Chapter Text
未来への進撃ーAbridged: Episode 1
Yasmin: Whoa wow that was like, such a weird dream. It's almost like I'm the main character of a fanfiction or something.
Marco: Hey Yasmin! Let's go up on the roof and contemplate the fate of humanity!
Yasmin: OK cool.
Eren: Whoa wow that was like, such a weird dream. It's almost like I'm the main character of a fanfiction or something.
Mikasa: Eren, do you have any idea what kind of series this is?
Eren: No. Why?
Mikasa: Being the main character probably isn't a good thing.
Eren: Pshaw, I'll be fine. They can't kill a main character off.
Mikasa: …
Eren: Anyway, look! Here comes the Survey Corps!
Shardis: I AM A BROKEN MAAAAAAAAAAN
Eren: Dude they're so cool.
Mikasa: Eren, please don't join the Survey Corps.
Eren: What? Sorry, wasn't listening.
Armin: Ughhhhhhhhhhhh leave me alooooone
Bully: You wanna piece o' me, kid?
Armin: Nooooo just shut up and leave me alooooone
Eren: HEY. THAT'S MY BEST FRIEND!
Mikasa: …
Bully: Oh shit shit shit Mikasa is here shit shit
Armin: Eren, you are embarrassing.
Eren: What?
Armin: Never mind.
Yasmin: I'm joining the military.
Pelin: Child, do you even know what you're saying?
Yasmin: I said that I'm joining the military.
Pelin: You're also grounded. Go to your room.
Yasmin: Bruh.
Yasmin: Sorry to keep you waiting, Marco. I had to sneak out of the house for this.
Marco: Wow, I mean, maybe if your mom is that opposed we should--
Yasmin: YOLO.
Marco: OK.
Marco: Well, we did it! We're at our first day of training.
Yasmin: Wow, yeah! I wonder what kind of awesome new people we'll meet!
Jean: S'up? You lovebirds joined together, huh?
Yasmin: I'm going to punch you in the face.
Marco: Yasmin, don't.
Shardis: I AM STILL A BROKEN MAN, AND SO I WILL DESTROY YOUR EGOS TO SATIATE MY OWN!!! YOU ALL ARE SCUM!!!
Erin: Can I go home?
Rosaleen: OMG come ooooon isn't this exciting, though?!
Milena: Hey!!
Yasmin: ??
Milena: I'm your new best friend!
Yasmin: You ain't got nothing on Marco.
Marco: Hey, Yasmin, Jean is actually a really nice guy--
Yasmin: OK let's go Milena.
Eren: GDI Jean you're such a douche bag.
Jean: Yeah, I know, but no hard feelings, right?
Eren: Fuck you.
Mikasa: …
Jean: ...And also your lady friend is hella. Just. By the way.
Yasmin: OK, first day of training.
Reiner: Hi, I'm Reiner Braun.
Yasmin: You're very large for a twelve-year-old.
Reiner: Hehe, thanks. Oh, this is my best friend Bertholdt.
Bertholdt: This is uncomfortable.
Yasmin: Hi, Bertholdt.
Bertholdt: Can we go home now?
Reiner: ...Bruh.
Bertholdt: Oh my god I'm so sorry did I trigger you I'm sorry I--
Armin: So where are you guys from?
Bertholdt: We're from a small village in the mountains.
Reiner: …
Bertholdt: Oh I'm so sorry I did it again didn't I I'm sorry I just--
Shardis: OK So I think I have my life kind of in order again so I can properly evaluate these brats. ...They all pass because they lived through training. There, done. Time for a beer.
Marco: You're not strong, Jean.
Jean: What the hell, Marco.
Marco: You're really strong, Yasmin.
Yasmin: What the hell, Marco.
Rosaleen: So why did you join the army, guys?
Milena: I want to do something with my life!
Yasmin: I want to know the truth about what's out there!
Erin: I don't even fucking know. This is entirely your fault.
Rosaleen: Are you gay for Annie?
Erin: As gay as you are for Mikasa.
Olivia: Yo.
Yasmin: I'm gay for that girl.
Olivia: Eyyyy.
Yasmin: Eyyyy.
Yasmin: Wow, Esra, you're in the military now, too?
Esra: Yep. Gonna beat you at your own game.
Yasmin: What
Esra: What
Marco: I can't wait to join the Military Police, wow!
Jean: Same, man, same.
Eren: FUCK YOU ALL, JOIN THE SURVEY CORPS. JAEGER, OUT.
Eren: Hey, look, it's the Survey Corps! They're a lot less pathetic after five years! I wonder why...
Erwin: Yo.
Levi: Yo.
Hanji: Yoooooooo.
Rowen: Survey Corps for liiiiife.
Catherine: You're all such fucking losers.
Eren: Wow, humanity is actually doing stuff now! This is so exciting!
Colossal Titan: Hey.
Eren: FOR FUCK'S SAKE, MAN.
Erin: We're fucking doomed.
Milena: Yeah this sucks.
Rosaleen: Don't worry! At least none of our close friends were involved.
Bertholdt: Well, this is awkward.
Armin: This is such a mess and we're all gonna die.
Mikasa: Eren Eren Eren do not go off on your own or you are hella dead do you hear me child
Eren: I need new friends.
Armin: Wow, I am beING CONSUMED THIS IS BAD
Eren: Hang on, man! I got you!
Armin: Wow thanks--
Eren: LOL now I'm dead.
Armin: F u c k
Krista: All of our friends are dying, I'm so upset!
Ymir: Whatever.
Connie: Shut up, you bitch!
Krista: Hey! She's a bitch but she's my bitch, dammit!
Jean: We're so doomed.
Connie: Wait, here comes Mikasa!
Mikasa: Armin, where's Eren?
Armin: H-he's dead...
Mikasa: Well bump this shit. Mikasa, out.
Connie: OK never mind.
Mikasa: I'm so alone.
Armin: Um. Rude.
Rosaleen: Wow, look at that Titan!
Erin: He's kinda hot.
Rosaleen: I know, right.
Armin: All right, everyone, since I'm the only one with any kind of decent IQ, here's the plan. And I'm counting on all of you to execute it.
Bertholdt: Um, but--
Reiner: Done.
Bertholdt: Oh my god Reiner I swear to fUCK
Eren: Hey, guys, I'm back!
Mikasa: YOU ARE A LIFE RUINER.
Armin: You're also apparently have lizard powers.
Eren: I want to kill .
Armin: What.
Eren: Wait what wHAT WHY ARE YOU ALL LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT
Milena: Dude, we haven't been in the last, like, two chapters.
Yasmin: I know right. I have no idea what's going on.
Milena: It might be better that way.
Yasmin: Word.