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It had been a long week for the young maknae. He keeps being scolded by his vocal teacher, his game has crashed, erasing hours of progress, and during his latest live show, many fans made some comments that put him on edge. On top of that the newest comeback was rapidly approaching and everyone’s been kicking it in high gear to prepare.
It was just a lot of small things slowly building up over time. So it was only a matter of time before the maknae was exhausted emotionally and in need of comfort, preferably by his hyungs.
So when their next day off came around I.N. was prepared to cuddle up to his boyfriends, wanting to just relax the day away. He was already bouncing down the halls of his dorm before he bumps right into Hyunjin.
“Hey whoa, what’s got you all hyped up?” Hyunjin asks, giving a little smile to the maknae.
“Nothing much, just glad we’re getting a day off finally.”
“Yeah? And what were you planning on doing with your day off?”
“I don’t know, probably lounge around and hang around the dorms, speaking of which you wanna watch a movie with me?”
Hyunjin offers a small smile, “I’m sorry Innie, I promised Minho we would go on a hike today.”
“Oh…” I.N. sighs, “Okay… Well, have fun and tell Hyung I said hi.”
“Of course, now you enjoy your day off cutie,” Hyunjin said, placing a kiss on I.N.’s forehead.
“Yeah… you too,” I.N. mutters as Hyunjin steps past him and heads out of the dorm.
I.N. sulks, sad Hyunjin and Minho were going to be busy today. He couldn’t be mad, they all had their ways to destress, I.N. could understand that.
He’d just go see what Felix is up to.
But as he searched for Felix he couldn’t find him, or even Seungmin for that matter.
A little confused I.N. decided to head over to the other dorm, seeing if he had any luck finding them there.
I.N. gives a quick knock on the door waiting patiently until the door finally opens, revealing Changbin… who looked like he was on his way out.
“Oh hey, Innie. What’s going on?” Changbin asks, stepping to the side to let the maknae in.
“I was trying to find Seungmin and Felix, are they over here?” I.N. asked.
“No, they left a little while ago, something about going to the PC Cafe,” Jisung answers, walking into the living room, Chan soon behind him.
Oh… they went there without him?
Okay…
“Oh, I see…” I.N. says, taking note that the three boys were dressed,” Where are you guys off to?”
“We’re heading to the gym,” Chan answers.
I.N. nods to the three boys, “Can I come with you?” He asks to turn to Changbin.
“Oh well… we’re working on cardio today, it’s going to be a lot of intensive training, I don’t want you getting hurt Innie,” Changbin explains.
All I.N. heard was Changbin didn’t want him around. His eyes turn to Jisung before opening his mouth and stuttering out a response.
“Oh okay… makes sense.” I.N. nods, trying to hide his frown.
“You can see if Jinnie wants to hang out. Or Lino?” Chan offers.
They must not have realized that they had both already left.
“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. You guys go have fun.” I.N. remarks, trying his hardest to hold it together.
His hyungs were busy, too busy for him. He couldn’t help that. It’s what he gets for being so dependent on them, right? He should be able to relax and recharge by himself, right?
I.N. doesn’t hesitate to leave the dorm, heading back into his own before making his way into his room. Not even ten minutes before he was hopping out of this bed, excited to spend a day with his hyungs.
Minho had Hyunjin.
Felix had Seungmin.
Chan had Changbin and Jisung.
I.N. had no one…
Everyone had better things to do than spend time with the maknae. Hyunjin didn’t want to invite I.N. on the hike, Felix and Seungmin were gone before he even woke up, and 3Racha was going too hard in the gym for him.
He clings to his blanket as he stares at his wall, wishing at least one of his Hyung would have wanted to be with him today.
He wasn’t quite sure when he fell asleep, but when he woke up all he could hear were giggles. He had peaked his head out of his room before slowly sneaking down the hall. What he saw hurt his heart the most.
All seven of the members were cuddled together in the living room, watching some movie. He must have slept long enough for everyone to be done with what they needed to do. What hurt him wasn’t the fact that everyone was together cuddling, okay maybe that did hurt a little bit.
But it hurt the most to know they didn’t even try to wake him or ask if he wanted to join.
I.N. could feel the steam rising inside of him and he just wanted to scream, all he wanted today was to spend time with everyone and cuddle and it just felt like they wanted to do those things without him.
Heading back to his room he found the first jacket he could grab, spinning on his heels he headed back out, straight into the living room.
He didn’t say anything as he slipped on the first pair of his shoes he could find. Most of the boys hadn’t even seen him, aside from Seungmin.
“Hey, Innie. Where are you going?”
“Getting snacks.” Is the excuse I.N. decides at the moment.
“Here I’ll come with you.” Hyunjin chimes in.
I.N. turns back with a glare, “Don’t.”
