like if his life depended on it. He was turned to the side, curls framing his face, and James could make out his angular features. He reached up to brush a strand of hair behind his ear, drawing James’ attention to the rings on his fingers. He felt the inexplicable urge to hold those hands, to feel the skin beneath his own hands and twist the rings between his fingers. For a moment, he could imagine himself doing it with a familiarity that made him ache, like it was something he’d done countless times before. Then the boy turned, face still angled down to the register, and James saw the eyes.
James felt as though his breath had been knocked out of him. There was something about him, something etched into every curve of his face and hidden deep in his eyes. Something that left James longing for- what, he didn’t know. But it filled him with a sense of warmth and comfort, even though he didn’t know who this person was. He knew him from somewhere. That was the only explanation.
But it wasn’t possible. If James had met him before, someone like him, he surely would have remembered. And yet he so sure this wasn’t the first time he’d seen him before. It was as if he already knew what how the boy’s hand would feel in his, and the way his hair would look if he ran his fingers through the curls. He thought that if he got closer, he would be able to see hints of blue within the grey eyes. His smile would be the most beautiful thing James had ever seen, if he could just get him to laugh. His lips would be soft to the touch, despite the sharp features of his face.
But James had no idea how he knew these things. He couldn’t remember where he had seen the stranger before, if he ever had.
James realized that he had been standing there for quite a bit of time. Remus would notice that he hadn’t moved from the entrance of the bookstore. He was about to turn around when the stranger looked up and saw James.
The moment their gazes met, it was like something formed between them, something almost tangible that James wanted to reach out and hold close to his chest. It was like a puzzle piece falling into place, revealing a picture that he couldn’t see. The stranger’s eyes were like thunderclouds, striking James with lightning every second that he looked at him. James felt as though his was pinned under his gaze, unable to look away or even move. Every inch of his skin felt alight, humming like he felt the stranger’s stare on him like a touch. In his eyes, James could see entire worlds, lifetimes of history buried somewhere within the grey.
His eyes were a fucking storm.
James saw the eyes widened for a split second, and a countless array of expressions passed over the stranger’s face, too fast for James to make out. Neither of them looked away. James was afraid that the minute he did, whatever spell that was between then would break.
Almost instinctively, James took a step forward. The stranger took a step back, a flash of alarm showing on his face. James froze, eye still fixed on the stranger’s. The stranger looked momentarily embarrassed before his expression schooled into something more controlled, something James couldn’t see through. Still both of them held the gaze, the bond of whatever had been created when their eyes clashed.
“Prongs?” James’ eyes darted over to Remus for a second before he looked back at the stranger. Just like that, the trance they’d been in broke. The boy exhaled, stepping back up to the counter and dropping his hands against the register. James realized he had also been holding his breath and took in a small gulp of air, turning to Remus. Turning away from the stranger.
“Sorry, Moony, I was just-“ James wasn’t sure exactly what he had been planning to say, but he cut off when he realized Remus was staring at the stranger, looking puzzled. The boy was now looking down at the register, not really doing anything, but seemingly refusing to look back up.
“Do we know him from somewhere?” Remus asked quietly.
“I don’t think-“ Before James could finish, Remus started walking toward the stranger, leaving James standing at the front of the store.
James muttered a curse, looking around the store like he could find an answer as to what he was supposed to do. He glanced at the door behind him, wondering if he could just leave and pretend none of this ever happened. But there was a part of him that was itching to go to the stranger, to talk to him and learn his name and find out if his smile was really as beautiful as he thought it would be. When James followed Remus, it was like he was being pulled forward with a magnet.
The boy looked back up, eyes widening again when he noticed that they were right in front of him. He looked between the two of them before his eyes caught onto Remus. James felt an irrational urge to push Remus out of the way, to have the stranger’s gaze on him again.
James noticed the stranger’s face tightening when he looked at Remus, something like pain flashing over his features. Then his face went blank. A mask seemed to fall over his face, blocking out all emotions. A wall formed somewhere withing his eyes, hiding the storm from James.
“Can I help you?” The stranger asked, looking back down at the register.
