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Tim sat stiffly in the passenger seat, one hand on his seat belt and one hand on the buckle. The car had been parked outside the old farmhouse for almost ten minutes, but Tim couldn’t shake the sudden paralysis that had overtaken him. They’d driven to Smallville from Gotham and spent a night in a hotel because Tim had wanted the time to prepare for this afternoon. Unfortunately, the only relief it seemed to bring him was when he compared it to what a flight would have been like.
He tried again to relax his hands, to put them to intended use, but only succeeded in sending a shudder up and down his arms.
“Take your time, Tim. However long you need. They won’t think poorly of you for needing a minute.” Bruce’s voice was gentle, like it had been so often since he’d walked into that room and saw Tim holding a baby. Tim squeezed his eyes shut and gave a sharp nod, taking another breath.
There was a small whimper and then a cry from the car seat in the back and it was like a spell had broken. Tim unbuckled and got out, hearing Bruce do the same as he went to Joren’s door. He fumbled a little with the straps on the car seat, nerves robbing him of what practice he’d had, before he scooped the baby out and into his arms, bouncing him slightly to soothe him. Bruce had the diaper bag slung over his shoulder as he walked around the car, the metallic Wonder Woman symbol on the front of the bag catching the bright Kansas sunlight and pulling the corner of his mouth into a rueful smile as he remembered Cassie shoving it at him.
They started toward the house and Tim faltered as his gaze snagged on the other vehicles in the driveway; an older pickup truck settled at the top and a newer car beside it with a Daily Planet parking pass dangling from the rearview mirror. Tim wondered if Clark had flown here or if he’d driven with Lois. He smoothed a finger over the little Flash hat Joren was wearing and then felt Bruce’s hand come to rest heavy and reassuring on the nape of his neck. He took another breath and continued. Their footsteps were loud in his ears as they climbed the steps but Bruce knocked on the door and it was still a moment before the door opened, even though Clark would have already known they were there, would have known they’d been here already and sitting in the car, would have heard them drive down, could have heard them their entire journey. Martha Kent opened the door, a smile on her lips but a tightness in the corner of her eyes. Grief. For a second, Tim was lost to grief. Then Bruce squeezed lightly and Tim took another breath and brought himself back to the present.
“Hello, boys. Come on in; they’re all in the kitchen.” Martha’s voice was friendly but quiet, not wanting to wake Joren who’d fallen back asleep on the walk from the car. “I hope the drive went well?”
“It went as well as could be hoped.” Bruce smiled at her.
She closed the front door and turned to Tim, smiling at him and then down at Joren. Tim’s grip tightened fractionally and then he made himself relax as she reached out and traced a finger lightly over Joren’s cheek and then caught Tim’s eye again. “He’s beautiful, Tim. Come introduce him around.”
She led the way down the small hallway to the kitchen at the back of the house. Tim couldn’t stop his heart rate from picking up, but Bruce didn’t drop his hand and Tim pressed further into it as they walked closer.
Everyone here already knew about Joren. Bruce had called Clark over to the cave the day Tim had come home with them. Tim hadn’t even known he’d been there, but Dick told him later that Bruce and Clark had been in the cave for hours before Clark had flown off. A couple of days after that, Dick had gone to talk to Kara and Bruce had flown to Kansas to talk to the Kents. Tim didn’t know what had been said in any of those conversations, and despite his instincts urging him to seek out the information, he wasn’t sure he wanted to know. He hadn’t had to be the person to break the news to anyone and he felt guilty for it because it should be his responsibility, but he retreated in gratitude and relief every time his family protected him from inevitable ferocity and strength of initial reactions.
Every time he’d been to the Kent farm, it had been filled with life and sound. But as they walked into the kitchen now, it was nearly silent. Kara was leaning against the counter straight ahead and Martha went to sit by Jonathan at one end of the table. But Tim’s attention was quickly drawn to the other end, where Clark sat by Lois, a hand in one of hers on the table. Walking up, Tim could see under the table just enough to see his other hand had a vice grip on his own knee; just about the only thing he could hold tightly without risking damage or destruction.
Bruce looked around the room. “Thank you for having us. Tim?”
“Um,” Tim swallowed. “Thanks for having us. This is Joren. He was awake earlier, but…”
Jonathan snorted and that seemed to ease some of the tension in the room. Bruce pulled out a chair for Tim and then one for himself after Tim sat down. Kara moved away from the counter and put her hands on the table, leaning over to get a better look. Her breath stuttered and then she gave a small smile. “He looks a lot like you did, cousin.” She cocked her head and reached out a hand, then hesitated and met Tim’s eyes. Tim straightened up and leaned forward to hold Joren closer to her. She ran a hand over Joren’s covered head and stroked the little bit of hair that peeked out from beneath. “We’ll have to see if he has your cowlick, though.”
Tim smiled. “He does have one actually.” He pulled the hat off and watched the tiny strands pop up as chuckles went around the room.
“Would -” Tim looked over at Clark as the older man cleared his throat a couple times. “Could we, uh -”
“Could we hold him, Tim?” Lois stepped in. Clark swallowed but looked at Tim.
Tim still thrummed with nerves, but nodded. “Of course.” He stood up and leaned over, attempting the awkward task of transferring a sleeping baby without waking him. Lois took Joren and turned to Clark with him cradled against her chest. Clark reached out and brushed the back of his finger against Joren’s cheek. Joren squirmed a little, small hands curling and waving slightly. But Clark leaned forward and murmured to him as Lois rocked him and Joren fell back asleep. They grinned at each other triumphantly and suddenly Tim looked at them like a stranger might. Joren, with his dark hair and blue eyes, could so easily be their son. Joren could be theirs, and Tim was just a desperate, stupid kid who’d done something insane because his boyfriend died. What if they wanted -
Clark glanced over at him. “You seem to be doing great with him.”