With that, he didn’t hesitate to open the front door and storm out. He didn’t know if anyone had followed him, he honestly didn’t care. He just needed to get out before he exploded.
He didn’t have the patience to wait on the elevator, immediately b-lining it for the stairwell.
He had successfully walked down almost two flights of stairs before his vision was getting too blurry to walk. I.N. sunk to the floor where he stood, letting the tears loose. His heavy breathing echoes in the empty stairwell as he tries to hold himself together.
I.N. was sad.
I.N. was angry.
I.N. was frustrated.
And all I.N. wanted at this moment was a fucking hug.
Was that honestly too much to ask for?
Apparently, it was for his boyfriends, they couldn’t even bother to wake him from a fucking nap. They knew how much he loved to cuddle so why the hell did they think it was a good idea to exclude him?
Unless they didn’t want him.
Maybe he was just too clingy.
Maybe he’s scared them all off.
Maybe he’s just too difficult to love so they decided to cut him out of the relationship.
His cries only got worse as he let the negative thoughts flood his mind. He was so exhausted, emotionally and by this point physically too. He just wanted to be loved but apparently, that was too much to ask.
I.N.'s whole body shakes as he continues crying. He was just fucking tired. Maybe that’s why the concrete walls of the stairwell felt more comfortable than normal. He was too emotionally exhausted to keep his eyes open anyways, might as well succumb to the darkness.
He woke up with a stiff back. He was an idiot for thinking a stairwell was a good choice for a nap but he couldn’t help it. He taps his pocket for his phone, trying to figure out the time only to discover it was missing.
He probably just dozed off for a few minutes.
I.N. lets out a sigh, slowly making his way back up the steps. His anger had calmed down to sadness and he realized it wasn’t worth running out of the house with no plan. He had no phone, no wallet, nothing.
He was just going to walk back in, tell them he couldn’t find anything he liked, and storm back to his room and sulk.
They didn’t want him anyways so it’s not like it made much difference.
He opens the door to his dorm, not even looking up as he kicks off his shoes, ready to b-line it to his room. Before he can even move he feels two big arms wrap around him and he glances up to see Changbin with tear-stained cheeks pulling him into a hug.
It only hit him at that time the fact that the sun was out.
He definitely slept more than a few minutes in that stairwell.
“Where the hell have you been?” Chan starts in, “First to storm out all disrespectfully, then you stay out all night, not even bothering to take your phone? Do you know how worried we’ve been? We thought you got lost or even kidnapped. Are you kidding me, Jeongin?”
I.N. could feel his body shake at the older boy's words. Now they cared? Now they wanted to treat him like he was a part of them? Fucking bullshit.
“Fuck you,” I.N. calls, he knows he’s more than out of line with that but frankly he didn’t care.
“Excuse me?” Chan goes wide-eyed at I.N.'s words, and a few other members recoil in fear.
I.N. shoves Changbin’s arms from his body, taking a step away from the older boy, well… if this is the hill he’s dying on he’s going to commit to it.
“I said fuck you. And fuck you. And frankly fuck all of you,” I.N. couldn’t hold back his tears any longer, “This week has been hell, like pure fucking hell. I have been yelled at by almost all my teachers all week, my game crashed which meant I had to restart on hours upon hours of making up all the progress I lost, and on top of that Stays thinks I’m fucking useless. They hate how I act in interviews, they think I’m the worst dancer, they think I shouldn’t even be in the group frankly.”
I.N. was trying to stop himself from hyperventilating as he ranted everything out.
“And I just wanted this week to be over, to get a day off and relax with you guys. The people I care most about in the world. And I get it, you guys had plans and I can’t be mad at that. I wish you guys would have invited me or even let me go but it’s fine. I understand my hyungs are busy people, it can’t always be about me. But the icing on the fucking cake. The real slap in the face is when I wake up and see all my boyfriends piled together cuddling. Without me.”
I.N. was shaking at this point, the last two words broke him. Yet he pushed on.
“The one thing I wanted to do today, the one fucking thing. And you don’t think to invite me? Don’t even wake me up to join? I just… it feels like you don’t even want to be dating me any more. Like I’m just an outsider to this whole thing. So yeah, I stormed out of the house upset. I’m sorry I fell asleep in the stairwell, and I’m sorry I worried my… group members. It won’t happen again. You guys just continue your cuddling, I’m sure I’m already in trouble enough so I’ll just go to my room.”
I.N. couldn’t even look at any of them as he stormed off to his room. His bed feels cold and foreign as he lies on it, covering himself completely under the blanket.
He fucked up. He knew he did.
He was out of line with how he talked to his hyungs and he knew he was just strung out and exhausted from this week's mess of events.
