Chapter Text
Wednesday found herself in one of the most hostile, unknown and unexpected scenarios of her twenty years of existence. On her vacations with her Uncle Fester, she had fought alligators and countless vermin, escaped ruined catacombs, and survived interrogations by people with questionable morals. But none of that compared to the discomfort and confusion that college parties caused her.
It was Saturday, and for some reason their so-called friends had begged her to go to a senior party in one of the campus dorms, claiming that if she did this time they would never ask her to do such a thing ever again. Bianca and Yoko had led the way in their threats, followed by support from Divina and her twin whose name Wednesday couldn't bother to remember, the pathetic pleas from Xavier and Ajax, and Eugene's pitiful smile. So she had accepted, as a concession for her future peace of mind.
Her roommate and best friend, Enid, had been more considerate of her, telling her that if she made an appearance, then she could leave when she saw fit throughout the night. They agreed to see each other back in her room, knowing that Wednesday would make a French exit as she always does.
The events that unfolded from their arrival followed a series of protocols that Wednesday could not understand, but by some kind of idiotic teenage game with rules she wasn’t informed about, she was now locked in some senior architect girl’s ensuite bathroom with Enid for exactly seven minutes.
“Yoko!”, the blonde banged the door with her fist. “It’s not funny, you’re not getting away with this!” The music from the room, a predictable pop song that sounded muffled and distant from the other side turned up its volume until they could barely hear what was happening outside.
“Sorry pup, the music is too loud!”, the girl yelled from the other side as a poor excuse, “Have fun!” They could hear her shit eating grin on her mischievous tone. Enid groaned and puffed some air before going back to where Wednesday was, next to the sink.
“Why do you blame Tanaka and not the rest of the baboons?”, the shorter girl asked unamused. She had other, more entertaining methods of passing the time, but she didn't understand why being locked in a bathroom had to be so dramatic.
“Because she’s stupid and this clearly is one of her stupid plans”, the blonde replied gritting her teeth.
“Plans?”, Wednesday raised an eyebrow.
“Do you know what seven minutes in heaven is, right?”, Enid asked with a humorless chuckle.
“My rigor mortis is not strong enough to reach that state, though in any case, I doubt it would end up going in that direction”, Wednesday replied, eyebrows frowning in confusion.
“No, silly. It’s a hookup game”, the taller girl explained. “You lock people together and expect that they will… well, you know, make out”.
She let out a dramatic sigh. “Yoko it’s convinced you and I have like 'a thing'”, she airquoted with her fingers, “and she’s been trying to set us up since the course started! She’s literally insufferable. How could you not notice?”
“I don't find her more insufferable than usual”, Wednesday hummed, “although I now realize that Barclay has been pestering me about you more than usual”.
Enid snapped her fingers. “There you got it! Bianca and Yoko have made an alliance and then convinced the rest”.
Wednesday leaned her back and one of her combat boots against the tiled wall. “And what is those leeches’ interest? Why do they think we have non-platonic feelings towards each other?”, she asked.
“They’re the biggest suckers for drama”, Enid replied resting her hip on the sink with her arms crossed, “We’re the best roommates ever and I’m the only person you’re actually nice to, so they’re convinced there’s something fishy”.
“I don't know what fish has to do with all this”, Wednesday deadpanned. Enid chuckled, used to her friend’s antics.
“I really love them, but they’re a pain in the ass sometimes”, the blonde rubbed her neck, “I don't know how to make them leave us alone”.
Wednesday stood up straight and bit the inside of her cheeks, scheming. “Let's give them exactly what they want”, she finally said.
“What”, mumbled Enid as she choked on her own saliva. Wednesday took a step forward and looked intensely at her roommate.
“Think about it. Their goal is to boost their ego by taking on this role of unsolicited matchmaker, so once their plan comes to an end, they have no other role to play. Ergo, once we are together, they'll leave us alone. Let's make them believe that their plan has worked and that we have, I quote, 'made out'. And you and I will be free”, she nodded, satisfied with her conclusion.
“So you want to fake-date me?”, Enid gestured between them.
“Correct”, Wednesday deadpanned.
