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“You want me to help you with what ?” Tony stared down at Steve, who was sitting on a couch in the Avengers’ living room.
Steve looked up at him. It wasn’t quite his puppy eyes yet, but it was close. “Installing a dating app. Please?”
Tony knew Steve knew how to install apps. He’d shown it to him once, and as with everything, he picked it up immediately and had successfully installed Twitter, a weather app, news apps, and flappy bird. (Those were the ones Steve had proudly showed him on that same day. He most certainly had installed more apps since without Tony’s knowledge.)
But Tony was Tony, and besides Steve being one of his best friends, he also was absolutely smitten with the guy, so naturally he had to help him out. Even if it meant facing the fact that Steve was actually pursuing people. To date. People who were not him.
Tony let himself fall down on the couch. “Sure thing, which one were you looking for?”
After installing the app, Tony gave the phone back to Steve, but didn’t manage to make a swift exit. “What username should I pick”, Steve wanted to know, “how do I post enough of me in photos without giving away who I am?” (because Cap didn’t want people to know he was Captain America, and oh, Tony had so many feelings about that), “what was the meme called you showed me last week?”, “what show did we watch two and a half months ago?”, and on and on.
So he patiently sat next to Steve, helping him enter his favorite shows and memes, cropping photos while considering if the background was giving away too much information, and came up with a good username.
When Steve was finished creating his profile, there was only the question about gender preferences left, and Steve carefully ticked all boxes. A loading screen appeared, and then the first match ca-
Wait. What?
“Huh?”, Tony said, very intelligently.
Steve didn’t look over at him, but nodded. “You know, I kinda agree. That mustache is… a lot. I didn’t even know there were people who dyed facial hair green.”
Tony stared at Green Mustache Guy. Emphasis on guy . At Steve. Back at the phone screen, which now showed a woman with purple and red hair.
Oblivious to Tony’s mental bluescreen, Steve kept talking. “Not that I have anything against colorful hair, but I don’t think bright purple and red is a good combination. The artist in me is not happy with these specific colors.”
Tony cleared his throat. Wondered what he should say. In the end, he decided to just be casual. “You know, you never mentioned you were bi.” Okay, maybe more direct than casual.
Steve looked at him. “You know, neither did you. But unlike me, you have actual articles discussing your sexuality, available for the whole world to read online. I guess the only thing that’s left for me is probably a heavily redacted protocol from that one time I wasn’t careful enough on my USO tour.”
“You’re bi? And comfortable enough in this century that you want to date?”
“Yes?”
“And you’re looking on a dating app?!”
Steve shrugged. “Well, I thought that was the modern thing to do.”
“But you have. People here. And like. Um.” He had no idea where he was going with that.
“People here?”
“Yes, yes. Like. Thor. “ Dammit, Tony. Get your shit together. “You could ask Thor on a date?”
“Thor.” Steve looked very amused. “What makes you think I’d want to date Thor?”
“Big muscley blond with golden retriever vibe, who wouldn’t want to date Thor?”
Steve leaned back on the couch, not breaking eye contact. “You know, Tony, I think that’s not really what you meant.”
“Yeah you’re right, just because that’s my type doesn’t mean that’s yours. I could set you up on a date? I know people.”
Steve looked at him as if he was especially dense. That was a first. “You know people.”
“I know people.” Tony nodded enthusiastically. He could do that. He could find someone perfect for Steve. And then have a little cry over it.
“Well okay then.” Steve leaned back. “Take notes.”
Tony dutifully opened his StarkPad. Mostly so he had a reason not to look at Steve, since he could always ask JARVIS to search in the record of their conversation.
“So we’ve covered that I don’t particularly mind the gender of the person, but I do have a soft spot for brunettes. I couldn't care less about body type, but given my post-serum body it’s likely that they’re shorter than me, which I guess would be nice? I’m not looking for a Thor, if you know what I mean. It would be great if they’re sure about their sexuality, but again, I don’t mind. I like someone witty who’s not afraid of clashing opinions with me, and isn’t afraid of calling me out on my bullshit. They shouldn’t constantly see me as Captain America, I want to be just Steve. But it’s fine if they call me Cap, and I’m okay with dating a fan.”
Tony could feel Steve looking very intensely at him. He kept typing.
“They should have a sense of humor, even if I don’t always understand every joke, and I definitely like me a smart person, even if they’re a bit of a smartass. Or a dumbass. Like, really stupid.”
Tony looked at him quizzically.
“And it would be great if they like helping people out. I’m definitely attracted to someone who’s selfless. So selfless that they’re literally helping someone even though doing that hurts them.”
“That’s oddly specific.”
“Did I mention dumbass? Like, really stupid?”
“Yeah, I’ve noted that, it’s a little weird, not gonna lie.”
“You could add ‘offers to fly me around’ to the list. ‘Offers me a place in their workshop when I feel alone everywhere else’. And add, this time in capitals, ‘fucking dumbass’.”
“You just said fuck.” And then, “you want to date me ?” And then, “did you just call me stupid?”
Steve rolled his eyes, but was grinning. And blushing. He did look a little nervous now.
“But why didn’t you just ask?”
“Nat said it might be a good idea to come out to you first, but I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. And I thought maybe the added bit of jealousy would make you make a move. I forgot how oblivious you are about people liking you.”