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The sensation was disturbingly pleasant...
Pedri didn't understand what been through with him to get to this point.
Well, he knows it and he has ended up accepting it.
He remembers his early years on the islands, every blessed day of soccer with his neighborhood friends, every round with his teammates along some places on the coast bathed by the warm waves of the Atlantic, every breeze sculpting the young face; every fleeting crush in his daily tirade in the school.
Every damn second passing through his brown eyes filled of hate.
His first year leaving Tenerife and Las Palmas, every unknown place in the city that once provided the best football that mortal eyes have ever seen in their lifes. Every game even in defeat and even some ridiculous moment when he was the focus of attention with injuries.
He remembers his early years when he was innocent, when he was idealistic, when he believed that he could expect the best from people. When he believed that they couldn't be bad just because and even less want to hurt someone intentionally.
He doesn't exactly remember all the details of how these events happened and how he allowed it. But he does remember the beginning of it all. The beginning when his soul began to be dyed black and red. Remember that damn night when he met him. The night that the unfortunate man tried to take him to bed even without knowing themself, nor being aware of their complete nature.
He remembers when he saw him in the dirty public bathroom a few minutes after making a pass at him; receiving a blowjob from some stranger that he never saw again or dared to ask. Pedri remembers when he saw him for the second time, presented as a new player for the team promoted from the Barca youth teams due to his premature and unexpected performance.
Pedri was nervous about his presence, not because he considered him a sporting threat, rather because since that day he saw him, there in that dirty bathroom Pedri began to feel incomplete, like he no longer enjoyed random moments with family and friends and everything because his sense of morality limited him.
After all, he was young and the bathroom accident motivated him to experience what society offered. He began to go out more, to go from club to club but never exaggerated extent.
He knew a girl and invited her to a hotel, anyone who sent him indecent proposals as long as the sight pleased his eyes. Everything he did was looking for something, something that resembled the ecstatic expression he saw that damned night when he met him. It could be he wasn't just looking for fun, he was unconsciously looking for him in the places he thought he could find him. But it never happened in those months.
He didn't expect even in his remote dreams that on a normal day of training he would see him and precisely that same day the aforementioned invaded his personal space by sneaking into the shower, surprising him naked a few meters from the coach hanging around the locker room. Remember the request for discretion, or rather the subtle threat to remain silent about his actions or that he would incriminate him saying that Pedri fucked a drunk minor.
Remember when he gave a snort right into the young face full of cynicism and the lie that came from those damned pink and malicious lips. Remember that he imagined doing precisely what he mentioned and their naked presence in the shower didn't help. He remembers that he lost his rationality at one point, licking his lips, seeing him with nothing in front of him.
That beautiful confident face motivated his body to pump blood into his member until the intruder left without escaping his sight with a sly smile.
Pedri was not stupid, he knew what happened to him with the boys after that night and this confirmed it only that deep down he wished that everything had been different. Let there be another beginning. That the same thing happened to him as Nick did when he met Charlie. But his life was anything but like that of a schoolboy or university student.
Pedri remembers the provocations, the suggestive gestures and the touching that Pablo began to do to him the next day. The slaps on his ass, the subtle rubbing of his groin with the younger's playful hand, the tight, forced hugs as the younger's touch trailed under the hem of his shirt rubbing against his abs. The kisses on his neck and the indiscreet compliments on his red ear at games until the day came when he had to give in. He had to give in precisely with the person he has under him right now, not being able to bear to see his nauseating face. Fucking him with intensity. Hurting the flesh beneath the creamy skin with every impact of his hips and the rough grip of his fingers. Tearing it intentionally.
He vividly remembers when it was his turn to invade the shower when Gavi was bathing. Remember when he planted his lips on the pink ones and the latter, without hesitation, and Gavi took everything that Pedri is and he gave it to him without hesitation. Despite the feeling of regret, Pedri was calm. Believing he had found what he had started looking for since that night when they met.
An incipient sense of well-being took hold and more so later when they repeated it, over and over and over again. Turning their relationship into a complicity that only lived with a few. That he only lived with Gavi. The chemistry was undeniable; but Pedri didn't want to see, in his still childish idealism he believed that Gavi's libertine nature could change over time, with his love. He thought he could clean the stains.