James inhaled quietly. The stranger’s voice sounded like an old song he’d heard before, something he forgot he knew until he was listening to it. It was smooth and washed over James like a gentle wave, settling deep inside him. James wanted the boy to keep talking and never stop. He wanted to hear the stranger say his name, to whisper it to him with a familiarity as though it was his own.
Remus hesitated before saying, “Have I- have we met before?”
The stranger started fiddling with the ring on his thumb, turning it around with two of his fingers. James’ attention caught on the movement, momentarily distracted before he started talking again.
“No, I don’t think we have,” The boy said.
“Are you sure?” Remus persisted. “I feel like I’ve seen you before.”
“Well I’ve never seen you,” The boy snapped, words suddenly much sharper than they were before. Remus reeled back in shock. The boy closed his eyes, sighing, then opened them again, looking back up at Remus.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have- just- do you have anything you want to check out?” He seemed to be forcing the words out, voice rougher than it had been earlier.
Remus watched the stranger for a moment, looking as though he was trying to figure something out. James wished he knew what was going on in his head. Eventually, Remus handed over three books James just noticed him holding. The boy took them from him silently, refusing to meet either of their eyes.
The silence felt too heavy, even as it was punctuated by the beeping of the Muggle device the boy used to scan the book (whatever that meant- James never understood when Remus tried to explain it). It felt too quiet, which James could never stand. His skin started to crawl, until he felt like he had to say something, anything.
“I’m James,” James blurted. “James Potter.”
Both the stranger and Remus turned to him, and James silently cursed himself, wishing he didn’t sound so awkward. Neither of them said anything at first, and James felt his face go hot. Then the stranger turned away and stacked the books up, sliding them toward Remus.
“Regulus,” The stranger said softly. His looked back up at James and their eyes met again. James’ breath hitched when he saw the storm raging within the boy’s eyes again. He felt as though he could be swept away by the winds and pulled beneath the rapids.
Regulus.
“Nice to meet you, Regulus,” James said just as softly.
Regulus blinked and looked back at Remus, telling him his total for the books. Remus shot James a strange look as he pulled out a plastic card, something that apparently had Muggle money in it.
James leaned against the counter, smiling at Regulus. “Just Regulus, then?” He loved the way the name felt on his tongue. Regulus. “No last name?”
“Not one that you would know, Potter,” Regulus said.
James frowned. “Call me James.”
Regulus hit his elbow against the edge of the counter and cursed. He took a step back, rubbing his arm, and glared at James like it was somehow his fault.
“Are you okay? Here, let me see,” James said, running around the side of the counter to where Regulus was standing. He knew it wasn’t a big deal, really, but he just wanted to be closer to Regulus.
Regulus took a step back when James approached him, holding his hand behind his back like he was protecting it. James tried to offer him a comforting smile, to tell him it was okay, that he could be trusted. Instead, Regulus flinched away from him, eyes darting to the ground. James backed up a little, smiled faltering.
Regulus looked back up at him, the hesitation evident in his eyes. James smiled again but didn’t step forward. He thought he saw the hint of pain he’d seen earlier flash through his eyes again. Regulus bit his bottom lip them stepped forward again, offering James his arm. James reached forward slowly, careful to not spook him again. It felt fragile, whatever was happening between them. James felt as though a single sharp movement would make Regulus run.
He cupped Regulus’ elbow in both of his hands as gentle as he could, like he was handling glass, and leaned his head down so that they would be eye level, if James only dared to look up. He kept his gaze locked on his hands, running them over Regulus’ elbow with feather-light touches. James was aware of the close proximity between the two of them. He could feel the few inches separating them like it was something tangible, like electricity was emanating off of Regulus.
“Everything seems fine,” James whispered, glancing up. He was a bit startled by the way Regulus’ eyes were fixed on him with an intensity that caught him off guard. They were smoldering, weighing on him with a weight that both trapped him and felt exhilarating. From this close, he could make out the blue tinge to Regulus’ eyes, just like he thought he would. James wasn’t sure how he’d known that, but it just felt right, like anything else would have been ridiculous.
Regulus cleared his throat and stepped back, dropping his arm back down to his side. James suddenly felt cold, losing the spark of electricity that seemed to fill the air around Regulus. He already missed the feeling of Regulus’ skin under his fingertips.
