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When Regulus left in the early afternoon the sun was high and shining. It was suffocatingly hot outside. He put on the shortest and lightest clothes he felt comfortable in and left the house. He didn’t even want to leave the house. He had to go to university for a course he despises. He didn’t go last week, and the week before that was the first time in about three that he went. But he had to write a paper at the end of this course, so he went outside and took out the trash.
The trashcans outside were, of course, overflowing. They must pick it up tomorrow... hopefully. It’s summer, and trash and summer are just... not a good combination. It’s disgusting on all fronts. Why is it his job to take out the trash in summer? Well, it only is every other week. James does it the other one. Why can’t he do it all summer? He probably hates it as much as Regulus does.
After taking out the trash, he ran to the store because he needed to buy a new water bottle. His other one broke.
He just doesn’t have a lot of luck, does he?
He had a great idea a couple of weeks ago. It is so fucking warm and all he wants to do is drink iced coffee all day. So, he took his water bottle, filled it with iced coffee, milk, ice cubes and caramel sauce, and put it in the freezer, so he could take it with him whenever he needed. It was wonderful.
Last weekend, they had a family outing. Well, a “family” outing. It was a picnic with Sirius, Remus, and James’ parents. Which is, really, a family outing in the sense that it’s James’ family and Regulus’ brother, and Regulus doesn’t want to see any other of his family members. Regulus prepared his coffee for the day like so often, but when they wanted to leave that day, the bottle fell out of the freezer, hit the ground, and broke. He could not get his mood up for the entire day.
So, today, he needed to get a new bottle so he can at least take water with him when he leaves the house again. On that note, he also needed to buy something to drink, since he wouldn’t be able to refill his bottle until he reached his university.
The train ride takes about an hour. It was hot. It was sticky. There were people. It was a nightmare. He just wanted to go home, take off his clothes, and curl up somewhere until James came home.
Regulus finally got where he needed to go. And then he waited. He was early. He is always early because he hates being late, so he is always early instead. He is a very punctual person and prides himself in that, actually.
The minutes went by, and he got some other work done.
He contemplated texting James just because. But then he didn’t. He didn’t want to seem clingy. They’ve been dating for a couple of years and still, he didn’t want to seem clingy. He didn’t want to scare him off. Though, if you stay with a Black for about five years, that’s just your own fault at that point. Either you’re stupid or a masochist. Really, what was there that Regulus could do to scare James Potter off at this point? Probably not a lot.
He didn’t text though.
The minutes went by, and no one showed up. It wasn’t quite time for the course to start yet, but no one was there.
He has checked his emails about ten times today, hoping, begging, praying the course would get cancelled because of the heat or traffic or maybe someone was so gracious as to kill the teacher. No luck. Millions of times he has checked his emails.
He went to check them again. And there it was. Not in the e-mails but in the messages in the course app. The course was cancelled this morning.
So, Regulus sat there in his classroom and contemplated flinging himself out of the window. He cast a look outside, and the sun was gone. The sky was dark.
For a moment he thought “Good, the journey home won’t be as bloody hot.” But then he noticed the rain.
By the time he left the building and stood outside, a storm was raging outside. The rain came down in heavy showers, and the black sky suggested it wouldn’t stop anytime soon. The water came down on him like it was the end of the world. Fucking apocalypse. He would drown if he tried to walk.
He had to wait half an hour for his train anyway so he went back inside, hoping the sky would clear at least a bit until then.
It didn’t.
He had to walk through the rain to get to the station, having no choice but to wade through deep pools of water from busted gutters. Disgusting. He was wearing sandals, too.
During the train ride, because of the weather and other things that were announced over the speakers (Regulus didn’t listen because he feared he might start killing people if he did), the train got delayed. By the time they arrived at his destination, they accumulated a twenty-minute delay.
He got out and it was still fucking raining.
He checked the weather app before leaving the flat. There was no rain. There was no storm. So, of course, he didn’t plan for any of this. Why would he take an umbrella if the weather app said 31° and sunshine?
So, he stood there in his short, thin clothes in the middle of a fucking apocalypse. No umbrella. No nothing.
He did laundry this morning, he remembered then. He left the window open when he left. He always leaves the windows open when he leaves in summer to get fresh air into the flat, but especially when he did laundry. He was bound to come home to a fucking mess. He wanted to kick himself.
