Chapter Text
Katsuki throws Deku’s notebook out the window, telling him to take a swan dive off the roof and walks away.
Later that school day, chaos ensues around Katsuki as many students run down the hallways passing him in the process.
“OI!! What’s all the commotion?” He asked irritatedly.
One of the boys who passed him, points in the direction he’s running, and yells, “Everyone’s saying Midoriya is on the roof!!”
He had this sort of expression out of excitement. Katsuki stood there almost confused.
Why is he on the roof?…shouldn’t he be going back to his house to do his nerdy crap?
And then it dawned on him. His eyes widen and his fists clench. He grits his teeth and with full force, runs down the hallway, determined to pass everyone who already passed him.
The difference here is everyone was eager and kind of excited. While Katsuki felt a heavy weight in his gut and he felt sick to his stomach, guessing what was about to happen while the whole school is oblivious to the very evident situation at hand.
Everyone’s outside staring up at the roof while Izuku Midoriya stands there with the most empty eyes. No life in his expression. Those once very sparkly eyes, now dull and desaturated as if someone drained all color from him. Katsuki staggers in place, feeling limp and dizzy. He clenches his uniform shirt and screams,
”Deku!!”
The boy on the roof then looks down as calm as ever and smiles brokenly. He spreads his arms and steps up to the ledge. The crowd around Katsuki cheering the boy on as if this was a prank.
“Hey Midoriya!! Are you finally showing us your quirk?? Why else would you show us this performance??”
A random student asks very snarky. Katsuki looks to his left and to his right frantically as if he was the only one seeing the reality in what was going on. How was everyone acting like this wasn't a big deal? He sweats and clenches a fist as he's still gripping his uniform. He looks up at the boy with earnest eyes and screams as loud as he can.
”Deku!!! Get down from there you idiot!!”
Izuku smiles, "I already planned on it Kacchan...just as you said earlier..."
Katsuki gulps so hard he nearly throws up.
”Stop!!”
It's too late. The boy leans forward, letting gravity do the work. Suddenly this wasn't just a funny afternoon to everyone. Screams and yells from every mouth on the block. People who had happened to pass by were watching mortified not knowing what to do. People in homes at their windows in shock.
Every student panicking and screaming as their former acquaintance, is now broken on the ground. Some students who backed up last second have some blood sprinkled on their pants and skirts. Katsuki stands there in horror, stuck in place knowing this was his fault.
He pushed Izuku to his limit and telling him to kill himself was enough for him to actually do it. Izuku really did. His body lays there as nearly every student runs back inside of the school screaming and crying. The girls traumatized and the boys panicking.
Katsuki shakes and kneels down to the broken body of his childhood friend whom he bullied to death. He reaches out his hand to give a gentle poke on the boy’s bloody cheek.
With tears falling down his face he says in a shaky voice, “Come on you idiot…you didn’t actually…come on…get up…you have a quirk don’t you? This is just payback after all I’ve done to you…it’s a prank. I get it…”
He grits his teeth and grasps Izuku’s collar. Blood began to ooze underneath the boy’s broken body, barely touching Katsuki’s shoes. He shakes and yells at the top of his lungs angrily.
Teachers ran out of the building in full panic with phones and a hoard of students following behind them. The amount of noise was too much and all Katsuki could hear were the last words Izuku had said, with that pained gentle smile as if he was saying “it’s okay” even though this was all his fault.
Suddenly Izuku sits up and stares at him. Katsuki with tears and still holding his collar, blinks a few times.
“Dek-“
Izuku laughs. “You know…all you had to do was accept the fact I never got in your way and yet here you are, talking to my dead body that you decided to cause. I’d still be alive if you would just grow up. Haha you? Being the #1 hero someday? Nobody’s going to support a murderer.”