“Is there anything else you need?” James startled, realizing Regulus was addressing Remus, who was glancing between the two of them with raised eyebrows. In all honestly, James had forgotten Remus was standing there.
“Um- no, that’s it, thank you,” Remus said slowly, narrowing his eyes at Regulus. “Prongs, you coming?”
James nodded, avoiding Remus’ eyes as he ran around the counter to him.
“See you later?” James asked, grinning at Regulus. Remus started making his way toward the door and James followed, walking backwards so he didn’t have to look away from Regulus.
“I don’t think so, Potter,” Regulus said quietly.
James stumbled over a bookshelf and Remus reached out to him steadying him. He turned toward the door and followed Remus out, calling out behind him, “Until next time, Reg!”
Through the doorway, James spared one last glance inside the bookstore and nearly stopped in his tracks. Regulus was hunched over the counter, all the blood drained from his face. he looked as though he had just seen a ghost. James wasn’t sure what he had said that made him react that way, but before he could convince himself to go back inside the store, the door swung shut behind him and Regulus’ face was cut from his sight.
“What was that?” Remus asked, dragging James off toward the secluded alleyway they had apparated into.
James glanced back in the direction of the bookstore wistfully.
“I don’t know,” He muttered, grabbing Remus’ arm and letting him apparate the both of them back to the flat.
“No really, what was that?” Remus asked again, letting go of James’ arm.
“What was what?” Sirius asked from where he was sprawled out on the couch in their living room.
“Oh, you’re home,” James said, ignoring Remus. “How was work?”
Sirius opened his mouth but Remus cut him off before he could say anything. “Do you know that guy?”
“What guy?” Sirius asked.
“If I did, I would have definitely remembered.” James pushed Sirius’ legs off the couch and sat down, leaning his head back and sighing. “Did you see his eyes, Moony?”
“Wha-“
“No, he was too busy staring at you. Like he couldn’t look away.”
James perked up. “You think so?”
“What do you-“
“But that’s not possible, is it? I mean, he’s a Muggle. How would he know you?” Remus wondered.
“Hey!” Sirius sat up and swatted at James’ arm. “What are you talking about?”
“The bookstore clerk,” James said with a dopey smile.
“James fell in love with a Muggle boy,” Remus supplied.
Sirius gasped. “No!”
“I didn’t fall in love,” James said. “He’s just the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.”
“Other than me, right?” Sirius asked. James bit his lip, trying not to smile. “Prongs!”
“You haven’t seen his eyes, Pads. They’re so-“ James groaned, reaching his hands forward like he could grasp the perfect word to depict Regulus.
“I can’t face this betrayal.” Sirius scowled and made a grabby gesture toward Remus. “Moony, hold me!”
Remus rolled his eyes and ignored him. “I’m going to go make dinner. But James- be careful with Regulus, okay? There’s something about him…”
James, having heard none of what Remus told him, turned to Sirius with a dopey smile. “He’s so lovely, Pads.”
“Oh, you’re in deep,” Sirius chuckled. “Tell me about him.”
“He’s so beautiful,” James said earnestly.
“You’ve mentioned that,” Sirius said dryly.
“When I look at him, it’s like he’s the only person that matters.”
Sirius’ eyes sparkled. “He must really be something.”
“He is,” James said. “There’s something about him, Pads. I can feel it.”
“Do you actually know anything about him?” Sirius asked skeptically. “Other than where he works, I mean.”
“And his-“
“Eyes, I got that. Very pretty.”
James pouted. “Well, I’m going back tomorrow.” He brightened again at the thought.
Sirius smirked. “Try not to make a fool of yourself.”
James went back the next day.
Regulus was alone at the register this time. James’ breath caught in his chest when he saw Regulus standing there, skin humming in his presence. The bell chimed above him chimed as the door swung shut behind him, and Regulus glanced up at him again.
This time, his eyes flickered away almost immediately. James frowned but didn’t let it deter him.
“Hey, stranger!” James called, sauntering up to the counter.
“Potter,” Regulus said shortly, fiddling with the register. “You came back.”
