Chapter Text
Chaos Reigns
McMorMick: What are ur thoughts on beans?
Exfuckingscuse me?
Canary: You heard the man
Did i?
McMorMick: Did you?
spar: no you didnt
McMorMick: Bitch I didnt ask you craog
spar: you literally texted the fucking group chat
Clyme: nyes
spar: what
Clyme: you ehahrd me man
Tolks: Not again
Clyme: I DIDNT GET INTO THE FLOUR
Tolks: You fucking did though 😕
Clyme: 😞
McMorMick: Dammit I expected a philosophical discussion from y'all and got nothing
🖕
spar: 🖕
Lightning Bug: 🖕
Tomato: Why are we flipping Kenny off again
spar: cuz
Tomato: 🖕
McMorMick: :(
You deserve this
Tolks: I think I agree
McMorMick: Dammit that's two out of three law enforcement people
Canary: Now its 3/3
McMorMick: You too?
Clyme: Phuck phou
McMorMick: WHAT
Tolks: Are you okay
Canary: phou phnow
... colton, no.
Canary: ph...
Clyme: phridin phn ph phiat
cartcart: phou pheally phave pho phee pht
stab: what the everloving fuck did i just open my phone too
spar: you might just want to close your phone and go back to work
Canary: phix pheet phwo phn ph phompact
stab: the fucking football practice ended
spar: well fuck you then i guess
stab: 🖕
Clyme: pho phlack
spar: 🖕
Clyme: now what the efuck did i do to desrve dthat man
spar: you and stan existed and thats a problem
Clyme: words bhurt bestie :')
stab: damn if i knew you hated me that much i never wouldve picked up my phone
Kite: Staaaaan the kids want to know where you are agaiiiin
stab: why are your students so interested in me lol
Kite: I don't see why they wouldn't be
cartcart: me neither
stab: its really unfair that you two always tag team me
Kite: ... You two berated me with compliments yesterday
stab: you deserved it fuck you
McMorMick: Oh damn now this is getting spicy as hell
Canary: Wheres the popcorn
dont ever mention popcorn again
Clyme: that was a sus sentence ash elll
i- no you
Clyme: welp ive been gonnt
Tolks: ...
Clyme: i swear to acfuck-
Tolks: ACs don't fuck, Clyde.
Clyme: WHAT
McMorMick changed CoreyCrabber's username to CoreCrabbery
YOU BITCH
WHY DO YOU EKEP CHANGIN GIT BACK
Ikr: Now you've turned into Clyde, buddy
SFSNFSNDFNSJFNL
Canary: Dw i mightve accidentally let them get into the flouw
Scooter: Flouw 🤨
Canary: Bruh maybe i had some too
😐
spar: what are you, tolkien?
Clyme: Clearly yds
Butterfly: aw jeez whatd i come into
stab: ive been asking myself the same damn thing
spar: i think we all have
Tolks: HEY
Tolks: STOP COMPARING ME TO THE NEUTRAL FACED EMOJI
Tolks: I DO N O T LOOK LIKE THAT
Clyme: i didnt know anyond could bae so oblivisuos to their own gorgoues face
Canary: ✨bae✨
Kite: Well fuck you all, I'm leaving
stab: dammit
cartcart: Why D:
Kite: I-... I'm a teacher, Cartman
Ikr: In the 👏worst👏damn👏subject
Kite: Fuck you, just because you don't know who George Washington is doesn't mean you can bash on history
Ikr: Wait who the fuck is Groeg Warshintinn
LifeIsPain: hes the first fucking president of the united states, Ike
Ikr: You're just as bad as Kyle is, buddy
Kite: I like Firkle more than you 😃
Ikr: Me too
Kite: Wait wha-
Canary: Didn't you say you have to get back to work
Kite: Fuck, I don't want to deal with the little assholes
Clyme: you chose this profession 😶
Kite: Don't ever complain to me about how long editing takes ever again
McMorMick: Damn, gottem
Clyme: so anywayu i fuckingn vgot back fto work them
:O
Canary: ... Why are you working them
Canary: Thats my job
Clyme: i-... im out- nope- shit- ive said too much-
Tolks: Wdym you've said too much
Clyme: 😶
Lightning Bug: i think clydes blackmailing them
yep, totally
Clyme: mhm this whole time
Butterfly: Well uh don't forget the blackmail I have for you, clyde
Clyme: o-oh
McMorMick: I- what 😃
Butterfly: ken we should go on a date or somethin' laterr
McMorMick: Oh FUCK flububububub
stab: WHAT
Tomato: KENNY WHAT
spar: what the everloving fuck
McMorMick: DOVA-
Magik man: 🙃
he said fuck you too
McMorMick: No he didn't 😭
Magik man: I did
McMorMick: Y'all don't even work at the same place
Magik man: ✨
McMorMick: I hope you know I'm getting you back for this
Magik man: You can try bitch
Magik man: You won't succeed
McMorMick: You underestimate my power
Magik man: Don't try it.
