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MY NAME IS Y/N AND IM DATING NOBODY. Because im a lonly gworl who likes being quiwky and 100%. I go to a mix of watford and hogwarts which the fuck? When did they- when- how?
Anyways. Im in love ith draco malfoy and baz pitch, so quircky. But simon snow and harry potter are in my way of this whole affair!! Baz isn’t alive in the human sense, but draco is. So i can rely on draco for my questions.
Today, i walk into class. And at this point, i have no idea who the fucking is teaching because Hogwarts uses a different magic system than us. (Who the hell uses latin?? HP lmao)
Draco casts a spell im not willing to attempt to spell and simon looks at him weirdly.
“What the hell was that?”
“Uhm, ur mum?”
“i don.t’ have a mum.”
“oh, L.”
then baz walks in “stop talking to simon, hes mine.”
homosexual much? Anyways draco replies with “Uhm, no hes not. He’s mine.” The harry potter gasps loudly,
“OMG DRACO HOW COULD YOU?!??!?” Harry screeches, that get’s Mrs. Possibielfs attention, in which she explodes harry potter with a kaboom spell. Harry potter screeches as he explodes into nothing.
After class, i run into the wicked woods. The forbidden woods. When a Nphym comes by
“So did you find that vampi- Your not the chosen one.”
“No I’m Y/N”
“I never asked for your name..” Damn this thing is mean. She grabs a berry off a tree and puts it her mouth.
“Well, off i go.” She floats, flies, does something away from me when simon comes up behind me.
“I’m homo.” he says flatly. “And hope you know your never getting baz.”
I gasp “What?? Ofc i am!”
“Look at him” SImon points at baz then says to me “Does he looks straight?”
I look at the way hes standing crowching slightys, back straight still (band who??) and very hand gusture and hand talky. NO signs of gay though.
“He’s a walking pride flag Y/N.”
“Nah, i don’t see it.”
Might as well shoot my shot, Dracos next because harry potter exploded. I walk away from simon, and instead of talking to Baz, i book it to draco.
“So then I-” I tap on draco’s shoulder and he whips to face me “What do you wat pot- Y/N, Go the fuck away.”
I shake my head, “Draco, we need to talk.”
“Then lets talk here-”
“In private, meet me at the yew tree.” I run away as fast as possible, booking it for the yew tree.
A few minutes later, Draco shows up. “Draco im in love with you..”
“NAh, fuck it lets date y/n, Haryy potter’s dead, he was the love of my life.” he says before kissing me gently, then picking me up bridal style.
Everyone cheers loudly as we walk back in the gates to the school. BAz is gaping then looks at simon, and picks him up like its nothing.Simon gasps and you can sense the wave of magic that came off of him. Ew, gays.
Anyways. Draco yells “I AM THE CHOSEN ONE.” and simon screams “NO I AM, WHORE.”
Draco gasps loudly, “SAYS WHO SIMON SNOW.?”
“UH, TEH FUCKING WORLD??” Simon swears like a lame normal. Hes so lame. Hes so stupid. But hes hot.
“Draco.” i whisper into his ear, “lets poly with simon and baz..”
“Uh sure?” He was too stunned to speak.
Baz and simon agree. But simon’s magic kills me because its so stromg. And draco doesn’t give a shit and breaks up with simon and baz. BAz kisses simon happily.
_
"And tahts my life, God".
God looks at me, menicingly, “what the fuck y/n?”
I shrugh
“Not even satan wants you.”