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Red Son had felt on-edge all day.
With each hour, the feeling persisted. He didn’t know why. It was some kind of internal panic, boiling in his stomach like over-brewed soup.
After his shift at the Demon Bull Restaurant, the orange light illuminated the streets. It was going to be fine. Red Son knew that. All he needed to do was see his friends, Mei and MK. Then the day would be over.
It was all going to be okay.
But why was Red Son so nervous with each step? It wasn’t his friends, he knew that. Was he too busy? Too tired? Too stressed?
He shook the thoughts out of his head. It was fine. He was fine.
Just nerves.
He didn’t know if he could do this. He began to feel sick. The burning acidic feeling bundling in his chest. He was dizzy.
“I’ll be fine.” He told himself, opening his friends’ door. “Just breathe.”
MK ran to open it.
“Hey, Red Son! How are ya’?” The look on his face told Red Son it was a rhetorical question. ”We’re watching a movie, wanna join?”
Red Son nodded. He began to make his way upstairs to their room. Mei was on the carpet, eyes glued to the screen.
“It’s a good movie, right?” MK asked her, sitting beside Mei.
Mei smiled. “Yeah. It’s great.” Noticing Red Son, she said ,”Hey, Red boy! Look at the screen! It’s a movie about Monkey King!”
Red Son tried to smile. “Yeah. That’s really cool!”
Red Son didn’t feel any better. In fact, he felt worse. The anxiety felt like they could have been knives lodged in his stomach, stopping him from breathing too deeply. Still, he tried to breathe. In and out. In and out.
The TV screen was blurry. Red Son couldn’t focus. He couldn’t do this. The feeling in his chest kept stabbing at him. MK had given him some pizza, but he couldn’t eat it. The nausea overcame him. He did the one thing he thought was a good idea.
“I’ll be right back.” Red Son told them, getting up from his seat and maneuvering to the door.
The bathroom. There, he could think. He could stop these feelings. It’d be fine. A few minutes of calmness, and then he’d be back with his friends in no time.
The clean white tiles shone dully across the floor and walls. It was comforting. The soft coolness of the floor and room around him, contrary to his warm body.
He was too warm. That was it. Just temperature. It was getting closer to summer, of course. Warmness was to be expected as a fire demon. He took a breath.
No.
He began to breathe quicker. The room around him began to become blurry. Oh, he felt so dizzy. His breathing sped up more. The anxious feeling in his stomach began to burn. Like it was all rising.
He couldn't think.
The walls seemed to bend around him as he felt it all becoming overwhelming.
All the anxiety from the day that had been bubbling up.
Exploding in his brain.
He could barely hear himself cry.
It felt like the hyperventilating was reflected by the walls.
Louder and louder breaths.
It made him feel even more anxious.
It was all-
“Red Son?” A voice called from outside.
It snapped Red Son’s brain out of it.
The hyperventilation continued, but his brain focused on the noise.
“Red Son? Are you alright? It’s been a while?”
MK.
The crying got louder. Breaths. Dizziness. Nausea.
“Are you crying?”
Red Son felt the anxiety rise again. It was so strong, practically controlling him. He wanted to tell MK he was fine. He wanted to say he’d be right out. But he couldn’t speak. Couldn’t get the words out.
He’d forgotten to lock the door.
“I’m going to open the door.” MK announced.
Red Son saw the doorknob turn.
MK rushed in, looking around for Red Son.
Red Son felt terrible. He was sobbing, hyperventilating, nauseous, exhausted, anxious, and a huge mess. It was stupid. He didn’t want MK to see him like this. As much as he wanted to hide, he couldn’t.
“Are you okay?” MK asked. “Wait, nevermind. That was a stupid question.”
Red Son would laugh if he wasn't preoccupied with crying.
MK saw that Red Son was having a panic attack. The vulnerable form was curled in a ball next to the bathtub, crying and hyperventilating. It made him want to cry too.
Red Son was so dizzy. He felt the urge to grip the bathtub’s rim so he wouldn’t fall over, even though he was sitting.
MK sat opposite him. “Okay. Red Son? Breathe.”
Red Son would if he could.
“In.” MK inhaled slowly. “And out.”
Red Son tried his hardest. A meager, cracking breath.
“Again. In and out.”
They breathed in unison.
This continued for five minutes. Breathing in and out slowly. MK wasn’t sure it was going to work, but after a while, Red Son seemed stable enough to talk.
“Do you feel a little better?” MK asked him.
Red Son nodded. “Yes. I’m sorry you had to see that.”
“It’s alright. I care about you, ya’ know? I’m happy I could help.”
Red Son hugged him. He didn’t deserve MK. He didn’t deserve Mei. He didn’t deserve these wonderful friends to share his time with. He almost started crying again, though this time for a different reason.
They walked slowly back to MK’s room above Pigsy’s Noodles. Mei was waiting, wondering what took them so long. The TV was off.
“What took you two so long? I was waiting for ages.” She asked, laying back on the end of MK’s bed.
“It doesn’t matter, at least we’re here now, right?” MK stated. Red Son was glad he didn’t tell Mei what had just happened. MK winked at him. Red Son tried to wink back.
They all sat back against MK’s bed and laughed. Talking about something stupid, something insignificant. It felt so happy to talk to them. So free. Red Son was glad the anxiety had passed. He felt exhausted now, of course, but it was better than the fear he’d felt all day.
He smiled at his friends. They smiled back.
It was all going to be okay.