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When Lucifer noticed what the demons were doing, he fell as much as sat down on his throne, partially sideways, with his leg thrown over the side as he laughed. “What are they /doing/?” his right hand demon Mazikeen asked incredulously from her spot beside and behind his throne.
“I do believe they are protesting,” Lucifer said through his laughter. “I wonder which activist they were torturing that was giving them ideas.”
“I’ll go break it up,” Maze said firmly, but only got a few steps before Lucifer’s hand wrapped around her arm to stop her.
“Oh let them be. At least it’s keeping them busy,” he said amusedly.
“Where do they not want to go?” Maze asked confusedly as she heard the chant ‘Hell no! We won’t go!’.
“No idea,” Lucifer shrugged. “I doubt they know either.”
It was a while later, and Lucifer was still getting his entertainment from watching them when their chant changed to “Stop the drilling! Stop the oil!”
“If they don’t like the tortures involving drills and hot oil they can just use other things,” Maze pointed out still just as confused.
“I don’t think that’s what they mean,” Lucifer laughed again. “They’re clearly just copying what they heard.”
The protest went on for a couple days before Lucifer found himself approached by a large group of sign-toting demons. “Will you not even hear our demands?” the one at the head asked.
“Sure. Why not. Give me the list and I’ll look them over,” Lucifer fought to keep his hilarity inside as he held out his hand.
“List?” the demon asked with furrowed brow.
“The list of your demands?” Lucifer prompted.
“Oh…um…” he looked around. “Who’s got the list?” he asked the rest of the demons. They all looked around at each other before one of them pulled a paper out of his pocket and handed it forward.
Lucifer took it and raised an eyebrow as he read it. “This is a grocery list…” he was unable to stop the amused smile that broke out. “Unless your demands are that I do your shopping for you…” The demon that handed the list over was smacked by everyone around him as they called him an idiot and the paper was passed back to him. “Why don’t you come back when you have your list of demands, hmm?”
“Of course, my lord,” the lead demon bowed, prompting the same as the others before they got back to the picket line, this time chanting “Free demons!”
“How much more freedom do they want?” Maze asked incredulously. “And did that sign say ‘Demon rights are human rights’? That doesn’t even make sense.”
“No one ever said they were smart, Mazikeen,” Lucifer chuckled.
The demon Keth, who was leading the protest, left the others there as he made his way back to the human hell that started it all. “The king will hear our demands. What should we demand?”
The human blinked in surprise, wondering why they were protesting if they didn’t want anything before he decided that he didn’t give a shit. As long as it kept him from being tortured anymore he would tell them anything they wanted to know. “Well when I was protesting there were some common demands.” He’d had a habit of joining any protest just for fun. “Better working conditions, better pay, more vacations, less sexual harassment, and then there were the ones that wanted environmental things like, no more cutting down trees, no more drilling for oil, save the wetlands, save the forests, and so on,” he explained as Keth took notes.
While Keth was ‘researching’ Lucifer was writing something down and then handed it Maze. “See that this gets to someone in charge of that. Anonymously.”
“As you wish,” Maze inclined her head and went off to see to that duty, leaving a chuckling Lucifer in her wake.
The next day instead of the short chants, they had a song going. One that was mostly ridiculous with just enough ‘issues’ in it that the morons didn’t notice the ridiculous. “You did that?” Maze asked Lucifer suspiciously, recognizing his style. Especially in the dirty parts.
“It seemed fun,” Lucifer smirked. “I’m working on another one. An even better one.” Maze just groaned.
It was another day before Keth returned at the head of a group. “Will you hear our demands, my lord?” he asked with a bow, clearly not getting the memo about the purpose of a protest.
“Do you have a list?” Lucifer held out his hand with an amused smile on his face and when it was placed there, he looked over it, getting more and more amused the more he read. “Alright starting from the top with better working conditions…what working conditions do you want changed?”
“Better ones,” someone said.
“Better how?” Lucifer asked. When they all just kept looking at each other and shrugging, he chuckled and moved on. “Better pay…do you know what pay is?” Shakes of heads. “Okay, let’s just strike that one too, shall we? More vacation…so you want time off from torturing human souls?”
“No!” a dozen cries rang out.
“I didn’t think so. No more sexual harassment…and here I thought those of you coming to my bed enjoyed it, but I suppose if you’re demanding it be stopped…” That got an even more vociferous no than the last suggestion. “So you wish to withdraw that demand? Very well.” Lucifer moved on. “There is no drilling for oil here in hell, no trees, forests, or wetlands to save,” he pointed out.
“O-on Earth then,” Keth said.
“You want to go to Earth and protect the world and the humans so fewer of them die and come here?” Lucifer asked with an amused twitch of his lips. When looks of confusion and disgust rolled through the assembled demons he huffed a laugh. “So we should scratch all those as well, yes?” At the agreements all around, Lucifer said, “Well. It seems that all of your demands have been successfully negotiated. Congratulations. Now you can get back to work.”
“Thank you, my lord!” the group of demons genuflected at his graciousness before filing out, packing up their signs and going home.
“You know…I’m almost disappointed it’s over. I suppose I’ll have to save my new song for the next one,” Lucifer sighed.
“You’re as crazy as they are,” Maze shook her head wryly.