Chapter Text
No one did Christmas like the Holiday’s. Ever since Dess could remember, her parents went crazy on Christmas every single year. Lights strung up everywhere, the biggest tree they could fit in the house, and enough ornaments hanging from said tree to completely hide the pines beneath. Every inch of snow outside would be rolled up into a snowman and the radio would play the Christmas classics twenty four seven.
In Dess’ almost decade long absence, those memories of Christmas with her family were the only thing she had to look forward to when she tried to sleep. For almost a decade, she believed that she’d never get to experience Christmas with Mom, Dad, or her little sis ever again. The fact that she was brought back home only weeks before the day was the greatest gift she could have ever received.
It hasn’t been easy getting used to things again now that she is back home. Kris tried to warn her about how drastically things changed, but even if this weird magic Dark World stuff never happened, there was so much that hurt her head and heart to think about.
She missed out on her little sister’s entire childhood. Noelle was her age now, maybe a little older, and it wasn’t hard to figure out that her shy, sometimes reclusive personality was a result of her disappearance. Dad won his battle with cancer in the time she’s been gone, but it’s done a number on him. Dess’ heart sank when she first saw how many gray hairs he had and how many wrinkles were on his face. And Mom…
She barely recognized her anymore.
Carol Holiday was always a little reserved and aloof. She had this air of superiority and authority that no one could budge. Not even on the holidays would her mood change that much. When she was busy, Dess would be lucky to even see her some days. When she heard from Rudy that Carol had become even more shut off from everyone after she disappeared, Dess couldn’t help but feel responsible for it.
She couldn’t help but feel responsible for everyone’s grief. She knows they would have helped her if she asked, she did it before, but it wasn’t enough. What she did obviously wasn’t the right choice and she’s glad she’s been given a second chance, but it still hurts to know that her friends and family believed she was dead for nearly a decade.
The past few days have put her through an emotional wringer. Most of her days were spent wandering around the new town, marveling at the massive castles, sprawling cities, and magical forests that now lay over her memories of what home used to look like. Every once in a while, she’d bump into someone she recognized, only to be hit with another pang of grief over the time she lost.
The Catty she went to school with was much older now, and her little baby sister she used to babysit was now her age. Asriel, who was a little wimpy freshman when she last saw him, was now a full grown man who would have had a degree by now if he weren’t trapped in town. He was still a complete wimp though, so not everything had changed.
A lot of her old friends had either moved out before the barrier went up, died during the apocalyptic merging of this world and the Dark Worlds, or simply forgot who she was in the decade she’s been gone. Outside of her family and a couple of neighbors she remembered, all her friends were gone.
And finally, the most jarring and challenging thing to overcome, was just existing again.
For ten years, she was in limbo, unable to see anything, hear anything, smell, taste, feel. Out in the Void, there was nothing. All she could do was sit there, clinging onto her memories of the physical world and what it was like. Once she came back and was restored to her full physical form, she was reminded of all the once automatic functions she now had to focus on again. She needed to eat on a regular basis, which she found easy as everything she ate now tasted absolutely amazing after not having anything to eat for years. The less fun function she remembered shortly after that was that her body needed to dispose of waste. It wasn’t like she forgot how to use the bathroom, but it was an unpleasant experience after not having to go for years.
The scariest thing she had to worry about was she sometimes forgot to breathe. She had tried to hold her breath in the Void, hoping that at the very least she’d pass out and sleep through the endless sea of hours she would spend there, but she didn’t even need to breathe out there. The habit must have stuck, because she would sometimes have moments where she felt light headed or her chest would start to ache, only for her to realize she was holding her breath and she would gasp for air. To her surprise, Kris seemed to understand where she was coming from and gave her some tips to try and help her through it.
“If you ever feel yourself drift off, clench your fists and force yourself to blink a bunch.” They told her after she had another episode. “Dig your nails into your palms every once in a while, just to make sure you can. I sometimes found myself doing it even after I got rid of Vess. I’ve been doing it again ever since I got back.”
Kris has been Dess’ lifeline in this new world she found herself in. They were one of the few people she still remembered in town, and of course they were fully aware of everything she went through in the Void as they were sharing it with her for a while. Not only that, but they once had the same ability she did, the one that drove her to desperation and into the Void.
Through Kris, Dess was able to quickly make new friends who were able to understand a lot of her troubles. There was Ralsei, who was an almost spitting image of the Asriel she remembered before she left. He quickly found a place in his impressive castle to let her stay and fed her every craving with his magical cooking skills. Not to mention, he was the fluffiest little bastard in the universe and was a frequent hugger.
There was also Susie, Noelle’s girlfriend. Tall, super muscular, and goofy as hell. The first time Dess saw her, she was more than a little intimidated by the scars and the sharp teeth, but once things calmed down and no one was fighting, she found out there was an absolute sweetheart underneath that scary exterior. Knowing how timid Noelle became over the years, it made perfect sense that she’d attach herself to the biggest, scariest girl in school to keep her safe. Susie was cool, and had she been around while Dess was in high school, she knows they would have been fast friends.
Hanging out with these new friends, catching up with the old ones, and having plenty of time to get used to functioning like a normal person again, she believes she’s ready to celebrate her first Christmas in a long time.
Waking up in her room at Castle Town, she forced herself into the ridiculous outfit the Dark World decided to curse her with, poofy pants and all. At least the hat was cool. Besides, she wasn’t the only one walking around looking ridiculous. Still, seeing a few others walk around with suits of armor or beautifully embroidered dresses made her feel cheated that she got this multicolored garbage.
Stepping out of her room, she wanders down the hall of Ralsei’s castle, bracing herself for the cold that would be waiting for her outside. Noelle comes to visit every once in a while, mostly to see Susie, but she insisted that Dess stay here for the next couple days so that she and Rudy could make the house extra festive for her first Christmas in forever.
“Oh hey!” Dess lets out a startled yelp when someone pats her back, causing her to leap forward in shock before spinning around. Standing just behind her was Susie, who was now leaning back in surprise, her hands held up in surrender. “Uh, sorry.” She mumbles. “Didn’t mean to scare you, I just wanted to say good morning.”
“Good morning to you too.” Dess huffed, resting a hand against her chest to slow down her rapidly beating heart. “Sorry, I’m just… I’m still a bit jumpy after everything that happened.”
“I’ll keep it in mind then.” Susie says, lowering her hands and relaxing a bit. “Kris is still jumpy too. A lot of us are, actually.” Susie appears to bum herself out saying that, but she quickly picks herself up. “But hey, forget about all that, it’s Christmas! Noelle’s been losing her mind waiting for today and I don’t wanna miss out on what’s probably gonna be the best Christmas I’ve ever had.”
“Right.” Dess nods, forcing herself to calm down as well. Everything’s a mess, but Christmas was always the highlight of the year. She didn’t have anything to worry about today, she just needed to chill out and enjoy herself. Nothing was going to jump out at her, nothing bad was going to happen. She was never going to see that ocean of darkness or that damn doctor ever again.
Heading downstairs, she found that despite how early it was, plenty of people were already awake. Gathered around the large cauldron in the center of the castle’s main hall, Ralsei was quickly stirring something up. The green and black robes he usually wore were now replaced with bright reds and whites. A santa hat rested on his head as he worked, and upon seeing the girls come down stairs, he quickly waved them over.
“Dess, Susie! Good morning!” He greeted them, sounding especially cheery. “Have you two slept well, or were you too excited for today to sleep?”
“I slept like a baby.” Dess comments. “I’m actually surprised I woke up at a reasonable time, I was out for an entire day when I got… Is that eggnog in that pot?”
“Oh yes! You want some?” Ralsei asks, stopping his stirring to reach for a cup.
“You wouldn’t be able to fucking stop me!” Dess nods very enthusiastically. Eggnog was a staple for her household during the holidays. She remembers catching Dad slipping in a little brandy into his glasses and in exchange for not telling Mom, he’d let her have a couple drinks once she was old enough. It’s been so long since she’s had eggnog, she was almost tempted to dunk her head into the cauldron instead of waiting. If her time in the Void taught her anything, it was patience, and after only a few seconds, Ralsei rewarded that patience and handed her a glass which she downed in an equally short amount of time.