There was a mix of disbelief and disdain in his voice, along with something else James couldn’t pick out. James tried to read his expression, to understand what he was thinking, but the wall was back up. His face looked carefully sculpted, designed to hide his emotions.
“I- um…” James tried to think of something to say that would hold Regulus’ attention, or at least get him to look up. He could’ve sworn he’d planned this out the night before. Now, his mind was painfully blank.
“Do you need a book?” Regulus asked without any infliction.
“Yes! That!” James grinned. “I came for a book!”
Silence. Then Regulus sighed. “What book, Potter?”
Right. James wracked his brain, trying to remember the names of and Muggle literature book. Remus had loads of them- James had even read a few before. Once again, his mind was utterly useless. He didn’t suppose he could say The Tales of Beetle the Bard and get away with it. At the very least, it would stump Regulus for a bit.
“Uh- what do you think?” James asked, then internally winced.
Regulus finally looked up in his direction- still not directly at him- bewildered. “What do… I think?”
“I mean-“ James began to sweat. “The books! Do you- do you know any good ones?”
Regulus tilted his head to the side. James found himself distracted by a collection of faint freckles spread over the bridge of his nose. “I work at a bookstore, and you’re asking me if I know any good books?”
James scratched the back of his neck nervously, then sighed. “Alright, I don’t really need a book.”
“Shocker,” Regulus muttered before returning his attention to the counter in front of him.
James took a moment to study the boy in front of him. He was beautiful- utterly, jaw-droppingly, gorgeous. But there was something about him that put James on edge, that made the hairs on his arm stand straight. He wasn’t sure why, but being in his presence made James feel like alarm bells were ringing in his head. It didn’t feel wrong, exactly, just more alert. Like he had to pay close attention to everything that happened, or he could miss something life-changing in the span of a blink.
And there was so much more to Regulus than what James had seen. He could just tell that there was a whole universe behind the walls Regulus had constructed. James wanted to be let in, to be a part of it like it was his own.
But first he had to get Regulus to look at him.
“Potter,” Regulus said.
“Yes?” James answered distractedly.
“Move out of the way.”
James blinked and turned, then realized there was another customer standing behind him. He apologized to them and moved, taking the opportunity to make his way around the counter to Regulus’ side. The only acknowledgement he saw on Regulus’ end was a slight tilt of the head in his direction- seemingly subconsciously- before he ignored James in favor of the customer.
James drummed his fingers against the countertops, trying to wait patiently until the customer left. When they did, Regulus still didn’t acknowledge the fact that he was there.
“Are you from around here?” James asked awkwardly.
“I work here,” Regulus said.
“That doesn’t really answer-“
“What are you doing here?” Regulus interrupted. “And don’t lie this time.”
James swallowed. “I wanted to see you again.”
Regulus picked at the bottom of his shirt. “Why?”
“Because I like you?” James bit his lip, trying not to cringe. Nothing he was saying seemed to come out right.
“You don’t know me.” Regulus said, almost inaudibly.
“But I want to.”
At that, Regulus looked at him, and finally, those grey eyes were trained on him again. Regulus took a step toward him, and they were suddenly much closer than James was prepared for. Not as much as they had been the day before, but this was worse, somehow. More intimate. The store was much more empty than yesterday, and Remus wasn’t watching them this time.
“You don’t know what you’re saying,” Regulus said in a low voice, eyes flashing dangerously.
Regulus leaned forward, and James felt his mind go blank. Really, Regulus shouldn’t expect him to hold a proper conversation when he was standing that close and looking at him like that.
James’ eyes flickered down to Regulus’ lips. For the briefest amount of time, James thought he saw Regulus mirror him. Then he stepped away from him, expression closing up again.
“Go home, Potter,” Regulus said, turning his face away like he was trying to hide it.
“Wait!” James reached out and grabbed Regulus’ wrist. Regulus tensed, and James immediately let go. “Sorry. Just- I do know what I’m saying. You’re right, I don’t know you, but I want to, if you’ll let me.”
Regulus studied his face, looking as though he was appraising him. He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t stop him either, so James took it as a sign to continue.
