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The typical cold and eternal night came to Mondstadt once the full moon rose in the sky accompanied by twinkling stars.
The wind, usually warm during the day, was now chilling to the bone in its wake. It was easy to catch a cold this time of year.
The fingers barely feel glued to the hand, so frozen that they lose sensitivity to touch. Reddish noses from the cold, uncomfortable when exposed to the open air. All those who didn't carry a pyro vision or don't even carry a vision in the first place feel these effects during the winter.
Diluc couldn't be more grateful for the object that he hung on his hip. He has always hated the cold, and thanks to the archons he didn't have to endure it for so long since he got the vision as a child.
Walking through the streets of Mond at night was not something unusual for him, a feeling somewhat similar to happiness flooded him when he noticed that all the citizens had already gone to sleep. Although somewhat unusual for most, Diluc's destination was the Headquarters of the Knights of Favonius. Despite not being on good terms with them in general, he still had some issues to settle with the Acting Grandmaster.
On his monthly visits, when he arrives at the building he always expects to see Jean sitting patiently waiting at her desk, whether it's incredibly late or even early morning. She would give him a small smile and invite him to sit down. They would have a short talk about their day and then spend the rest of the night talking about work and protecting the city.
The usual. They always begin and end their quick encounters this way. Diluc was already used to it, and in fact he was even comfortable being able to catch up with his closest childhood friend.
But tonight, everything was completely different.
Diluc walked through the dark and empty corridors, the only poor lighting was a couple of candles about to go out and attached to the walls next to the elegant doors.
There was total silence, not a single soul was around. Perhaps Diluc had been late and had arrived a few hours later than he usually visits. He didn't know for sure.
He approached Jean's office, raised his fist to knock on the door to announce his arrival, but a muffled voice from inside the room interrupted him. Diluc stood still, his hand froze in the middle of the movement at the same time that he began to prick up his ears to listen carefully.
Was Jean talking to someone else?
The door was ajar, Diluc realized later. With great care and extreme silence, he pushed slightly with his fingertips to open it further.
When the door was a little more open to be able to see inside the office, Diluc could tell that the unknown voice came from Kaeya.
The office was very well lit unlike the corridors. Diluc could easily see Jean in front of his brother, who had his head lowered.
Testing his abilities to be as quiet as a mouse and be able to hear their conversation well, he leaned near the door, making sure not to be seen, and began to pay attention.
"You're being dramatic, it's not that bad." Kaeya said in an attempt to sound cheerful, but he sounded so tired that it was useless.
Jean showed concern in her facial features, but this concern looked more genuine than other times. "It's not that bad? Kaeya.. You overdid it this time."
There was a little silence. Kaeya avoided eye contact like the plague, it was already very embarrassing that Jean was taking his arms with extreme delicacy to see the wounds.
The woman took the captain's right arm gently, aware of the thick liquid that ran down the reddish lines. Kaeya resisted the urge to move away and cover his wrists, it felt so pathetic under the gaze of his childhood friend.
Jean pursed her lips, her brows arched in concern. "I just want you to be okay, Kae. These injuries… It worries me. You worry me."
She used her other hand to grasp a cloth and some bandages, still holding Kaeya's arm so lovingly that he felt sick. Undeserved of this attention. He should be rotting in some corner of his lonely house while he feels himself sinking into his own misery.
Jean began to clean the blood so carefully so as not to hurt him. The cuts weren't that deep, but his entire forearm was streaked with red lines so fresh that most of them were still oozing blood.
Kaeya didn't want to watch Jean take care of him, he didn't want to see how the wounds healed.
"It's nothing, I'm fine. It's just…" Kaeya couldn't follow the sentence. He couldn't find another excuse to throw. His voice cracked on the last word.
He felt so small.
Jean stopped her movements for a moment and looked at Kaeya, not caring that he wasn't looking at her. "Kae, you are not fine." She let out a careful whisper, and Kaeya could feel his chest crack even more.
She said it like a fact, like it was obvious. Jean looked again at the blood and resumed her task, and when she saw that the cuts were clean she began to bandage the arm.
When finished, she caressed the bandage that covered the injured skin and looked up again to observe the solitary eye with a star-shaped pupil.
"Please, talk to me." At this point, she was pleading. "I'm your friend. I'll listen to everything you have to say."
And Kaeya processed her words. In a wild second, in a weak moment, Kaeya actually considered letting go of everything he had on his mind to finally free himself from the guilt that ate him day and night without rest.
But it was so hard to talk.
It was so hard to put into words the monster that lived in his chest. It's hard to express yourself without feeling like an absolute and terribly selfish piece of shit for wanting to give up life and all the ties it brings with it. It is difficult to find the confidence to put the most disgusting and horrible thoughts of him on another person and still hope that this person does not walk away from him after so much trouble flooding his head.
He didn't know how to start. He didn't know how to tell the only person who supported him in recent years that he just wanted to sleep forever and never feel the oxygen enter his lungs again.
But when Jean's hand that wasn't holding his arm went to his cheek and caressed the skin there, he found the words he was looking for.
"I don't like myself, Jean."
Her eyes widened sadly, but she didn't take her hand from his cheek. "Why?"
