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Rin wasn’t sure what he had done to deserve this.
He also wasn’t sure what he could do to get rid of this .
This, being the tail that had seemingly attached itself to him ever since the Neo Egoist league began, always trailing along behind him with a pep in its step, following him wherever he went.
It didn’t help that when they had chosen rooms in the PXG stratum, Rin’s only qualifications for his roomates were“not Shidou”, which landed him in a room with Tokimitsu and some guy with weird hair and weird eyes. Rin only remembered his name because it reminded him of the movie Akira.
And oh yeah. His little parasite. Nanase.
At first, Rin could ignore him for the most part. He was excitable, sure, but he always did what was required of him in practice. He was determined, and while rough around the edges and definitely not up to Rin’s own level of play, he didn’t slow him down during practice.
Every other aspect of his day however? Nanase was just there .
It was like he had attuned himself to Rin’s schedule, and kept pace with him every moment of every day.
Morning? Time for breakfast? Nanase was dressed and ready to go, a sweatband around his throat like a necklace, sitting on the edge of his bed waiting for Rin to finish getting dressed. He was polite, and didn’t stare (though Rin somewhat suspected that he wanted to), but as soon as he had pulled his shirt over his head, Nanase was on his feet, smiling away, asking if he wanted to go eat before morning practice.
Which was a stupid question. Because duh. Of course he did. Breakfast was one of the most important meals of the day, but he had a whole routine to attend to before he made it down to the cafeteria.
Nanase never batted an eye when he said no, he was going to go do some morning yoga and meditation before heading down to eat. He just smiled, asking if he could come along too because that sounded like a good idea! He felt like he was a bit tight, he explained, and Rin didn’t have a good enough reason to tell him he couldn’t come.
But he always gave him a reason to kick him out.
“Be quiet, don’t disturb me and don’t make me feel rushed. If you do, you can just leave.”
Nanase would nod sternly, taking a seat on the ground behind Rin to make sure he wasn’t in the way. He always kept quiet, like Rin asked, but every once in a while, Rin would hear a little huff or grunt as he tried to mimic his yoga routine. Nowhere near as flexible as he, but then again, not many teenage boys were. Nanase struggled to keep up, but never stopped trying. He did his best, and hopped right to his feet when Rin turned around to tell him he was done.
Rin often heard his stomach growling towards the end of his routine as well.
“You don’t have to wait for me if you’re hungry,” Rin offered, trying to give the other boy an out in case he was too embarrassed to leave on his own after making a commitment. But Nanase never accepted it for some unknown reason. He simply said that he liked doing Yoga with Rin. He liked spending his mornings with Rin.
That was a concept truly beyond his understanding.
He liked being around him? That wasn’t something he heard often, if ever. Rin wasn’t friendly. He wasn’t nice . He didn’t make things easy . He didn’t try to, because he didn’t need people hovering around him, holding onto every word he said like it held some sort of power that Rin didn’t understand.
He didn’t want a happy go lucky, goodie two shoes kind of guy like Nanase hovering around him 24/7.
Even if he wasn’t a nuisance. Even if he wasn’t in the way. Simply having him there was throwing Rin off his game, because Rin didn’t understand why he was there.
He didn’t understand why Nanase shuffled along beside him on the way to breakfast, or why he chose to sit at the same table as him when Rin didn’t respond to 90% of the things he said. Nanase still chattered away, unphased, and encouraged others to sit near them as well. Their Japanese and French teammates alike, gathered around their table, causing his tolerance for idle chit chat to really be tested. Rin always thought he could slip away then, when Nanase was distracted in conversation with one of their teammates, but it was only a few moments after escaping from the cafeteria that Rin heard it.
That bright, perpetually peppy voice and the slaps of bare feet running down the hallway to catch him.
“Rin-kun, wait for me!”
He sighed, rubbing his forehead as he came to a stop. There was Nanase again, trailing behind him with a big smile on his face.
“What’s up first for practice today?”
Rin could never shake him after that.
He was always there.
Doing exactly what Rin said of course, because that made it easier. He wanted to be a better striker, so of course, he would follow Rin's heels because he was the best striker here. Mimicking him, doing exactly what he did. A look of quiet determination always on his face. Wanting to capture Rin’s secrets to success, even though he had a completely different play style and a different body type that wouldn’t allow them to do the same things.