McMorMick: You were the Most Likely Person! It was said that you would destroy the Frif, not join them! It was you who'd bring balance to the Exertion, not leave it in darkness...
spar: fucking stop
Tomato: Who has the power to kick kenny again
stab: kyle left :')
Tomato: F U C K
Magik man: I hate you!
someone should boot dova too fuck this
McMorMick: You were my brother, Banabin... I loved you.
Magik man: Fucking dies
spar: holy shit please be done
Tomato: i am trying everything in my power to throw kenny
Lightning Bug: Im also doing that
McMorMick: Blueberry's influenced you two too much
Lightning Bug: Nope youre just annoying 😂
Tomato: you made me lose my train of thought :(
Im leaving now, fuck you all
spar: fuck you too 🖕
McMorMick: Fuck you man 🖕🖕
spar: fuck you too kenny 🖕
McMorMick: 🖕🖕
spar: 🖕🖕
Scooter: Oh fuck this not again
McMorMick: Fuck you too Scott 🖕🖕
Scooter: </3
yep, bye
McMorMick: 🖕
🖕😐
***
Corey snorted as they finally silenced their phone and set it down on the desk next to them, their gaze wandering through the room. It'd been a year since they moved to South Park with Colton, and things were going exceptionally well. They were worried about everything, especially given they don't exist in this universe and neither does Colton, but Kenny had some tricks up his sleeves to settle that issue. The blond wouldn't tell anyone what he did, exactly, but the problem was resolved. Their second concern was very quickly dissolved. No longer was the world's worst detective Harrison Yates employed at the station... but now, it was Detective Tolkien Black.
Needless to say, they were extremely happy to be working alongside both Tolkien and Colton. Not a lot of crime had been happening recently in South Park, yet when it did, the communications between the department were so much better than they'd expected.
Now, they sat in comfortable silence as they awaited a call that would require their expertise. They'd been assigned to the front office while they waited for a call, and Colton found himself in-training for actual police activity on the ground, although his primary job was still to be a pilot. They hummed contentedly as they sat comfortably, their eyes moving up as they heard the door open.
They grinned widely as Clyde met their gaze, returning the smile. In his hand, he held lunch for his husband. The taller had been at work more recently, investigating some new crimes that had recently been occurring. Clyde dropped by every day and often tried to help out around the precinct.
"Hey Clyme," Corey greeted jokingly, and immediately Clyde tried to glare at them, although he was grinning widely.
"I misspell my name once," he replied. "And now this."
"I hate to break it to you, but you've done that more than once," Corey said in response.
"Okay CoreCrabbery," the other spoke, rolling his eyes.
Corey frowned at him. "You know what, I'm not letting you in now."
"Wh- but whyyy," he pouted.
"Fuck you, that's why," they joked, before reaching forward and hitting the button to unlock the door. There was a buzz before they glanced back at Clyde. "Fine, you can go in."
Clyde pumped a fist in the air in celebration. "Hell yeah!" He exclaimed, before turning and pulling the door open. "Thanks Crab." He disappeared into the precinct as Corey snorted. They sat back in their chair once again as they waited for their next assignment.