“There’s more where that came from, don’t worry.” Ralsei tells Dess before she even gets the chance to ask for a refill. “If anyone else wants some too, you’ll have to wait on them. Susie? Would you like some?”
“Yes please.” Susie nods, getting a glass herself before Dess gets a chance to get her refill. She takes the time to savor her drink, and by the time she’s finished her first sip, Dess had already downed a second glass.
“Alright, I probably shouldn’t have done that.” Dess huffs. “That’s gonna be it for now, it’s having a little trouble going down.” As much as she liked it, there was a limit to how much she could do in such a short time. She’ll be back for more though, that’s a promise.
“Oh, Rals!” Setting her glass down, Susie reached into her pocket and produced a small wrapped box. “Merry Christmas man. It’s not much, but I wanted to make sure you got something.”
“Oh my goodness!” Ralsei took the present, looking overwhelmed with joy. “Can I open it now?”
“Uh… I think so?” Susie says, turning to Dess. “I don’t know, is there a specific time you’re supposed to open these?”
“Just open it.” Dess tells Ralsei, before focusing on Susie? “Do you not usually do Christmas presents?”
“Not really.” Susie shook her head. “Dad would get me a jacket because I complained about being cold and that’s as much as I would ever get. He would say I was being greedy if I asked for anything else.”
“You dad sounds like an asshole.” Dess says the first thing that comes to mind.
“Well he’s dead so…” Susie shrugged, and Dess kept herself from saying anything else. Now she felt like an asshole. It’s not like she had much opportunity to socialize out in the Void, but still, she should probably watch what she says in the future. “Oh, don’t worry about it.” Susie takes notice of her reaction and is quick to assure her. “He one hundred percent was an asshole, It’s fine.”
“Oh my gosh!” Dess and Susie thankfully get to sweep this awkward conversation under the rug as Ralsei gasps at the sight of his present. Tossing the box aside, Ralsei holds up a pair of sunglasses, which he immediately places over his regular ones.
“Like I said, it’s not much, but I wanted to help you fit in with us a little more.” Susie says. “Kris and I look like battle hardened badasses, you’re still a fluffy little nerd. With those, you look way cooler!”
“Really?!” He asked, attempting to strike a pose to show how tough he looked with the glasses on. Dess couldn’t stifle her laugh. He looked like a complete dork.
“Hell yeah man, you look hard as hell with those glasses.” Susie cheers him on regardless. “I hope the glasses are alright. I was pretty busy so I couldn’t really get my hands on anything better.”
“These are perfect!” Ralsei insists, hopping off his stool to give her a hug. “Thank you so much! I’m never gonna take these off!”
“You’re welcome man!” Susie tells him, plucking his santa hat off to ruffle the hair beneath.
“I’ve got presents for both of you two, but they aren’t ready yet.” Ralsei tells them. “While you two are out at Noelle’s house, I’ll be getting them ready.”
“Wait, you have a present for me?” Dess asks.
“Well of course!” Ralsei nods, pulling away from Susie after taking his hat back. “I’m giving gifts to all of my friends!”
“We met only two weeks ago.” Dess says.
“So?” Ralsei shrugs. “Kris and Susie became my best friends the very same day we met! We haven’t had many chances to hang out yet, but I’m sure you’ll be just as close as the rest of our friends!”
Dess’ heart could barely handle this. God, this little guy is the cutest little fluff ball in the entire world.
“You know what, you’re absolutely right.” She tells him, giving him a hug. “We’re best buddies from here on out!”
“And just like that, Ralsei’s claimed another victim.” Susie laughs at their side. “Remember, you don’t get to keep him all to yourself.”
“Just try to take him away from me!” Dess taunts.
“Trust me, half the people in this castle would fight you if you ran off with him.” Susie snorts. “Anyways, I should probably go and wake Kris up if they aren’t already. You should head to Fort Holiday and meet up with Noelle. I haven’t finished wrapping her stuff yet so I’ll meet you there.”
“Right.” Dess nods. “I can’t wait to see what the place looks like now. We always go crazy with the decorations, but that place is massive.” For a moment, Dess feels her pulse quicken at the thought of either Noelle or Dad trying to string up lights on the roofs of that massive castle. Her first reset following her accident stringing up lights was still a haunting memory that refused to leave her head, she can’t imagine how dangerous it would be to try and get lights up on the fort walls that were at least four stories high.
“Would you like another eggnog for the road?” Ralsei asks Dess, snapping her out of her dark thoughts.
“Hell yeah I would, little guy.” Dess breaks into a smile, unable to focus on any of this horrible stuff while looking at a little goober trying to look like a badass santa.
Getting another refill and pacing herself so the richness doesn’t overpower her. Dess sets out through the castle's front gates to make it to Fort Holiday where her family was waiting. Breathing in the crisp winter air, she couldn’t help but feel nostalgic despite how different everything was now.
It was bizarre to think about, but the small town she was walking through, with all of its brightly lit up shops and attractions, was once the school she went to every day. The people roaming the streets and chatting with each other weren’t her friends and neighbors, but magical beings created from random objects from all over town. The few people she did recognize were completely different too, now possessing magic powers and dressed in fantastical clothing. Ralsei had called her a bard when she came back home, but as far as she knows, she doesn’t have any magical powers, though she hasn’t really tried. She should maybe ask Susie for help. If there’s any especially cool magic spells, she’d probably know how to do them.
The trip to Fort Holiday wasn't too long, but it was still very strange to walk through town. There was absolutely nothing familiar about her hometown anymore. Her memories of what the town used to look like were already so faded and distant, and while the place was thriving now, it was still disheartening to know she’d never see her home like she remembered it. She wanted her old room back, her old life back, all those years she missed out on.
As awful of a thought as it was, if she had the chance, she’d willingly reset all the way back to that one fateful day if she knew the reset would be gone immediately after. She’d get everything back, she’d have her little baby sister back, she’d have her high school crush back, she’d have everything she lost. It was never going to happen though. Even if it did, she’d probably only have a year before she ended up getting herself killed again, only this time, she won’t have her safe point to fall back on.
She hates how she can’t get these thoughts out of her head. It’s all she can think about when she doesn’t have someone to talk to. It was her default thought process at this point. If there wasn’t something new and engaging in front of her, she just fell back on wishing things would go back to normal. She’s out of that damn Void, but it sometimes feels like a piece of her was left behind in there.
Maybe that would explain the weird dreams she has, but that was a whole other can of worms she didn’t want to think about. Fort Holiday was just across the street and it was impossible to miss. Despite the massive size of the fort, they did not skimp out on decorations. Lights hung from all of the battlements, wreaths hung below the windows of each tower, each of which was completely wrapped up in multicolored tinsel. Approaching the guards at the front gate, she noticed that candy canes hung from their antlered helmets.
“Welcome home, Ms. Holiday.” The guards greeted her, stepping aside to allow her entry. “Your father awaits in his throne room.”
Dess thanks them as she steps inside of the fort. She isn’t exactly sure who those guys are even supposed to be. Darkners and the worlds they come from is something she’s still trying to comprehend, but she’s reasonably sure this fort and the guards patrolling it were somehow created by Dad. It was a little concerning, considering she’s pretty sure this fort is where the town's hospital used to be.
She tries to push that thought out of her head as well before she could take the time to linger on the fact that Dad likely spent more time at the hospital than at home. It becomes significantly easier to push all her thoughts out of her mind the moment she enters into the throne room and finds her family waiting for her.
“There she is! My little baby girl! The best early Christmas gift I could have ever received!” She wasn’t even three steps into the room before Dad had his arms around her. Instinct demanded that Dess told him off, that despite what she looked like, she wasn’t a teenager anymore, but she elects to remain silent and enjoy the moment. If she closed her eyes, it almost felt like the way things were ten years ago.
“It’s good to see you too, Dad.” Dess says with a bit of a heavy heart. She’s talked to him plenty of times ever since she got back, but every time she met up with him, it felt like her first time again. It hurt how much she missed him. “Are you feeling better?”
