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“Bye baby, I’ll see you after practice!” Koutarou pressed a quick kiss to each of (Y/N)’s cheeks.
“Bye Kou, see you when you get home.” (Y/N) murmured back, running their fingers along his cheeks.
“Hey, are you okay, baby?” He paused mid turn, reaching out to grab a hold of the hand that still hovered by his cheeks.
“Of course I’m alright, Kou. You better get going.” They pressed a kiss to his knuckles, trying to force a smile.
“If you say so.” Koutarou didn’t look convinced, but still pressed another kiss to their cheeks and turned to leave the apartment.
The door clicked shut softly and the press at the back of their throat surged upward, stealing the breath from (Y/N)’s throat as their eyes burned with tears. Where was this coming from? Why now? Their knees buckled beneath them, sobs ripping from their throat, struggling to breath or think.
“Baby! What’s wrong, what happened?” (Y/N) was suddenly jerking away from the strong arms that tried to wrap around them, eyes wide and unfocused.
“Don’t touch me!” The scooted back until their back hit the leg of the entryway table, curling around themself to try and hide their face.
“Hey, hey, hey, baby, it’s just me. It’s Kou, what’s going on? You gotta talk to me.” Koutarou kneeled where they had initially fallen. (Y/N) still shook, but their eyes slowly focused back in, seeing Koutarou with tears in his own eyes.
“I-I’m okay. I promise. Kou you gotta go, you’ll be late for practice.” (Y/N) tried to scrub the tears from their face, despite the fact that they kept falling.
“No, I can call out, I’m not leaving you like this.” Koutarou tried to reach out to them again, frowning further when they flinched away from him again.
“No! You have to go to practice, you can’t just call out ‘cause you want to. It’s irresponsible.” The fact that (Y/N) was talking to him like he was suggesting ditching practice for the fun of it and not because of the tears and sobs that shook their words made Koutarou’s eyebrows furrow.
“It’s not ‘cause I want to, it’s because you need me right now. I’m-” Koutarou started.
“There’s nothing wrong with me! I’m fine! I don’t- There’s nothing wrong!” Their voice broke as they shouted, eyes clenching tight trying to stop the tears that still fell.
“No-”
“Just leave me alone! I wanna be by myself!” They were getting more and more frantic, pulling at their hair and clawing at their biceps. “Please.” They whimpered quietly, and Koutarou’s heart shattered.
“Are you sure? I don’t think that’s a good idea.” They nodded, still cowering beside the table. Koutarou hesitated, before letting out a pensive sigh.
“Fine. But call me if you change your mind, I don’t care what I’m doing I’ll always come home to you.” Koutarou stood, collecting the bag beside the shoe rack that he had come back for in the first place, looking back one more time to see if he could catch a glimpse of their eyes. “I’ll be home in a few hours, I love you.” They didn’t respond, and while he wasn’t surprised Koutarou did droop a little as he turned and closed the door behind him.
When they heard the door click shut again, they scrambled down the hall, not ready to make the same mistake twice, locking themself in the bathroom.
They hid in the bathroom for hours, long after they had stopped crying. The cold tile helped keep them calm, and eventually (Y/N) willed themself up off the floor to lay in their bed they shared with Koutarou.
Koutarou unlocked the door to the silent apartment, volleyball bag slung over one shoulder, a bag of warm takeout in his other hand. He looked down the hallway as he made his way into the kitchen, getting a short glance at the bedroom door, cracked slightly open.
“Are you awake?” Koutarou peaked around the door, guessing right as to where (Y/N) was. They hadn’t even made it under the blankets, unable to hide when their shoulder’s stiffened at his question. “I brought home dinner, you should come eat.”
Koutarou wanted more than anything to bring up what had happened when he was leaving, it was eating him alive, but he was also smart enough to know that they most likely hadn’t eaten, and if they shut down again they probably wouldn’t eat until tomorrow. He left for the kitchen, slowly unpacking the food and setting out two plates, smiling when he heard the slow shuffle from the hallway.
“Sorry, I was just super tired today I guess.” They placed their hand on the small of his back while pressing a light kiss to his shoulder blade, but Koutarou jolted.
“What do you mean ‘you guess’, you-” Koutarou tried to turn and look at them but they quickly walked behind him to avoid his gaze.
“How was practice?” Koutarou watched in near disbelief as they hid their face behind the open cabinet door, grabbing a glass before moving to the sink, never once letting him see more than a glimpse of their face. Each move calculated, it felt like he was back on the court, playing a 2 on 2 match during practice.
“Stop that.” They froze at the sink, silently shutting off the water.
“Stop what?”
“Acting like nothing happened!”
“Nothing did happen.”