It was another few minutes later when a younger male they didn't recognize stepped through the doors, glancing around. He looked to be about 19 years of age, and he was about an inch shorter than Corey as he approached the taller. His eyes were a deep brown, the darkest they'd ever seen, but his curly hair was the same ashy brown as theirs was. He wore a dark gray, almost black, turtleneck, and on top of that he had on a black jacket. Around his neck was a thin gold necklace with a small rectangular pendant on the end. They blinked at him for a moment as he approached, before clearing their throat.
"How can I help you?" They asked politely.
"Where the fuck is Wyatt?" He asked in response, frustration in his voice. His glare seemed to bore through the bullet proof glass between them.
"Greybill?" They replied.
"Yeah, him," the male spoke. "Where is he?"
Corey thought for a moment. This kid was young, but they weren't sure what his intentions were. They tried to read his expression and only found anger, but they wondered if that was why he wanted to seek out Wyatt. Maybe he was looking for help.
"Once you get out of the doors, head left. Take the first left and cross the street, and from there, go East. It'll be on your left along that row of buildings." They pause, picking up a pen and writing down the name of the business. They slid it through the small gap, and the other took it before glancing down at it. "That's the place you're looking for. You might have to wait a bit to see him though."
The curly haired boy slowly nodded as he read over the name of the place. "Okay," he muttered. "Cool." He immediately turned and headed back to the exit.
"Have a good day, dude," Corey tried.
In response, they received a "Yeah, whatever," as the male shoved open the door using his arm, letting it slowly close as he disappeared from Corey's view.
Corey blinked before taking in a breath and shrugging. Truthfully, that was not the weirdest interaction they'd had since they got this job. It actually paled in comparison to the other interactions they'd had.
Still though, something was off. They hoped Wyatt could help him, if that's what he was seeking. If not... well, Wyatt had surprised the entire group in the past with his ability to defend himself. He could take every one of the Freedom Pals down, although he often tied with Kenny. He was a huge part of the team when it was still together. They all had been.
They glanced at the time. They still had a few hours left in their shift.
Corey glanced at their phone momentarily, before picking it up and opening his text messages with Wyatt.
Wy
hey, some kid came looking for you
i pointed him in your direction
Aw D: was he alright?
felt like he was angry or upset or something im not sure
let me know what happens, okay?
I will, thank you Cor :D
ofc 😌
They smiled and sighed contentedly. They genuinely enjoyed what they did. Sure, they had been unsure about it all when they first started training for it, but now it was safe to say they were no longer a level negative fourteen hero.
***
A few hours later, those in the Broflovski household scurried around the house, trying to get everything prepared. The three had guests coming over for the first time in a while, and they were ecstatic.
"Cartman, where's the salt and pepper?" Kyle called from the dining room, peeking his head into the kitchen.
"I don't know, ask Stan," the shorter replied, placing the finishing touches on their dinner.
"I didn't touch them!" Stan exclaimed as he moved into the kitchen past Kyle to grab more stuff to set the table.
"Stan, you always say that," Kyle pointed out, leaning on the doorway. "Remember when you said you didn't touch the TV remote and we found it on your damn workbench?"
Stan snorted and covered his face in embarrassment, and Cartman laughed loudly as he continued to cook. "To be fair I got distracted halfway through that task!" He argued.
"What task?" Kyle questioned. "Putting the remote down?" At this, Stan began to laugh harder, and Cartman rolled his eyes with a grin on his face.
The doorbell rang a few minutes later, and Kyle grinned in excitement as he moved over to it. Stan walked over with him, intertwining their fingers as they headed over to the door. Kyle reached out and settled a hand on the door knob. He briefly glanced at Stan. The black haired male smiled softly at the ginger, noting the pure excitement in his eyes.
Finally, Kyle turned the handle and opened the door.
Ike and Firkle smiled widely from outside, the former immediately enveloping Kyle in a tight hug while the latter waved at Stan, who returned the action. This was the first time in a year Kyle had seen Ike, and he was excited that the younger was finally here.
Ike parted from Kyle and glanced over at Stan, before his face contorted suspiciously.
"You and Stan aren't making dinner, right?" He questioned.