He just wanted to shut the world out and scream until all his problems disappeared. But sadly that isn’t how this works.
After a little bit of time, I.N. hears a knock on the door.
Did he have to lecture him now? I.N. was already cranky and not wanting to sit through the speech.
“Channie-Hyung, can you lecture me later?” I.N. calls out. He hears the door creek open and sighs. Here we go.
“It’s not Channie-Hyung.” Seungmin calls out.
I.N. could feel the tears well up in his eyes again, god he wasn’t prepared to get a lecture from anyone but especially not Seungmin.
I.N. feels a body crawl over him before settling in front of him. After a second he feels the blanket get carefully pulled off his head, revealing Seungmin with a sad look on his face.
It takes him a second to realize the bed dips again as he feels another pair of hands wrap around him from the back, turning his head to the side Felix is lying there holding him from behind.
I.N. feels a hand reach out and caress his cheek, turning his attention back to Seungmin.
“I’m sorry it’s been such a bad week, baby.” Seungmin coos, gently rubbing his thumb against I.N. 's cheek.
“Yeah, you must have been feeling a lot of stress,” Felix adds, drawing little circles into I.N.’s side.
I.N. wanted to cry so badly, this is all he had been wanting today. He felt like shit that he threw a temper tantrum to get it instead of asking. Sometimes he felt like his approach to things was still so childish.
“We’ve all been stressed this week.” I.N. mumbles out, “I’m not special.”
“You’re not wrong, Innie. And yes I wish you would have come and talked to us about how you felt, but we’re not mad at you baby.” Felix reassures.
“Yes, and we know how much you love the PC Café, we should have asked if you wanted to join us. That was our fault.” Seungmin mentions.
I.N. nods, moving his head to rest on Seungmin’s shoulder, “I’m sorry for blowing up at you, all of you.”
“We know you didn’t baby,” Seungmin responds, “We’re not mad at you.”
I.N. smiles, his hands moving to play with the edge of Seungmin’s shirt. He didn’t know what to say, he felt sad and embarrassed at his actions.
“I want you to know, we love you so much Innie. And we could never exclude you from our lives. I’m sorry we didn’t wake you up so you could join in the cuddles.” Felix apologized, earning a small humm in agreement from Seungmin.
I.N. nods, feeling a bit better at the reassurance, his hand lets go of Seungmin’s shirt, soon preoccupied with playing with Felix’s fingers.
For a while the three boys just lay there and relax, letting the world float away from them. It was only about an hour or so before there was another knock at the door.
The three boys glance over to find their leader poking his head in, giving a small smile to the boys.
“Seungmin, Felix, the van’s here you two need to get going.”
The two boys nod and with a little whine from I.N. he lets Seungmin and Felix out of his grip but only after each both give him a quick kiss.
“What about me?” I.N. asked, finally rolling over to look at the leader properly.
“They’re just going to record some vocals for a song. You are taking another day off, Innie.” Chan explains, taking a seat on the edge of I.N.‘s bed.
“Why? Don’t I have things to do too? We can’t fall behind, and isn’t the music video recording happening tomorrow too? We need to brush up on the dance a-“ I.N. started to spiral before Chan finally cut him off.
“Shh, you can brush up on the dance later, for now, you need to rest up, it’s been a long week for you. Is it okay if Channie joins you?”
After a second of hesitation, I.N. nods, scooting over to give space to the larger man. With the confirmation Chan moves to lay down next to I.N., automatically pulling him into his chest.
Chan rubs circles into the younger boy's back as they lay there for a few minutes. I.N. feels his body relax, all his muscles going limp in the embrace of Chan.
It was quiet for who knows how long before I.N. decides to speak up.
“I’m sorry for what I said to you, Chan-Hyung. No matter how stressed or upset I was, I shouldn’t have yelled at you, especially not what I said.”
Chan offers a weak smile to the boy, moving his hand up to play with his hair.
“While yes, what you said was out of line, I understand where it was coming from. You were under a lot of stress and probably feeling pretty unwanted at that point. Understandably, you lashed out, baby. I’m sorry too, I shouldn’t have berated you the second you walked back in. I also told the group to let you stay asleep in your room instead of waking you up. I know how much you love cuddling and I should have known you would have felt left out. I’m sorry I made you feel like we didn’t want you, baby. I promise you that couldn’t be further from the truth, we adore you so much. I’m sorry we didn’t see you hurting baby, I’m sorry I didn’t take better care of you.”
I.N. cuddles further into him, using his free hand to make random doodles along his arm, “It’s not your fault. We all are busy with our careers and our own ways to destress. I also wasn’t trying to worry you guys either.”
Chan nods, “I know baby, and please know we want to help you. Don’t ever be afraid to talk to us or ask us to cuddle with you. We don’t want you to ever feel lonely.”