Well, he was put in Gryffindor for a reason. “Do you want to go out on a date with me?” James said quickly, before he could second-guess himself. “We could go out for dinner, or get something to drink, or whatever you want to do. Or if it’s too soon, we could just- hang out or something.”
James bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from rambling. He looked at Regulus, who had his eyes shut tight, looking pained, and wished he could take everything back.
“You know what, forget I said anything,” James said frantically. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t- that was too fast, I know, we could just-“
“Stop.” Regulus said, voice tight. He opened his eyes, and James startled when he realized that they were red-rimmed. “I can’t”
“You can’t,” James repeated.
Regulus let out a small, fractured breath.
“But you want to?”
“Please don’t,” Regulus whispered, voice breaking.
“Why not?” James asked. “I want this. I can tell you want this. What’s stopping you?”
“I just can’t, James.” Regulus sounded like he was on the verge of breaking down. “Please, just leave it.”
James paused. He could see a small tear welling in Regulus’ right eye, and the way he was angling his body away from him. He felt a wave of horror wash over him, knowing he’d brought Regulus to tears.
“Alright,” James said, trying to sound gentle. Regulus startled, like he hadn’t expected James to back down that quickly. “Okay. I’m sorry for pushing.”
Regulus sighed. “Go home, Potter,” he repeated, his voice cracking when he said home.
James nodded, then hesitated. He brought his hand up toward Regulus’ face, slowly to give him the time to back away if he wanted. Regulus’ face seemed to be flickering between expressions, like he wasn’t sure what to think, but he didn’t stop him. James cupped his cheek, reveling in the way Regulus leaned into the touch. He brought his thump up and swept it lightly over Regulus’ lower eyelid, wiping away the tear that had leaked out.
“I won’t ask again,” James said, seeing the way Regulus shivered when his breath touched his face. “I promise. But I’ll come back tomorrow. And we don’t have to mention any of this conversation again if you don’t want, but I’d like it if you didn’t shut me out.”
Regulus opened his mouth, then closed it again. James pulled his hand away and began to walk back around the counter, watching the way Regulus trailed his path with his eyes. James smiled at him, suddenly feeling a lot more awkward, and turned around and clumsily made his way toward the door.
Just before he was out of earshot, he heard Regulus whisper behind him, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Things were considerably more awkward now. Regulus was somehow avoiding James more than he had been earlier. James could tell he was embarrassed, possibly at his display of emotion the other day. James wanted him to know there was nothing to be embarrassed by. But he couldn’t figure out how to break the silence.
“So…” James tapped the back of his heel against the wall behind him. He was on Regulus’ side of the register this time. Regulus had shot him a look when he’d walked over like he’d been invited, but he didn’t seem upset, so James didn’t move.
It seemed to be a slow day. Or, actually, based on what James had seen the past two days, every day seemed to be a slow day. James wondered how the place was still running if every day was like this. But this specific day, at the moment, the shop was completely empty, save for the two of them. And with no possibility of a distraction and the awkward silence between him and Regulus, James’ thoughts ran wild.
He wondered why he was still coming back. Surely, anyone else would have backed off after being rejected the first time. And honestly, James liked to think he had learned his lesson after finally accepting to let go of his crush on Lily. But like he had told Sirius, there was just something about him. Something special. And he was fully aware that he didn’t really know Regulus, more than two short conversations (if those disasters could even be considered conversations) between them. Still, it felt as though being around him was just right, somehow. Maybe it was intuition, or something else, but it felt important.
Of course, he would keep his promise. He wasn’t going to make that mistake again, not after realizing how much of a prick he had been to Lily. If Regulus never wanted anything more from James than friendship, he would respect that. James thought it would be enough to just be around him, even if the thought made his stomach pang.
Despite that, James was curious as to why Regulus turned him down. He might not have had the best history with romance, but he was almost certain that Regulus had wanted to say yes to him the previous day. He wanted to ask, but, other than the fact that he had promised not to, James didn’t want to see Regulus get upset again.
James glanced over to Regulus, who was still avidly ignoring him. The longer his mind wandered, the more he started thinking about what if. What would have happened if Regulus had agreed to go out with him. Maybe they would have gone to dinner together. Maybe it would have gone well, and Regulus would have agreed to a second date. Maybe James would have introduced Regulus to all his friends. He thought that Sirius would really like him. And maybe they would kiss, and James would finally find out how soft Regulus’ lips were.