Kyle scoffed. "My cooking's not that bad!" He exclaimed. "Fuck you!"
"Damn," Firkle spoke up. "You're oblivious. I never want to eat anything made by you after that damn casserole."
"Yeah, I don't think it'd be healthy for us to eat anything you cook, Kite," Stan pitched in, chuckling nervously as he received a glare from the ginger.
"Stan, you managed to set our freezer on fire," Kyle shot back, his tone dangerously low.
Ike sucked a breath in through his teeth. "Really went right for the throat, buddy."
Cartman suddenly popped up behind Stan and Kyle, making them both jump. "Neither of you are allowed to touch a fucking cereal bowl," he stated, causing Ike to snicker. "And dinner's getting cold."
"Yeah, we just gonna stand out here all night?" Firkle asked, trying not to snort. "Damn conformists."
"Mmm, okay, buddy," Ike replied, looking at him. "I see you nonconformists despise fresh air."
Firkle snorted and smiled at the taller. "You dumbass."
"Come in you two," Stan suggested.
"Aw, we can't just lock them out?" Kyle pouted, jokingly. He was immediately punched lightly in the shoulder by his brother. He laughed before moving out of the way to let the two in.
"Jeez, finally," Ike spoke sarcastically, before moving inside. Kyle stuck out his tongue at the younger as he walked past. Firkle entered the home just after, receiving a hug from Stan before the family finally made their way over to the dinner table. The five finally got the chance to catch up, after college, and the army, and everything else that had been in their way. Ike and Firkle were finally home.
This was an amazing day.
***
"Hawthorne, perch," Wyatt ordered, and the owl chirped at him loudly. "Don't make me put you back in the forest!" Almost immediately, Hawthorne fluttered to the perch in the corner of the room, visibly pouting as he did so. Wyatt rolled his eyes as he turned back to the newest addition to the team: An American Kestrel that had been found just a few weeks ago with an injured leg and a broken wing, likely the product of a car.
"Pecan," Wyatt spoke. The small bird glanced up at him, having already learned his name. "Come here." The creature did nothing, only blinked at him with interest. The human repeated himself, this time using a hand to motion in front of him. "Come on," he said, smiling softly. The kestrel took a step toward him.
"There you go!" He exclaimed, and the bird proceeded to run over to him, noting the pride in the human's voice. When the bird got over to Wyatt, the other held out a small treat for the other. Pecan chirped as he took the treat, happily eating it. Hawthorne hooted in jealousy as he watched the interaction.
"Oh shush," Wyatt spoke, looking over at the older bird. "I haven't forgotten about you." He stood up and grabbed another treat, moving over to the perch before giving the food to the other. He took the treat and ate it, although he still pretended to be angry with the human.
Wyatt looked over toward the door a few moments later as he felt a presence, his eyes settling on the same young adult Corey had mentioned earlier in the day. He leaned against the frame, silently watching the older male.
"Oh, hello!" He exclaimed. "Can I help you?"
The younger male blinked at him, a look of anger crossing his expression before he finally spoke.
"Yeah," he replied. "You're Wyatt?"
"Yes," the shorter said with a nod. "May I ask your name?"
The other hesitated for a moment. "Braxton," he introduced. "Braxton Fox."
Wyatt smiled softly, gesturing toward the couch that patients usually sat on as he moved toward his chair. "Why don't you come in then?" He suggested.
Braxton glanced around the room hesitantly, crossing his arms as he thought. Abbey noticed his hesitation and pranced over to him, gently nudging him in the leg. He glanced down at her before moving forward, sitting down on the couch but never once moving his hands away from gripping his own arms.
Wyatt studied his expression carefully, noting the tired hesitance, the frustration, and the uncertainty that was present.
"What brings you here today?" Wyatt questioned. Braxton's gaze shifted around the room once more before he finally looked at the older male.
"I want some fucking information," he stated bluntly.
Wyatt blinked at him. "What sort of information?"
Braxton's expression slowly contorted into a look of hatred, the frustration in his eyes becoming more apparent.
"Colton," he stated, and Wyatt took in a breath. "You knew him."
The other slowly nodded.
"Tell me about him."