“You keep asking that and I keep telling you I’m fine.” Dad reassures her, pulling away so Noelle could run up and join them. “I’ve been cancer free for a while now and despite how long it’s been, I’m not old enough to start having problems just yet.”
“Dess!” Noelle quickly closed the gap now that Dad was out of the way to give her a hug. “Did you see all the decorations I laid out?”
“Yes I did.” Dess nods. “How the hell did you even get them up there? I got anxious just thinking about how high some of those lights are.”
“Oh I got some friends to help out.” Noelle tells her. “Catti did the tinsel up the towers. It’d be dangerous to try and hang those myself.” That still sounded incredibly dangerous and hearing that Noelle pushed the danger on someone else didn’t help, but with how nonchalant she was, Dess could only assume Catti had some way to avoid hurting herself.
“Is Mom going to be coming over?” Dess asks, noticing that Noelle and Dad were the only ones in the room.
“Of course she is, it’s Christmas.” Dad says, though Dess could easily spot the look of uncertainty on his face. “She hasn’t missed one since, even after you left. Things are a bit more hectic now and she’s got a lot on her plate, but I doubt she’ll miss out on a chance to spend another Christmas with you.”
Dess really hoped so. She’s only seen her mother once since she got back, and even then, it was only for a minute at most. The day she came home was a day she would never forget. There were so many tears, so many I missed you’s, so much raw emotion all around. Mom was at town hall, like usual, though it’s gone through some renovations since the Dark World merge. She had come out to investigate what the commotion at Castle Town was and after speaking to Ralsei, he eventually led her to her long lost daughter.
Mom was always a hard to read person, even at the best of times. Her face was a stone mask that wouldn’t budge. Even years ago, when she broke the news that Dad was sick to Dess, the only sign that she felt anything at that moment was the slight warble in her voice. She never cried, she never smiled, she always kept an air of cold stoicism. There were times that Dess resented her for it, wishing she’d just say something or somehow prove that she actually cared about what was going on. The moments where that mask cracked were few and far between, but it was how Dess knew that she actually cared.
Dess was so sure that her returning home would finally break that mask. Dad had already told her that she somehow became even more shut off since she left, but she was positive that coming home would break Mom out of her shell.
Mom didn’t even say a word to her. A part of her wanted to believe that maybe she just somehow didn’t recognize her, but they locked eyes with each other for what felt like an eternity. Mom didn’t say anything, she didn’t burst into tears like Dad did, she didn’t rush over to her to pull her into a hug. She just stared at her for several seconds before returning to business as usual. It was like she looked right through her…
“Honey!” Rudy reaches out and touches Dess’ shoulder, causing her to jump. “You were zonin’ out there. Do you want some eggnog? It’s gonna be a while before Mom comes around.”
“Um, yeah…” Dess nods, pushing yet another troubling thought aside to try and enjoy herself. “I already had some at Ralsei’s place, but do you think I can add a little something to mine?”
“What do you mean?” Rudy asks her.
“You know…” She says, glancing at Noelle. Her little sister probably already knew, but she hasn’t shaken the habit of protecting her baby sister from anything potentially bad and grown up. “I caught you slipping brandy into a couple of glasses. If this is going to be my welcome home party, why not-”
“No.” Rudy quickly shuts her down.
“Why not?!”
“Three reasons.” Dad holds up three fingers. “One, I stopped doing that a while ago. It was only for special occasions and the doctors were getting fussy about it so I stopped. Two, it isn’t even noon! And three, you’re way too young to drink.”
“You said that eight years ago! I’m like twenty four, or… twenty six? One of those two, I think.” Dess tries to argue, but it doesn’t sound very convincing as she starts to question herself.
“You look the same age as your little sister.” Dad points out. “If you’ve been stuck like this, then biologically you’re the same age and you shouldn’t be drinking.”
Dess crossed her arms and pouted. After spending so long in that hellhole, she probably deserved a drink, but Dad made a pretty sound argument. Maybe it was for the better. She missed out on a lot, but if she stopped aging entirely while in the Void, then technically, she still had a couple years as a teenager. She could still be a kid.
She spends the next few hours hanging out with her family, catching up on more of what she missed as they waited for more guests to arrive. Susie eventually arrives, bringing Kris along with her, as well as a wrapped gift for Noelle. Asgore makes a quick stop to say hi to Rudy before leaving him with a large bouquet of flowers. That’s everyone she recognizes though, everyone else who arrives to say hi or exchange gifts are either people who were still going to preschool when she last saw them, or they were complete strangers. Almost all of them knew who she was though. Hell, her disappearance was probably a core memory for a lot of these kids.
It was all a little too much for Dess. She spent years with only her own thoughts as company. Having other people talk over those thoughts was still something she was getting used to, but with the Christmas music playing and with four or five different conversations going on at once in the decorated throne room, she found herself hiding away in a quiet corner to allow herself the peace she needed to even think.
How long was she going to spend recovering from this? How long would it take for her to go back to normal? Could she go back to normal after experiencing something like the Void? She needed to spend more time with Kris. She’s sure Dad and Noelle would be more than supportive, but none of them have any idea what it’s like to be stuck out there. Kris knew how awful it was out there and they’ve already helped her in ways no one else could. Maybe…
“Carol! You made it!” Dess snaps herself back into the present upon hearing her mother’s name. She actually came?!
She must have, the whole room’s temperature dropped about ten degrees. The conversations stopped, even the radio seemed to fall silent in her presence. The Dark World left her clad in a glittering dress of ice and gemstones, her fur and hair were both drained of color, leaving her almost as white as snow. She looked like an elegant ice sculpture.
“I’ve never missed an appointment, I wouldn’t miss this either.” She says, almost sounding annoyed with Rudy. “Why wouldn’t I be here?”
“Well, you know…” Rudy let out a nervous chuckle. “A lot’s happened since last year. You probably got a lot more on your plate nowadays than you did before the world almost ended.”
“Even if the world did end, I wouldn’t miss an appointment.” Mom insists. “Though I must admit I’m not staying long. There is important work I have to attend to at the barrier. I’m here to drop off a gift before I go. Where is Dess?”
Dess gasped at the mention of her name. It didn’t even register until now, but Dess noticed that her mother carried a large case in her hands with a cheap bow placed next to the handle she was holding onto. Looking up from the case, Dess found that Carol was looking right at her.
Dess studied her mother’s face, looking for any crack in her mask. Even now, she didn’t seem to react at all, even though she was apparently looking for her. Stepping forward, Carol moved towards the secluded corner where Dess waited. Dess had absolutely no idea what to think as she approached. She was waiting for any reaction at all, but Carol remained stoic as ever.
She stops right in front of her, looking down at her. They stared at each other for a moment, and this up close, Dess was able to see a few things she missed the first time. Just like Dad, she was visibly older now. New wrinkles lined her mom’s face, and it was hard to tell, but they made her look softer somehow. She didn’t look as scary or stern as she remembered, Mom looked almost…
“Here.” Before Dess could place the expression she thought she saw, Carol held out the case to her. She didn’t say anything more and waited expectantly for Dess to take it.
“You got me a gift?” She asks in disbelief, taking the case from her mother. Carol nods in response. Dess wasn’t even expecting to get anything out of this Christmas. She barely knew anyone and she showed up only a couple weeks before the big day, so she was perfectly fine with not getting anything, but here Mom was of all people handing out her first gift.
The case was fairly heavy and after gently setting it down, she took the bow off the case to get to the clasps keeping it shut. Clicking them open, she isn’t sure what to expect.
Throwing the case open, her heart stutters in her chest.
Resting inside, looking exactly the same as she remembered it, was her old guitar…
“I held onto it for you.” Carol spoke up, forcing Dess to look up to her. “We cleaned out your room during renovations to the house four years ago, but there were some things I held onto, things I couldn’t get rid of or replace. I quite liked the songs you were learning to play on it and I held onto this in the hopes that I’d get to hear them again.”