James soon found himself lost in a daydream where they were in the astronomy tower of Hogwarts, and Regulus pointed out all the constellations to him. How that could possibly happen, he had no idea, especially since he had graduated a year ago, (and Regulus was a Muggle. That too) but it was nice to think about.
“Do you like astronomy?” James blurted out.
Regulus jumped and turned to James with a startled look. “Do I- what?”
“I mean, you’re names after a star, so…” It was something he had discovered the first night after he met Regulus. Not that he looked him up or anything. James felt himself go red. “Never mind, forget I said anything.”
Regulus shook his head. “No, I… yes, I do.”
James smiled, relieved that they were finally talking. “You would love my old school. We had an astronomy class, and you could see all the stars from there.”
“That sounds nice,” Regulus said quietly. His voice sounded sad and a bit wistful. James silently berated himself, wondering why he couldn’t say anything without upsetting Regulus somehow.
“You know, my best mate’s named after a star, too,” James said.
Regulus leaned back against the counter and stared at him for a moment, his face carefully blank. James felt on edge not knowing what he was thinking.
“Is he, now?” Regulus asked, voice strained.
“Yeah, Sirius. It’s a family thing.” Regulus hummed noncommittally. James saw his eyes flash and decided he should change the subject. “You know, I meant it when I said I wanted to get to know you.”
Regulus swallowed. “And I meant it when I said nothing can happen.”
“It doesn’t matter,” James said. “Even if we can’t be… well, more than this, it’s enough. Being here is enough.”
Regulus closed his eyes and rubbed his hands over them. When he opened them again, the cold, calculating look was back. “Okay. What do you want to know?”
James’ face split into a grin. “What’s your favorite color?”
Regulus raised an eyebrow. “Really? That’s what you start with?”
James shrugged. “It’s an important question!”
Regulus shook his head, exasperated. “Just like last time,” he muttered under is breath.
James faltered, but before he could question what he meant, Regulus answered, “Green. Like… a forest, green. Dark, but calming at the same time.”
James smiled at the thoughtful expression on Regulus’ face.
“What’s yours?” Regulus asked, making James realize that he had been openly staring for a few seconds too long.
“Er- red,” James said. “Bright red, like the best moments of a sunrise. It reminds me of home.” Regulus raised an eyebrow, which James took as a sign to continue. “Well, not home, home, but a boarding school I went to since I was eleven.” His voice turned more wistful as he kept talking. “That’s where I grew up and met all of my friends. Even though we all graduated a year ago, I still miss it.”
Regulus’ face softened. “I know what you mean. I hated school when I was still in it, but now I miss my old life.”
James heard a deep undertone of sadness beneath the words. “Reg…”
“Next question.”
James tried to meet his eyes, but Regulus averted his gaze. He sighed and asked, “Do you go to Uni?”
That was something Muggles did, right? He remembered Lily talking about how she might go “for a backup,” whatever that meant.
“No,” Regulus said, voice sounding small.
James winced, realizing he kept hitting sore subjects. “Well- I- I mean, me neither, so-“
“Look- Potter,” Regulus interrupted. “Maybe you should just go.”
A heavy feeling of dread settled itself into James’ stomach. “Wait- Regulus, no-“
Regulus turned his back to James and returned to the register- a clear dismissal, leaving no room for argument. James swallowed and walked back around the counter, making his way to the front of the store. He turned back one last time, but Regulus was starkly turned away, focused on whatever was so important about his register. James’ mind filled with regrets as he thought about everything he’d just done wrong. He shouldn’t have pushed too hard, shouldn’t have come on too strong and too fast, just- should have been too much. James knew that he was a lot to deal with most days but when it came to Regulus, he couldn’t help himself.
“Potter,” Regulus called softly as James opened the door. James turned, but Regulus still didn’t look over at him. “See you tomorrow,” he whispered.
James stared at him for a moment, then his mind caught up to the words, and he smiled.
“Tomorrow,” James promised.
