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Simon sat in the luxurious, yet tastefully-appointed room that Inara had shown him to and just rested his head on his hands. Even though he could feel the atmosphere in Inara’s flat practically soothing him against his will – a sign of just how talented a Companion he’d found himself with – he still felt so off balance that he couldn’t really relax. His whole world had just been jerked sideways, and he had no idea how things were going to settle out. How this would affect his search for his sister. Inara had sworn that she could help him, that her contacts ranged into places he’d never dream of getting to, but…
Marriage, even a fake one, was bound to change a lot of things. He couldn’t just go haring off on leads anymore, not without people talking. And people talking about his and Inara’s “relationship” in anything other than a positive way was not part of the agreement. And sure, on the outside, it looked like she was the one in his debt. She had been the one to ask for his help, after all, and she had needed him to help her out of a tight situation. But Simon knew that she was the one holding the strings here. She already had the paper that gave her the benefit of his name, but he had to continue trusting her to help him find his sister. And people might not assume this was a marriage for money – after all, a Core doctor was a highly respected and highly paid position, but the truth was that he’d spent all of his savings to find River. That when Inara had found him he was running a small, impromptu clinic out of his lodgings on some border moon to earn enough to eat and continue searching.
He stared blankly around his room. He had grown up with rich furnishings like this, and even though he had never been an incredibly materialistic person, he still would have said he’d spend his life in similar situations. But now it just felt…constricting, after months of searching everywhere for a way to get River out of the trap she’d willing gone into. He knew she needed his help, and he was desperately afraid that she was running out of time, and that silken throw pillows and lavender scented candles weren’t going to help him.
He looked up as Inara entered. “I thought you might like to see this,” she said, offering him the data stick she was carrying. Simon took it automatically. “I’ll have more in a few days, but this is what my contact could find on short notice.” Her voice was calm and smooth, not betraying any hint of awkwardness over their unusual situation. Then again, he would have expected nothing less of a trained Companion.
“I figured I’d have to wait until after the ‘honeymoon’ so people wouldn’t talk,” he said, trying to make it a lame joke. But he knew he hadn’t taken all of the bitterness out of his voice when he saw her forehead furrow slightly as she studied him, betraying no other sign of emotion.
“I put in a call to my closest contacts soon after our agreement,” she said. She studied him for a few more excruciating moments. “I think we need to talk,” she finally said. “About our relationship. We need to set some boundaries, for your sake as much as mine.”
Simon looked into the calm face that displayed none of the emotions he had been half-expected, swallowed, and nodded. “I think that would be good.”
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Their suite on the ship they’d found to take them off of this miserable rock was big enough for them each to have their own room, but the walls were thin and the public rooms were small. Simon closed himself in his room as soon as possible; he was more at ease with Inara after their talk, but he wasn’t up to much socializing yet. He had too much to think about, both about his situation and about the data stick Inara had given him. It was more new information on River than he’d seen in months, and Inara was sure that she could find more. This could actually work, he could actually get her back.
But he wasn’t sure what he was going to get back. The information so far was…brutal, to put it as simply as possible. As simply as he had to – if he thought in detail about it, he would get sick again. He curled up on his bed in a ball, like he hadn’t since he was ten and had given himself nightmares watching forbidden medical dramas on the net. Even if Inara did get more information, he’d still have to get River out. And then what would he do? He’d still be married to Inara, and more likely than not, she’d still be doing the traveling that got her into trouble in the first place, and there was no way he could hide his fugitive sister on the kinds of commercial vessels Inara had been traveling on.
He wasn’t crying when Inara came into his room, but he had no idea how long he had been huddled there, staring blankly at the wall and doing everything in his power to not just give up or scream or break down. Because he wasn’t going to give up, not ever, not until he’d gotten River back, but sometimes it seemed like he’d have to keep trying forever and that he would never get anywhere. He didn’t react to the door opening, but he did flinch when he felt her hand on his shoulder. It was warm, and he wondered when he’d gotten so cold. Despite the intimacy of the touch, it didn’t feel intrusive, just comforting, and he was glad she didn’t try to touch him more or sit down, because he didn’t think the comfort would last through that. Still, he didn’t resist rolling back towards her so that it was easier to peer back at her over his shoulder.
