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As I watched Harumi and Hanzo reunite, I felt something in my chest crack.
A black hole opened up, threatening to swallow me whole. Not jealousy or rage. Our marriage had been a business arrangement between two families. Wanting to start my own clan, but having none of the means of doing so. I wasn't going to ask Bi-Han, he thought it stupid to leave the Lin Kuei. A decision that put a wall between us, but I'd hope soon that we'd reconcile. Until then, I was on my own. Until Raiden had said something interesting.
You could always do it like the olden days – marrying for money.
When the two of us glanced at each other, it was sealed.
Harumi had been thrilled to help. Especially after I had told her that she wouldn't just be my wife. She would also be considered a Grandmaster. That I would teach her in my ways, so she'd be able to defend and teach our clan.
So I knew it hadn't been jealousy or rage. No.
It was longing.
My hand began to quiver and I quickly grasped it with the other. The black hole gave away to the overwhelming desire to touch this man. To hold. To kiss. I swallowed, hard.
Hanzo, who traveled timelines to reunite with the woman he loves. Hanzo, who burned just as bright as the sun. A light in the darkness. My darkness. I bit my cheek, dread chasing away desire.
I realized, in a cruel twist of fate, is that I am an impostor. A false Scorpion until the real one returned.
I swallowed the lump in my throat.
Somehow, that was all I've ever been. Ostracized by my clan the moment I manifested fire instead of ice. Having to prove myself over and over again that I was a devout member of the Lin Kuei. That I would follow my brother to the ends of the earth to protect him when he became Grandmaster. It had all been for nothing.
I could never be allowed to want something as bright as Hanzo.
-z-
I withdrew.
I barricaded myself in the newly constructed walls of my clan. Recruitment had begun a day after the ceremony, throwing myself into it. Desperately trying to fill the silence that haunted me. It threatened to consume me and sometimes, I wished to give in. To put down my rope dart and disappear into the woods. Earthrealm had a Scorpion again, and I knew he was better than I.
I saw nothing of Harumi or Hanzo since the night of the ceremony, when the two lovers reunited. I was thankful because I would bask in the sun that was Hanzo like a flower and it wouldn't have been fair to them. They deserved to have their family back, after everything, and my shadows would eclipse them.
It didn't stop the longing in my chest from blossoming though.
“-ai? Kuai?” I heard a voice ask and I dropped the scroll I had been holding. “Hey, you okay?”
Tomas entered my line of vision and I nodded. “Yeah, just...trapped in my head.”
He crossed his arms. “Oh, really? Trapped in your head and in these walls? You trying to avoid something?”
I hated how perceptive he was. “No, I'm not.”
“Sure.” He paused. “Is it Bi-Han?”
I shook my head. “No, radio silence from my brother. Not surprising. We had choice words for each other when I left.”
It was true. Bi-Han didn't take the news well. I think he wasn't ready for me to leave the proverbial nest. In the Lin Kuei, he would have watched out for me, taken care of me. He was already throwing away tradition by making me and Tomas his second in commands. A fire user and someone not born into the Lin Kuei? It was threatening to split his clan in two, which he refused to see. In order to prevent that from happening, I had to leave. Tomas wanted to join me, but I forced him to stay. He was now playing emissary for an unwilling Bi-Han.
A few choice words had been said – ungrateful, stubborn, idiotic, idealistic, wrong – and I stormed out of the Lin Kuei, leaving everything I knew and had behind. Raiden took me in, for the time being, beholden for all the training I had given him. One thing lead to another and now I was hiding from one of my best friends because I was in love with her real husband.
“Kuai, you look like you're going to throw up.”
I felt like I was going to throw up.
“I'm fine,” I ground out. “Did you talk to Madame Bo?”
“Yeah, she said she'll keep an eye out. If there's anyone down on their luck or needing a place to go, said she'll send them our way.”
I nodded. “Good.”
He stared at me for another moment. “Are you sure you're okay?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I'm okay.”
I just had to keep saying it until I believed it.
-z-
Madame Bo came through, as she said. She always kept her word. Just who walked through the gate surprised me. Clad in his usual yellow armor, Hanzo stood before me. Willing my throat not to dry, I bowed to him.
