Archive of Our Own ^beta

She loves inaugural balls. Truly, she does. It's not lost on her that most people aren't lucky enough to get to attend even once in her life; and this is her third.

Still, there's only so many hours of drunk politicians she can handle at a time. Even though she has Josh at her this time around (though really that had been the case the last two times if you were to ask either of them) by the time they reached the 7th ball for the evening she was ready for the night to be over. 

"You need to mingle," She told Josh, "You know, as chief of staff this time around. And I need a minute - or a few - to myself. You'll be fine."

"You know you're chief of staff now too." He reminds her with a groan, "Why do you get to vanish, and I can't?"

"Because," She reaches for his hand, "Your chief of staff-ness is a bit more notorious than mine. And Helen is sneaking away for a bit to take the kids to bed. No sense in having the first lady's chief of staff here if the first lady isn't."

She's known Josh long enough to predict the argument forming in his head, but all she does is bat her eyes at him and he rolls over almost immediately. It's probably a bit manipulative on her end, but she decides it worth it if it meant she got a break. 

"Plus," She decides to throw in for good measure, "You've always been an important figure in the White House, I haven't, and all the attention is proving to be a bit overwhelming." 

The frown is almost immediate, "You've always been important here."

"Not like this."

"To me you were."

Donna can feel the blush creeping up on her. For someone who wasn't the most adept at words, Josh somehow always knew exactly what to say to her.

She curls her fingers around his own, mindful of the room full of politicians and dignitaries that certainly wouldn't think very highly of her for kissing her boyfriend senseless in the middle of the White House, despite how overwhelming the urge to do so was. 

"You're incredibly sweet sometimes, you know that?" She says softly, squeezing his fingers.

"And you're incredibly pretty," He brushes the backs of his knuckles against her hip bone, touch featherlike and barely noticeable to anyone around them, but it sends a shiver up her spine, "Especially in this. You know red is my favorite color on you, don't you?"

The grin the that his words spark is unavoidable and she relishes in the way he smiles back at her with just as much happiness.

"I may have had an idea," She bites down on her lip, "Flattery will only get you so far though, I'm still sneaking away for a few." 

"Fine." He relents with a huff, though the smile on his lips never wavers, "I'll schmooze by myself, but if you're not back in a half hour I'm sending the secret service after you."

"Deal."

Even though it wasn't technically a secret they were together they weren't going out of their way to flaunt their newfound status while in the public eye, so she settles for a swift kiss on his cheek before slipping out of the room. 

Its how she ended up in Josh's old office. Probably more muscle memory than anything (old habits really do die hard) and even though she knew it was technically Sam's office now she decided she didn't care. Not that Sam would have an issue with it anyway. And if she just so happened to find a bottle of wine she knew was hidden in one of the filing cabinets then all the better. 

She's 10 minutes past her allotted half hour time slot when she hears footsteps heading in her direction, and she fully expects to see Josh come around the corner, or at the very least an agent he sent to find her. 

What she never would have bet on was Amy Gardner stepping into the room. 

She was muttering to herself, heels clutched in one hand, the other combing through her hair and Donna could easily tell she hadn't actually surveyed if anyone was in the room by the way her eyes were trained on the ground. 

And then did did finally look up it was immediately evident that Donna was the last person Amy had expected see, if the startled look on her face was anything to go by. 

"Oh-" Amy says in the midst of her shock, "Sorry, I didn't know anyone was in here."

Donna smiles knowingly, "Escaping the party?"

The levity of her words must be enough to snap Amy out of her initial shock and she can physically see the other woman relax just a bit. 

"There's only so many drunken Senators I can tolerate hitting on me before I've hit my limit." Amy says, quirking up an eyebrow, "I take it you needed a breather too? Or did they decide your citizenship was in question again?"

Years ago Donna would have taken immediate offense to the inquiry, particularly coming from Amy, but things were different now.  It was an unspoken understanding that the rampant animosity between them was to be left in the past. It's why she knows it's meant as a joke and not a jab.

"Not that anyone has told me," Donna answers with a smile, "Though if it made the night end any sooner I wouldn't complain."