“You did?” Dess asked, almost in disbelief. Looking back down at the case, she pulled the guitar out and held it in her hands. It was exactly as she remembered it. This wasn’t a replacement, this was her old guitar, still covered in the same stickers to hide the bumps and scratches. Running her thumb across the strings, she cringes a little bit as it is severely out of tune, but that was an easy fix.
“I have a very busy two weeks, especially on New Year's day.” Dess looked back up when her mother continued to speak. “After that, my schedule should clear up and I’ll try and assign another day to come visit again. I cannot shirk my responsibilities, especially with how many people are relying on me now, but…”
”I missed you.”
Those three words almost broke Dess. This whole time, she was thinking that her mother didn’t really care if she was gone or that she came back, but this gift and those three words proved that she cared just as much as everyone else did. Tears started to blur her vision, but Dess still tried to see if anything changed in her mother’s face.
It was almost impossible to notice, especially through the tears, but Dess could have sworn she heard her mother sniffle. Before she turned to leave Carol brought her hand up to wipe her eyes.
“I must get going.” She says, her voice still sounding steady and stern despite what Dess thought she saw. “I’ll send a call your father’s way when I have free time for us. I have to get back to work now.”
Without another word, Carol leaves the throne room, drawing everyone’s attention with her until she disappears through the front doors. The moment she’s gone, hushed conversations start to fill the room again, but Dess doesn’t register any of it. She stares down at the guitar in her hands, tears spilling down her face.
She felt relieved, but also ashamed of herself for ever thinking her mother didn’t care. She always did, she just struggled to show it. Rudy always told her that it was one of her mother’s greatest traits. It was almost impossible to get any reaction out of her, but when someone did…
“Told you she’d come by.” Rudy comes by and kneels down next to Dess with a bit of difficulty. “I had no idea she was still holding onto this. I was convinced we lost it ages ago.”
“Your old guitar!” Noelle gasped when she came over as well. “Oh my god! I remember when you used to play it all the time! Kris thought you were so cool and you were gonna be a rockstar!”
“I still have time.” Dess forces out, bringing a sleeve up to wipe her eyes. “I’ve been wondering what the hell I was supposed to do with myself and I finally found something to pick up again.”
Dess’ guitar felt like it molded perfectly into her hands, like it was specifically made for her. Having it in her hands and resting on her knee, she could almost feel a warmth emanate from it. It was like it was calling out to her, begging her to play. She plucked each string individually, reaching up to tune each one. It’s been a while, so she probably couldn’t accurately tune it by ear, but it sounded good enough. Wiping her eyes one more time, she settled down on the ground and propped herself up against the wall for support. She grabs the fretboard, rests her fingers on the strings and…
And…
“Whatever you do, please don’t play Wonderwall!” Kris calls out from somewhere in the throne room, but Dess quickly shakes her head and tries to focus again. She strums again, reaching up to tune it a little more. There was no way it wasn’t perfect now. Once again, she rests her fingers on the frets, readying herself to strum…
“I…”
“Can’t think of what to play?” Noelle asks.
“No, I…” Dess falters. “I can’t…” Dess sets the guitar back in its case.
“I don’t remember how to play…”
Dess looked down at her guitar, tears returning to her eyes in frustration. She used to play every single day, and looking down at her hands, she still had calluses on her fingers that never faded thanks to being trapped in the Void. She used to have entire guitar solo’s memorized, but she could barely even remember what those songs sounded like. She didn’t remember any chords, she couldn’t even remember which notes each fret produced.
Her mom opened up to her for the first time she can even remember and admitted that she loved the music she played, but she couldn’t even play the stupid thing anymore! Feeling everyone’s eyes on her and unable to take all the attention, she kicks the case away from her, hurries to her feet, and rushes out of the throne room, completely ignoring everyone who tried to stop her.
Rushing outside, she just keeps running, unsure of where to go. Nothing about this place was familiar anymore, but she desperately wanted to be left alone. She kept running down the street until she spotted a dirt path leading down into the woods. She hurries down the path, praying that no one would find her here.
She must have looked like a complete fucking nutcase to everyone at the fort. Fuck it, who cares? She barely knew anyone there anyways and she had a perfectly good excuse to be pissed off and frustrated about everything. She was trapped and terrorized for years, who wouldn’t be fucked up after that?
She’s just… Fuck! She feels like she’s going insane. Everything felt so strange now. Her stupid fucking brain wouldn’t shut up to let her enjoy anything anymore. The moment she talks to someone, hell if she even looks at something, her mind automatically defaults to reminding her that everyone thought she was dead or that she’d never get to live a normal life ever again.
When she saw her dad, all she could think about was how old and tired he looked now, lamenting that she lost years of time she’d never get back with him. Every time she saw her sister, she only saw the scars and how timid she became. She just wanted to enjoy herself on Christmas, she just wanted to shut her brain off and stop being so pessimistic, but she can’t!
That guitar was probably the best gift she could have received, but her stupid, broken mind somehow found a way to make her hate herself for it. What else couldn’t she do anymore? She already figured out that she has trouble fucking breathing so the sky’s the limit! What’s next?! Is she gonna forget how to fucking blink?!
She stomps down the dirt path, thankful that in the time since she’s gone she hasn’t somehow forgotten how to walk. Eventually, she comes to the end of the path and in the center of a snow covered clearing is a large hill. Dess moves towards the hill, aiming to just sit on top of it since she had nothing better to do. This place seemed quiet enough, she could try and get a grip on her wildly running thoughts here.
Climbing up the steep hill, she sits down, hoping to drown her thoughts out with the silence, when she notices the sudden drop not far from where she sat. Looking over the edge, she finds that she isn’t actually sitting on a natural made hill, but an overgrown entrance leading into some kind of bunker!
Was this always here? Was this another Dark World thing? No, she remembers this path now! This is where all the cool kids would hide away to smoke cigarettes when she was still in highschool. Slowly sliding down off the side of the hill, she wandered around to the front to find that the large set of metal double doors leading down were barred off. It was mildly concerning to find that the large board keeping the doors closed was on this side though, as if it was to keep someone on the inside from getting out.
What was down there? Was this place transformed with the Dark World too?
Somewhere in the back of her head was a voice begging her to leave this place, but with how awful her own thoughts were being right now, indulging her curiosity and distracting herself with what’s down here would easily keep her from thinking about how awful everything was. Walking up and grabbing hold of the wooden board, she moves to lift it when a sudden sound scares her badly enough for her to fly backwards away from the door.
“DON’T GO DOWN THERE!” Dess’ back hits the snow as she falls flat. Quickly pushing up, she found she was no longer alone out here. Kris somehow managed to find her with her guitar case in tow. She didn’t pay that any mind though and instead focused on the intense look of fear in Kris’ eyes. “Don’t open that door! Ever! There’s nothing good down there!”
“Shit! I’m sorry!” Dess quickly apologizes. “I won’t go down there! I promise!”
With her promise that she’d never open the door, Kris practically crumpled into the snow, landing on their butt and gasping for breath. “Sorry.” They huff. “Just please, never go down there. Please! Pretty much every bad thing that’s ever happened to me was because of something we found down there. Never go down there!.”
Dess nods her head and pushes herself out of the snow. Kris didn’t need to explain themself, the reaction they had was evidence enough that this whole place was bad news. Once she’s calmed herself down and the hit of panic she got drains from her body, she focuses on the case in Kris’ hands as they wind down and catch their breath.
“Why did you follow me out here?” She demands. “It’s pretty obvious that I want to be left alone.”
“I kind of doubt that, considering you’ve been alone for ten years.” Kris counters. Dess did not want to deal with a smart ass right now, but what they say next almost pisses her off more. “Are you mad that the only present you got was something you already owned? Like, ‘surprise! We didn’t throw away all your personal belongings!’”
“No!” Dess sputtered. “No that’s not it at all! It’s-”
“You’re frustrated that you can’t play the guitar anymore? Are you freaking out over all the other things you might have forgotten about?” Dess is left momentarily speechless. They somehow managed to hit the nail right on the head, and it made their first guess sound even stranger since they were able to guess so accurately this time around.
“How the fuck do you know all this stuff?!” Dess asks. “Did you learn how to read minds in the two weeks we’ve been back?!”
