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After the lesson Gin disappears just in second, but Rangiku knows she can find him later in the café. He isn’t very good at speaking about his feelings, like she was before her therapy. In a few months of that, she will be more confident about her feelings. And she can tell him. Probably, she isn't sure now.
Shūhei and Kira are trying to be the funniest in this room, Momo is talking non-stop about Aizen, who lectures history this semester. Rangiku comes to the group and starts chatting about everything and everyone. She is very capable of talking about not-important things.
People love her for that. And she likes when people love her.
***
Students' hostel is loud and colorful. Today is some kind of celebration or something like this. Rangiku probably should know it exactly, but she has so many thoughts that thought about this seems to be small and meaningless. The room is full and she will not be the person who tries to be everything at the same time. She has priority.
They agree to mee t in five, it’s enough time to go from his room to her. And quite enough to think about all stupid things that you do in your life. Ask yourself why and go to do another.
Rangiku smiles to herself. It’s obviously a bad idea. Gin will not think this way, he will not understand and it will ruin their friendship, long-life friendship in question.
Does it cost it?
She didn't gotta finish this, when Gin was there.
“May I?” He asked like he didn't know the answer.
“You may”.
They stayed in front of the door for a while, but it was a ritual and they didn't need to think about what to do.
They just exist next to each other.
***
Sometimes Rangiku would say out loud that she was proud of the fact that she could trust people after what happened to her as a child. People and men. Gene did not believe in her sincerity about this, it was read in the smallest expressions that appeared on his face. However, he never commented.
Rangiku thought he disapproved of the fact that she was pushing the norm as an achievement. But he wasn't in her place.
***
His roommate was with his parents and won't return until Monday. That means Rangiku can ask Gin to stay and he will agree. It’s not even a question here.
She moves a chess piece on the desk when Gin says:
- You are so beautiful and you enjoy making people feel that they are heard and seen. You're like some kind of social bomb.
Rangiku stays quiet. It's not the first time Gin's told her she's beautiful, but it's the first time it's sounded like an accusation.
- So what am I supposed to blow up?
- Hearts.
- Whose?
- People. And pet, I guess you can.
- And who are they?
- Shūhei, Soi Fong and me.
- And when I blow up your heart?
- Years ago, but I'm not mad at you. I enjoy it.
- How noble of you.
- It's your turn.
It sounds like a challenge, and it is, but all Rangiku does is move a chess piece.
She wins and bites her lower lip with excitement, and this is a friendly gesture, it's not worth paying attention to.
***
At night, she sits on the kitchen table and Gin stands close to her. They don't touch, they don't come near, but he's watching. He's got a look.
Rangiku's not terrified, but she's scared. Things seem fragile. One more step and… What will they do?
Rangiku imagines how he forgets about the blades at the bottom of the blender and climbs there with his fingers to do something indefinite. Her fingers are covered in blood and it hurts her.
***
Gin is so smart. He finds a way to be ready for anything even if he's not getting ready for the lesson, especially if he is.
- Mr. Ichimaru, do you have any comments on that?
And he can talk about anything. Perhaps not precisely, but in the root.
At the same time, he never shared his feelings with her. He is close, he appreciates their friendship and speaks about it frequently. But his behavior is twofold. Everyone on the outside would say that he likes her (and they tell her), but it was never clear enough to her.
Yes, he can give a lot of minor reactions, but he never gives those who would have a lot of weight.
Is he very smart and is he insane about control?
***
That scene in ”Silent Night“ when the hero says that the heroine was "spoiled". And that he didn't know what to do about it.
Does Gin feel it? No, not that?
Does he take responsibility and overprotect and think he could save?
Hell, who knows what might be born in his twenty-year-old head.
Rangik likes those who fight more than those who keep quiet.
***
- Would you like to try? - he asks and offers his coffee to her. Moves cup close.
She tries without saying it out loud and she knows that everybody in the room thinks that they are dating.
They aren’t.
***
- If I were a wolf, I would be a bad wolf. Very bad.
- And white.
- Yes, and white!
- And cis.
- And cis!
- And male.
- And male! Stop, wait…
***
Movie-night has no end, but the food has. Gin lies on her shoulder and claims about his empty stomach. Rangiku nods in unison and looks at his face. It’s close and she can see the texture of skin, small scratches from shaving - all things that not everybody can notice.
Gin raises his face and meets her look.
- Can we go to the store?
- It’s middle of the night, Gin. We can, but we should go to the 24|7 store, it’s far from here. I don’t wanna. You can wait till morning.
- I kneeeew that you would say that, but I’m still disappointed.
- I’m not sorry.
- And I knew it too.
- If you know me so well, maybe you can do my homework? To use your big brain.
- If you ask me properly?
- Like how?
- Just ask, Ran-tyan, I will do.
- You say it too many times.
- I mean it.
- It scares me. You never say that something is banned. Like killing…
- Or kissing?
- Yeah, you’re like ginn without restrictions.
- We say “no” to killing, falling in love and making more wishes.
