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It had been six months since Gabriel regained his memory, and his life was better than it ever was before. He and Beelzebub had followed Crowley's advice and had retreated to Alpha Centauri. More accurately, they had built up a new life on a planet circling around the star Alpha Centauri A. Most of their time was spent building (miracling) a small cottage for themselves and exploring their new home planet, which humans wouldn't inhabit for another century or so.
Even though he wouldn't admit it to anyone, Gabriel might have drawn inspiration for their new house from the bookshop. To him, the bookshop had been a safe place. Aziraphale had done such an amazing job at making it feel warm and cozy, and he wanted his own home to be no different. Of course, Beelzebub had also added their own ideas, and together they had settled on a comfy yet mostly darker interior.
It was on one particular evening where he and Beelzebub had decided to test out the numerous flavors of tea they had picked up on their last trip to Earth. They hadn't fully gotten used to the earthly ways, but they were getting there.
Gabriel put a bag of Earl Gray into the second mug of water and watched with growing interest as the water, in fact, did not turn gray. Maybe he would never wrap his head around the human's strange ways of naming objects, but he had discovered that it was the taste that mattered most.
As he picked up both mugs from the counter, he walked past the window near the front of the house. He had made it a habit to peek through every time he passed, because there was no view like Alpha Centauri's. The way the colors mixed and flowed through the air without anyone overseeing them was so beautiful to him.
But that time he did not get to look at the sky, for two Ivory white wings ruined his view. They moved graciously through the air as the figure attached to them landed on the ground. Gabriel's stomach dropped because for a moment he feared that heaven had sent someone after them.
Then the figure straightened his posture, and he was met with a pair of teary, horrified eyes he had seen so many times before. In meetings back in heaven, on unexpected visits to earth, even at the supposed end of the world. They always had the same despair in them.
Gabriel placed the mugs back on the counter and marched to the front door. When he opened the door he stood face to face with the new supreme Archangel, yet he wasn't afraid.
''I- I'm so sorry.'' Aziraphale mumbled in a shaken voice. ''I don’t know why I came here... I didn't intend to; I was simply admiring the beautiful nebula when I saw Alpha Centauri. You said you'd be here, I should have respected your privacy...''
Aziraphale rambled on some more, but between his voice growing quieter and Gabriel losing himself in thought, neither would remember what was said. Gabriel's eyes scanned over the angel in front of him, from the cold grey suit that so closely resembled the one he'd worn to the combed back curls. He looked about as comfortable as a fish would on land.
''What... happened to you?'' Gabriel asked after a while. Aziraphale's eyes wandered around as he tried to find the words, but ultimately did nothing more than stumble. The moment his gaze finally met Gabriel's worried one, the dam broke.
''I made a huge mistake.'' Aziraphale whimpered softly. He gave up trying to blink the tears away, letting them roll freely for what had to be the first time in a century. ''I lost my best friend. I lost everything.''
Gabriel stared as the angel broke down in front of him. He had never been skilled in the emotions department, which had always been Aziraphale's area. But he couldn't just let the angel weep all on his own. At first, Gabriel placed both hands on Aziraphale's biceps in an effort to steady him, but it didn't feel right. It was like they were four thousand years back, and he was trying to give Aziraphale a sarcastic pep talk before sending him to a possible discorporation. All he knew was that he did not want to be that angel anymore.
So, with a small sigh, he wrapped one arm around Aziraphale's shaking form while pressing the angel's head into his shoulder with the other. He’d traded his tailored suit for a much cheaper sweater long ago, so it didn't matter if he got dirty.
''Please tell me you didn't take my old job.'' Gabriel whispered, almost begged. But the last hope he had was shattered as Aziraphale's cries became louder, drowning out any other sound nearby.
Neither of them said much for a while until Gabriel felt Beelzebub's eyes burning in his back. He turned to see them standing in the door opening with a confused expression. When they seemed to recognize the head of fuzzy white hair, however, their expression softened to one of sorrow.
Beelzebub slowly moved towards them. ''How about we invite Aziraphale inside? It's getting rather cold out here.''