He knowingly ignored the continuous and random calls. The nocturnal escapes of Gavi in each concentration outside of Barcelona and finally what he hated the most and what was most difficult for him to bury in his memory, the strange red marks not left by him when Gavi asked him to fuck without decorum. But Pedri always tried to do it delicately, always with caresses praising how beautiful and perfect Gavi was. Skimping on all possible care, but from him, from Gavi... Pedri only received guttural moans and pleas of more rudeness and intensity.
Many times he wanted to ask them to be something more than this kind of fuck buddies, but so many times he backed out. Because even in his stubbornness Gavi was always sincere with him. He was sincere from day one telling Pedri not to expect anything from them. That he saw this as a profitable agreement, as a simple business. Both giving each other pleasure... But how could Pedri accomplish that? As if that were easy when Pedri spends half a day with him in addition of fucking.
...
In dangerous games always loses one in the end, his brother Fernando told him when Pedri confessed everything to him when Fer caught them both in Pedri's room when he returned from work.
Sadly it became clear to him when one night at one in the morning in Valencia; when he tried to sneak into Gavi's room motivated by a feeling of belonging, when Pedri just wanted to hug him...
He remembers that he was about to knock but the moans were audible even outside the room. Tears were already running down his cheeks, moistened with anxiety. He should have left, he should have done it, he should have run to his assigned room and covered with the pillow the screams that escaped from his broken heart.
But he didn't.
He knocked loudly on the oak-colored door. So strong that the unknown boy ran away once the door was opened, perhaps probably incited by Gavi due to the possibility of being caught by the coach which would constitute a very serious foul.
The view was like so many times when Pedri looked over him, adoring him; swollen lips, superficial scratches and marks that turn red as the seconds pass. Pedri claimed him camouflaged for a reason of indiscretion but finally ended up confessing that at least he respected him when he was rooms away willing to be his sexual toy for Gavi.
He couldn't longer deny the undoubted and Gavi saw it clearly.
He couldn't deny he is... he was in love.
"What do you expect? That we were dating and I promised to move in three months and buy us a dog?"
The words penetrated deep inside him, leaving him mute, null and void without a response because that was exactly what Pedri wanted.
"You know me, I didn't hide anything from me and you're here demanding something when I didn't promise you anything." The frown, the dark look directed at Pedri as he only did with the rivals he tackled, cutting the wings of the naive Canarian. Pedri lunged at him, taking him and overcoming the initial resistance offered by the Andalusian. Pedri began to fuck Gavi right there when someone else was doing it a few minutes ago while the drops were already escaping from his tear glands and filtering through his eyes.
He turned him around like the way Gavi liked it. Like animals do. Anything as long as Gavi didn't look at the little dignity he had and this position provided. The position Pedri hates more than anything and now it's the only one he can be with him for.
He remembers how Gavi let out the guttural sounds that came out of his mouth but shortly afterward he kept those sounds contained on the fluid-stained sheets. The drops coming from his eyes fell on the lower back just where the dimples of the Andalusian's ass stood out. Drops that Pedri could not clear having both hands busy fixing the minor's hip with each impact.
He reached orgasm against all odds, his member left his hole dilated feeling disgusting. Not because of how unhygienic that could be but because of what he had done after Gavi despised him. He left the place disgusted with himself with a body slumped on the bed unusually silent. With his eyelids sealed and his breathing irregular, not daring to look back while Pedri closed the door.
---
Remember that he politely ignored him for a while, many people told him to forget all. Once again Fer begged him to do it, he even suggested that he take the offer from ManCity he had on the hands. Fer wanted Pedri as far away from Gavi as possible. He wanted to stop seeing that pitiful spirit that possessed his jovial lovely little brother. The easy and logical advice thought the younger of the two; But when you feel too much, reason is clouded and the feeling can become an addiction. He didn't think it was possible for him to survive away from Gavi.
He remembers he visited some places at night in order to forget, expensive places where privacy was unquestionable and Riqui Puig told him before he was transferred. Pedri even had sex with other boys, but it was not even remotely the same fucking Gavi.
He remembers that on his last outing he met Geri and Pedri was a hurt boy, motivated by the drinks that his former captain offered him Pedri screamed everything. He let it out like vomit, he let out all of his pain to someone he believed could share the same feeling of losing something special like children.
He told the adventures, ignoring the name of the person involved and the location of the locker room, Pedri wasn't completely stupid even though his heart bled every time the words escaped his throat.
"Poor summer child" Pique told him, wiping his tears with the back of his hand while he looked at him with complacency.
