Chapter Text
Friday, May 26th, 2023, 10:00 pm
Tegridy Farms
“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Kyle! Happy birthday to you!” The crowd screamed, gathered around Kyle’s birthday cake. He blew out the 18 candles, and everyone cheered and clapped.
“Thanks everyone for turning out,” Kyle said. “And thank you, Stan for hosting.”
“No problem, bro,” Stan said, patting Kyle on the back. “My dad’s desperate to be the cool dad, y’know, so he gave us the house to ourselves.”
“This summer’s gonna be so kewl,” said Eric. “Last summer here in South Park!”
“Yeah fellas, my parents even said they’d ground me less,” said Butters, smiling.
“Alright everyone, let’s get some cake!” said Kyle, taking the first slice.
“Hell yeah!” Cartman said, taking a much larger than necessary slice. Everyone lined up, grabbing their slices.
“God, I wish I could have some cake,” some guy in a green shirt said.
“Who even are you?” Cartman asked.
“It’s me, Scott. We’ve been going to school together our whole lives,” Scott said, clearly annoyed.
“Who?” Stan asked, confused.
Scott sighed. “I’m Scott Malkinson and I have diabetes.”
“I’m Scott Malkinson and I have diabetes,” Cartman repeated in a funny voice. The boys laughed, and Scott rolled his eyes.
“W-w-while everyone is here, I have a sp-p-pecial announcement!” said Jimmy, clinking his glass with fork. “While we may be finished with school, I will still be continuing my publication, s-super school news! We have this cool new app, you can d-download it on your phone! It will give you r-r-real time updates to local news, and p-police reports, so you can stay informed.”
“Yeah, no one cares about your stupid app, Jimmy,” said Eric.
“Shut up, fatass,” said Kyle. “Jimmy, I think it’s awesome you developed an app. I’m gonna download it.”
“Timmy!” Timmy exclaimed, pulling out his phone.
“Yeah, me too,” said Stan. Most of the partygoers agreed, whipping out their phones to download the new app.
Tweek, Craig, Clyde, Bebe, Nichole, and Tolkien grabbed their cake, and made their way out to the patio to have a seat, with Bebe on Clyde’s lap. “Eight more days!” Tweek said, holding his drink in the air and leaning into Craig.
“Wow, I can’t believe you guys are getting married in almost a week,” said Nichole.
“Yeah, we wanted to wait until we graduate,” said Craig. “And the venue was booked tomorrow, so next Saturday it is. I’m just sad my mom and dad moved away.”
“Wish I had a mom,” said Clyde.
“Can’t relate,” said Tweek, taking another sip of his drink. “I’m glad she’s locked up.”
“So what are you going to do afterwards?” asked Tolkien. “I mean, you guys are already living together, coffee shop is closed, and neither have you have applied to college, what’s the plan?”
“Easy, open another coffee shop with the settlement money,” said Tweek. “We were just waiting to finish highschool to start a business.”
“Wow, you guys are already like an old married couple,” said Bebe. “It’s weird.”
“What a rude way of calling us mature,” said Craig, flipping her off.
Annie, Red, Jenny, Heidi, and Nelly sat in the old, rustic barn, seeking solace from the outside world. The air was heavy with the scent of weed and the flickering candlelight created an intimate atmosphere. They passed a joint between them, their cares and inhibitions dissipating with each puff. “Alright, now that it’s just us girls, let’s talk crushes,” said Nelly, winking at the girls.
Annie took a deep inhale, her eyes glistening with a mix of excitement and uncertainty. "You know, guys, there's something I've been meaning to share. I can't get Kenny out of my mind. It's like he's cast a spell on me or something."
Red furrowed her brow, her protective instincts kicking in. "Kenny? Seriously, Annie? That guy's nothing but trouble. You need to be careful, you might catch something."
Jenny smirked mischievously, blowing out a plume of smoke. "Oh, Red, are you just jealous because Kenny might steal her away?"
Red scoffed. "I'm just looking out for her. You know how Kenny is."
Heidi interjected, her eyes brightening. "Well, speaking of crushes, I've been carrying a secret torch for Red here."
Red's eyes widened in surprise. "Wait, what? Really?"
Heidi nodded, a blush creeping onto her cheeks. "Yeah, Red. You're funny, smart, and kind. It's hard not to be drawn to you."
“Wait Heidi, I didn’t know you were bi,” said Jenny.
“Well Jenny, now you know” said Heidi.
Red let out a delighted giggle. "Oh, Heidi, you finally spilled the beans! I've been waiting for this,” she said, leaning in. Heidi's blush deepened, but she couldn't help but smile at the supportive reaction from her friends.
Jenny's expression turned thoughtful. "Well, since we're all revealing our secrets, I might as well confess. I've had a crush on Jimmy for ages, but he's completely clueless."
Annie leaned forward, her eyes gleaming with excitement. "Jenny, you have to tell him! Life's too short to let opportunities pass by. Take the leap!"
Jenny hesitated, her mind filled with the fear of rejection and the potential loss of their friendship. "I know, Annie. It's just...I'm scared of ruining what we have."
Red, ever the voice of reason, spoke up. "Sometimes, taking a risk is worth it. You'll never know what could happen unless you try," she said, putting her arm around Heidi, making Heidi blush.
Nelly, breaking the silence, exhaled a plume of smoke. "Well, if we're all being honest, I've been crushing on Kyle. The way he gets all angry and passionate about things… it’s kind of cute."