“That’s a load of crap! We both know it!”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Well too bad! You scared me! And then you started pushing me away! It’s fine if you need to cry, it’s fine if you don’t tell me why you needed to cry, but you can’t push me away like that! And you can’t brush it off like nothing happened! It’s not fair to me, and it’s not fair to you.” Koutarou stalked across the kitchen, uncharacteristic stern, stopping just short of (Y/N). “We’re going to talk about this, but I want you to eat first. So please go sit down.” They dropped their head down, turning away from him more, still hiding, but eventually nodded, going to take their seat at the small dinner table.
Koutarou took his own seat beside them, pulling the two plates in front of them, resting a hand on their thigh as they both ate in silence.
He took short glances at their face in between bites, hiding his frown in his dinner as he noticed their sunken eyes and messy hair, the harsh bite marks on their bottom lip and just how bloodshot their eyes were.
Koutarou cleaned up their dishes and the leftovers. Leaving (Y/N) sitting at the table like a child waiting to be scolded.
“Why don’t we take a shower together first? I know how much you hate the way the gym soap smells.” Koutarou called as he put the last container in the fridge leaning back to look around the door, hoping to pull even the smallest hint of a smile to their face. But they only nodded numbly, waiting in their seat until Koutarou came over and ushered them towards the bathroom.
Koutarou undressed first, starting the water to let it warm up, before turning and carefully helping (Y/N) from their own clothes, then leading them under the hot spray of the water.
“We washing your hair tonight?” They shook their head no. “Okay.” He simply smiled back, gently lathering their body wash over the both of them, before moving on to wash his own hair, grin widening when they leaned their weight against his chest, hiding their face into the crook of his neck.
Koutarou wrapped his arms around their shoulders loosely, letting the water do most of the work in washing away the suds, enjoying basking in his partner’s presence. Pressing his cheek to the side of their head as he held them.
“I’m sorry.” (Y/N) eventually was able to whisper out, barely audible over the sound of the shower, the hands on Koutarou’s lower back tightening against his skin. “You weren’t- I didn’t-“ they stuttered desperately trying to find the words.
“It’s okay.” He ran a hand up and down their spine, gently rocking back and forth.
“It’s not. I don’t like seeing you upset. And I hate knowing it’s my fault even more.” Their nails started to dig into his skin before releasing quickly, softly trying to rub away the sting they had caused.
“Let’s dry off. Then we can talk about this. Okay?” They nodded.
The water turned off and they let Koutarou towel them off and lead them back to the bedroom, where they both dressed for bed in silence.
The silence grew thicker as they both sat on the bed, waiting for the other to start talking. Any of the will to speak (Y/N) had had in the shower now gone under Koutarou’s piercing gaze. He stifled a groan, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands, then mussed up his still damp hair, pushing himself to break the silence.
“Do you- can you at least tell me what had you so upset? Was it something I did?” Koutarou finally managed, watching as they picked at the skin of their fingers.
“No. It wasn’t anything you did, Kou. It’s just- I don’t know how to explain it.” They paused, a quick flash of pain crossing their features, Koutarou laced his fingers with theirs to stop the picking, pulling one hand up to rest the knuckles against his lips in a soft kiss.
“Take as much time as you need, I’m right here for you.” He mumbled against their knuckles, and they nodded, allowing him to finally see the ghost of a smile on their lips.
“I’m no good with emotions. And you’re so open about yours, with yourself, with everyone. You’re so unafraid to cry.”
“You don’t have to be afraid to cry. I cry in front of you all the time.”
“It’s not the same.”
“Why not. If it’s okay for me to cry all the time, then it’s okay for you to cry whenever you need to.”
“I just can’t.”
“You just-“
“You don’t get it! I can’t cry! There are times where I want nothing more than to just let everything out and cry and all I can manage is a few tears. And it builds and it builds and it builds until I can’t hold it in anymore.” Their lip quivered and their voice shook. And Koutarou could recognize the way they shifted in their spot, quickly scooping (Y/N) into his arms to pull them into his lap. “It’s always been like this. I hardly ever know what I’m even feeling. I just feel. Broken.”
“You’re not broken.” He murmured against their temple.
“But-!”
“You aren’t. Just because you think differently doesn’t mean you’re broken.” Koutarou’s voice left no room for question, resting his chin atop their head, rocking them back and forth.
“Thank you.”
“For what?” His voice was nothing but genuine, making (Y/N) laugh a little.
“You’re always there for me, you always know what to say to make me feel better.” They pulled their face from his neck, cupping his cheek with their hand.
“You say that like you don’t always do the same for me?”
“‘S different. You’ve never given up on me, even when I’m being difficult about it. Thank you for not giving up on me while I’m still finding my words.” Koutarou practically (Y/N)ted at their gentle words and soft touch, pulling (Y/N) tighter and throwing the both of them back against the pillows. (Y/N) laughed the whole way down, squirming against Koutarou’s chest as he started to press kisses against their face and neck.
“How could I do anything less?” He pulled back as he spoke, looking at (Y/N) with a soft face, before pulling them back in for another kiss.