By the time he got home, he is completely and utterly soaked. Again. Any progress of drying he made on the train went up in smoke. - Or water.
His hair was wet. His clothes stuck to his body. It was disgusting. He was pretty sure if someone tried to rope him into a social interaction now, he would either resolve to violence or crying. Or both. Most likely both. He was done. He just wanted to be home and lie in his bed and do nothing for at least an hour.
The course he went to wouldn’t have been worth this entire ordeal and the course didn’t even fucking happen.
His feet are still wet, and he was pretty sure he got some kind of disease or fungus walking home. He kept obsessing over all the things that would grow on his feet now if he didn’t get to shower in the next five minutes, and turned the key in the lock.
He closed the door behind him, closed his eyes, and breathed for a second.
Home.
Dryness.
Safety. Hopefully.
The creaking of the couch and steps coming to him made him open his eyes again. James peered out of the living room at him and smiled.
“Hey, Reggie,” he whispered, “Did you get caught in the storm?”
“What are you doing here?”
“I live here, remember?”
“No, you – aren’t you supposed to be at work? It’s not that late yet.”
“Got off early,” he walked down the hallway to him.
Of course. Of fucking course, James got off early. The day this storm was going on, and Regulus almost fucking died, James was home early. Had he texted him, he may have been able to pick him up. But of course, he didn’t. Of course, he didn’t.
“What about you, I thought your course lasts until six? I wanted to see whether it cleared up, otherwise I would have picked you up from uni or at least the train station.”
Regulus shrugged. “Got cancelled.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry, Love. Why didn’t you text me, instead of walking through the rain? You’re completely soaked aren’t you?” He chuckled and cupped his cheeks, pushing wet hair out of his face.
Regulus let out a long, deep sigh. “I’m cold. I’m sticky. I’m dirty. I’m disgusting. I hate myself.”
“Don’t say that.” James didn’t like it when Regulus talked about himself like that.
“I want to take a shower. I’m going to take a shower.” He shook his head and pushed past James to leave his stuff somewhere and go to the bedroom to undress.
Regulus quickly slipped into the bathroom and locked himself inside. He turned the water to hot and scrubbed the dirt and sweat off his body, then dialled down the temperature again, just soaking.
The outside is truly disgusting.
At least he was home now. Home is where James is. At least James was here.
Regulus smiled.
Regulus is really lucky, isn’t he? To have James. Curious thing to come home and have him here. They’ve been living together for months, and it is still such a novelty. It still makes him so happy to come home and see him there. Or to see James come home to him. And then James smiles when he sees him, and Regulus thinks, “Everything is good in the world as long as I can have that smile.”
Not today though. Today was awful. Today everything went wrong that could have gone wrong, and not even James could make it better.
He loves that man though. Really loves him. He loves him so much that it was worth fighting with his brother about this whole thing. It is even worth going on weird social outings with his brother, brother-in-law, and his boyfriend’s parents – which is a lot of people all at once. Especially having James’s parents there is a whole thing in itself. Regulus likes them – but they are also his boyfriend’s parents. Being around them is tense and awkward, and he always feels uncomfortable. He is afraid that his every move and word will be judged. Really, James’ parents are not the kind of people to judge him that much, but he himself is hyperaware of everything he does because he knows if he was in their situation, he would judge himself so fucking hard. It is just exhausting to be around them – and it’s his own fault. He knows that but he can’t stop himself.
He is complicated, isn’t he? Always seeing everything so negatively. How does James even put up with him? How does James smile so brightly every time he comes home to him? Regulus wouldn’t smile that brightly if he had to come home to himself every day. Who wants that? Who wants a home that is so dark and negative? Regulus would hate it.
Regulus did hate it, living alone. It meant being alone with himself and his thoughts all the time. At least, it was quiet. He didn’t have to be socially aware and look out for cues on all sides. But living with James is simple. His mere presence calms him down. He can smile and the world is a little bit less dark. With him, Regulus doesn’t have to look for all the social cues as hard as he usually does. He knows that James knows him well enough to understand him and spell things out if he needs to.
Very lucky, Regulus. Very lucky.
James on the other hand is a fool for loving him, he really is. Such an idiot. Luckily.