Nanase would never be Rin, or even come close to being like him.
So why was he still just there ?
Rin didn’t understand.
Just like he didn’t understand why when it was time to end the day and most players retreated into their own bubbles to spend some time alone , Nanase still insisted on staying right by his side.
Watching films of the other teams, he was there, sitting on a cushion to Rin’s left, commenting on the plays and asking questions about what Rin thought of the player’s on the screen.
During his wind down routine, when all Rin wanted was some quiet self-care time, Nanase was there, trying once more to follow along with a yoga set that was beyond his current skill level. Rin tried to pay him no mind, but even when he stayed quiet for the duration of the set, Nanase still barraged him with commentary and questions the moment he was done.
Even in the baths and showers, which while completely innocent, sometimes Rin just wanted a moment.
Pure quiet.
Peace.
He needed to clear his mind fully at the end of a long day, but with Nanase there, he couldn’t do that because he was always anticipating. Always on edge.
What would he say next? Would it be something Rin needed to respond to? Would he insist on accompanying him to dinner again , and like breakfast, invite the whole team to sit with them?
If it was just Nanase, it would have been fine. But it was never just Nanase, because Nanase always insisted on sharing his time and space without permission.
He just wanted…. A moment.
“God, can you leave me the fuck alone for five minutes?” Rin snapped after dinner, turning around with his arms crossed over his chest as Nanase once again followed behind him.
A lost puppy. No master to call his own.
Nanase looked sad, as if Rin had just slapped him across the face. A kicked, lost puppy, he took a step back, moving away from him.
“Yeah… Sorry, Rin-kun…”
He looked as if he had more to say, but he hung his head and didn’t say it, staring at his bare feet. He didn’t move again as Rin turned around and stalked off towards another area of the stratum. One where he could hopefully find some peace.
And quiet.
Climbing into bed that night, he didn’t expect the quiet to last into the next morning.
Nanase was already gone when he woke that morning, having already headed off to breakfast with Akira. Tokimitsu was still there, and he seemed just as confused as Rin to see that Nanase was not still there waiting for him to wake, but Rin didn’t question it.
This was just what he wanted, right?
Just like he wanted an unbothered morning yoga session, and a quiet breakfast. Rin didn’t mind one bit that he didn’t even have to use his voice until he stepped onto the practice field, greeting some of the other players as they greeted him, wishing him a good morning.
By lunch time, a handful of their teammates noticed the quiet. Nanase was silent, his lips pressed shut through a forced smile. He practiced with some of the other guys, and kept his distance, practicing on the opposite half of the field from Rin. His teammates asked Rin what was wrong, as if Rin would know.
They weren’t friends like that.
Maybe he woke up on the wrong side of the bed?
Rin didn’t know, but it was hard to convince himself that he didn’t care. Because, he didn’t know if he didn’t care, or if the silence was just so strange that it was off putting and put him on edge. It was strange to think that he had grown used to Nanase tailing him, but maybe he had.
Another day passed, and it was now obvious to anyone that was watching that Nanase was avoiding sharing space with Rin outside of sleeping hours.
They were the subject of gossip, which Rin hated, the other guys teasing him that they had broken up. That now they were on the outs, and Rin would now have to find a new boy to bully and boss around.
As if they knew him, or knew anything about what his time with Nanase was like.
Nanase was like a thorn in his side most days, or a puzzle piece that didn’t quite fit. Jammed into the picture, forcing its way into a spot it didn’t fit, but fitting right there nonetheless.
Rin suspected that this must be what it was like to have a little brother….and wondered briefly if maybe that was why his own brother got fed up with him and started ignoring him.
But no… this wasn’t right. Rin almost felt guilty, without really understanding why. He wasn’t great at this interpersonal relationship crap, but he was smart enough to understand that his words had caused this change in Nanase.
That he had caused this shut down and complete change in the boy who was like an actual ray of sunshine in this artificial complex.
It didn’t help that by the end of the week, and Nanase was still avoiding Rin like the plague, their teammates decided to stage an intervention.
One that mostly consisted of Karasu, Shidou, and Tokimitsu approaching him during dinner, asking him why he had decided to ruin the vibes of their entire team.