“It could work… Okay, I’m up to it”. The blonde walked past her and paced back and forth in the small room. “But I don't want them to take the credit, it will go to their heads and then they will be even more annoying, at least Yoko”. She turned to the smaller girl and pointed at her with finger guns. “We've been dating for some time now and we were keeping it a secret. And like now we just stopped caring what other people think”.
“Sounds plausible. We can work through the details later”, Wednesday pondered, pursing her lips.
“Okay, then. Let’s do this”, she pumped herself up jumping a bit in the spot.
Wednesday smudged her black lipstick with her thumb. “Lipstick, good idea”, Enid chirped as she did the same with her raspberry lip gloss.
“Now, if you allow me” The Addams girl took a step forward and rubbed her smeared thumb at the corners of Enid's lips, her jaw, and continued down her neck.
“Wow, going bold, Addams”, the blonde chuckled.
“Bold of you to assume I wouldn’t, Sinclair”, Wednesday smirked back.
“My turn then”, Enid grinned doing the same down the shorter girl’s throat, “You’ll probably smell like raspberries now, sorry”. Wednesday wiped her thumb on her black jeans to get rid of crime evidence.
“Ah, the sacrifices we make for love”, she deadpanned sarcastically.
Enid raised her hands to Wednesday's head. “Don't touch my braids”, the shorter girl jolted defensively.
“Sorry, I was just going to push your bangs away a bit”, the blonde replied sheepishly.
Wednesday nodded, understanding the plan. “I will do it”.
Enid tousled her own hair as well. “Okay, what else?”, she tapped her mouth with her fingers, thinking.
“Untuck your t-shirt”, Wednesday told her after a pause.
“You’re really handsy, Wends”, Enid laughed as she took her pale pink t-shirt from her baby blue corduroy pants.
“If we want to keep the alibi, obviously we would have done this more times before and I would know what I wanted”, Wednesday explained nonchalantly.
“Alrighty then. You do the same”, Enid said swaying her fingers at the shorter girl’s checkered vest. “And undo two buttons on your shirt”. Wednesday groaned but complied. “Good job, babe, the blush gives it authenticity”, the blonde smirked teasingly.
“Shut up, nitwit”. They looked each other up and down.
“I think that’d be it. How much time do we have left?”, Enid asked.
“Eighty-five seconds”, Wednesday didn’t hesitate to answer.
“Are you bluffing or can you measure time without references?”
The shorter girl smirked. “Seventy-nine. A vital skill for navigation and bomb detonation. Seventy-seven”.
Enid stared nervously at the door, shifting her weight from one leg to the other. “We still have time to back down”, Wednesday said softly, trying to calm her roommate.
“No, no, I’m sure. I was just thinking that I don’t want it to get weird or awkward between us”, the blonde shook her head and looked at her with concerned blue eyes.
“It won’t”, the shorter girl reassured her, giving her a rare small smile. “I was thinking that they will probably flood us with questions once we get out looking like this. We haven't agreed to an alibi strong enough to sustain it in such a sudden attack”, Wednesday frowned at the unexpected gap in her plan.
“I have an idea, just play along”, Enid winked at her as she grabbed her hand.
The music’s volume dropped and they began to hear screams of a countdown. Wednesday looked Enid up and down and disheveled her pink sweater, letting it fall off one of the taller girl’s shoulders. After a brief nod of approvance, they turned to the door and waited for it to be opened. “Three, two, one, time’s up!” The door was flung open and they had to blink a couple of times to get used to the change in light. Incredulous looks and cheers greeted them, Wednesday held back a smirk, phase one of the plan successful.
“Hell yeah”, Ajax said out loud, breaking the two seconds of awkward silence.
“Guess you owe me fifty bucks, Tanaka”, Bianca said to the girl by her side, not hiding her smirk. Divina was shaking Yoko’s shoulder, who was still frozen in shock. Eugene gave Wednesday a small thumbs up, and Xavier took a long sip from his drink trying to stay nonchalant.
“Okay guys, great party, but it's getting like suuuper late and we have that super duper important essay for tomorrow and we should totally get it done”, Enid said in her usually bubbly tone, passing through their friend group toward the door while holding Wednesday’s hand. “Thanks for the invo, kisses to y’all, byeeee!”, she blew air kisses before disappearing in the crowd, dragging her roommate behind her.