“Do you need anything?” she said kindly. Somehow there was no patronization or pity in her tone. Neither did it enter her expression when he just shook his head mutely. The only thing he needed was to get his sister back and that was not going to happen any time soon.
“We entered this arrangement because it was a mutually beneficial decision and because both of us had extremely limited choices without it,” she said after a second. “But that doesn’t mean it has to remain a purely business arrangement. We made a long term commitment, and I think it would be helpful if we could…talk to each other, frankly. Maybe even as friends, eventually.”
She looked hopeful as she said it, although still as calm and collected as she always was, radiating that Companion aura even now when it was just the two of them. And when he looked at her, he could see the kind of woman whose company he would have wanted to enjoy once – if he could have pried himself away from the hospital or stopped stammering long enough to talk to. But that was the problem, because right then she wasn’t that woman, or the woman who was going to give him access to more resources to find his sister than he could have hoped to find on his own. The only thing that mattered at that moment was that she wasn’t his sister, and it filled him with guilt to be in the company of someone who was clearly such a kind person when his sister was still trapped.
They’re hurting us. He could hear it in River’s voice, even though it was only decoded words on a page that had gotten through to him.
He closed his eyes and curled on his side, turning his back on Inara. He heard her sigh. “We’ll get her back, Simon.” She didn’t sound angry at his rejection at all, and after those words he heard her leave.
It took him a few seconds to realize that the pillow under his cheek was becoming wet, and that he felt cold all over except where the heat from her hand lingered on his shoulder.
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A few days later it was Simon knocking shyly at Inara’s door, carefully holding the cup of tea he had made steady. At her muffled “Come in” he palmed the door open and peered into the room.
Even though this was only a week and a half long flight, Inara had somehow made her room much more personal than his. A brightly colored silk robe was laid across the chair, and a bright tangle of hair accessories on the nightstand gave the otherwise neutral room a splash of color. A small tray of incense covered the rather stale industrial odor with an exotic and refreshing scent he connected with Inara.
Inara herself was seated in front of the desk, brushing out her hair in long, unhurried strokes. Simon had never seen it entirely undone before, and he was hypnotized for a long second by how much of it there was. When she looked around at him, he hastened to clear his throat and say “I – uh – brought you some tea.” He held out the cup like it was some kind of talisman or magical remedy.
She took it with a smile and a thanks, even though he knew she had better quality tea stashed somewhere in her baggage. She wouldn’t break it out for herself though - it was for clients and important meetings. She looked a little less put together than normal, but far less upset than Simon knew she was.
“Why do you travel?” he asked before he remembered he was supposed to be making her feel better, “Why, when you know there are people like him?” Him being the other passenger who had had some misconceptions about Companions that Simon would have expected from some yokel from a border planet. Evidently not even all those from the more central worlds were as educated as he would have liked to imagine.
For a moment, it looked like his question was only going to bring up uncomfortable feelings again, but then her look changed from sad to thoughtful. “The people who could benefit most from my services don’t always reside on the core planets,” she said after a pause. She sipped her tea, face brightening a little. “I enjoy bringing my services to those who might not have the benefits of a licensed Companion otherwise.”
From anyone else, Simon would have found that explanation crass, maybe even made some of the same assumptions as the other passengers had. But he knew how seriously Inara took all aspects of being a Companion. Sex was only a part of it, or at least, the sex wasn’t always just about sex. “A little bit of beauty to the outer planets,” he offered shyly.
Inara beamed at him, and Simon felt his breath catch a little. “Thank you Simon,” she said, and suddenly she was getting up and coming to stand in front of him. “That is very sweet of you.” Her hands cupped his face and she kissed his forehead before he had time to get more than an impression of being surrounded by her silken robe and incense-like scent.
“Y-you’re welcome,” he stammered, drawing back a little automatically to give himself space to think. “I should—I should probably go—“ he fled when she released him, backing quickly towards the door.