“What did you say to him? He won’t even talk to us about you, you jackass!” Karasu said with a scowl, leaning over him as if he was trying to intimidate him. It didn’t work, but Rin leaned back with a frown, trying to get Karasu outside of his personal bubble.
“I just told him to leave me alone. He was being annoying.”
“Annoying? Your fucking face is annoying me!” Shidou spat, not really adding anything to the conversation but pissing Rin off even more.
He hated being confronted, even when he knew he did something wrong.
“He just likes you, Rin-kun…” Tokimitsu added, putting a hand on the other two’s shoulders to get them to lean away and get out of Rin’s face. “Maybe you can apologize? I think he just wanted to be your friend?”
Apologize?
If only it was that easy.
Apologizing wasn’t something Rin did. Even if he had admitted to himself that he had been a bit of an ass… admitting it to the person in question wasn’t so easy. But he knew he needed to…because he didn’t like feeling bad either.
Even if Nanase was annoying, Rin had started to miss him.
He missed the chatter, the random banter he didn’t need to respond to. He missed having someone to share a meal with, and someone who wanted to be around him just because he liked being there, not because he was trying to get inside RIn’s head and distract him.
Nanase was too simple and kind to do anything so malicious.
And he didn’t deserve the way Rin snapped at him.
He found Nanase after dinner, already showered and fed in one of the viewing rooms near their dorms. Akira was there too, having become Nanase’s new person to follow around in his own absence, and he noticed Rin first. One glance and Akira knew he wasn’t wanted, so he hopped to his feet and left the room before Nanase even noticed he was gone.
But Nanase did notice when Rin sat down, their knees bumping together lightly as he scooted his seat closer to him. He watched Rin warily out of the corner of his eye,not sure if he should stay or leave. He was tense, body coiled and ready to explode, but he did not move or lean away when Rin reached out to cover the hand Nanase was using to prop himself up with his own.
“I’m sorry.” Keeping his apology short, because wordy apologies felt less genuine to him. It felt like the person making the apology was trying to make up for his shitty behavior by saying a bunch of words with little meaning, just to trick the person into thinking they felt bad. Rin did feel bad, and he didn’t need fancy grand apologies to prove it. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”
“It’s okay…” Nanase sighed out after a brief pause, registering the apology. “People have done that to me before… I guess I just didn’t realize I was bothering you so much….”
Rin frowned, not liking the depressed tone in Nanase’s voice. Squeezing his fingers, he shook his head.
“I just need some alone time sometimes. I… can’t do the friendly thing 24/7 like you. It wasn’t you. It was me.”
“But it was a little bit me… I know that. So don’t worry. Maybe we can come up with some way for me to know when you need me to leave?”
Rin frowned, wondering why Nanase was making this so easy on him. Just accepting his apology at face value. Not making him suffer.
Oh yeah. It was because Nanase was actually a decent person, and didn’t start fights with people just for the fun of it.
“Maybe just like….” Holding up his opposite hand, the one not covering Nanase’s because Rin didn’t feel like not holding his hand at that moment, Rin spread his fingers wide, dropping one, the two, then three fingers until all five were curled into a fist.
“I like it…that way it gives me time to get away before I drive you completely crazy,” Nanase laughed, probably for the first time in a week, and smiled at him. “Are you okay right now? Want to watch this with me?”
Rin nodded, turning his face to the screen, but keeping an eye on Nanase as he pushed play.
He had a nice smile.
A positive attitude.
Rin didn’t hate him. In fact, he felt really empty this week without his constant shadow following close behind.
This was weird.
He didn’t know what he did to deserve this.
He wasn’t nice. He wasn’t friendly. He didn’t attract guys to him like a moth to a light, in fact, most of the other players probably hated him.
But Nanase was still here, accepting a half-assed straightforward apology without a fight.
He was holding his hand, like that was a normal thing for them to do, and pointing out all of the things he had noticed earlier as he restarted the video.
Everything was back to normal, with very little effort on his part, with just a little bit of extra something that Rin was still trying to put his finger on.
Well, sometimes they did say that distance makes the heart grow fonder, but Rin doesn’t think that meant that you should realize that you like your golden retriever best friend while taking a break because you were an asshole to him.
Ah well. He was still a teenager. Maybe he’d figure this “feelings” thing out one day. Especially when he knew he’d probably have to apologize to Nanase again in the future