I.N. nods in return and Chan places a soft kiss on the top of I.N.’s head. With that, the two boys stay like that before eventually finding themselves drifting off to a restful sleep.
For now, at least things seemed to be fixed, or at least better than they were.
The next few days it was back to crazy as they started recording for the music video and finishing the last of the vocal records for the songs. They were kicking it into high gear with a comeback fast in sight.
This time around the members had been more aware of I.N. as well as other members as things got more stressful. They kept checking in with each other, really trying to avoid another situation like last time.
Finally another day off had come for the boys and I.N. hoped everything would go a lot better than the last time.
Before he could even brush his teeth Seungmin was at his door, pulling him into a Mario kart tournament that had started between the boys in the dorm. Soon enough the boys from the other dorm had come to join in the fun and they had a group date day, which felt nice.
It wasn’t until later in the day that Jisung dragged I.N. off, saying it was his turn to make up their last day off with some ice cream. I.N. was happy to oblige the two boys making their way to the ice cream shop down the road.
Jisung let him pick out whatever he wanted before they went to sit at an open table. I.N. didn’t hesitate to dive into his ice cream, very happy the older boy decided to take him there.
For a while they stayed there, talking about random things and catching up on different things in each other's lives. It felt nice going on a one-on-one date, with their busy schedules he hadn’t had a free day to do anything with another member.
Jisung gave I.N. a piggyback ride the whole way home from the ice cream shop, both boys bouncing around from their fresh new sugar highs.
Jisung walks I.N. to his dorm before apologizing that he had to meet up with Changbin and Chan for something. I.N. waved him off knowing work was always going to happen, not being mad at the older boy.
With that I.N. opened the dorm door to find Hyunjin and Minho cuddled up on the couch, a movie playing on the screen.
I.N. sends them a small smile as he kicks off his shoes, prepared to leave the two to their evening in peace.
Before he could even attempt to walk away he hears Hyunjin calling from the couch.
“Innie, c’mere.” He calls holding out grabby hands.
I.N. pauses for a second, glancing at Minho who just gives a nod in response. With that confirmation I.N. moves over towards the couch, soon enough being squished between the two boys.
“Did you want to watch this Innie or should we change it?” Minho asks.
“I don’t mind watching this,” I.N. replies, snuggling his head into Hyunjin’s side. Hyunjin settles a hand into I.N.'s hair, absentmindedly playing with it as Minho drawers little circles into I.N.’s thighs.
Together the three of them relax as they finish that movie before starting another one. By the time the credits rolled on the second movie, Hyunjin was fast asleep and Minho was closely on his way to join him.
“I think it’s time we go to bed,” I.N. whispers to Minho.
“Okay baby, you go ahead, I’ll get Hyunjin to bed, okay?”
I.N. nods, giving Hyunjin a quick kiss on his forehead. With another quick kiss on Minho’s lips, I.N. makes his way toward his bedroom. He digs through his drawers, picking out some pajamas before changing into them, discarding his other clothes into his basket.
I.N. had stretched out onto his bed, relaxing into the pillow. He was over the moon about how well the day had gone this time around. He needed to thank his hyungs for going out of their way to make him happy, it felt nice.
Right as I.N. was about to drift off to sleep he heard a knock at the door.
“Come in.” He calls out, rolling out to look who was walking in.
He offers a small smile as he sees Changbin walk into the room.
“Binnie-Hyung, what brings you over to our dorm?” I.N. asked.
“Well considering I have yet to get cuddle time from my favorite maknae I was hoping to cash in now.”
I.N. chuckles at his cheesiness, moving over and patting the spot beside him. Changbin slips in beside I.N. immediately wrapping his arms around the maknae. Changbin reaches a hand into I.N.’s hair, twirling at the end of it.
I.N. felt safe in Changbin’s arms. It was also just a nice way to end the day, cuddled up to one of his members. There is a calm silence between the boys as they lay in each other’s embrace. It was the perfect ending to the perfect day.
“Hey, Innie,” Changbin calls out.
“Yes, Hyungie?”
“I hope you know, you are important to the team. You deserve to be a part of Stray Kids, to be a part of this family. You are an amazing singer and dancer and you work just as hard as everyone on this team. I couldn’t ask for a better maknae or even a better boyfriend.”
I.N. lets a smile fall across his face. It was scary how observant Changbin could be. I.N. tried not to think about the comments, figuring there were always going to be some people who didn’t like what he did. But it made him feel so much better hearing from his hyung, from someone he’s close with, that he’s doing such a good job.
I.N. hides his face in Changbin’s chest, feeling the pink start to spread to his ears. With that he lets himself fall asleep with a smile still spread across his face.
He couldn’t ask for better group mates.
He couldn’t ask for better boyfriends.