“Hanzo, what do I owe the pleasure?” I asked.
“Harumi had said you started your own clan and then Madame Bo said anyone needing a place to go was welcome here,” He said, looking over the gardens. There was a warmth in his brown eyes as he took everything in. My hand twitched, itching to reach out and touch him. I also began to worry that he would hate it. To make him proud of my clan was something I didn't know I wanted, but would devastate me if I didn't have.
“Do you have a name?” He asked and I jumped.
“Sorry, uh...I do. An old Lin Kuei ally before they were wiped out centuries ago,” I replied, walking over to him. I had been hoping it would show Bi-Han that I wasn't his enemy. That I wanted to stay by his side forever. I just couldn't do it in the Lin Kuei.
“And it is?”
“Shirai Ryu.”
He was silent for a moment before, “Allies, huh?”
A flicker of an emotion spread across his face, but before I could ascertain what it had been, it was gone. He breathed out a chuckle, a small smile on his lips. I surprised to find it was sorrowful and I reached for him gently, soothingly. I could be his friend, I told myself. I wanted to be his friend, if nothing else. My hand was barely on his arm before he recoiled from me. My heart stopped.
I ripped my hand away like I had been burned, grasping it with my other hand. It was irresponsible. Hanzo had the love of his life. He didn't want me, even as a friend. As if anyone would ever want a fake. An impostor. Especially when the real thing was right in front of me. It clicked. I had wonder why when I chose the name melancholy rushed through my veins. His face said it all.
“It was yours, wasn't it?”
He said nothing.
“I”m sorry,” I whimpered. Whimpered, like a baby and everything the Lin Kuei had spat at me rushed back. Poor little Kuai Liang. Too blind to see when no one wanted you. Not anymore.
I could barely bite back the tears when I said, “...you can have it back.”
Hanzo turned to me, brown eyes wide. Surprise. I swallowed hard. I knew that look and he barely had his mouth open before I was gone in a whirlwind of fire and embers.
I don't know if I could have handled him voicing his rejection thanks.
-z-
The rain was beating hard against the roof of the small cottage that I called my own. It had been days now, no sign of letting up. I didn't care. The weather was fitting.
Watching it on my small porch, the world around me drifted away. There was no Lin Kuei or Shirai Ryu. No tournaments waiting to kill you. No disappointment or hurt. I was at peace here and there was nothing that could drag me away.
I figured Raiden had gotten word from Harumi and sent Tomas after me. He pounded at my door, demanding an explanation of why Hanzo Hasashi was saying I had given him the Shirai Ryu, I hadn't answered, still licking my emotional wounds. Trying to bury any feelings I had of the man whose moniker I bore. Not, bore. Stolen. The one I'd stolen.
Trying to explain that one to Tomas would have just opened the wound again.
That had been days ago and Tomas hadn't been back. I supposed they were getting on without me. Hanzo would take his place as Grandmaster and Harumi would be at his side. He would teach her everything I would have and more.
And when the dust had settled, and I was able to leave, I would go back with my tail between my legs and ask to join the Shirai Ryu. Hopefully, they'd have me. If not, I would be right back here until the end of my days. I'd made peace with that.
I heard shuffling behind me and sighed, figured Tomas had come to convince me to go back. I opened my mouth to ask him to leave when I heard a voice say, “You're a hard man to find.” It nearly sent me into the ceiling. Whipping around, I stared at the man standing behind me. Hanzo.
“Han- I mean, Grandmaster, what are you doing here?” I asked.
He didn't answer, just looked over me with concerned brown eyes. “You're not wearing yellow.”
Yellow was the color I chose for Scorpion. It was never mine. The colourless dark robes I now bore were fitting for me. Without a clan, without a purpose. I chuckled, humorlessly. “Decided to...change my wardrobe, I suppose.”
“I see. Also, I came to see how you were doing. Harumi, Raiden, and your other friend, Smoke? They're worried about you.”
“Kind of figured. Tomas was here a few days ago.”
“And you didn't talk to him?”
I couldn't. “No.”
“No?”
“What do you want, Grandmaster Hasashi?”
His mouth turned down into a frown. Anger flashed in his eyes. “That's not my title. There are two Grandmasters of the Shirai Ryu now and I am not one of them.”
