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“Are we..uh…sure the spell didn’t glitch? I mean, we did try pretty hard to destroy it in the beginning before we decided to let it run its course.”
Constantine gave Barry a distinctively unimpressed side eye, which, rude. Can you blame a guy for doubting?
The other alternate versions of Batman that the “Know-Thy-Self” spell summoned were all pretty understandable. Sure the campy one was a bit weird, and the Lego one was definitely out there, but they were all recognizable as Batman.
Most were basically the same as their universe’s Batman, maybe give or take a few adoptees. Some were different ethnicities, the Viking one and the ancient Japan female ninja one were pretty cool. And don’t get Barry started on that version of Batman that gave sad wet kitten vibes when he was out of uniform, the sudden urge to wrap that Batman in a warm blanket and squish his (very chiseled) cheeks almost gave him vertigo.
But this one…first of all, this really tall dude with heels in the strange spotted hat had friggin DEATH tattooed on his fingers! He sat leaned back in one of the chairs in the main conference room, one ankle propped up on his other knee, and his long ass sword held against his shoulder.
Their Batman, and almost all the Batmans that this stupid spell had summoned so far were firmly against, well, death from killing. A vibe that this man is definitely not giving.
“So,” said the potentially murderous version of Batman in an unamused, clinical tone, “let me get this straight. You’re a group of government sanctioned superheroes,” and at that the man made a strange expression before he wiped the expression off his face. “And was unsuccessful in stopping some wizard that had hoped to summon different versions of himself across realities in order to gain the knowledge to achieve power to destroy the world.”
Constantine took a drag of his cig, “He’s a mage, but yea mate. His spell misfired and locked on Batman, so we’ve been getting visits from alternate versions of him instead.”
Their Batman was, as one would expect, not amused by the whole thing. But, it seems that he’s mellowed out once he realized that, yes, the spell prevents the summoned people from doing any sort of harm to living beings in this world, and yes, they are compelled to speak the truth and fill a quota of personal information shared, and must answer any questions from their version of Batman truthfully.
The reason why this was all taking place in the Watchtower is because the spell had, unfortunately, seared itself into the main conference room floor. Barry was so glad he wasn’t on watchtower duty when the mage decided that the space station was the best place for the spell. Poor Hal, he’s definitely going to get chewed out by Batman after all this was done.
The Dude, and someone should probably ask his name soon, Barry doubted his name was Bruce Wayne, lifted an unimpressed eyebrow. “Right, mage. So you’re saying he,” and he lifted his chin towards Bats, “is an alternate version of me? And I have to divulge a certain amount of personal information in order to go home, or else I’m stuck here until I do, and my other option is to wait until the spell runs out of power, which could take anywhere from a week to six years?”
“He’s an alternate version of you, you’re an alternate version of him,” Constantine waves an impatient hand. “Same thing really. We’re all just here in case the summoned decides to get violent, not that you’ll be able to harm anyone, but property damage is a thing. And to make sure the rip in dimension that brought you here doesn’t implode. So yes, it’ll be easier on all of us if you can just give a sparknotes version of your life, and we can all go on our merry ways.”
“...Right.” The Dude narrows his eyes, “The term ‘sparknotes’ means nothing to me. Since this is all about getting to know one another,” and really, the mocking tone and smirk was unnecessary, Barry dislikes this man already. “Why don’t you introduce yourselves?”
The Leaguers around the conference table exchanged a few glances. This man was significantly different from all the other Batman visitors they’ve had, and it seems like no one really knows how to approach this, until Barry hears Clark clear his throat and start with the introductions, good old Clark!
Barry can tell the man is intelligent by the way he seems to be internalizing and committing every detail while his teammates go around introducing themselves.
“And that’s all of us,” Superman gives the Dude a friendly look, “What’s your name? And, ah, according to John, the spell needs a full introduction to fulfill the requirements. Full name, place of birth, titles, past titles…things like that.”
If anything, the Dude seems to become amused by that, going by how the tilt of his smirk goes up.
“Oh, a full introduction?” Umm, Barry is not liking that gleam in his eye.
“My name is Trafalgar D. Water Law,” the Dude, or Law says,”Born of Flevance in North Blue. I’ve been given a few titles…Surgeon of Death,” wait what, “Dr. Heartstealer,” okay hold on this is concerning,”Ex-Warlord….”
Seriously, every title that comes out of his mouth gets more and more concerning. Barry is definitely not the only one to think so going by the narrowing eyes of his fellow Leaguers. And holy shit he’s still not done?!
Trafalgar is enjoying their reactions, given the shit eating grin he now has on his face. “I am also the Captain of the Heart Pirates, my bounty is three billion Bellies, if you were curious.”
Barry has no idea what a berry is and how much that’s worth, but three billion is a lot anywhere, so it seems safe to assume Law is a very wanted pirate. He’s stuck between being wary that they seem to have a villainous version of Batman on their hands, and the hilarity that there’s a pirate version of Batman somewhere in the universe.
The man was still not done.
“Hmmm, does this universe have devil fruits? From your reactions it doesn’t appear so. Well then,” okay he’s definitely up to no good now, Barry just wants to go home and order a couple dozen boxes of pizza, is that too much to ask? “Why don’t I give you all a demonstration of my devil fruit abilities?”
Wait…this Batman is a meta? Oh shit.
“Room.”