“Being possessed for three years and Voided for one made me shit at playing piano.” Kris explains themself. “I’m trying to learn again, but I feel like an idiot trying to go through the basics again. I can only imagine it’s ten times worse for you.”
Dess lowered her head and grumbled. It was nice to know at least someone out here knew just how bad she had it and how awful everything was, but knowing that they were going through the same bullshit wasn’t great.
“I think you’ll find it’s a lot easier to pick it back up than you think.” Kris tries to reason with her, opening up the guitar case. “It’s not like it’s gonna come back to you all at once, but you’ll start to remember how it works again. You were a prodigy, and you’ll learn just as fast as you used to.”
“I appreciate it Kris, but I don’t want to hear it.” Dess sighs, turning her back on them and looking out into the woods. “I… I don’t know. I know I need to work on myself to get back on track, but I want everything fixed now. Even if I do take the time to slowly pick myself back up, what the hell do I do then? All of my plans I had growing up are useless now, half the people I cared about are gone or dead. I just… I wanna go back. I don’t care if I’ll have to relive that same year all over again, I don’t care if all of the magic of this world goes away. I want my old life back, just as I remember it, but I can’t even have that because I’ve forgotten everything and my stupid ass brain would rather remind me that my dad’s gonna die one day and I will have missed out on ten whole years of memories I could have been making with him!”
Tears threatened to spill again and Dess shut herself down in an attempt to hold them in. She sounded like a little girl throwing a tantrum. Kris was just trying to help, but once again she was spiraling out in self pity and hatred. She wanted to just run right into the woods, to keep going until she hit the barrier so no one would find her. She didn’t want to deal with any of this anymore, she just wanted to…
Dess’ intrusive thoughts are suddenly silenced when she hears her guitar being played behind her.
Turning around, she found Kris sat in the snow, slowly plucking out a melody that tugged at the back of her subconscious. They were playing cautiously, and every once in a while, they’d play a note wrong or mess up a chord, but after one or two corrections, they got it right. They looked really nervous to be playing on the spot with an audience, but after a couple sour notes, they started to pick up the pace and grow more confident. The melody keeps bugging her, it was just on the tip of her tongue. It isn’t until Kris has played for a couple minutes that it suddenly jumps at her.
“Is that the theme song for that dumb Dragon Blazers game Asriel tried to get me to play?!”
“Yes!” Kris lights up, stopping their plucking to speak with her. “I learned this song specifically to try and convince him to lend me some of his allowance so I could buy a guitar like yours.”
“Since when the hell did you play guitar?!” Dess asks, completely dumbfounded. She vaguely remembers trying to teach them during one of her resets, but none of that stuck.
“Because you were going to teach me.” Kris says. “You promised you would before you got stuck in the resets. I wanted to be a rockstar just like you. When you disappeared, I didn’t really lose that dream yet and I tried to teach myself in your absence. I wasn’t very good at it, I’m still not very good at it, but I know how to play a few songs from old video games me and Asriel used to play.”
“But it’s been years.” Dess tries to argue, though she can’t discern why. It wasn’t like she didn’t believe Kris, but it was as if her brain wanted them to be wrong so she could keep being angry at herself.
“I was stuck in the Void too.” Kris reminds her. “There were a lot of things I had to relearn, and the guitar was something I haven’t touched in forever. But like I said, you can relearn. I’ve only been back for like two weeks and I spent the first one just looking for a guitar to play to try and get my reflexes back, but I’m already playing basic melodies again. Trust me, if you start playing again, it’ll take only a week or two before you’re the rockstar you used to be.”
“I…” Dess could feel a lump forming in her throat.
“And if you don’t know where to start, then I’ll teach you.” Kris offers. “Again, I’m not very good at all, but if I help you get started, then you’ll eventually pick up on it. Besides, look at yourself. You’re a bard! The Dark World even thinks you should be running through town playing this thing all day! You were meant for this, come on!”
Dess was crying again, but she didn't bother trying to hide it anymore. She’s been through so many emotional highs and lows today that she was exhausted. She’s still a complete mess, but that wasn’t going to change if she tried to run away from her problems. She had to sit and bear with everything until she was firmly back on her feet, no matter how long that took. Walking over to them, Dess sat down in the snow in front of Kris, reaching out for her guitar.
“You know, we could probably go back home instead of sitting out here in the cold.” Kris tries to tell her, but Dess shakes her head.
“Not yet.” She sniffles, letting her tears flow freely. “As much as I hated it, I think I prefer being alone more than in crowds.”
“It’s a bit much, isn’t it?” Kris nods. They were stuck too, though they always at least had her to keep themself from going mad in the endless black abyss. “I get that you want some place quiet and out of the way, but this isn’t the place for it.” They cast a cautious glance over at the bunker, as if they were expecting something to start breaking down the doors. She wasn’t sure if they were shivering because of the cold, or something else.
“Know any good spots then?” Dess asks, taking her guitar and placing it back in its case before pushing off the ground. “All my old hangout spots are ruins or some lord’s front lawn now.” Kris picks themselves up too, but doesn’t answer right away. They take a moment to think through their options.
“There are plenty of quiet places in Castle Town, but Ralsei’s setting up your gift there, so I don’t want to spoil that.” They mumble, scratching their head. “If the cold really isn’t bothering you, the river next to Dad’s flower shop is pretty chill, but I’d rather not sit out in the snow like this. This armor doesn’t insulate very well.” They pace back and forth through the snow for a few more seconds, opening their mouth but saying nothing as they shoot down all their own ideas. “Oh shit!” Suddenly, something sticks. “There’s no way the studio doesn’t have an auditorium! Hell, once you get good at playing again, Biz will be all over you!”
“Who?”
“Actually wait, he’s really loud and obnoxious. You probably don’t… Whatever, it's the best idea I got, we’re going with it.” Kris turns to leave, now dead set on introducing Dess to whoever this Biz is. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to deal with anyone else just yet, but she wasn’t sure if she’d ever be ready. Her time in the Void messed with her head more than she could have ever imagined, but she’d be able to pull herself out of this slump. Kris has gone through hell and back and they still somehow managed to be a beacon of light for everyone in town. Hell some people already looked at her the same way. She meant a lot to a lot of people, especially her family.
Especially her mom…
She held onto her guitar this entire time. She had to have believed that her daughter would come home safe, even after everyone else gave up hope. Carol didn’t open up much at all, but this one single act spoke a thousand words.
She wanted to see Dess again, too. Dess can’t even remember a time when her Mom actually stepped away from work just to spend time with her, unless it was for a school meeting or performance.
Dess wanted to play her a song. Hearing that her mother loved to hear her play and seeing the small crack in her mother’s mask, she desperately wanted to rekindle those memories, to show her that she was here to stay and that there would be more music in her life.
Hey, was that an actually hopeful thought with no depressing follow up? That was a refreshing change. Maybe she was finally on the right track. Following Kris, she wipes away her tears and tries to hype herself up for her first guitar lesson. She wasn’t quite as optimistic as Kris was in thinking she’d be as good as she used to be after only a couple weeks, but she prayed she’d learn just enough to play something for her mother.
If she can do that, then maybe things won’t be as bad anymore.
—
A couple of weeks have passed, and while she’s had some serious ups and downs, she thinks she’s doing a bit better now. The worst of her depressive mood swings came when she returned to Castle Town after Christmas to find that the guest room that Ralsei had set aside for her had completely transformed. She had no idea how, but he somehow managed to completely recreate her old room. Everything was just as she remembered it, including all the old posters she had of bands which have long since fallen out of style now.
After finding her room, Dess gave Ralsei a hug that threatened to snap his spine with how hard she squeezed him. She only received two gifts this year, but both of them drove her to tears. She loved it, but she found she couldn’t fall asleep that night.
As much as she cherished having her old bed to sleep in again, she was terrified that if she fell asleep, she would wake back up in a loop again. Lying here on this bed, looking at everything around her. How often did she wake up to this exact same scene, only to learn that the clock went back months and she’d have to relive it all over again?