At hearing his own name, Aziraphale shot up. ''Ah, yes. That would be... quite lovely. Thank you.'' he answered with a quavering voice. Even at his breaking point, the angel couldn't help but be polite.
Beelzebub gave him a small smile before leading both angels back into the house, where they took a seat with Aziraphale as Gabriel went back into the kitchen. Not too long after he returned with the two mugs of tea and a hot cocoa.
Gabriel offered the third mug to Aziraphale. ''Here, I know these cheer you up.''
''And I know what'll cheer him up even more.'' Beelzebub added as a sly grin curled their lips. With a lazy wave of their hand and a small miracle, a bottle of rum appeared on the table.
Aziraphale looked from Beelzebub to Gabriel, debating if it was appropriate for him to accept before he decided he didn't care enough. He poured as much alcohol into the mug as it could hold.
''I do apologize for the state I'm in.'' he mumbled in a rather stoic tone. ''Things got somewhat sour after you two left the bookshop. Metatron came to me with the job offer, and at the time I was so excited. He gave me the opportunity of freedom for both me and Crowley. He told me that with my authority as supreme Archangel, I would be able to Crowley make rise again-''
Beelzebub almost choked out their lukewarm tea, which only made Aziraphale sink deeper into the cushions of the couch.
''I know it was a horrible idea, but at the time I was so blinded by Metatron's words and the hope they gave me that I turned into an egoistic prick.” Aziraphale sobbed.
“All I wanted was for the both of us to be safe, and at the time I thought that heaven was the only way to do so.” He took a moment to wipe the tears from his eyes before downing half his mug in one go.
Gabriel couldn't help but eye him with a mixture of concern and sympathy. Every time he had encountered Aziraphale in the past, he had had a kind of determination to him. Like a fire that wouldn't go out no matter how hard you stomped on it, a curiosity that would never be satisfied. But as he looked at Aziraphale now, there was nothing left of it. No exited rambling, no stories, not even a twinkle in his eye. Instead, an almost empty shell sat in front of him with only regret and heartbreak left inside.
Heaven had a tendency to do that, Gabriel thought to himself.
''But why did you accept?'' Gabriel asked softly. The question earned him a confused look from Aziraphale, so he elaborated. ''I never thought you would return to heaven willingly, especially when you had the chance to run away. What made you turn back?''
Aziraphale rested his head in his hands, letting his fingers tangle into his hair. ''My entire existence, I have been hiding from heaven. I have been afraid of them since I was created. But even after everything I stubbornly held onto the belief that heaven was a force of good because I was too afraid of the alternative. That there was no good, only two sides equally as bad. I’m so tired of constantly being afraid of things outside of my control, and for once I got the chance to actually change things. To turn heaven into a force of good, or at least not one of evil.”
Both Gabriel and Beelzebub stared at him at a complete loss for words. In their experiences, every being in heaven and hell could relate to those feelings of despair, of constantly fearing a higher being who was playing with the universe for their own amusement. But neither of them had ever gone as far as doing something about it.
Gabriel got up without saying a word and sat down beside Aziraphale. He made no other move, instead choosing to wait for the other angel.
“I’ve started to question if it’s even possible.” Aziraphale breathed. “And even if it’s possible, maybe I’m not the angel to make it happen. I have not accomplished anything in heaven, I’ve barely been able to keep my head above water.”
Aziraphale took the last sip from his drink, but he didn’t put the mug down afterward. He clasped his trembling hands around it as if it was the only thing he had.
Beelzebub silently moved the bottle of rum closer to Aziraphale, but Gabriel snatched it away and put it behind the couch with a disapproving glare. More alcohol would definitely not solve this problem.
Aziraphale didn't notice. “You know what the worst part is? I risked everything I had, and it wasn’t even worth it. I lost every bit of freedom I had, Muriel has my bookshop with all my belongings and Crowley will most likely never speak to me again.”
His sobs did not only wreck through his body, but through the entire cottage. And no one tried to stop him.
Slowly, Gabriel put his hand on Aziraphale’s shoulder.
“Aziraphale.” He whispered. “You cannot give up now. You have just started in office and so they think they can walk all over you, but you can't let them. Heaven will not listen to you if you do not stand your ground. If you truly wish to change things, you will need more than a smile and some nice words. You need to show authority.''