They're tentative, but Amy takes a few steps into the room, "I'm surprised you could escape. Your new title makes you a hot commodity."

Donna chuckles softly, "The First Lady snuck away to take her children to bed. As far as anyone is concerned, I'm with her. East side emergency."

She knows the moment the explanation escapes her that an awkward silence is bound to follow because really, what else would there be for the two of them to discuss. The tension from before might be a thing of the past, but that didn't mean they were friends per say.

So before it can settle over the room, Donna looks at the bottle of wine sitting on Sam's desk before looking back to Amy. 

"I probably can finish off this bottle of wine," She says, doing her best to maintain a casual tone, "But I wouldn't mind the help, if you're interested."

Amy had always been difficult for her to read. Even if there hadn't been the linger tension that always seemed to hover between them, she suspects that Amy would have remained a mystery to her regardless. Its because of this that, while she knows the other woman is debating the offer in her head, Donna has no indication on which was she leaning. 

But then the rest of the trepidation Amy carried in with her seems to dissipate entirely, an amused smirk left in its absence. 

"Far be it from me to turn down free alcohol."

There's a stack of disposable coffee cups in the corner of the room, one of which Amy procures for herself just as Donna did earlier before sitting down and reaching for the bottle. It was certainly less dignified than the actual wine glasses being served at the bar, but it worked just as well in her opinion. 

"So," Amy says once her cup is sufficiently filled, "How was your vacation?"

Donna freezes, her own cup halfway to her lips when Amy asks the question. 

She must have sensed the sudden panic that washed over Donna, because she laughs lightly and gives her an all too amused look.

"You know as well as I do that news travels fast," Amy says, "And gossip even faster."

She's not sure why the sentiment makes her feel better. Probably because it implies that Amy had found out about her vacation with Josh through old fashion hearsay and not because she was keeping tabs on him. Still, she doesn't know how to answer the question. She and Amy weren't exactly friends. Hell, she had a hard time explaining her impromptu vacation with Josh to her actual friends. 

"Refreshingly stress free." Is the most neutral answer she can think to give. 

Amy gives her an almost unsettlingly knowing look, but doesn't pry any further on the more personal details, much to Donna's relief. 

"I take it you banned him from bringing work along?"

Despite the discomfort she feels discussing her get away with Josh, she can't help but laugh a bit. 

"Didn't have too." She answers, "I was told he left his blackberry at the office before I could even threaten him to leave work alone."

Amy doesn't bother to hide her surprise. 

"Josh Lyman leaving parting with his phone? I never thought I'd live to see the day."

"Me either."

"I never hated you, you know."

If she were being honest, a simple 'I know' would have been the easiest response to go with, despite her not actually believing it herself.

Perhaps it was the alcohol, but she finds herself answering honestly.

"I think you did."

"I thought I did," Amy clarifies, taking a long sip of her wine, "I wanted too, at least."

"You know nothing ever happened between Josh and I, right? Not then."

Amy's expression changes back to something unreadable. It's not disbelief, that much she's sure of. More of a sadness really, though Donna would hesitate to even define it as that. 

"Oh, I know." She finally says, "I think that made it harder, if you can believe. At least then that would offer some sort of explanation why Josh was the way he was about you."

A small part of her had always pitied Amy, though she's not sure she was entirely aware of that at the time. Maybe its because deep down she always knew that he wasn't in love with her, and though she's unsure of Amy was truly in love with him, she understood what it felt like to love Josh Lyman and not having him feel the same. 

And even though she knows now that her feelings weren't completely unrequited, it felt inconceivable at the time.

"I think I hated a part of him for that," Amy goes on to say, "But it was easier to hate you, even though you had nothing to do with it, really."

"I never hated you, either."

Amy smirks, "I think you did."

Donna can't help but smile at her words and it dawns on her that perhaps they weren't so different. 

"Envy and hatred can be mutually exclusive," Donna goes on to say, "I hated the idea of you because I was envious of what you had. Ironically I think its in the same vein of your dislike of me; I hated the idea of you because you had Josh." She pauses, "Not that I knew at the time that's what I wanted."

Amy shrugs and reaches for the bottle, "I didn't though, not really."

"Neither did I."