So, this day was completely and utterly ruined, and tomorrow he will have to get up early for university. It will be socially taxing, and annoying as fuck. And it will go on like this for probably the rest of the week. Maybe he will get a day to himself but then he has to work on other shit all day. James is out all day for work, too. It’s all pretty fucked up.
He wants James for himself. Sometimes, he thinks they should both just stop what they’re doing, and just be together for a day... or a week. Just the whole time. He could live like that every day. Just him and James.
Of course, James would have to be in contact with Sirius at all times because those two just cannot be separated from each other. Of course, James has to visit his parents all the time, too, because he loves them. Regulus likes that James loves his parents. He doesn’t know a lot of people who genuinely love their parents. He for sure doesn’t. It is all very nice to witness, though Regulus doesn’t quite understand why he has to be part of the whole “visiting” bit. “Because you’re family, Reggie,” James would say like it’s a no-brainer as if the word meant anything to Regulus anymore.
No, it wouldn’t work, living a whole life just him and James, because James has too many attachments. Well, not too many – they make him happy. Regulus wants him happy, and he knows, he can’t make him happy by himself.
Him?
Never.
Never...
James can probably only put up with him because he has all those more positive people in his life like his calm, gentle father, and his caring, hugging, laughing mother, and his stupid, funny, loyal friends. Without them he wouldn’t be able to handle Regulus for a long time, would he? Probably not.
Sometimes, being with James feels like being on borrowed time. How can he have something so good? How? It’s crazy.
Regulus found himself smiling under the shower.
Absolutely crazy.
And Regulus knew exactly what he needed then. He needed to get out of this shower, needed to get to his boyfriend, steal some kisses, and lie down with him somewhere, just being quiet, and sleep in James’s arms. That was what he needed right now.
He just needed to find a way to communicate that to James. Which was honestly the hardest part of all of this. He can’t really do that. He is exceptionally bad at communicating his needs, especially his emotional needs, or sweet stuff like kisses and cuddles, and alone time.
He couldn’t say that to him. He couldn’t say “James, I’m being vulnerable right now, I’m in a bad mood, and I need you to be this calming force right now.” He could never say that. Do people say that in real life? He couldn’t imagine it. Especially not from himself.
Regulus shut off the water.
He didn’t bring a towel. Of course not. Of course, why would this day get any better? Of course, no towel. Also, he did laundry today and washed a bunch of towels and there is a fifty-fifty chance of them being wet again or still. Great.
Regulus contemplated just bashing his head into the bathroom wall until couldn’t feel anything anymore.
He opened the bathroom door, contemplating just shouting for James to bring him a towel. He wasn’t in a shouting mood right now.
He didn’t need to. James stood across from the door, holding a towel in his hands.
He smiled softly and opened the door further to coax Regulus out of the room. He wrapped the towel around him like around a child and kisses his forehead.
“There you go,” he whispered, “Forgot your towel.”
Regulus only hummed in response. He wasn’t sure whether he could do much more... except break down crying for no concrete reason, maybe.
“Well, off to bed you go,” James says softly. He hasn’t raised his voice above a whisper ever since Regulus came home. “You look exhausted.”
Really, Regulus didn’t have a valid excuse for being exhausted. He took out the trash, ran an errand and then spent two and a half hours in trains for absolutely no reason, getting soaked to the bone twice on his way home.
Yet, he didn’t question James any further. He pulled the towel tightly around himself and snuck off to the bedroom. James followed him with his comfort mug of steaming ... tea? Chocolate? He couldn’t tell but it seemed warm and inviting. Regulus wanted it.
James sat it down on the bedside table and picked up his red hoodie folded on the bed. “Put this on.”
Regulus put it on, then some boxers and socks. James lay down on the bed and spread his arms invitingly.
“Well, come here,” he whispered with a gentle smile. Because Regulus didn’t need to say that he needed this right now. James knew. How on earth did he know? How does James always know? He must be some kind of superhuman. Maybe he was just placed on this earth to be with Regulus and figure his shit out.
What a stupid thought that was. As if Regulus Black was important enough to have someone perfectly made for him put in his path.
He took a sip of the steaming liquid from the mug. It was chocolate. James knows him.
He cuddled up to James, put his head on his chest and wrapped his body around him. James ran one hand through Regulus’ hair and kissed the top of his head.
“I love you,” James whispered.
“I love you,” Regulus whispered back, “so much.”