Aziraphale's desperation only grew at Gabriel's words. ''I can't do that; you know I can't.''
Beelzebub pushed themselves up from their seat similarly to how Crowley would after three bottles of wine, then sat on Aziraphale's other side. "Angel, you cannot let the scum beneath you see you break; they'll sniff it like hellhounds. Shit like this is a matter of pure willpower, and you have enough of that.''
Gabriel nodded in agreement. '' If there’s anyone who could do this, it is definitely you. I have never met a being who had more ambition than you do. You have enough time to learn how to be more resistant, but you can't lose hope, not in yourself or Crowley.”
At that, the despair in Aziraphale's eyes momentarily faded. In its place came a twinkle of hope mixed with confusion.
''You wouldn't be able to get rid of that snake if you tried, Azi.'' Beelzebub snorted before loudly sipping their tea. They were almost lying on the couch at that point, because demons were apparently very bad at sitting.
''That demon has been after you for the last six thousand years, and if I have learned one thing about him, it is that he cannot let things go. Especially not when he loves them.''
Aziraphale let out a humorless chuckle from deep inside his throat. ''I cannot imagine he still loves me after all of this.''
''Oh, he does.'' Gabriel said flatly as if it was the simplest thing in existence. Maybe it was.
''When you left me alone with Crowley in the bookshop, he would tell me that if I caused any harm to you, he'd destroy me. At that time he didn't even know if I still had my powers, and I do not think he cared. He would've done everything he could to protect you.''
The sly expression was now gone from Beelzebub's face. Aziraphale put the mug on the table with a thud. His eyes were still brimming with tears, but there was also something new, as a small flame had ignited in them. His sobs softened, he roughly wiped his eyes and straightened himself.
''I suppose I should return the favor then.'' he mumbled as he took a small box from his chest pocket. It was a wooden box with golden lines forming a curly pattern on top that was engulfed with angelic energy.
''I understand that I have already taken up a lot of your time, but I'd like to make one more request. I've been holding onto this nifty thing for almost eighty years, but I never found the right time to give it to Crowley. After I became an Archangel I did some blessings on it so nothing could happen to him in case my plan failed. I just can't bring myself to give it to him personally.''
Gabriel slowly took the box from Aziraphale's hands, shifting it in his grasp. He felt like he should say something, but for a moment he was caught off guard by the miracles he now felt flowing through his fingertips. It was fine craftsmanship, especially for a new Archangel.
''Me and Bub go to earth from time to time to pick up things, it won't be too much trouble to make another stop.'' Gabriel assured. ''Is there a message you'd like to pass on as well?''
For a moment Aziraphale stayed silent. Then, he snapped his fingers, miracling a pen and piece of paper on the coffee table. ''I don't suppose a piece of paper will be much-added weight.'' He mumbled.
No words were spoken as the pen glided over the paper. Not that that was a particularly long period of time. Aziraphale wrote fast, as if he had the words ready long ago. Apart from Gabriel wondered if he had been practicing them in case he ever saw the demon again, just so he wouldn't accidentally say the wrong thing.
After a moment of silence Aziraphale folded the paper and handed it to Gabriel, who put it away along with the box. He escorted Aziraphale to the door, where turned around one last time.
''Again, I'd like to thank you for your hospitality, and for delivering the box. You two are just too kind.''
“You know I owe you way more than this.” Gabriel mumbled in a voice he had not once used in heaven.
“Oh, don’t be silly-“
“I’m not.” Gabriel interrupted. “After everything I’ve done to you over the past six thousand years, I owe you. I’m not sure if you can ever really forgive me for it, but I can at least try.”
He had almost expected Aziraphale to continue his polite rambling, to tell him it was all completely fine. But he only showed an understanding smile.
With a small sigh, he turned to the Nebula coloring the sky. The sun had begun to disappear under the horizon, resulting in the sky and area around them adopting the same warm glow.
They stood together for a while, gaping at the scene above them before Aziraphale broke the silence.
“Crowley was right. It is truly a waste that no human ever gets to see this.”