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Pac felt like his life was falling apart. He had lost too much. His best friend? Gone. His son? Also gone. He wasn’t sure how much more he could take.
He knew the other parents of the island had been hit hard too. Even the new arrivals were hit hard by the eggs’ disappearance. Everyone seemed to be coping in their own ways, some more unhealthy than others, but everyone was trying to find them.
When Pac looked at who else was awake, he saw that it was just him. Alone. Again. The only “person” he had seen so far was Cucurucho, and it only told him to start moving all of his items out of his backpacks, then disappeared.
He had spent the better part of the early morning transferring his belongings into barrels. His face lit up a bit at seeing the notification that Fit was online, now no longer feeling as alone. He halted his work, hearing a second ping on his communicator.
Fit: how are you coping today my friend?
Pac let out a shaky sigh, taking a deep breath back in with his eyes closed. Fit knew him pretty well, and knew him well enough to know that Pac would be taking this hard. He figured it was best to tell the truth, no one else awake to see their messages and emotional vulnerability.
Pac: not so good :(
Fit had been expecting that message, but it didn’t change that he felt upset seeing Pac sad. He hadn’t been coping that well either. Anything he did during the day somehow ended with him being reminded that Ramón was missing. Seeing a meathead, walking by his various TNT cannons, or even seeing some notable animals like cats reminds him of the empty space in his life. His life was too quiet, but in too loud of a way.
Fit: Same :/
He knew that Fit was trying his hardest to remain positive, comforting and reassuring other parents that the eggs had been kidnapped twice before, and that they would be okay. Pac himself was expanding the capybara village, in hopes that Richas would come back and see it.
Pac: just building to distract myself
Fit could understand that. He had been trying to distract himself all morning. That was the unfortunate thing about waking up really early: no one else was awake. They had their little morning club, but it seemed that fewer of them were getting up, probably due to their tireless search for the kids.
Fit: Yeah, we have to stay positive
Pac: yeahh… I think so. fingers crossed…
They went about their day, giving each other space and time. The loneliness felt soul-crushing to them both, but they stayed away, for fear that the other was not ready or needed more time. Baby steps, baby steps.
Fit had sent a private message to Pac after a while, asking to come visit, but he received no answer. Pac never heard his communicator ping, in the middle of a breakdown over the possibility that Richas might never see his improvements to the capybara village. Fit didn’t have to hear an answer back from Pac, instead going to hang out with Tubbo while he waited for Pac to answer him.
Tubbo had been taking the news hard. He had gotten attached to the eggs so quickly, and they got taken away just as fast. Fit could also tell that he was fearful of Phil’s reaction to his eggs going missing while under the care of the other islanders, especially Tubbo’s care. It was very reasonable to fear his response. Fit had seen the things he’d done in a different world, one covered by ice and snow, and knew that Phil was not to be messed with.
The duo built the library, trying to catch the attention of Cucurucho. Building the library was a Federation task, according to Tubbo, so it should draw the white bear near. Tubbo spotted Cucurucho watching them multiple times, disappearing every time he was noticed or approached, frustrating Tubbo immensely.
After they finally caught him, and finding out that the bear liked Fit more than Tubbo, the entity disappeared again, running off to somewhere. It didn’t surprise either of them that Cucurucho liked Fit more, considering how many problems Tubbo had caused in his first two weeks on the island.
Fit said farewell to Tubbo, promising to return later after he did his own thing for a while. It was half of the truth, because he did want to do his own thing, but he also just needed a break from hanging out with someone as chaotic and loud as Tubbo.
Somehow, Fit found himself back in Ramón’s house. His bed was still empty. He found himself staring up at the pictures his son asked him to put on the wall. Some were recent, others from what seemed like forever ago, but they all made Fit feel the same: tired, sad, and hopeless. He couldn’t do anything. All he could do was wait, and hope his son would come back to him in one piece.
A sound came from his communicator, and he saw that Pac had answered him, saying that he could come visit. It made Fit happy, knowing that he’d get to see Pac, but he was also nervous. He wasn’t sure how his partner was going to be feeling, especially after back-to-back kidnappings of two of his closest family members.
He went through the waystone, using his trident to reach the island Pac was on. When they locked eyes, they both smiled. For the first time since the kidnapping, it felt real. Pac waved at him, looking a little brighter than he thought he would.
“Hey, Pac,” Fit greeted like usual, pretending, for just a moment, that they were both hanging out like normal, and that it was just a day where Ramón had slept in.
“Hi, Fit.” Pac sounded much more despondent, the bags under his eyes much worse than the last time Fit saw him. He could relate to not being able to sleep, maybe not on the same level as Pac, but still enough that it disrupted his night and day.
“Are you okay?” Fit asked, and Pac didn’t even flinch at the question, just sighing and letting his head hang forward.
“No, I don’t think so,” Pac responded honestly, inviting himself into Fit’s arms. Fit gladly hugged the man back, keeping his hold on Pac secure, but not uncomfortable.
It wasn’t lost on Pac how tightly Fit was holding him. It was as if he was afraid that he’d disappear. He had already done that once, and Fit had been looking for him the whole time. Pac, too, was afraid that he’d get kidnapped again, leaving behind Fit and Tubbo. He was also afraid that one, or both, of them would get kidnapped, leaving him with absolutely nobody. He couldn’t be alone again.
“Can I show you what I’ve been building?” Pac mumbled, pulling out of the hug slightly. Fit nodded, and let Pac drag him by the hand to the capybara village. He showed Fit the message he wrote for Richarlyson, reassuring him that he would love it, and that they’d find him.
