Work Text:
Soon, it will be his turn in the circle, part of a chorus of children announcing the parts of themselves that they despised the most.
Write one thing about yourself that you would like to change.
It is only a school activity, nothing more. There were other questions, asking about favourite colours and detested seasons, the number of siblings and the dearest of pets. They were done with those questions, though- the third act was approaching its climax, and its prime actor- Hibiki Wataru- had to act perfectly to draw out the denouement.
Nose, eyes, hair, voice, lips, fingers, fear, courage- more words repeat again and again among these adolescents.
Wataru is not one of them. He is a performer, so his hair is a different length every day, and his voice itself contains a thousand other voices, and his lips can take any shape, and he can conjure up fear, courage, pain, joy, anything at the snap of a finger. // Even still, there is only one word for his eyes- cold.
Naturally, someone so different would wind up writing something different.
One more child says “my face”, one more child says “my voice”, one more child, and now Wataru.
A performer lies, but a student is honest. A genius knows much, but a child is curious.
// If only this were not before the time Wataru was called a genius, then so much unnecessary dialogue could be cut out of this play.
“My personality,” he shares. His classmates wince at his cheer. They always do.
Well, even if he was playing the role of a student, it appears that he wasn’t all too honest. You cannot change something without having some sort of dominion or ownership over it, and you cannot own something that does not exist, but it's not as if anyone would ask. No one could ask him if he had a personality to begin with- it would break the script.
“That isn’t possible,” his teacher instructs. She took care to address all the points that the children made, and guide them towards self-acceptance, so Wataru folds his hands over the table, waiting for the practiced lines to tumble out of her mouth.
“Hibiki-kun, I can understand why you used the word ‘personality’, but that would be wrong. The word that you are looking for is ‘behaviour’. You are who you are- what lies in your heart cannot be changed, but it is always possible to become better in our actions.”
// She does not understand. She cannot understand.
Toying with the paper mask in his desk, he waits, and waits, and waits, but that is the end. The script slips, and Wataru’s mouth, seeking for words to fill in the silence, says:
“I’m not talking about behaviour.”
He does not recognize that voice.
The teacher recoils. His classmates start to whisper. The spotlight shines on him, and him alone, always alone.
// What even is a personality? The cocky magician is cruel, even if he is helpful behind the scenes; the rambling drunk is a fool, but never tell that to him while he is sober; the baby is an angel, so long as it does not cry outside if the bedroom. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, which is why we try to bring the best before the eye to become beautiful. We are all performers, are we not?
// Who is Hibiki Wataru? What you say is not what he will say. What he says is not what she will say. What she says is not what I will say. Does the name Hibiki Wataru belong to the actor, or the character?
// These are not the words of an entertainer- who would be entertained by such drivel? The audience is still watching. Act.
A student shouldn’t talk back like that- it already took so long to write out the script for Hibiki Wataru, the elementary school student. He can recover. The show must go on.
“... or maybe I am~! How was that, Sensei?”
Everyone rolls their eyes. He can see his teacher sigh, accustomed to his antics. This is how it is. The spotlight is gone, the script has returned, and all is as it has always been- as it should be.
"Is that really what you wrote, Hibiki-kun?"
Wataru only smiles as the teacher moves onto the next student. // His pencil did not even touch the paper. To change yourself, there must be a "you" to change.
// After this year, Wataru will retire from his role as a confusing child. That will give him time to prepare a better script, a better mask, a better act. There must be some other play.