"It's better not to get involved," he added as if that were routine for someone like Pedri.
"They take what they want if you let them."
"You must be the one who takes everything away of them" Pedri stared into Pique's blue eyes, cold as ice, deep as the pits under the ocean.
Pedri was looking for something more than Fer's coherent words. Looking for something that only someone successful like the catalan can tell him. Even so he opened up initially in his boragine of self-destruction.
"You must be like me, Pedri" He blinked when his face was taken in the retiree's large pale hands. Guiding his face until his lower lip was gently taken by the older man's. Tasting the liquor when the older man's tongue brushed against his.
"You must be the predator" Pique released his grip on the prey, releasing Pedri's bewildered face.
"Because once stained there is no longer the need to try to be clean"
They were crude but meaningful phrases that someone like Pique would surely say in some motivational business talk. Not with someone like Pedri who couldn't consider the possibility of turning into something he has despised since childhood while those blue eyes still pierced him. The oldest noticed the doubt. "Because of who you are, you are here drunk, giving others grief, looking for comfort and words that you probably already know."
Pedri remembers having a few more drinks and then being guided by a hand to a door at the back of the premises, away from the hustle and bustle and all traces of light. Remember that he was kneeling. Pedri doesn't remember the rest... But he remembers when someone left him semi-unconscious outside his apartment. Fer, no stranger to the situation, thanked that someone for bringing him.
Fer cleaned the wounds and the dirt from his younger brother. I wipe the trail of tears from his tired face with a damp cloth. He wiped away the dried drool around his bruised mouth. He changed his clothes to put him in pajamas and finally lay him down on the messy bed. Fer left Pedri sleeping in the veil of moonlight, grateful not to see the sad eyes and only now the shadow of what once was and continues to be the light of the Gonzales family, or at least for him.
Pedri promised himself that he would never hit rock bottom again that morning accompanied by the recalcitrant pain throbbing on his forehead. Gerard's words made an impression on him and his older brother's scolding did not give him a second of rest.
He was at the crossroads whether he should accept that he is contaminated...
It was four days after that night when Gavi called him against all odds to hang out at his apartment. He didn't give him any more clues and even though he thought about it a lot, Pedri confirmed his presence even though that wasn't how Gavi usually asked to fuck up.
Every step he took was a reminder of every memory, every contaminated memory, every buried illusion until he reached the aforementioned place. Pedri didn't understand how Gavi still had any use for him after stripping naked in Valencia in front of him.
He saw the clear eyes again. Eyes that illuminated and he thought he loved but now they only blinded him. The nauseating white smile and the shitty words that came out of that stupid mouth in welcome.
Pedri waited that the youngest made the usual movement to once and for all have him moaning under his yoke, however Gavi guided him to the kitchen chattering about what he had cooked and wanted to try his culinary arts with Pedri. He found it strange and thought that it was some machination of the minor's twisted mind. He continued the game while the youngest jumped proudly for the pasta he had cooked.
Not a single word of insinuation...
Dessert followed and although it was not delicious it was tolerable for his palate. Gavi expectantly asked for an opinion and Pedri responded that he found everything delicious even though he hates pasta and of course Gavi doesn't have the slightest idea about that. The pleased, proud smile he received only made his eyes burn.
He waited while the younger cleaned up the remains until he was free and followed him to his room. Gavi sat on the edge of the bed, Pedri saw the play controls and the image of the fifa on the TV. Pedri waited for the minor's gesture to come closer, he sat next to him contemplating the ugly scar under his thin lips. The prominent brujiline jaw seen in profile. The slightly spaced teeth and those rodent incisors.
...Gavi was not perfect as Pedri believed and now he sees it so clearly... So ordinary. As ordinary as Pedri is.
"I've been thinking about Valencia," the youngest whispered as he settled in and clung closer to Pedri, playing with his tiny hands while the shame invaded the canarian's cheeks.
"Don't say it," Pedri replied, wanting to forget how pathetic that day was. How pathetic still is.
"I want you to know..." Pedri grabbed the young face to silence him with a furious kiss, earning a small push from the Sevillian.
"What are you doing?" the minor's incredulous look was reflected in the hazelnuts. "Pedri... I... dont..."
"don't say anything" "everything is clear now"
"That's why isn't it?, all this shit dinner you put together to make me feel better and somehow apologize" the light irises trembled while Pedri showed no hesitation with the words as he surrounded the small trembling body.