- I only have three options?
- I prefer that you think so. Use them wisely.
- I will not.
- Expected.
Gin pulls away, stretches, and returns to lie on her shoulder. This time, he was very close to inhaling the scent of her neck. Rangiku allows. She likes it, she likes being this close and feeling safe and sound. She wants this to last forever but also knows how pitiful it sounds.
She is an adult woman. She will become a police officer, she will be catching bad guys, and she will not think about her best friend (who is a bad wolf, by the way).
Because they are young. They were close to each other for so many years. It's just an evolutionary misfire that makes people fall in love with classmates and colleagues. Their partnership will not make one of these mistakes.
Gin seems to be happy right now. And Rangiku is happy about it. And with it. And she will call Shūhei. She will talk with him about it. Because they are friends right now.
They are all her friends. Her exes.
***
Rangiku finds an image of Christ on the Internet, opens it in full screen and drives his phone around a glass of water.
“Nope, it's still water.”
***
- Are you saving his heart or yours? - Shūhei asks.
- I don’t want us to be like… - She lingers.
- Like were we?
- Yes, fast and painful. We seem to be perfect to each other and then we just are not. It scares me. And he is my best friend. It was a long time.
- Probably you will reach a timepoint at which you will not see another way. And this is how it ends.
- You say that I can escape it? You say that I can’t control myself?
- I say what I find out by myself. I knew that we would be, and I knew that I could not try. So I am projecting.
- What else can you say?
- The longer you wait, the harder it is. It is best to discuss this nuance of your communication at the very beginning. When you are not so deep yet. When it’s not so painful to land after a Leap of Faith.
- Sounds wise.
- You won't use it?
- Exactly.
***
The party seems to be pretty cool. Rangiku can find something to do, but she tries to find Gin. He is never with her at parties, he says that her type of fun is just not for him. He prefers to look and notice, not to be a part of a riot. She thinks he may be on the roof. They can speak like Diane and BoJack.
And they can stay friends after all of this.
She's sure about it.
But Gin isn’t there.
***
He DMs her a few days later. Asks for a serious conversation. offers both time and place. Rangiku is terrified but agrees.
***
It’s Gin’s room, and Kira isn’t there. Gin has a suspicious influence on his roommate and probably asks him to disappear for a few hours.
- Fanta, cheaps or dancing? - Gin smirks.
- Watching movies. No life-changing decisions, please.
- Well, we will see.
Rangiku doesn't think that they will be bad after this conversation, so she decides to start, but gently.
- I think that I can be a little bit into you.
- I’m in love with you.
They say it at the same time.
Gin blinks funny. Now he looks young, as if he had never been in such a situation before. It's like he doesn't know what to say.
They have little experience, and this feeling is so acute.
- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
He looks confused. Few people saw Gin confused, but few people spoke to him about feelings. It's not exactly his forte.
Rangiku finds himself in a habitual attempt to put out the fire and console everyone around him, to adjust the emotional ups and downs. And stops just in time.
She does not need to suppress her own and other people's feelings now, she can be awkward, this is Gin.
- I'm sorry, I never wanted to be the one to potentially hurt you.
"How did you get hurt then?"
- I couldn't help you then, and I know you did, but I...
- Oh, you're interfering with my personal life with my trauma, and you can't separate them?
- Some kind of, - He is lost. - You do not agree with this?
- Only I make decisions here. About my injury.
Gin is silent for a while and looks at Rangiku without his usual squint. Something weighs, analyzes, frowns. Solves the problem of a cosmic scale in a short time.
- And what did you decide right now?
Rangiku bites her lip and watches for the umpteenth time how he keeps his eyes firmly at the level of hers and doesn't even blink, and it suddenly takes on a different meaning.
- I decided I was ready to try and see what happens. And I believe you, because in all the years of communication you have never messed up without apologizing. And I say this precisely for your brooding mind. It built a whole theory here, but it could have just asked.
She takes a few steps forward and lightly touches his cheek, leading her thumb from the cheekbone to the edge of the lip.
- So I asked, - He grins and bares his teeth. Rangiku removes his hand. - What did you answer?
- Let's be friends.
Rangiku kisses him right on the lips, pulls away and deliberately smears the remaining lipstick on his lips, drawing a clown smile.
A very friendly gesture, Gin understands everything, Rangiku hopes he understands, but he waits.
- Have you thought how much I wanted to be friends with you the last few years?
- I thought with all my heart. I'm a badass. I'm amazing! And I know you so well.
- You are careful.
- I'm careful. And I won't stop being that way. I won't stop with you. So, I'm still a bastard.
Rangiku nodded.
- And by the way when you were sitting on the table I was thinking about kissing you. How easy it would be to do this: come up, kiss, let your legs wrap around my waist.
- Not doing it was a good decision.
- I know!
- We talked, kissed, and now we can look at each other for a thousand hours and smile. This is how we will live.
- If one of us dies next Wednesday.
- It's a figure of speech! Be more optimistic.
- Okay. One of us will definitely die next Wednesday.