She had ups and downs. With every step forward she took to getting back on solid ground, she stumbled a step backwards. She was ecstatic to be invited back to the fort to watch some movies with her sister, but devastated to learn that she’d never get to scare her little sister with rated R movies anymore as she’s already grown accustomed to them. She finally had a chance to talk to Asriel again and bully him for still being a big baby, but hearing him lament about not being able to finish college only reminded her that her own future she had planned out was dead in the water too. Every attempt to try and be a normal kid again only reminded her that it would never happen.
The only thing that didn’t bring any baggage with it were the guitar lessons.
It wasn’t free of grief. The auditorium that Kris found for them was amazing, but to get to it, they had to get through a guy named Biz. She isn’t sure if she’s ever met someone so loud, obnoxious, and confrontational. Despite how annoying he was, Kris was able to convince him to let them use a sound stage to practice, promising him that Dess would one day be playing up there to an audience of thousands.
Getting past that headache, they were free to practice in peace. It was slow going, and Dess almost gave up on the whole idea out of frustration a couple of times, but she kept coming back, and with every bit of noticeable progress, her mood began to lift. After a few days, she was on Kris’ skill level again. After that, they visited the Queen in Cyber City where the old Library used to be to find some old guitar tab books so they could both keep learning together. She had no time to simmer in self pity, she had no time to cry over everything she missed out on, she just kept playing until her fingers cramped up, pushing herself to focus on something positive for once.
With Kris’ help, the past two weeks were a breeze and she was able to prevent herself from having a complete breakdown like she did on Christmas. Though, through it all, there was one thing stressing her out in the back of her mind, urging her to hurry up and learn before it was too late.
She sat in her room, wondering if today was going to be the day, feeling anxiety bubble away in her guts. She knew what she wanted to play and had the song playing on loop in her head as she mimed out the notes with her hands. She was ready, she knew she was, she played the song over and over again for Kris, but now she was nervous, afraid that she’d fuck something up. Kris wouldn’t mind if she flubbed a note or two, but this was a big deal for her.
A knock on her door caused her heart rate to spike. “Dess?” Ralsei’s voice comes through the door. “May I come in?”
“Get in here, you little fur ball.” Dess responds, sitting up in bed as Ralsei opens up the door, still wearing those dumb looking sunglasses Susie got him for Christmas. “It’s not lunchtime already, is it?”
“Not quite, but that’s not what I wanted to talk about.” Ralsei tells her, waiting by the door. “The mayor is here to see you. She said you two had an appointment?”
Today’s the day then. It was time to spend the day with her mother. This shouldn’t be as intimidating as it is, but everything becomes intimidating whenever her mother is involved. Nothing was expected of her, but this was the first time Carol took a day off just for her, she had to make this count.
“Can I get an emotional support hug before I head down?” Dess asks.
“Of course you can!” Ralsei answers without a second’s thought. “Kris declared me the fluffiest mother trucker in the entire world for a reason!”
“God, you’re adorable.” Screw that Vess kid, Ralsei was clearly an angel with how often he’s pulled her out of a slump with his presence alone. Wrapping him up in her arms, she gives him a tight squeeze before reaching beside her bed and grabbing her guitar case. “Wish me luck.”
“I don’t need to, you’ve got this!.” Ralsei assures. “But just to put your mind at ease, I’ll be rooting for you the whole time.”
“Thanks, fur ball.” Dess tells him, taking a deep breath before leaving the room. Ralsei gives her a smile before heading further down the hall to continue his princely duties, leaving Dess to start heading downstairs.
Her heart pounded in her chest every step of the way. She felt silly being this worked up over something so simple, which was a big step up from actively hating herself for being a coward, but either way, she was stressed out and dreading this meeting. Simply going down stairs seemed to make the air colder, Carol’s presence alone chilled the entire castle. Dess tried to shut her brain off entirely, focusing only on keeping her feet moving and her breathing steady. She’s so out of focus that a touch on her shoulder nearly causes her to fall over out of shock. Just barely catching herself, she turns to find Kris who was leaning out of their room.
“The hell are you so jumpy for?” They ask, not even bothering to apologize like Susie did a couple weeks ago. “We’ve been practicing for two whole weeks. This is like all you’ve been doing since Christmas. You’ve got this, stop freaking out.”
“Fuck you, I’m trying!” Dess huffs, taking a deep breath to try and ground herself. “This is my mom we’re talking about, I have a reason to be jumpy.”
“Fair, but still.” Kris shakes their head. “You’ve been practicing this song non stop. You’ve drilled it into my brain and it’s driving me insane. You’re not gonna screw it up, you’re gonna knock her socks off, and you’re gonna realize you’re overreacting for no reason.”
“Make fun of me afterwards then.” Dess tells them. “Right now I’m trying not to run back upstairs and call this off.”
“You won’t.” Kris tells her flat out. “If you can’t play a song for your mom, then what’s the point in learning how to play? You need an audience, this should be the easiest gig of your life.”
This certainly wasn’t as nice as Ralsei’s assurance that she wouldn’t need anyone to wish her luck, but Kris’ brutal honesty did put things in perspective. They were playing in an auditorium every day, and why else would Dess be putting so much effort into learning to play if she didn’t plan to fill that auditorium up with people excited to listen?
She gets moving again, passing by Kris’ room and heading down stairs into the main hall. She swallows her fear as the temperature continues to drop with each step. She just had to keep her cool until she started playing. Once she starts playing her guitar, all these worries should fade into the background as she loses herself in her music.
To Dess’ surprise, the main hall was completely empty, save for her mother. She impatiently stood by the door, her eyes dancing between the watch on her wrist and the phone in her hand. This was her day off, but she clearly wanted to get back to work. The moment Dess hit the bottom step, however, her mother pulled her eyes away from her phone and locked eyes with her.
“Good morning, Dess.” She says to her, slipping her phone away and resting her hands behind her back. There was no hostility in any of her words, but Dess couldn’t help but shrink under her mother’s piercingly cold gaze. It was as if her mother’s very presence altered her mind to make her feel like a lowly peasant speaking up to a terrible ice queen.
“Hi Mom.” Dess forces herself to respond to her mother’s greeting. “It’s good to see you again.”
“It’s good to see you too.” And just like that, a lot of the tension suddenly vanished. There was no shift in Carol’s tone, she sounded as aloof as ever, but the moment she spoke, the cold around them dissipated a little bit. There was a warmth to her voice. “Have you come home at all since you’ve returned?”
“Huh?” Dess asks, trying to regain her focus.
“Our home.” Carol repeats. “Your father and sister spend a lot of their time at their fort and you’ve been staying here with the prince. Shall we go home, to the old house you grew up in? It’s felt empty for a long time.”
“Y-yeah,” Dess nods her head. “I’d like that.”
Carol turns to open the front gates and steps outside. Dess follows after her, repeating that last sentence in her head over and over again. The house felt empty without her. Mom really missed her…
Walking beside her mother, Dess watched as residents from Castle Town turned their heads to follow their movement. Carol paid them no mind, walking forward like she was on a mission, leaving Dess to struggle to keep pace with her. She knows why her mom always keeps up this air of superiority, but it’s strange that even now on her day off with her daughter, Carol still isn’t dropping it. Dess vaguely remembers a conversation she had with her mother a long time ago about how hard it was to move up in the world and how people would always try to drag her down to take her place. Now that their world was filled with literal kings and queens, Carol couldn’t drop her mask for even a second, or else someone could see it as a sign of weakness.
Dess wonders if she even remembers how to take that mask off.
“Dess.” Dess is pulled out of her thoughts as her mother says her name. “Have you been…” She hesitates, glancing around as she picks her words. “Are you alright?” She finally asks, turning to look at her. “I’m afraid I’ve been so busy, I never got a proper explanation of what happened to you. I feel like there’s way too much slipping past me these days.”
“I’m… not doing the greatest.” Dess admits. “I’ve been struggling to get used to just about everything. Kris and a few others have been helping me get grounded again, but… It’s been rough.”