Annie's eyes widened, her smile infectious. "Oh, Nelly, that's unexpected! You two would make such a cute couple."
“You should totally go talk to him!” said Heidi, leaning into red. “And Annie you should go talk to Kenny, and Jenny should go talk to Jimmy.”
“Looks like these two lesbos want to be left alone,” said Nelly. “Let’s go girls,” she said, with Annie and Jenny following. Heidi and red grinned at eachother as the barn doors shut, Heidi crawling into Red’s lap.
“So you think I’m cute, eh?” asked Red.
“No, I think you’re sexy,” said Heidi leaning in for a kiss. The two made out passionately, with Red cupping Heidi’s ass in her laps.
“Wanna take this further? We are alone,” Red whispered in her ear. Heidi nodded.
Henrietta and Pete sat on the front porch, rolling their eyes as they gazed out at the party unfolding before them. The air buzzed with chatter and laughter, but they were disgusted at the sight.
Henrietta took a sip of her drink and sighed; her voice laced with frustration. "You know, Pete, these parties are so lame. It's just the same old crowd, doing the same old things. It feels like everyone is just following a script, conforming to some unspoken rules."
Pete nodded in agreement, a mischievous grin forming on his lips. "I couldn't agree more, Henrietta. It's like they're all robots, mindlessly going through the motions. They lack imagination, spontaneity, and the courage to be themselves."
Henrietta leaned back in her chair, her eyes scanning the crowd. "I mean, look at them. It's all about appearances and fitting in. They're afraid to stand out or challenge the status quo. But, honestly, where's the fun in that?"
Pete looked back at her. "Let's not lose that, Henrietta. Let's not get lost in the sea of conformity. We don’t want to turn into those fucking poser Britney Spears wannabes. We have to remember that life is suffering, pain, coffee and cigarettes."
Jenny, Annie, and Nelly came back in though the front door. “Alright girls, I’m getting laid,” said Annie. She made a beeline for Kenny.
“Hey Ken,” she said, touching his shoulder and looking in his eyes.
“Hey pretty lady, what’s up?” he asked, pulling her in for a hug.
“You’re looking cute tonight,” she said, suggestively running his finger down his chest.
“Why don’t you dance with me?” he asked. She agreed, and they joined Wendy, Stan, Clyde, and Bebe on the makeshift dancefloor. They danced for a while, and soon enough they were headed to Shelley’s bedroom upstairs.
“Wow, they move fast,” said Nelly.
“Yeah, everyone’s just so confident tonight, maybe I should take note,” said Jenny. “I’m going to go talk to Jimmy, you go talk to Kyle.” Jenny took another sip of her drink, then approached Jimmy in the corner. “Hey, Jimmy, I really like your app. I think it’s so cool how committed you are to sharing news.”
“T-thank you Jenny. I like making sure people have a s-s-source of reliable information,” he said, smiling with pride.
“We should hang out sometime, I’d love to learn more about the process,” said Jenny with a smile.”
“S-sure. Why don’t we exchange t-t-telephone numbers,” Jimmy said, handing Jenny her phone.
Nathan stood Next to Kevin Stoley, glaring at Jimmy from across the room. “I fucking hate him,” Nathan said.
“Why? Jimmy’s chill,” Kevin said, confused.
“No. He thinks he’s so cool, with his stupid app, getting all the girls. I want to take him down,” said Nathan with an evil glare.
“You sound like Chang when he talks about the Federation,” said Kevin.
“Oh my god, please stop with the Star Trek references,” said Nathan, rolling his eyes.
“Hey Kyle, happy birthday!” Nelly said flirtatiously, walking up to Kyle as he chatted with Butters.
“Thanks Nelly,” he smiled, then immediately turned back towards Butters, continuing their conversation. Jenny was annoyed, but she still wanted to make an effort to go talk to him.
“So uh, did you get any cool presents?” she asked, twirling her hair.
“Yeah, a couple of video games. Hey, give me a sec, I need to go find Stan and Kenny,” he said, walking off.
Nelly walked over to Jenny, clearly angry. “He totally blew me off, and said he was going to find his boys.”
Jenny sighed. “What a fucking jerk. You can totally do better.”
“Yeah, fuck him,” said Nelly, chugging her drink.
Kyle approached Stan, as he drunkenly grinded on Wendy. “Holy shit Stan, how much have you had?” asked Kyle.
“A lot,” he laughed, trying to gain his composure.
“Have you seen Kenny?” Kyle asked. “He’s been gone for a while.”
“Yeah, he went upstairs to bang Annie Nelson apparently,” Stan replied.
“Annie’s right there,” Wendy said, pointing to Annie sitting on the couch chatting with Heidi and Red.
“Let’s go talk to her,” said Kyle, pulling Stan along. They approached Annie as she sat on the couch, making occasional glances at the stairwell. “Annie, have you seen Kenny? We can’t find him, and heard he was with you,” Kyle asked.
“Well, he said he was going to take a shower after we finished, yknow,” she smiled. “But it’s been like 45 minutes and he hasn’t come back down.”
“We’re going to go check on him,” said Kyle. He helped Stan up the stairwell, and saw Shelley’s bedroom door was open. He wasn’t in her bedroom, so they decided to check the bathroom. The two boys jaws dropped as they stared at the tub.
“Oh my God, they killed Kenny,” Stan said in shock.
“You bastards!”