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Sometimes Jane cursed how clumsy she was, and sometimes she just asked God why it had to be her that ran into all the nice people around the neighbourhood. Really, she’d only just moved here and already she was making a name for herself as “the woman who keeps running into people for no reason.”
“I am– so, so sorry–” She said, picking herself off the floor in what could be described as a pathetic attempt to save her dignity. The man in front of her groaned, picking up his scattered groceries. He was pretty––unfairly pretty, prettier than anyone she’d ever seen before (and nevermind that she’d said the exact same thing about the last three guys she’d literally ran into, and all of her new neighbours as well). As he looked up at her, she caught a glimpse of the warmest brown eyes she’d ever seen, and she felt her breath be stolen as their gazes crossed. She just knew it was love at first sight, right there and then, if only he’d take the time to get to know her. But she could see in the subtle downwards slant of his lips that this was not going to be that sort of interaction. To him, she was just the woman who’d tripped face first into him in aisle five, and that was all she would be. He made some quick apology and hurried off, leaving her standing there with the bright lights of the supermarket beaming down upon her and a sad, now-malformed jar of peanut butter in her hands. She sighed.
Jane had never been the prettiest girl in school. She’d never been the most popular, or the funniest, or the smartest, or even average. She was plain at best, below-average at worst, and no matter what she did, her hair was always frizzy, her clothes looked frumpy, and she always managed to trip up at the worst times in social situations. And yet, she’d always been a hopeless romantic, so she’d kept trying. Diets, spending more money than she should on the newest clothes, obsessing over substanceless teen magazines to keep up with the trends, and rehearsing conversations before bed did nothing for her. Neither did the make-up, it seemed, besides making her go from ugly enough to be teased to presentable enough to go unseen in the halls. She’d hoped things would improve after graduation, but her early twenties had been even worse. She was stuck in the past; she was botching her attempts at being in the present. Her style was too immature to fit a twenty-something, but on her, it could never make her pass off for being younger than she was. She was constantly in the middle ground, never good enough for anyone.
Until she’d turned twenty-five and met someone who she'd considered the most amazing man in the world. She didn’t want to think of him now, much less mention his name. They’d had the most amazing six years together before it all went down the drain, and Jane had been rudely informed that she’d never evolved from being more than a four out of ten to a man.
But she’d moved on––literally, moving to an entirely new town to start fresh far away from her ex and her hometown, someplace where she’d be seen as enough for once. So far, it was alright. Her house was beautiful, her neighbours were hot, and nobody around her gossiped about ugly, clingy Jane who never knew when to stop talking. If she could stop flubbing her introductions to all the attractive people around here (which was everyone, to her mixed delight and nervousness), it would all go well.
Well, really, she shouldn’t worry about all of that. She wasn’t looking for romance , after all, certainly not with men who would warp her plastic jars of peanut butter. She deserved better than that, or at least she wanted to convince herself she did. She shuffled up to the counter to pay with her disheveled groceries, making light conversation with the cashiers that recognized her by now, thinking quietly to herself. Okay, maybe deserving more than that was a little much––she had a hard time believing herself when she said that, and God only knew how everyone else would react if she decided to embarrass herself by saying it out loud. No, instead maybe it was best to think about her other options, so that she didn’t get hung up on grocery-store-man. The cashier she talked to regularly was cute, but not really her type. She could see herself falling for him in another world, but maybe not this one. Her mailman was unfairly buff, but seemingly uninterested in talking to her, and she was never dressed in nice clothes when he came around so she wouldn’t dare approach him. The man who did yard work for her neighbours across the street had the abs of a god but not much else, but she could see herself approaching him someday once she felt a little better about how she looked. But the real apple of her eye had to be the man next door.
Jason was tall, slightly tanned, and had the most striking green eyes Jane had ever seen on anyone. His dark hair always looked perfectly tousled, as if he didn’t care about his appearance but still had the blessing of being hot as sin, and even with his plain clothing––just jeans and a black t-shirt most days, as if variety wasn’t a word in his vocabulary––he had the habit of blessing her eyes with the outlines of his rippling pectorals and the image of his biceps bulging against his sleeves. They’d made eye contact once or twice, and she’d waved at him shyly before when they’d been looking through their windows at the same time. Their introduction… also hadn’t been the best, though.
Jane could admit she might’ve come off too eager when she’d first caught him as he walked to his car and she left hers, a bunch of boxes in her hands as she stumbled her way through the last steps of moving into her new house. Eager enough, actually, that she’d given him a big smile and tried to introduce herself, only to promptly drop everything she was carrying directly on his feet. Of course, it was her rotten luck that made it so that most of the boxes were full of books and knick-knacks, which either cracked and broke when they hit the ground or had their sharp, hard corners dig into his feet. He had yelled cusses high to the sky and given Jane the nastiest look she’d ever gotten. She’d spent the rest of the week trying to make it up to him with invitations for coffee and home-baked goods left on his doorstep. Maybe the fact that she couldn’t bake for the life of her had had an impact on the gesture? Either way, he was now avoiding her, and Jane was trying even harder to win him over. She’d get there someday.