Everything went to black. Nobody was around him. The buildings disappeared and it was just him and the body of his former childhood friend. The blood underneath began to spread further and faster until the ground was covered in it. Katsuki began shaking vigorously, barely able to keep eye contact with the one he used to call “Deku”.
The blood filled the entire alley and Katsuki was no longer holding onto the corpse. His body raising as the blood raised like they were in a tank. The sky was no longer there, creating nothing but a black ceiling.
Everything was vacant, leaving just the body and pools of blood filling this black void. He reaches the top and gasps for a big chunk of air before getting submerged in the warm red liquid.
Katsuki wakes up, lurching forward, chest heaving, sweating heavily into his clothes and the spot he was laying in. He looks at the time and it’s 4:27am. He puts his hand to his forehead with wide eyes and rests his arm on his knees, leaning forward trying to calm down with his other hand clamping his hair.
Just a dream huh?…what kind of crap was that?
He thought to himself as he scrunched his face in agitation.
That morning, he couldn’t go back to sleep from that nightmare. He’s been awake for hours trying to figure out how to distract himself and yet he couldn’t figure out what to do except scroll on his phone. He walked into class with bags under his eyes and saw Izuku chatting away with his friends as he sat in his normal seat, smiling like the cheery boy he is.
Katsuki stands in the doorway not moving. He watches him and guilt takes over his body. He clearly didn’t jump off the roof but Katsuki definitely told him to back in middle school. The fact here is that was the real part of the dream. Why didn’t Deku actually jump that day? He will never know. For the first time ever, Katsuki’s grateful to see the stupid green hair and annoying expressive, freckle face.
It was just a nightmare sure, but it deeply reflects his own guilt and feelings he’s always hidden away even from himself. He didn’t realize he felt this way until that nightmare scared the crap out of him, giving him PTSD. He can’t imagine how Izuku was feeling about it. What was he thinking when he was told to kill himself? Were they just words like everything else Katsuki has said before? Or did Izuku actually consider it that day…
Kirishima who was talking to Denki, turns around and sees Katsuki in the doorway standing as still as the wall, looking a little…afraid?…
“Yo! Bakugou!” Kirishima waves. “You gonna go sit down? What are you standing there for?”
He asks with his usual friendly shark smile and Katsuki looks at him, then puts on his usual face.
“Nothing, Weird Hair.“ Katsuki clicks his tongue and begins walking.
Izuku glances at him and smiles as the spiky haired blond heads over to the seat in front of him where he’s always sat.
“Good morning Kacchan!”
Katsuki sits down not even answering the boy. He just sets his bag down and slumps in his chair. Izuku could tell something was going on so he didn’t say anything, making sure not to make Katsuki feel worse with whatever was brewing in his head.
Throughout the day, Katsuki’s watched him. While Deku was walking with his friends, in the locker room getting ready for PE or training, or at lunch. He’s been watching silently from a good distance to not make it obvious.
Though he failed at that, since Izuku, knowing Katsuki, could see right through him that Katsuki clearly had something to say and just didn’t bother approaching him about it.
In the locker rooms as all the boys got into their hero costumes, Izuku could feel eyes on him. He looked around while iida was talking to him and he found the pair of eyes that were so focused as if nothing else in that room existed but him and Izuku.
Katsuki looks away and grabs a water from his locker as if he wasn’t just staring with the most serious expression. Izuku takes note of that.
Then again during training, while Aizawa gave them a small speech about what was going to happen today, Katsuki stared at the freckly boy. Izuku knew for a fact he was staring because it’s just a sense you get. He looked over anyway to address he knew but this time Katsuki didn’t look away.
They were both on the opposite sides of the student group, both in the back but furthest away from each other. Katsuki had this sort of, guilty yet agitated expression. Seriously, what’s wrong with him? While Izuku tilts his head and stares back intently with slight concern, that makes Katsuki’s stomach churn.
This made things worse because after all he’s done to Deku, here he is not looking that confused, but concerned. Which meant he could tell Katsuki was going through something.