“Thank you for the tea,” she called after him, sounding infinitely more cheerful. Simon had no idea why his ill-timed question had proved so cheering, but he felt off balance by it. He had been prepared to offer what meager comfort he could, in part because Inara had been extraordinarily comforting to him, but he didn’t know how to deal with a cheerful, beautiful, Inara who kissed him on the forehead without warning.
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Simon stuck to Inara’s side like glue, because there was a strong possibility that if he managed to get lost, one of the crew of this irreputable boat would kill him. Or shanghai him. Or infect him with…something. This ship - Serenity - was a long step down from the commercial liners they had been traveling on. A long, patchworked, grimy step. He wasn’t sure what they were doing here, but he hoped they were going to do it fast and leave, although the intrigued look in Inara’s eyes didn’t bode well for that.
That interest was masked, though, when the captain appeared to meet them. He was a younger man – younger than Simon would have supposed to be captaining his own ship. And Inara was…completely in business woman mode. Simon tried to follow suit and mask his own confusion, but luckily the captain didn’t pay much attention to him after the introduction, because Inara’s opening statement had his eyes bulging and his mouth unhinging.
“So Captain, I hear you have a shuttle you’re looking to rent out.”
He was starting to think that Inara had lost her mind as they were shown the shuttle. It was small, and while it had all the basic amenities, it certainly wasn’t fancy. They’d have to eat meals with the crew. And the captain had made at least three contradicting statements about Companions in the ten minutes he’d been talking to them. What was Inara thinking? This wasn’t a one-trek contract they were talking about either – it was open ended. Inara wasn’t just thinking about using this ship to get to her next destination, but to use it as their base. Still, he nodded in somewhat astounded agreement when the captain inquired if he would be willing to act as the ship’s physician – for a substantial discount on their rent, of course. There was no way he could be on a ship where someone needed medical attention and not give it – so he might as well just take the position, if Inara was going to put him in this situation.
“Trust me,” she whispered when she and the captain left to sign the paperwork, leaving Simon to stare about their newly-rented empty shuttle. There wasn’t even really space for them to have two separate beds, much less separate rooms, unless maybe they found a foldaway cot for him or something. Hopefully the infirmary would be much more substantial.
“I hear you’re gonna be our new doctor,” a bright voice from the doorway said. A girl stood there. Short, with bouncy brown hair and a grease smudged face that looked oddly mismatched with the bright colors of her shirt under her overalls.
“I believe so…yes,” Simon answered, uneasy because he didn’t precisely know anything and because this whole ship made him uneasy.
“Shiny!” The girl was either oblivious to his nerves or this cheerful all of the time. She was practically bouncing on her toes as she continued. “We ain’t had a real doctor in far too long. The Cap’n and Zoe know some doctorin’- from the war and all – but they can’t fix everything, and sometimes it ain’t pretty.” She pulled up the sleeve of her shirt to reveal a five or six inch scar down her forearm. It wasn’t pretty at all, and as Simon blinked at it, a part of him settled into Inara’s decision to bunk here because it looked like they needed him. And his sister needed him too, but if he was failing at helping her, at least he could be helping these people, right?
“Well, I gotta go – Serenity’s giving me some whinging and I want to check it out before there’s a real problem,” she said cheerily, and vanished before he had a chance to gather himself and ask any questions. Like how long ago the injury had happened, or what caused it, or what was done to treat it?
Still, the incident had aroused his out doctor instincts a little. Enough to make him feel like more than Inara’s tagalong husband. Enough to let him smile tentatively at Inara when she and the Captain reentered the shuttle. She smiled back at him, the relief that he was going along with this obvious. He even managed to smile a little at the Captain, and offer a firm hand to shake.
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His second actual conversation with someone from the ship looked to be almost as baffling and off-putting as his first. The Captain had responded to his query about the state of the infirmary with an offer to show Simon around himself, and by now Simon was positive this was partly because there was something he wanted to say to Simon privately while Inara wasn’t around. He mentally steeled himself as he looked over the surprisingly well stocked shelves. There was no telling what the Captain wanted to say. It could be anything from private medical information to some kind of attempt to use him to get to Inara.
But he wasn’t prepared at all to hear “So, Doc, Inara told me about what you’re trying to do…for your sister.”