For now, Jane was focusing on parking her car not crookedly and wrestling all her groceries through the door. It wasn’t exactly an easy task––Jane wasn’t that coordinated in the first place, and the groceries swung and slammed into every door frame awkwardly whenever she tried to do anything. She literally tripped through the door as one armful of bags got hooked on the doorknob, announcing to the world how clumsy she was with the loud thump she made as she hit the floor. There was the sound of something cracking below her as she landed directly on top of some of the bags, and she couldn’t help but groan. Trying to pick herself up off the floor, she whimpered as a shooting pain ran up her arm. Great. Incredible. What wonderful luck she had to have, and now she could barely do anything but lie there sadly as her eyes watered, because of course she’d managed to screw up something as easy as hauling her groceries in the door. Even worse, through her sniffling, she could hear footsteps coming up behind her. Whoever it was stood staring at her for a few seconds of silence, and she felt shame curl deep in her gut as she tried to get up once more.
“...are you okay?” Jane felt her heart jump. She turned her head to confirm her suspicions––ah, of course. It had to be Jason, coming to see her in her time of utter embarrassment. Her mascara was absolutely smudged, she realized belatedly. She couldn’t move her hands up in time to try and wipe it away.
“Uh, hi! I’m– I’m fine, I just– my foot must’ve caught on something, and I just– my arm–” Jason watched her stutter with a furrowed brow before sighing, bending down and scooping her up without warning. She squeaked, grabbing his shirt with her good arm (and taking delighted note of how ripped he indeed was) as he stepped over her fallen items and carried her straight into the house. He didn’t ask her where she’d like to be put down, just wandered through her house until he found her living room and its crookedly-positioned couch to set her down on it.
“Where’s your kitchen?” She mutely pointed, too embarrassed to say anything. He wandered off in the direction of the room, and she heard the sounds of the fridge opening and things rustling around as he muttered to himself. He came back soon after, carrying a frozen pack of peas wrapped in a dishcloth and depositing it unceremoniously on her arm. She jumped at the sudden shock, and he gave her an expectant look until she put pressure on her wrist with the makeshift ice-pack. He gave her a satisfied nod, sending an appraising look around her living room. It wasn’t much, and she felt herself blush at just how messy (yet still sparse, somehow) the room was. She elected to stare at her wrist for the time being, as if that gave her any chance of hiding her shame.
“Well, thank you…” Jason shrugged in response, eyes falling to where the front door stood. Jane winced at the mess that was surely on her floor. “Is it bad?”
“It looks like an entire carton of eggs exploded on your hardwood.” He squinted. “...and also mixed with a pint of crushed blueberries.” She sighed, doing her best to ignore the excitement in her chest. That had been the longest sentence he’d spoken to her ever! She must’ve been making progress on talking to him after all, even if it did take embarrassing herself for it to happen. “And I’m guessing that was your shopping for the week, since your fridge is…”
…empty. She finished in her head. She nodded in embarrassment. The day really hadn’t been going her way. Jason considered for a few minutes more, and she fought not to squirm under the heavy silence. Her eyes trailed from the ice pack to the abs she knew he had hidden underneath his shirt
“Come have dinner with me,” he said suddenly. Jane didn’t process at first, still staring at his chest. He waved a hand in front of her face and she jumped, face burning red.
“Are you– are you sure?”
“Is that a no?” Her eyes widened and she shook her head quickly.
“No, no, it’s a yes! Yes, I’d love to. Thank you.” Her heart raced. “What– what time?”
“Sooner the better, I'll be busy tonight.” He shrugged. “I’m good any time after about… twenty minutes from now, though. Is that good?”
“That’s perfect!” Jane blurted. He nodded in satisfaction, stepping towards the door.
“See you at my place, then.” She waved goodbye to him with her good hand, waiting to hear the door click shut before jumping to her feet and hurrying to get ready. Her floor was still a mess (he had just moved her bags to the side with his foot as he left, she guessed) and her wrist still hurt (maybe she should get a brace on it?) but she had no time to worry about that when she had a date to think about. Was it a date? She hoped it was a date. Sure, they’d only ever talked twice at most, and the longest conversation they’d had was today, but she had a chance!
…she hoped.