Katsuki finally turns his head and looks back at the teacher.
How can he look at me like he wants to know what’s wrong? Shouldn’t he just be confused and look away like I don’t matter?…what an idiot…
He kicked a pebble that was by his boot. Izuku never looked away. He made sure to keep watching in case something else would occur.
He put his hand to his chin and thought, should I instigate the conversation first?…I don’t wanna assume anything but he never acts like this…I’m not sure if he’s avoiding me or preparing to talk to me…
Just then, Aizawa raises his hand and clicks his pen as he holds a clipboard.
“Alright kids, today’ll be different. Instead of pairs we’ll do groups of four. Kaminari, Bakugou, Kirishima, and Midoriya, you four are in charge of the rescue section over by the hills. Next is-“
Denki and Kirishima run to each other with immense bro energy but Izuku and Katsuki glance at each other with a mutual understanding that this is very awkward since they were just staring at each other moments prior.
Kirishima and Denki walk over to Katsuki and Kiri wraps his arm around his shoulders.
“So big shot! What’s the plan?”
“Get off of me.” he glances up as he sees movement. Izuku awkwardly walks towards them with his hand behind his neck and Denki punches his shoulder happily.
“Hey dude! I don’t think we’ve ever been paired like this! I’m kind of stoked.”
“Haha…” Izuku responds shyly. “Yeah…”
He catches Katsuki’s glare and averts eye contact by immediately switching to looking at the ground.
“So uhm…what are we going to start with?…”
Katsuki stands up straight, chest puffed out and hollers at the teacher as if respect was foreign.
“OY! Do we have instructions or do we just head over there?”
Aizawa rolls his eyes.
“Just head over there. Each location for each group has a mentor. Now shoo.”
The four start heading in that direction and Ochako and iida whisper to each other.
Ochako leans over with a worried look.
“Will Deku be okay?…”
Iida puts his hand to his glasses and says with a proud grin, “at the end of the day he always is. I’m sure today won’t be any different.”
Kirishima had his hands behind his head with his elbows out as he and Denki walked, bantering back and forth excitedly. They started to get on Katsuki’s nerves but Izuku was quiet. Way more than usual. The tension was higher and awkward. Maybe he should’ve tried harder to pretend he wasn’t staring but Katsuki wasn’t going to waste time putting on a fake act.
He just has a lot of emotions swirling around him like phantoms that won’t go away even if you tell them to. He knew that Deku could see through him which made it even more aggravating. Finally the boy spoke up and it startled Katsuki.
Izuku leaned over as quiet as he could so he doesn’t embarrass Katsuki in front of their teammates.
“Hey uhm…Kacchan?…”
“What, nerd.” He sighs trying to pretend everything’s normal.
Izuku puts his hand on his shoulder and Katsuki’s eyes widen as he stares at the boy in shock. Izuku’s expression was worry and concern. Just as it was when they were kids the time he reached out his hand to Katsuki who fell off the log.
Again, this stupid freckle face was worried about him like some kind of parent who doesn’t let their kid do a single thing on their own.
Katsuki instinctively by habit wants to push his hand off him but today was different and something didn’t let him push this guy away.
“You’ve been…off…are you okay?…”
Katsuki looks at his hand then back at his eyes in his classic irritation of ‘this is a warning. What do you think you’re doing?’ facial expression. Izuku jumps back and puts both hands behind his back like he didn’t do that.
“S-sorry.”
Katsuki rolls his eyes and looks up ahead, with a breathy voice, “I’m fine. Don’t worry about me, nerd”
“But-“
“I said I’m fine! ”
Kirishima and Denki turn around, walking backwards now to face the two.
Denki speaks. “Whoa guys, we haven’t even started. Can we not bicker?…”
Izuku nods awkwardly.
“Sorry…”
Katsuki just looks the other way, crossing his arms arrogantly. Clicking his tongue as a response.