“I never finished school,” Regulus explained. “I left after my… well, before my last year, a year ago.”
“Oh,” James said, not sure how to respond. Left from where, he wanted to ask, but he was afraid of overstepping again. Regulus seemed to be in a better mood today, but James was wary of saying something that would make him close up again. There didn’t appear to be any sort of pattern for what made Regulus upset- at least not as far as James could see, but there had to be something that was hurting him. James was afraid that it was himself.
“Me and Barty run this place.” Regulus beckoned to the rest of the bookstore, which was, once again, completely empty spare the two of them.
“Barty?” James asked. “I’ve never seen him around here, have I?”
Regulus shook his head. “An old friend from school. He come around occasionally, but he doesn’t actually work in the store- that’s me. Barty handles the financial aspects and all the legalities of it.”
James gave Regulus an awed look, surprised that he had spoken this much entirely unprompted. It wasn’t much in the long run, but it was the most Regulus had shared about himself so far.
“What about you?” Regulus coughed. “I mean, what do you do?”
“I’m a professional Qui-“ James paled. “I, um… I’m a professional sports player.”
Regulus raised his eyebrows, looking amused. “What sport?”
James scratched the side of his head. “…football.”
Regulus’ eyes glinted. “You don’t sound so sure.”
“No, I-“ James lost his train of thought when Regulus broke into a smile. It was a small one, just an upturn of the corner of his lips, but a smile nonetheless. His entire face seemed to light up as his features softened, not so cold and sharp anymore.
Regulus noticed him staring and scowled. “What?” He demanded.
“Nothing, you just… look beautiful when you’re happy.” James delighted in the way a faint blush crawled up Regulus’ cheeks at the compliment.
“You make this so hard, Potter,” Regulus mumbled.
“What was that?” James asked, frowning.
“Nothing,” Regulus sighed in a resigned tone.
“No, it wasn’t,” James argued. “Look, I know I said I wouldn’t push, but if there’s something I’m doing to make you feel uncomfortable-“
“You’re not,” Regulus said. “James, none of this is your fault.”
There it was again. Regulus alluding to something James didn’t understand with a heaviness in his voice, like there was more to what he was saying. But then his mind caught on what he had said and he smiled.
“You called me James,” he said stupidly, sounding dazed.
Regulus turned red and scowled. “Shut up, Potter.”
James laughed, a warm feeling settling in his chest. There was something in the way Regulus said his name that made it sound different- better- than how anyone else said it.
“But Regulus,” James began, serious now. “If I ever do overstep or push too hard, you would tell me, right? I don’t ever want to make you uncomfortable.”
Regulus stared at him for a long moment. Then, slowly, he reached out a hand, palm turned upward in invitation.
“I won’t bite, Potter,” Regulus said when James stared at him for a bit too long.
James shook off his surprise and placed his own hand in Regulus’, just as slowly in case he changed his mind and pulled away. Regulus laced their fingers together and pulled James closer to him.
“I’m sorry I make things hard,” Regulus said quietly. James wanted to argue, but this felt too important to interrupt. “But you didn’t- you didn’t do anything. You’re perfect, like always. This is- it’s my fault. Everything’s my fault.” Regulus looked at him wide-eyed and desperate, like he was pleading with him. “I’m sorry, James.”
“No, don’t- you don’t have to apologize,” James said. “Can I- hug you?” he asked tentatively.
Regulus hesitated for a moment before nodding, and James wrapped his arms around him. Regulus leaned into the touch and buried his head in the crook of James’ neck.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Regulus whispered.
“You’re right, I don’t,” James admitted. He was curious, but he wasn’t going to ask. Not right then, anyway. Probably not anytime soon. “But we have time, love. I meant it when I said I’ll keep coming back. Take your time, and when you’re ready, I’m still going to be here.”
Regulus let out a slow breath that brushed over James’ neck, making him shiver.
“I don’t deserve you,” he said quietly, almost like a confession.
“On the contrary,” James said, “I could live a thousand years and never understand how I got this lucky, to be holding you like this.”
At that, Regulus slipped his hands around James’ waist and pulled himself closer, and they didn’t let go of each other for a long time.