Carol turns her head forward again and doesn’t say a word. Scrutinizing her, Dess could see that her mother was putting up her mask again, but she was able to spot a few things were off. She was frowning, which wasn’t an uncommon sight, but it wasn’t in an attempt to look natural or uninterested, she looked genuinely upset. Her downturned eyes were another dead giveaway. Little by little, Dess was learning to see the emotions her mother was trying to hide, and if they were this obvious to her, she had to be struggling to keep up the act.
“I brought my guitar along.” Dess speaks up, hoping to try and cheer her mother up. “I’ve been practicing non-stop since you gave it to me.” And just like that, the cracks in her mother’s mask begin to smooth out. In fact, it looks like she overcorrects. That looked like a smile on her face!
The rest of the walk goes on in silence. Carol was never great with conversation and Dess was too unconfident to start one herself. Dess didn’t mind at all, however. She must have spent a good month or two talking to Kris nonstop after they joined her in the Void, but both of them grew to appreciate just having each other’s company without filling the quiet.
Quiet moments are hard to find nowadays. Hell, they were hard to find in her last year in the Void with Kris, Gaster, and that little devil child Chara messing with her all the time. Ever since she got back, everyone’s been talking to her and she was desperate to try and catch up on everything she missed. Once that became too much for her, she started playing the guitar again in the auditorium, listening to her notes and chords echo through the room.
Walking in silence with her mother through the snow was a nice change of pace.
Dess doesn’t even realize it when they make it to her house. Her home and the entire neighborhood surrounding it have completely changed. What once was a very large and fancy looking home had expanded even more into a towering castle which almost blended in with the snow resting on the roof.
Walking in through the front doors, Dess looked around at what was now her home. A massive chandelier hung overhead with dozens of crystals shaped like snowflakes glittering in the light. Stairs led up to a second floor, but looking down the halls on either side of her, she could see two different lights shining into the room, one red, one green. Dess doesn’t get the opportunity to explore, however, as her mother begins to climb the stairs to the second floor. Following her, Dess allows her mother to lead her through the massive house, leaving her to wonder where everything was and what her room must look like now.
She gets an answer to her question, though she gets it in the most horrifying way possible.
Walking down a hall, Dess couldn’t help but notice the castle was looking less and less decorated as they walked. The ceiling came down to a reasonable level, the beautiful lights overhead were replaced with regular light bulbs, and with a bit of a shock, she realized that the layout of the hallway was just as she remembered it in the old house. Opening the door to what she immediately recognized was her room, Carol opens it and steps aside to allow Dess to walk in. Stepping through the door, Dess froze on the spot.
The room was completely empty.
No posters hung on the walls, no furniture rested on the floor. There weren’t even imprints in the carpet where her bed and dresser used to be. It was an empty box. It didn’t take long to deduce that the emptiness of this room was responsible for the sudden change in the house leading up to it. If the Dark Worlds were formed from the memories of the people who owned them, then her whole half of the house was completely unchanged. There was nothing here to transform.
“I’m sorry if this place is a little dusty.” Carol spoke up in a quiet voice, her words bouncing off the barren walls. “I don’t come to this half of the house anymore.”
“I don’t blame you.” Dess mumbles, staring at the emptiness of her room. She isn’t sure why, but out of everything she’s gone through, this hurt the most. Seeing the room she grew up in be this empty, this dead and devoid of anything, it helped her realize just how sudden and painful her disappearance must have been to everyone. This whole half of the house was a constant reminder that she was gone, that there were no more memories to be made here.
Until now, anyway.
“We can fill the room back out.” Dess tells her mom. “I don’t know where Ralsei got the furniture from, but he recreated my old room at his castle. Maybe he can move everything over here.”
“You’d rather stay here?” Carol asks, sounding somewhat surprised.
“The castle’s too crowded.” Dess explains. “I like having my friends close, but I don’t think I can live there like everyone else does. Besides, this is my room. I think all of us would feel better if it wasn’t this empty.”
“Should we arrange to have this done now?” Carol asks. “I have the prince on speed dial and I can have him moving your things over in only a couple of hours.”
“It can wait.” Dess tries to stop Carol. “Today’s our day, we don’t have to be making calls and moving stuff today. I know you’re busy, but it’s not like I have anything better to do. I’ll get his help throughout the week.” Carol nods, sliding away a phone that Dess didn’t even realize she pulled out. “Before we do anything, I actually wanted to play you something.” Dess says, gesturing with the guitar case in her hands.
“You would?” Once again, another crack reveals itself in Carol’s mask as her eyebrows raise in surprise.
“I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said on Christmas.” Dess tells her. “I wanted to play you a song, just like old times.” Setting her case down, Dess clicks it open and pulls out her guitar, slinging on the shoulder strap and resting the instrument in her hands. “You’ve probably already heard it before, I used to play it all the time when I first learned how to play.”
“That’s fine.” Carol nods. “In fact, I think I’d prefer that. Just like old times.” That was exactly what Dess needed to hear. There was probably a better place to do this, the acoustics of this room were garbage due to how empty it was, but she felt it was fitting to play this here. Her old music in her old room, filling out this empty half of the house again.
Taking a deep breath and adjusting the guitar in her hands, Dess closes her eyes, and begins to play.
The melody was relatively simple to pluck out, though it took plenty of practice to get it right. It was one of the first songs she was proud to master and was desperate to share, so it only made sense that she’d learn how to play it again. Her fingers danced along the fretboard, and through the melody, she thought she could hear her mother gasp. She recognized the song. Hearing that one sound almost choked Dess up, but she swallowed her emotions for just a moment to allow herself to sing.
”Jumping up and down the floor,”
”My head is an animal.”
”And once there was an animal,”
”It had a son that mowed the lawn.”
”The son was an ok guy,”
”They had a pet dragonfly.”
”The Dragonfly, it ran away,”
”But it came back with a story to say…”
The very moment she got her guitar back on Christmas, Dess felt something resonate through the instrument. It wasn’t just a sense of nostalgia and familiarity, it wasn’t just muscle memory guiding her hands across the fretboard, there was something deeper going on. From the day she came home, she witnessed impossible things and learned of the existence of magic. Ralsei himself told her that she herself was magical, though she did not know how to channel her abilities.
What she was doing now though… this felt magical.
As she continued to strum, she could literally feel anxiety and stress bleed away from her body. There was no way she could mess this song up, it was as if her guitar was an extension of herself. She wasn’t sure if it was just in her head, but she could hear other instruments joining her guitar. She tapped her foot to the beat, but she could hear something else give her backing percussion. With her eyes still closed, she continued to play, feeling like she was the lead of a band, her backing members giving her the soundscape she needed to fill out the quiet.
”Her dirty paws and furry coat,”
”She ran down the forest slopes.”
”The forest of talking trees,”
”They used to sing about the birds and the bees.”
”The bees had declared a war,”
”The sky wasn’t big enough for them all.”
”The birds, they got help from below,”
”From dirty paws and the creatures of snow.”
It wasn’t just in her head now.
As Dess continued to sing, she heard other voices join hers. For just a brief moment, she wondered if it was her mother, but it wasn’t just one. There was what sounded like an entire choir singing along with her. It was almost enough to startle her out of the song, but she found she couldn’t even stop.
Opening her eyes, she was shocked by what she found.
Her hands were moving on their own. Each note, each strum, everything came to her as naturally as breathing. As she played, she watched, mesmerized as a golden glow seemed to radiate from her hands. Looking around the room for the source of the other voices and instruments, she found no one there. Somehow, all of it was coming straight from her. The room was completely empty, save for…
No… No, the room wasn’t empty! The room was changing! As her hands continued to play, her attention was directed almost entirely at the transformation her room was undergoing. The ceiling was climbing up the walls, the floor beneath her feet grew softer. Every single time she turned her head, she could swear something new appeared in her room every time she looked away. It was like the magic of the Dark World finally managed to find this half of the house and was transforming it to match the rest.
She was doing this. She wasn’t sure how, but deep in her patched together soul, she knew this was being caused by her. The golden light, the sensation she felt when she held her guitar, this was her magic. As a bard, her medium was music, and in an attempt to fill out the emptiness of her abandoned room, her music gave it life again. She looked up at her mother, wondering if she was seeing all of this too.