It was those words, the utter conviction in his partner’s voice, that broke Pac, making him fall apart completely. Fit was there to catch him, holding him in his grasp. His partner rocked them back and forth slowly, breathing in an exaggerated way to help guide Pac’s frantic breathing.
“Shhhh, I got you. We’ll find them. Until we do, I’m going to keep you safe,” Fit promised, whispering the vow in his ear. All Pac could do was nod in response, and sobbed into Fit’s shirt. He felt a few drops of water on his neck and scalp, and knew that Fit had also fallen apart a little. Pac had never seen Fit cry, and knew that he didn’t like it when people saw him, so he didn’t look up, only gripping the back of his shirt tighter.
They stayed like that for a long time, ignoring the pings of their communicators, ignoring anything that wasn’t each other. At some point, they detached, both of them rubbing away the tears in their eyes.
“I- I’m tired, Fit.” Pac’s voice cracked in the middle of his plea, and Fit pulled him in for another hug.
He mumbled back, “I know. I know. I am too.” He grabbed both of Pac’s hands, intertwining their fingers. Fit backed off for a moment, just looking at his partner’s face, seeing the bags under his bloodshot eyes, his unkempt hair, the hollowness of his face, and decided he needed to take matters into his own hands.
“Come on, let’s go to my house,” Fit offered suddenly, catching Pac off guard slightly.
Pac frowned at him. “Why?”
Fit dropped one of Pac’s hands, bringing his flesh one up to his partner’s face. “Let me take care of you. Please. I- I don’t like seeing you like this. Let me help.”
Pac knew he’d been neglecting his needs since his family had gone missing. It hadn’t been as bad with Richas there to force him to sleep and take care of himself. But now that his son was gone too, Pac had given up. His life was worthless.
He agreed to Fit’s propostition, letting the anarchist drag him to his lavacast house. He could hear Fit grumbling about his furniture being missing, and Pac couldn’t help but laugh. Fit seemed to light up at the sound, instead putting Pac on his bed. The one that Fit never slept in, for fear that someone would trap him in an endless cycle of pain and respawning. Pac was one of the only people that knew about that fear.
Fit went to retrieve probably food, and perhaps water too. Pac looked around the house, seeing more pictures of Ramón, which then reminded him of Richarlyson, making him upset once again.
His partner came back to see a lost expression on his face, and set the food on the bedside table. He gently cupped his face, rubbing his thumbs over his cheek bones.
“Hey, I have food. Eat, and focus on that for a bit, okay?” Fit handed him fresh bread and some vegetables, grabbing his own plate to begin eating too.
Pac watched as Fit got lost in his own thoughts, and seemed to shake himself out of them. Pac had a memory of Fit chasing down Ramón, begging him to eat his vegetables for the quest, and Ramón kept running, hiding up in trees to get away. The memory explained why Fit seemed to be barely able to eat his own food, despite telling Pac to eat.
Fit let him lean on his shoulder when he finished, appreciating the physical touch and the silence. Words weren’t needed to communicate how they were feeling, and just sat in the silence of Fit’s house.
They lost track of time, taking a nap together in the bed, despite Fit’s worry about being found. Pac made sure to make him feel safe, reassuring him that nothing bad would happen. It was hard for him to believe, but he wanted his partner to feel comfortable in his own home, so he forced himself to believe his own words.
When Pac woke up, he found Fit still wrapped around him, keeping him warm. He breathed a sigh of relief, sinking into his partner’s hold even further.
He rolled over to answer his communicator, seeing a message from Tubbo asking where Fit was. He answered on behalf of him, telling Tubbo that he was with Fit, and that he was asleep. His short friend aptly responded with “must be nice,” causing Pac to silently laugh.
Fit woke up at some point, and they hung around the house for the rest of the day, sitting down by the river as the sun set. Pac sat with his knees up to his chest, watching his partner absentmindedly throw his trident into the river to spear catfish. They sat down there until it became dark out, the denzies of the night wandering the land.
They went to Fit’s sleeping area this time, climbing the hill to his little cave that housed his bed. The fact that someone stole the furniture out of the room made Fit scared that people knew where it was, but Pac assured him that the person who stole it hadn't come forward, so they wouldn’t tell anyone where the room was.
Pac made himself as comfortable as he could in the space with missing furniture, taking off his hoodie, shirt, and pants. Fit was doing the same, getting rid of his shirt and pants, and removing his arm. Fit had told him about it, how it worked, and why it was such advanced technology, but looked so old at the same time. Pac had found the history of the limb really intriguing, asking Fit for any details he could. Fit had indulged him, finding it cute how interested Pac was in something that was part of his everyday life.
His own prosthetic leg was set on the ground, Fit setting his arm next to it. They crawled into bed, facing each other so they could make sure the other didn’t disappear. Pac brought his hands up to his partner’s face, and kissed him. Fit welcomed it, grabbing under Pac’s arms and pulling him closer. They both needed this. They needed to be intimate with each other, even if just for a little bit, to focus on themselves.
The sound of their hearts beating together was a reminder to them, but they didn’t let it keep them awake. Instead, it became a steady reassurance. A reassurance that Pac’s life wasn’t worthless, and that he had something to fight for. He fell asleep to his partner’s heart pounding against his body, and slow breaths ghosting over his bare skin. He wasn’t content, far from it, but he was no longer alone, and that was all he could hope for.