“I know.” Regulus could hear the smile in his voice.
He is fucking perfect, and Regulus doesn’t want him to ever leave. He wants this all his life, every day. Well, he wants better days, but he wants James to be part of them. Every single day. Good and bad. All of them. He will even go to stupid family outings, and break all of his bottles, and take out the trash in summer. Sure. All of it, if he can come home to James at the end of it. Every day. For the rest of his life.
Regulus shifted on James’s shoulder and reached for his hand that wasn’t in his hair.
“Sleep a little,” James mumbled, “I can make dinner later, or do you want to order in?”
“I don’t know. I’m not hungry.”
“Well, you can decide later.”
Regulus remembered the window he left open earlier because of the laundry. It was closed, of course. James must have closed it when he came home. He wondered whether there had been a mess. Maybe there still was a mess. Did James clean it up?
He looked over to the window. He can’t see whether there was a mess.
James’ hand was in his hair, massaging circles into his scalp.
Maybe the window and the mess didn’t matter.
How could anything matter if James was here to take care of him? Anything that wasn’t James, didn’t matter. Never has.
“I love you,” Regulus said again. “... Jamie?”
“Yeah?” James sounded like he was about to drift off into sleep.
“Will you marry me?”
James’ hand stopped moving. He sucked in a breath.
“What?” His voice was small.
What a stupid question that was! How could he just ask this just like that? You don’t ask such questions just like that, lying in a bed, wet, and cold, in a bad mood. You don’t ask like this, no. It has to be a big thing, a complete event! There has to be a ring! Does he have to ask James’ parents for their blessing? Would they give it? Is that archaic?
“Reggie...” His mind shut up. “You just asked me something.”
“Yes, and you didn’t answer. Just forget it.”
“What do you mean, Just forget it? Reggie,” James was smiling, Regulus heard it.
James is a romantic. He probably needs all the bling and the ring, and being down on one knee. Regulus should at least get up and get on one knee. That was stupid.
“Well...” Regulus stopped himself. What was he actually asking? He wasn’t asking for anyone’s blessing. He wasn’t presenting a ring. He wasn’t down on one knee. He just wanted to know one simple thing.
“Will you spend your life with me? Do you... Do you want to... be with me like this for... ever?”
“Yes,” James whispered after a moment, “Very much so.”
“Good.” Regulus bit his lip. That was a better question, wasn’t it? That was a less formal thing than just blurt out marriage out of nowhere.
“That wasn’t quite your original question though,” James said. And of course, he wouldn’t let this go. “So... yes, I want to spend my life with you. I gladly – very, very gladly – will spend the rest of my life with you. So, ask your actual question. Now.”
Regulus smiled and had to choke his chuckle in James’ chest. What a silly man that is. Gods, how he loves him.
“Will you marry me?”
“Yes. Yes, I will.”
Regulus hummed. “Do you need like, a ring and stuff, because you’ll have to give me a few days.”
“How about, we go ring shopping on Saturday? Sounds like a nice date.”
“Okay... I’ll buy you a very pretty ring. I promise.”
James kissed the top of his head. “I’m going to marry you,” he laughed to himself, like it was the happiest thought to him, “I’m going to marry you.”
Regulus finally turned his head to him. The adoration on James’ face was almost overwhelming in its intensity.
“Do I have to ask your parents for their blessing?”
James laughed genuinely, tossing his head back on the pillow. “No! No, you don’t have to ask them, they love you, they’ve been bugging me for a while that I should make you part of the family officially. Besides, you’d have to ask them before asking me.”
“Well, it was a very spontaneous question. I didn’t plan it.”
“I like it better this way than if you had planned it.”
“Really?”
“Well, yeah... you overthink a lot of things, Regulus. I’m glad you don’t overthink us.”
Regulus overthinks them all the time. Except when he is with James. When he is with James, it is all very simple. Things happen almost on their own. He just knows what he has to say.
“I love you,” Regulus said again, and he wanted to say it a hundred times more, every day, until he couldn’t hear it anymore. “So... you’re my fiancé now, are you?”
“Yes, I am,” James said full of pride, “I am your fiancé now, and you are my fiancé. Which means, I’m officially the luckiest man alive.”
Regulus shook his head a little. He leaned up to kiss him.
“You’re not,” he whispered and kissed him again, “I am.”