Her mother was crying.
Her mask was completely off. She held her hands to her mouth, tears streaming down her face as she looked at her daughter with awe. The sight was almost enough to get Dess to drop her guitar out of shock, but she kept going. Feeling tears sting her own eyes, Dess continues to play the whole song through, not wanting to cut the performance short. With a smile on her face, she continues to play for her mother.
”So for a while, things were cold,”
”They were scared down in their holes.”
”The forest that once was green,”
”Was colored black by those killing machines.”
”But she and her furry friends,”
”Took down the queen bee and her men.”
”And that’s how the story goes,”
”The story of the beast with those four dirty paws.”
Dess sang out once more, her voice an entire choir on its own. One more voice joined her this time, one that finally made her break into tears. Her mother was humming along now too. She struggled to stay in key through the sobs that tried to escape her mouth, but the fact she was trying to sing at all made Dess’ heart ache. Through the tears, they finish the song off together, allowing the magic of the music to finish transforming the room.
With one last strum, the glow fades from Dess’ fingers. The sound echoes throughout the now filled out room, and looking around, Dess could tell it was tailor made for her. Her hands and fingers ached and the weight of her guitar was starting to strain her neck. Pulling off the strap and setting her guitar down, she looks back up to her mom, still crying and looking at her with pride.
“That was…” Carol sniffled, wiping her eyes. “That was beautiful, dear.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cry before.” Dess says, wiping away at her own tears.
“I think this is the second time I’ve ever cried like this.” Carol tells her, desperately trying to dry her eyes and regain her composure, but the mask was off, it wasn’t going back on anytime soon.
“When was the first?” Dess asked with a bit of confusion. “You didn’t even cry when Dad got diagnosed. I feel like I would have remembered if you cried.”
“You weren’t there for it.” Carol explains. “It was after you disappeared.” Hearing that sent another pang of grief and guilt into Dess’ heart. How much pain must her mother have been in for her to cry tears of sadness if Dad’s cancer wasn’t even enough to break her?
Before she could beat herself up too much, Carol suddenly stepped forward and pulled Dess into a hug, crying into her shoulder.
“I know I’m not around and I know how frustrating it must be to hear I’m busy,” She sobs into her daughter’s embrace. “I know I never find the time to say it, but I love you Dess. Nothing in my life hurt more than losing you. I missed you, so, so much.”
Several years worth of repressed emotions finally came crashing through. In seconds, Carol’s icy demeanor melted away, leaving her to sob uncontrollably in her daughter's arms. Dess didn’t know what to do other than hold onto her and let her air it all out. Having her mother be this vulnerable felt almost more intimidating than the stone faced, emotionless woman she was familiar with. This was uncharted territory.
“I missed you too.” Dess eventually finds the courage to speak up. “When I was lost out there, I always had my memories of you, Dad and Noelle. It’s true that I didn’t have as many memories of you, but I cherished my short moments with you just as much as everything else.”
Holding her mother close, Dess allows herself to cry as well. Never in her life did she think she’d get her mother to open up like this. As distressing as it was to see her mother break down, it was just a testament to how much she loved her. They stood there for what felt like an hour, letting everything out. Dess was pretty sure her tunic was soaked through with tears and snot by the time her mother was done, but eventually, Carol pulled away, desperately wiping at her face.
“Goodness, I'm a mess right now.” She sighed, trying to slip back into her professional façade, but her emotions threatened to break that mask at any moment. “I’m sorry for losing my composure like that. I… I enjoyed the song very much.”
“Thank you.” Dess replied. “I’m glad my practice paid off. A little more than I expected, to be honest.” She looked around at her newly formed room, she was going to have to play more often to see what other crazy magic shenanigans she could come up with.
“I would love to hear more of them.” Carol told her. “My schedule is pretty rigid for the next few weeks, but… If I can find the time, would you be willing to play another song for me?”
“You don’t even have to ask.” Dess assures her. “I’ll still be practicing. The next time we get a chance to see each other again, I’ll have a new one ready for you.”
“Thank you.” Carol says, letting her emotions slip just one more time before she’s able to get her voice back under control. “I can’t wait until your next performance.”
The rest of their day together went by way too fast after that. They explored the new additions to the house and caught up a little more on what the other was up to during their separation, but before they knew it, the sun had set. A couple hours after the performance, Carol was as stone faced as ever. The only signs that the mask had even slipped were the wet streaks running down the white fur of her face.
Despite the emotionless front that she was still trying to put up, Dess didn’t mind it at all. She knew just how much her mother really cared, and after seeing the mask slip entirely, she was able to effortlessly spot the cracks whenever they appeared. A little curl in her lips whenever she wanted to smile, a light twitch in her eye whenever tears threatened to spill again. To anyone else, Carol still looked like a statue, but Dess has seen enough to know the truth.
As the day wound to a close, Carol retreated to her room. She would have to be up and ready the next morning to return to her duties so she couldn’t waste time staying up late. Dess went to her own room, wanting to explore it further to see what the Dark World granted her.
A new bed rested in the corner, with curtained posts reaching all the way to the ceiling. Lying down on it to test its cushiness, she wondered if sleeping in this room would remove the anxiety she felt over sleeping. This place looked nothing like her old room anymore, every time she woke up, she’d immediately know she wasn’t reliving the same nightmare she woke into countless times before.
Aside from the bed, there looked to be a dozen brand new instruments in her room. A large harp sat in the opposite corner, and resting against the wall right beside it was a massive double bass. The whole room was almost segmented into different instrument types. The strings were all in that corner, but beside her bed, she was able to identify multiple woodwind instruments in various cases. Every instrument in the room looked beautiful. Perfectly polished brass and silver, finely treated wood, they looked like instruments created for royalty. The only thing that looked out of place was her own, perfectly generic acoustic guitar, covered in dozens of stickers her little sister plastered over it.
Out of all the intricately decorated instruments that surrounded her, she reached for her old guitar before sitting back down on her bed. She’d probably get around to trying out the others, but this one was hers. The Dark World didn’t alter it in the slightest, it was perfect the way it was.
Resting her guitar on her lap, she began to pluck at the strings with no real melody in mind, wondering if that would produce the same magical abilities she performed a few hours ago. She doesn’t see the golden light as she plays random notes, it doesn’t come as naturally to her as the song did. Instead of plucking random notes, she starts up the same picking pattern she mastered for Dirty Paws, and while the pattern was way easier to play thanks to her constant practice, it still didn’t replicate the same magical feeling she felt before. She keeps playing, mumbling out the lyrics and tapping her foot against the bed frame, trying to replicate everything she did to try and get it to kick in again, when she hears something through her walls.
Her mother was humming along in the hallway, listening in to her practicing.
Hearing that, Dess found her hands were moving on their own as she moved closer to the wall, the percussive tap of her feet still keeping rhythm even after she stopped to crawl across the bed. Resting her back against the wall, she continued to play, focusing entirely on her mother’s voice as the music all but played itself. She’d have to ask Ralsei how her powers worked exactly, but she thinks she’s got a pretty good idea. She played this song over and over and over again with Kris and nothing happened, but the moment she played for her mom, she became some kind of musical goddess.
It had to be the intent behind why she was playing, the emotions going into it. With how effortless playing the guitar was for her mother, she wondered if she’d be able to do the same with everything else in her room despite not knowing how to play them. She had a lot of interesting things to try out, dozens of new instruments to learn, and she couldn’t wait to show Kris what she was able to do now.
Dess thinks she plays for another whole hour before she realizes her mother is gone and likely asleep. Dess finishes off the song she was playing before setting her guitar back into its case. Lying down in bed, hands cramping and sore from the constant practice, Dess rested her head on her pillow, heart still heavy. She thinks this might be the best day of her life.
For once, there wasn’t any regret, guilt, or sadness in her heart. She didn’t lament over the time she lost, she didn’t focus on the regrets she had the moment she disappeared, all she could do was think about what she would do next. What song would she learn? When would she be ready to perform in front of a larger audience? When would Mom get to hear her next performance?
Dess fell asleep, no longer lost in the past, and actively dreaming of her future.