Amy goes to set the bottle back down on the desk, but Donna holds out her hand for it, earning a smirk from the other woman as she passes it over. 

"I asked him once if he was dating you."

Donna snorts into her wine, "I'm sure his response was in classic Josh fashion."

"He said no," Amy sets her cup down on the desk, "I pointed out you were cute, and to that all he said was 'She's my assistant', which really told me all I needed to know."

Donna blushes, though she's not exactly sure why. Maybe because the implication was that Josh did find her attractive then, hence his reluctance to acknowledge it. 

"I didn't mean too, ya know." The words come tumbling out of her mouth before she can stop them and she wonders why its Amy of all people she's confessing this too. 

There's a brief flash of confusion that graces her features, but Amy is nothing if not perceptive, and Donna can almost see the pieces of the statement clicking into place inside her head. 

"To fall in love with your boss?"

Donna suddenly can't look at Amy, and so she shifts focus to the wine bottle, suddenly more interested in reading the label than maintaining eye contact, "Yeah."

"If its any consolation, I don't think Josh meant to fall in love with you, either."

"God," She groans when she thinks of the absurdity of it all, "I forget sometimes how easy it is to cause a scandal in this town."

"It would have solidified you as a true DC resident." Amy points out.

"Maybe that would have been enough to convince them I was an American citizen and not Canadian back then." She says, unable to stop her laughter. 

Amy laughs too, and Donna unexpectedly finds herself enjoying the other woman's company. Maybe they could have been friends all those years ago if circumstances hadn't been what they were. 

"He looks happy." Amy says once the laughter subsides. 

"I'd like to think so."

"If nothing else, he doesn't look like he's on the verge of a breakdown."

The smallest pang of anxiety runs through her when she thinks of how he looked in the weeks leading up to the election. The dark circles under his eyes, the way his hands shook from the sheer amount of caffeine pumping through his veins, the lost look on his face after Leo died. It feels like both a lifetime ago and as if it were yesterday. 

"Yeah," Donna says softly, "That was Sam's ultimatum. He would take the deputy position so long as Josh took a vacation."

"Smart move."

"I think it was the only thing that could have gotten through to him," She goes on to say, "Sam brokering that deal, I mean. Even if I gave him my own ultimatum - which I was more or less going to do anyway - it wouldn't have been as affective if it wasn't directly for the good of the administration. 

Amy rolls her eyes, though not unkindly before responding, "Donna, don't be so dense. All you had to do was tell him to jump and he would immediately asked how high."

The time she spent with Josh in Hawaii served to solidify her belief in his feelings for her. The Josh she knows (and she knows him better than most) wouldn't have left his blackberry behind for just anyone. More tellingly he had actually managed to vocalize all the things that had been unspoken between them throughout the years. Even with that understanding though, she's not fully convinced he would have made the same choice had she been the one to present the options, despite Amy's confidence.

"Not then," She settles on, "Not when his whole world was that campaign and now the administration. I think... It was like tunnel vision for him. Sam just figured out a way to stand in his line of sight."

"Do you remember what you told me about Josh?" Amy asks, "You know, why he walks so fast."

The memory comes flooding back to her; telling Amy that Josh doesn't leave people, the seemingly never ending guilt he carries around with him every moment of every day. Joanie, his father, the President. All the people linked to him that were hurt. 

"Yeah." She says softly, because how could she ever forget?

"Look, I'm not gonna-" Amy pauses for a moment and Donna can tell she's trying to choose her next words carefully, which only serves to pique her interest, "It's not my business what happened, but I hear a lot of gossip in this town, so when word got around he flew across the world on a whim cause you something horrible happened to you it wasn't even a little bit shocking. Maybe to other people, but not to me. So to be honest Donna, if what you said all those years ago was true then I'm pretty sure he would have done whatever you asked if he thought hard enough about it, like take a vacation."

Sensitivity was never a word she would have previously associated with Amy, but - not for the first time tonight - Donna had begun to rethink her assessment of her. Amy was never one to sugar coat things or hold back her opinion. In fact Donna is fairly certain that trait was one of the things that attracted Josh to her in the first place. Amy, like Josh, is nothing if not passionate and strong willed.