Kaeya finally raised his eye and looked at her. And Jean had never seen her friend so depressed and without energy before.
"Because I don't know how to do anything else besides break things."
A single tear slipped down his cheek that was quickly wiped away by Jean's thumb. "That's not true, you have helped me and many people countless times." She tried to cheer him up.
Kaeya gave a humorless laugh. "Diluc wouldn't think that."
The spy who was listening intently to the conversation shuddered at the mention of his name.
"Diluc has broken a lot of things too, Kaeya. He broke you."
At that, Kaeya felt that he was going to burst into tears when he felt his lip tremble, so he lowered his gaze to the floor again. But Jean wasn't going to let him get sidetracked and lost in his thoughts like he often does. "Kae, hey.. listen to me.."
This time Jean grabbed both of the captain's cheeks, making physical contact keep him present. "This isn't a competition to see who broke the most stuff. That's not what's important. What really matters here is how we fix those things we break and move on because we're able to move on, okay?" She emphasized the last words, waiting for Kaeya to get the message.
The captain could not hold out any longer, and the dam finally broke after four years due to the weight it was carrying.
The crying started slowly. He clenched his teeth as his eye clouded with tears, a small sob escaped his lips and that was enough for the held back tears to be released. His brows went up, he was so frustrated by the emotions running through his mind to the point that he felt dizzy.
Jean didn't hesitate another second and quickly, but carefully for the cuts, wrapped her arms around Kaeya's trembling and weak body and hid his head on her shoulder, holding him protectively.
And Jean continued to speak because she knew Kaeya so well, she knew he needed more words.
"Everything you're going through is not your fault Kae. Nothing is your fault." She spoke softly in his ear while she felt how the captain's sobs made his entire body tremble. "You don't deserve to be hurt like that by anyone, not even yourself. You've been doing the best you can, you have to try to stop beating yourself up for not always being okay. It's okay not to be okay, even if it's just for a day or two or even weeks. You are allowed to feel things besides happiness, Kae."
As Jean spoke Kaeya frantically shook his head, tears still falling down from his starry eye. "N-no... that's not true... I-I don't deserve it."
"Of course you do, Kaeya! You deserve to feel loved!" Jean hugged him tighter, ever mindful of his injuries. "I'll tell you as many times as it takes, and I'll never stop thinking that. We all love you here, and we'll all help you love yourself."
Kaeya closed his eye in anguish, the tears continuing to flow down. He pulled away from Jean's embrace and looked down at his bandaged arm. "L-look at me, Jean. How can you be able to love me?"
"These wounds show your fight and strength, they show how much you are struggling with everything."
Kaeya shakes his head again. "I am weak. I don't know if I can continue living like this."
Jean looked at him anguished, her expression filled with fear upon hearing his words. Stunned, she didn't know what to say. And instead, she forcefully shook her head and hugged Kaeya again. "Don't say that... please don't..."
Kaeya wrapped his own arms around Jean and hid his face back into her shoulder. "I'm sorry... I'm just tired." He murmured with his raspy voice, in his words the tiredness that he mentioned was heard.
She tried to fight back her own tears but at this point it was impossible. "Don't worry... we'll help you. You'll be fine, you'll get better. We're here for you."
Kaeya gave a small sigh, his eyelid feeling heavy enough to let it close completely. They stood there holding each other as Jean continued to whisper soft words to calm them both, her hand slid to Kaeya's back and she began to caress him gently.
Meanwhile, the man that was listening at the door was conflicted.
He tried to take in everything he had just heard and seen, but it was just too much.
He learned that Kaeya had thoughts of death and wished to reach it with his cold fingers. He watched as blood ran down his arms in wounds that clearly weren't from a fight with some enemy.
What kind of big brother was he? His little brother was struggling to survive, and he had no idea. Regardless of how strained their relationship is, that doesn't mean Diluc doesn't care about the other man's life.
Finally, after so many mixed thoughts running through his head, he worked up the courage to let them know of his presence.
Diluc entered the office in silence, but the squeak of the door opening fully alarmed Jean who quickly looked in his direction. Seeing that it was he who had entered, her tense shoulders visibly relaxed as she heaved a relieved sigh.
Diluc observed the scene in front of him. Jean tightly hugging Kaeya who was sleeping with traces of tears on his cheek, they both looked so tired and devastated.
Jean wanted to wipe away her own tears but didn't want to let go of her friend, so she simply swallowed her embarrassment. She and Diluc exchanged a look, Diluc pursed his lips and approached them with an expression that made Jean understand that he had witnessed everything.
And Diluc did something that surprised both of them.
He wrapped his arms around his childhood best friend and his little brother. He hugged them both like they used to hug each other in adolescence, where they were so inseparable that it was impossible not to see them together all day.
And Jean realized that she couldn't care less about crying in front of Diluc. He and Kaeya were the ones she shared her secrets with after all.
They both cared deeply for Kaeya. Seeing him like this awakened something in Diluc that made him want to protect him from the world. They would do anything to make Kaeya feel better about himself.
Jean allowed herself to sink into the embrace. It felt good to be together again.
The three of them had their eyes closed, focused on the feeling of being together again. Even though Kaeya was unconscious.
"We'll get through this." And of that Diluc was sure.