I scoffed. “Yes, you are. You and Harumi.”
“No. It's you, Kuai Liang.”
I swallowed. Hard. The lump in my throat that formed would not go away. “Don't do this.”
“What?” Confusion swept across his face.
I wanted to cry. “I gave everything back to you and you're still here.”
“Gave everything back?” He stepped back like he'd been slapped. “Kuai Liang...”
“The mantle, the clan, your wife. You have it back.” I wrapped my arms around myself. “Please, just go.”
Silence wafted between us and I fully expected him to leave. I needed him to leave. Being this close to him hurt. The reminder hurt. I shut my eyes tight, turning from him.
“No.”
“Hanzo...please.” You're hurting me. Please.
“I don't want it back! Especially if you're not there!”
My eyes shot open. I gasped. I misheard; I know I did. “W-what?”
He stepped toward me gently. “For every instance that Harumi was alive in a timeline, you weren't. Every time I saved her, I sacrificed you. I couldn't have both of you. So imagine my surprise when I got to this timeline. You were both alive...but married to each other.” He took another step forward. “At first I was angry, too late again. I had lost you both again. Until, you both saw me and suddenly I had her back and you were still alive. But then you started to pull away and I was losing you all over again.“
He swallowed, eyes boring into mine. “I went to the gardens to join you, not to lead you.”
“To join us? Why?”
He shook his head. “Isn't it obvious?”
“No...and you're not making any sense.”
“Then let me be clearer.”
Gripping my robe, he crashed our lips together and the undignified squeak that escaped me left me blushing. Kissing him back, though, was like muscle memory. It was something that I had done one hundred times, despite it being the first. My hands traveled up his arms, shoulders before cupping his chin in mine. The heat between us was all consuming and I would let it if I could. Which is why I had to push him away.
“What are you doing?” I hissed and he blinked at me. “You have a wife!”
“She knows. About us. I told her.”
My blood froze. Harumi knew. Harumi knew her husband loved me and probably knew I felt the same. I wished I'd let the fire consume me. My face heated with shame. I tried to blink back the tears but it was no use. Hanzo sighed, not unkind before he cupped my jaw, brushing the tears away.
“Kuai...no.” He sighed. “Harumi has said she loves me too, and knows that how deep that love can be. I searched timelines for her, but your death devastated me every time. There is no doubt that I love you just as much as her.”
I sniffled. “Even though I'm your shadow?”
He chuckled. “You never were my shadow. You are my equal. You both are my heart.”
I sobbed, gripping him tight as he pressed his lips to mine again.
-z-
“Any word from Han?” Tomas asked.
“No, but some Lin Kuei messengers are coming here later. I think he's reaching out.”
“Good. I'm getting tired of being YOUR messenger.”
“You're not my messenger.”
“Keep telling yourself that.”
I nudged him with my elbow and he made a face at me. As I started towards the training ground, he evaporated into smoke. I shook my head.
I expected the training grounds to be full of the sounds of fighting, but it was oddly quiet for the mid-afternoon. Finding Harumi and Hanzo had been easy. They were seated in the middle of the grounds, both deep in concentration, a game of Go between them. Harumi was winning, if the furrow between Hanzo's brows was anything to go by. I chuckled, taking my place between them.
“Are you two done with your training then?” I asked, chuckling.
“We are. Hanzo asked if I'd ever played Go. I said a little. He thought it was going to be easy. As you can see, it's not.”
Hanzo shot me a glare as I laughed. “You're enjoying this.”
“Lets just say...I am.” While his eyes were on me, Harumi finished him off. She smiled, smugly, and I could not contain my laughter.
Hanzo looked at the board, then between us. “You played me, didn't you?”
“It wouldn't be the first time.”
“I'm your husband.”
“Should have expected it then, dear.”
“Come on, you two. I'm starving and I'd like to eat before the messengers get here.”
“What do we want then?”
“Mmm...I think the winner should choose.” I held out my hands for both of them, helping them stand.
“What an excellent idea, Kuai,” Harumi said, just as Hanzo replied, “Don't encourage her.”
I laughed as we walked back inside. None of us let go of our hands.