Its why the avoidance of mentioning any specifics regarding Gaza and the bombing takes her by surprise. It had been clear from the moment they were introduced that she had no interest in sparring peoples feelings, and yet she was there doing that very thing for Donna. And about Josh, no less.

"Maybe," She finally agrees on, even though she's not sure her own heart is in the answer, "I guess it doesn't matter now though, does it? Sam is here as deputy and Josh is no longer on the brink of collapse."

"I'm just saying, you should keep that in mind for the future." Something changes in Amy's eyes, another unreadable expression to add to the count, "He's one of the good ones, Donna."

Briefly she wonders if anyone would believe her if she said that she was bonding with Amy Gardner of all people. 

This was really good wine. 

"He is." Donna agrees softly, smiling at her. 

"That's the thing about Josh-"

"Donnatella Moss!"

Donna looks to Amy and rolls her eyes. 

"Some things never change."

Amy shakes her head in amusement.

"If you're trying to make me suffer through this last ball without so much as a dance so help me-"

It takes every last bit of self control to keep herself from laughing at the sheer look of panic that flashes in his eyes when he rounds the corner into Sam's office.

"Hey, J." Amy says casually before downing the last of her wine.

"I guess we'll have to finish all the Josh secret sharing for another time." Donna says solemnly, though she knows nothing about her current expression conveyed anything close to her words. 

"How disappointing," Amy says with a prolonged sigh, "And here I was thinking we would get to the good stuff."

"I have to be drunk." Josh says, looking between the two women a few times before settling on Donna, "How much champagne did you let me drink?"

"Clearly not enough, since you had the wherewithal to hunt me down." She says with a huff. 

The dumbfounded expression vanishes for a moment and is replaced by a glare. 

"You've been gone for," He glances at his watch, "58 minutes, which is 28 more than we agreed."

Amy snorts and looks at Donna, "I'm surprised it took him this long to track you down."

Donna grins back at her, more than amused at the way Josh stares wide eyed at them.

"Punctuality has never been his strong suit."

Amy tears her gaze away from Donna and looks directly at Josh, smirking as she speaks. 

"Oh believe me, I remember."

It's then that her resolve cracks all together and the laughter finally comes, Amy's own giggles following not a moment later. 

"Drunk." Josh says, though she suspects it's more to himself then to them, "I'm definitely, definitely drunk."

Amy stands and collects her still discarded heels before chucking the empty cup into the trash.

"We'll get lunch sometime and pick up on this conversation." She says, clearly more to get under Josh's skin than anything, but Donna suspects there's an actual sincerity behind her words. A peace offering between them. 

"I'd like that." Donna answers, surprised by how much she actually means it. 

Amy pats Josh on the shoulder as she brushes past him, "Catch you later, J."

It takes Josh a solid minute to recover from the encounter, and even then Donna isn't sure his mind has actually processed seeing her with his ex-girlfriend. 

"Was that Amy?" He manages to ask, still staring at Donna with wide eyes. 

The question only serves to make Donna laugh harder. 

"You catch on quick, don't you?"

With that she stands, being sure that Sam's belongings were all left in the same place they had been when she entered before throwing away the now empty wine bottle and walking towards him.

"Are you guys friends?" 

"Evidently." She says, stopping in front of him, "We bonded over our mutual Josh-ness."

"Your what?" He practically squeaks. 

Donna shakes her head fondly before leaning forward and capturing his lips with her own, finally kissing him like she wanted to pretty much all night. 

That seems to be enough to snap him out of his confusion, because in seconds his hands find purchase on her waist, fingers brushing gently against the silk fabric. 

"So," She whispers when the pulls away, "You said something about me owing you a dance?"

There's the slightest tinge of red staining the corner of his mouth from her lipstick, and when she reaches up to wipe it away he wraps his fingers around her wrist and gently kisses the palm of her hand. 

"You absolutely do."

She takes a moment to lace their fingers together, not once breaking the contact between them.

"Hmm," She hums, kissing him again for good measure, "I suppose I can pencil you in."

The smile he gives her is so soft and tender and as he leads her through the abandoned hall she decides that Amy was right. 

He was most definitely happy.