So, she got dressed in her very best outfit that wasn’t too fancy for the occasion, and did her make-up as best as she could with her wrist throbbing. She didn’t have time to do her hair in the prettiest style, but she hoped the hurried updo she did would suffice enough. She ended up at his front door exactly twenty-one minutes after he’d left her house and did her best not to stare at the area inside. It was a little dim, and maybe a bit dusty––he probably hadn’t had time to clean since she’d come over so quickly, and that was probably why he suggested take-out instead of making a nice dinner for her, too. Jane was grateful he didn’t make a big deal over how her hand shook and her wrist turned purple over the course of the date, and he even helped her wipe some of the food off of her shirt when she spilled it like a moron after staring at him for too long. He seemed amused by it all, if anything, since she caught him smiling at some of her mess-ups over the course of the meal. It was nice, if she ignored how much she stuttered, dropped things, and overall made a fool of herself. Nice enough that she almost forgot the fact that she didn’t like the take-out place he’d chosen, and she had a sensitivity to seafood, which was all over both of their meals that he’d ordered without asking for her opinion on (it just meant he was confident, that was all), and she could pretend that the strange feeling in her stomach was all thanks to the way he kissed her as she left his house that night.
Jane spent the next few hours hunched over her toilet, vomiting whatever food she’d remembered to eat that day alongside the take-out, and then driving herself to the nearest clinic to get her wrist looked over, but she did it with the widest smile she’d ever worn. Maybe this would work out after all.
Much to her delight, he asked her on a second date not too long after that. They’d gone to a bar, where she’d gotten a little too drunk, and he’d helpfully brought her back to his place so she could stay the night––even though hers was right next door. He’d helped her into bed, and then she couldn’t remember what happened afterwards but she’d woken up the next morning to her lipstick being very smudged and him already gone and at work, so she’d assumed they’d had a good time and headed home herself. Their third date was a cute walk through the park, where she’d twisted her ankle because the shoes she’d chosen weren’t the most stable, and he’d only seemed a little annoyed when he’d carried her to the nearest bench to get a look at it. The dates kept happening, and after enough pestering, she’d even gotten him to agree to officially be her boyfriend (although it was a subtle sort of thing, since Jason didn’t like to do lots of PDA. That was fine, she’d convinced herself she didn’t like it either fairly quickly after that). Still, even though he didn’t seem to like to kiss her in public or refer to her as his partner, he was incredibly possessive. She’d long since stopped talking to other male neighbours, and her coworkers learned to stay far from her whenever they saw her in public with Jason. His protectiveness was cute, in her opinion––he just wanted the best for her!
Even better, Jason never once bothered her about her past. Granted, he never asked, and when she started talking about herself he’d dismiss her and change the topic, but he just saw how much her teenage years and last relationship had hurt her, and he was making sure she didn’t have to live through those memories again! He knew what was best for her, Jane was sure of it. She just had to trust him.
And, trust him she did. Whenever he berated her for her behaviour, she just bent her head and took it. Jason was a much more self-aware person than she was, and could see flaws in things that she couldn’t. It was only in the interest of her improving herself that he would speak up against her, even if it had to be in public, and she knew he hated doing that. Whenever he had to, she got a lecture in the car from him about how embarrassing it was for him to have to correct her in public like that, in front of everyone staring at them like they were crazy. Really, sometimes she just had to marvel at how lucky she was to date him. Tonight was one of those nights.
Their six month anniversary had been a date at a restaurant Jason talked about constantly, which Jane hadn't been expecting and had been pitifully underdressed for. He seemed a bit peeved, even though he was still in his regular attire of plain black shirt and blue jeans, but had taken her anyway, and they’d had a pretty nice dinner together. He’d never mentioned to her that his ex-girlfriend apparently worked at the restaurant as a waitress, and when she’d figured it out, she guessed she’d been a little paranoid because she’d asked the girl to kindly stop flirting with her boyfriend. That had caused a bit of a fight, which was enough for them to cut the dinner shorter than expected and drive home. Jane sat quietly in the passenger seat for the entire ride, wondering how he could ever love someone so insecure and ugly as her. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye as they pulled onto their street, seeing how his jaw was relaxing slightly. This had happened enough times before for her to know that he was calmer now, and would pretend like nothing had happened until a few weeks later where he would bring it up in a fight he’d started to make her shut up.
As they pulled into his driveway and she unbuckled her seatbelt, Jane chewed her lip. Maybe it was her that deserved someone better. Maybe she was the one who was bearing a heavy burden.
Her door swung open as Jason opened it for her and leaned down, a soft smile on his lips. She moved up into the kiss without question, hiding her small sigh.
Who am I kidding, she thought, as the man before her dissolved. Thousands of little feet scurried under her clothing, tiny pinches of pain erupting over her skin as Jason’s clothes sagged and innumerable insects emerged from his caved-in chest. She let herself be consumed as he held her closer, feeling her entire being be chewed to pieces. He’s the best I’ll ever get.