Simon’s knuckles went white around the cabinet door he was holding open. “I’m sorry?” he said, turning slowly around. He groped for anything to say, any inkling as to why Inara would have felt the need to tell this guy about River. She’d never mentioned him as one of her contacts, and Simon hadn’t heard about him through any of his.
The Captain was watching him intently from the other side of the exam table. He didn’t look hostile or threatening, but Simon couldn’t read anything else from him. “I don’t – I…” he trailed off.
The Captain tilted his head consideringly. “You won’t find that the Alliance is all too popular ‘round here, Doc,” he said. “You might even find they’re downright unwelcome.” And Simon would have normally taken that as a threat, considering where he came from and where he used to work, but if Inara had told this man anything about his sister, then he’d know that Simon wasn’t Alliance. The Captain continued. “Some of us might not think they have the right to control us or this verse.” He readjusted his coat, and Simon’s eyes were drawn to it, really noticing for the first time that it was a distinctive shade of brown. Independent brown.
“They have a habit of taking…and keeping whatever they want,” he agreed cautiously. Before River disappeared, he’d never have considered treating with Independents. He hadn’t really considered politics at all, to be honest. The Core had the best medical program, the best hospitals, and after that, he’d only considered the patients. Politics was a poor second to human lives, and the hospital had consumed most of his waking hours. They were still second – to getting his sister back. But an Independent would certainly be more willing to help him bust her out, maybe even be willing to shelter them after.
“And they got no right to a man’s family,” the Captain said, still looking at Simon intently.
Simon felt his throat close up, and he swallowed convulsively. “They don’t,” he agreed hoarsely.
“I think we understand each other then. If there’s anything you desperately need for in here, just put it on a list and we’ll see what we can do. We’re not fancy, but we aim to be prepared.” And with a nod the Captain left. Simon stood staring at the door for a few long moments, trying to put himself back together again. Finally he was able to start making a rough inventory.
As he did so he silently swore that he would never doubt Inara again.
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That night they both slept side by side on the single bed in the shuttle. It was a generous sized bed, luxurious and comfortable, but Simon kept himself stiffly to one side. Inara had apologized for forcing such small quarters on him, but after the conversation he’d had with Captain Reynolds the tight space didn’t seem so unpalatable. Still, even that thought hadn’t toned down his embarrassment when it was time to sleep. He’d turned his back when she had started disrobing, hastily pulling on his own sleeping garb. And now he was lying on his back, wishing he could curl on his side, but turning to face her would seem too intimate, and he couldn’t bring himself to turn his back on her.
“Simon,” her voice came out of the darkness a bare foot away and he could feel the bed move as she shifted. “I’m sorry I brought you here, if this isn’t what you want. I thought –“
“It’s fine,” he quickly said, as he had before. Gathering his courage, strangely easier in the darkness, he continued. “I…had a talk with the captain this afternoon. It was very informative.”
The bed rustled again, and he jumped as her hand touched his arm. “Did I, did I do the right thing?” she asked, her voice suddenly much closer. “I thought, well, Malcolm Reynolds has a lot of connections with the Independents, and if anyone could help us… Even if we do have to share this shuttle.”
“No – yes!” he stammered. “I mean, thank you, so much. I know this ship isn’t exactly your…usual fare. But I feel…I feel…” His voice choked up and he dropped to a whisper. “I feel like I actually have a shot of finding River now…” He thought back to what she had just said. Us. And suddenly he turned on his side facing her. “We could find her. We could. Because of you.”
And she was right there, in the dark. Her hands coming around his shoulders, soothing him, drawing him closer until they were cuddled together. The silk of her hair and the freshness of her scent was everywhere, the sensations sharper now that he couldn’t see her. He hadn’t just-lain- this closely with anyone since he had River had been children, and he was caught between tensing with embarrassment and surging forward towards the warm comfort. Instead he ended up just trembling and letting her maneuver him until he was spooned up around her, his face pressed into her neck. When she started gently stroking his hair, he could feel himself start to cry, but she wouldn’t let him draw back.
“I’ve got you,” she whispered to him, shifting even closer.
“Thank you,” he breathed into her neck. But he knew it meant more than that. And from the way her arms tightened briefly around him, she knew too.