"It's not necessary, I'm clear about it"
Gavi moved a few centimeters away from him. "Pedri... that's not what"
"it doesn't matter anymore" "you don't need all this to get a good fuck" Pedri kissed him again, rough and dry. Carelessly rubbing his mouth with the minor's.
"Just turn around and I'll be good for you" Pedri ended up launching after whispering those words in hate. Not letting anything else come out of that mouth than who knows how many cocks it would have sucked.
Pedri stood up, slid the zipper, pulled his cock out of him. He guided his bewildered face to his groin, forcing him to take it fully. He fixed the head with both hands as he roughly rammed his palate and throat. When he got bored of seeing such a pitiful spectacle; Pedri undressed the youngest, discovering the white skin strangely free of visible marks, free of dirt to the naked eye, but for the canarian, impregnated with soot under the dirty skin.
He turned him over, slid the minor's tracksuit along with his underwear. Unbuttoned his pants, pulling them down completely. He took the flesh of his buttocks with his hands, separated both cheeks, revealing the small pink hole. Pedri ran his tongue along the hole to moisten it with saliba, spit on it, and sucked on his butt meat for a second. Pedri took out a condom because he didn't want to catch anything now he had reason, although many times they did it bareback.
He covered his cock with the elastic and inserted it inside Gavi without care and preparation. His moan was thunderous, he fixed his hips with his hands while he penetrated hard and deep with each thrust, as the little whore likes, as he always asks of him but unusually today he doesn't complain, being in complete silence passively obeying Pedri.
The sound of skin colliding is the only thing heard besides the moans muffled by the grinding of clenched teeth. Gavi curves his waist and lifts his ass like the professional he is. Gavi twists his neck to look over his shoulder but Pedri punches the flesh, squeezing his neck and pushing his head forward toward the bed.
"Don't look at me" Pedri asks and Gavi doesn't do it anymore. He doesn't do it even when he begs Pedri to stop or at least lower the intensity. He doesn't even when he hears the pitiful sobbing coming from his face plastered to the sheets. Pedri doesn't do it because he's only after his own pleasure and he's about to cum and this disturbing atmosphere pleases him and he's not around to worry about the bastard beneath him.
Pedri comes without much more, penetrating him hard and dry one last time, removing the condom with his orgasm. Pleased with the view.
Pedri wishes it was hurting. That Gavi didn't enjoy it for a fucking second. He wishes he was crying because what he once longed to protect now only wants to see destroyed; take it and break it with his bare hands, shattering it as Gavi slowly did with him. The canarian snorts because he believes it is impossible, because after all this is what Gavi always seeks and the crying a few seconds ago must have been one more of his tricks to manipulate him.
It was never love, Pedri now knows it; It was just passion bordering on unhealthy obsession. He observes the image of the collapsed naked body, lying on the bed as if he had no strength. Pedri hears an unusual sound...
Is Gavi crying?Impossible, he doesn't care anyway.
How could Pedri love such a pathetic creature. The pleasure he feels right now confirms it.He wants it broken up, in pieces scattered everywhere.
Pedri pulls up his pants with his boxers. He adjusts his belt and shirt and approaches the doorknob afterwards.
"You don't need to call, a message is enough if you want to repeat" even his high-pitched voice is now unbearable for Pedri.
He closes the door without waiting for a response. He leaves the apartment, he doesn't regret anything he's done. That can border on rape, what he did today with Gavi, but he will leave it up to the sevillian to judge him. A complaint would be appropriate or at least that's what he would do, the Pedri from months ago would do.
Pedri is unexpectedly okay with himself. Because it is easier to break than to build, it is easier to get dirty than to clean and I end up all dirty by getting involved with him, he has accepted it and no longer cares. Because the broken, broken is even with the seams retaining the sad outcome, prolonging the agony and Pedri knows that he is dead.
°°°
Pedri ignores everyone who bothers him and even more Gavi who now only causes him repulsion. He is not afraid for a moment that Gavi will get tired. Because a being like him, for a person who craves attention, there is no worse punishment than the indifference that Pedri gives him and for many days Gavi will not endure it.
...
Gavi ends up sending him a message 5 days later as Pedri requested, he goes to the place because he just started destroying him, more than he already is.
He waits in front of the door expectantly as Pedri remembers when he was a boy of summer and now he is the winter incarnate.