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The echoing of hundreds of people chattering about nonsense reaches Izuku’s ears. But it sounds like he’s submerged underwater and they’re just watching as he drowns. He feels his palms begin to grow sweaty, and his heart starts beating faster at the thought of having to face all those people. This was definitely much scarier than any villain he would ever face.
He and Kacchan were at a hero convention today, they were supposed to be talking on a panel about how they managed to shoot up the ranks so fast as rookies. Hell if Izuku knows what he’s supposed to say, even though he prepared an entire speech about hard work and determination and even practiced it in the mirror 10 different times.
He can feel said speech crinkle in his palms as he squeezes them involuntarily, trying to self-soothe.
Deep breathes, Izuku reminds himself, you’re okay
“Hey Deku” Katsuki’s gruff voice breaks him out of his thoughts “We’re going on next, the panel in front of us should be done in 10 minutes”
Izuku gulps, his mouth suddenly tasting bitter, and he nods at Katsuki. Okay… Okay he thinks, 10 minutes…
At Izuku’s nod, Katsuki turns back around to catch the end of the panel in front of them, something about newer and sleeker support items. Of course he’d be interested in that, he’s lugging around huge gauntlets.
Izuku tries to focus on the panel too, he really does, but he can’t focus on much besides the terrible nausea that’s swirling around in his stomach. He just hopes he doesn’t lose his breakfast, well that would be a concern if he had been able to eat breakfast.
He checks the clock on the wall, 9 minutes to go, the countdown feels like it’s leading to something dangerous, his death maybe. Wait, when did his arms go numb? His arms are tingling, and so are his hands and fingers. It’s tingling so bad it’s almost excruciating. Oh god wait there’s a crushing weight on his chest. Squeezing and restricting him like a boa constrictor. Holy shit he’s having a heart attack.
He can see the news articles now: Hero Deku dies of, not a villain attack, but a heart attack, at the age 20
He can’t go on stage if he’s having a heart attack. He just… needs… to breathe a little. Just for a second.
But he can’t let Katsuki know what’s going on, that’s too embarrassing. Maybe if he inhales slowly and quietly through his nose nobody will notice.
He inhales and the air fills his lungs, providing him with a moment of relief, he holds it for a second and then exhales as quietly as he can through his nose.
Oh god, whatever he just did just triggered something in Izuku’s stomach. He can feel himself salivating, the tell-tale sign he’s about to throw up.
No. Way.
He absolutely refuses to embarrass himself like that. In a gentle motion, so as not to draw attention to himself, he puts one hand to his mouth and swallows harshly against the gagging reflex and bitter taste on his tongue. All the while keeping absolutely silent behind Katsuki’s back.
He feels his stomach settling and removes his hand from his mouth with a small breath. God, he’s breaking out in a cold sweat.
“Okay guys, 5 more minutes!” some random lady tells them, he assumes it’s an intern they sent back here to make sure things run smoothly for the convention
At the reminder of the time everything comes rushing back up and slaps a hand to his mouth, fearful that the vomit is gonna come out whether he wants it to or not.
Trashcan, he needs a fucking trashcan.
His eyes search the room wildly and desperately for one, and he’s thanking every god he believes in when he finds one in the corner of the room.
Okay…Okay, Izuku he tells himself It’s there if you need it, but there’s no need to embarrass yourself by throwing up in front of these people.
Only a few seconds have passed and despite his little pep talk to himself, he knows he’s about to spew his guts in front of these people anyways. With absolutely no grace, he throws himself in front of the trashcan and vomits up water, since it’s all he’s had today.
“I’m sorry” he says in between hurls “I’m really sorry”
Katsuki had already turned around at the motion of Izuku vaulting himself at the trashcan, and he’s taken aback by Izuku apologizing for something he couldn’t control.
“Sorry for what?” he asks in his usual no-nonsense way “did ya eat some bad food or something?”
Izuku doesn’t respond, the action of throwing up in front of people has him flushed with extreme embarrassment, and all he can focus on is the pain in his chest and the tingling in his arms.
He just really needs to lay down, but that’s too much to do in public he thinks, so he settles for placing his head in between his knees. He just stares at the tiled floors, trying to pick up a pattern from the random flecks of paint in it.
“Deku?” Katsuki asked confused “Izuku, are you okay?”
When Izuku gives no verbal response Katsuki clicks his tongue “Izuku, I think you’re having an anxiety attack” he says, surprisingly soft.
Katsuki tilts Izuku’s head up from its position between his knees “Hey can you look at me?” Izuku focuses his blurry vision on Katsuki’s cherry-red eyes “Yeah that’s it”
“Okay, now put your hands on the floor, it’s cold and it should help ground you back into your body” Katsuki coaches.
Izuku sluggishly places his hands on the floor and the cold shocks him a little bit, he’s focusing more on the cold than he is on the pain in his chest or nausea. Or that damn doomsday countdown.
“Okay now I want you to inhale and imagine you're pushing out all the negative energy in your body” At Izuku’s slightly confused look, Katsuki adds “Imagine that there are villains plaguing the inside of your body, and one big inhale and exhale is you fighting them all off” he says, proud of the fact he only rolled his eyes a little.
Oh, okay, Izuku, admittedly, understands that. He takes in one big inhale and then exhales in one huge whoosh. He imagines all the little villains vacating his body with tiny exclamations of “you will rue this day” and it makes him smile slightly.
“Oh, there’s that smile” Katsuki smirks “Feeling any better?”
Actually… “Actually, I am” Izuku says, kind of amazed “where did you learn that?”
“Well, back in high school I saw this shrink who said I had a lot of anxiety” Katsuki looks sheepish at that little admission “Anyways, she taught me how to deal with attacks like that” he shrugs.
“So… do you have attacks like this a lot?” Izuku asks, curious
Katsuki doesn’t look him in the eye “Sometimes” he admits softly, then he breaks the spell by standing up and offering Izuku his hand
“You good to stand nerd?”
“I think so” he takes Katsuki’s hand and is yanked from the cold ground. As soon as he pulls his hand away Izuku misses the warmth, it was… grounding.
“1 minute guys, hope you’re ready!” the lady's voice chimes again
Izuku wishes from the bottom of his heart that when that woman goes home tonight, her pillow is warm on both sides. He can feel the swirling nausea stake its claws in him again.
Katsuki must notice his distress this time because he offers he grips his hand once more and squeezes “Hey, you got this” he smirks “It’s no different from fighting villains. Except now it’s just a room full of extras”
This time he doesn’t pull his hand away. As they’re shoved out onto the stage, the lights blinding him and the people deafening him, he can still feel the grounding weight of Kacchan’s warm hand. For the first time he thinks, maybe I will be okay.