What?
Clark was watching him and Lois was looking over at him now too.
“Joren,” Clark clarified. “He seems like he’s doing well. And from what I’ve heard from Bruce, you’re adapting to parenthood swimmingly.”
“That isn’t the word I used.” Bruce muttered.
Lois snorted and looked back down at Joren. “One of the guys at the Planet has a daughter a little older than Joren. He mentioned having a bunch of diapers that are now too small for her that he was looking to get rid of. I can ask if they’re still available if you want.” She smiled back up at him.
Tim blinked. “Um, yeah. Okay.” He looked back and forth between them. “Thank you. Both of you.”
Clark smiled at him before looking back down at Joren and Tim let out a breath. Bruce reached over again and put a hand on Tim’s shoulder, squeezing. Tim’s heart eased from its racing and he suddenly realised that that’s what Clark and Lois had been trying to do. Clark had heard his heart and tried to reassure him and Lois had understood and followed suit. Tim leaned further into Bruce’s hand, trying to wrap his head around it. He’d really thought that he was going to have to prove himself here. Tim fought not to close his eyes. He really thought that he’d lose here.
Kara looked over. “Have you decided on how you’re going to announce him?”
“He’s only a couple of weeks old, Kara.” Martha protested. “Isn’t it still a bit soon?”
“Chronologically, he’s three weeks old,” Bruce said quietly, “but physically he’s about six months. The sooner we announce him, the better and more controllable the outcome will be.”
Tim kept his eyes on Joren. “If we push it too long, the story won’t just be about a teenaged Wayne with a baby, but also that we’ve been keeping it secret for an extended period of time. It’ll make people a lot more likely to come to outlandish conclusions, which means a lot more thorough digging. It’ll be a story that will not only stick around but will catch active interest and then mutate and grow.”
Lois winked at Martha and flashed a sharp grin. “Never let reporters think that you’re hiding something big. Especially when you are.”
Bruce looked back over at Kara. “To your question, we’re going to announce Joren next week. It’s going to be part of a larger press announcement that Wayne Enterprises is going to be pushing a lot more funding to after- and before- school programs as well as alternative schooling options for teen parents. We’re also going to be partnering with Planned Parenthood to increase access to sexual education and resources as well. Gotham’s always had a fairly strong relationship with the organisation, but introducing a personal reason goes a long way to not only justifying Bruce Wayne’s motivations to the board and City Council but also in knocking down a lot of protests that might spring up.”
“Gonna bury his story in the larger?” Jonathan asked.
“We’re certainly going to try.” Bruce nodded. “Tim’s already been out of school for a little while. This provides a pretty good reason even if most people wouldn’t like it as a course of action. Enrolling Tim in one of the new programs is a good way to get him back into school. Right, Tim?”
Tim sighed and everyone at the table laughed.
“Are you going to name a mother?” Lois asked.
Tim nodded. “If we don't, that would just leave open the possibility of someone claiming to be his mother or a relative of his mother and then we’re looking at DNA testing and custody claims. The claims we could probably handle, but DNA testing is going to lead back to Luthor. We just need someone we can trust for this. I asked my friend Cissie if she would do it. She was in Young Justice with us, so she knows the hero business and she’s friends - she was friends with Kon and I even after she left the mask behind.” Tim took a couple of breaths. “Nowadays, she’s a professional athlete and an actress. She needed some time to think about it and see if this was something she could feasibly do, but she’ll get back to me before the announcement.”
Lois hummed. “Pretty big commitment for her.”
“Yeah.” Tim nodded. “I’ve let her know that there's no pressure for her to say yes. She doesn’t have to publicly be his parent, though. She can say yes for no other reason than so she can sign away parental rights. But it’s something that could impact her later. I’ll understand if she’s not going to want to.”
“What will you do if she says no?” Kara asked.
“There are a couple of other people we could ask.” Tim said. “But we may just end up manufacturing a person. Whirlwind teenage romance, or even just a one time thing. Either she changed her mind about keeping the baby or couldn’t for some reason. Maybe she died.” Tim hid his flinch but hurried to move on. “Ideally, they just won’t dig too deep at the announcement, but what are the odds of that?”
Clark cocked his head. “Would you want one of us at the press announcement?”
Bruce nodded. “If you wouldn’t mind, that would be great.”
“We’ll work it out with Perry.” Clark looked back at Joren just in time for him to wake and started whimpering. Lois rocked him again, but he wouldn’t be soothed.
Tim bent to dig around in the diaper bag Bruce had left at the foot of his chair. “He’s probably hungry.” He grabbed a pre-made bottle of formula and straightened up. Martha caught his eye before he could reach for Joren, though.
“Would it be alright if we fed him?” she asked him.
“Oh, sure.” Tim blinked. “I mean, if you want to.”
“Come on then, you heard the lad.” Jonathan reached out. “Don’t be a baby hog.”
Lois snorted and had to stand to pass the squirming baby over as Tim handed the bottle to Martha.
“He doesn’t usually take it right away.” Tim said. “You have to sort of nudge his cheek a little before he’ll drink.”
“He wants to be convinced, huh?” Marth laughed. Sure enough, Joren was ignoring the bottle until the nipple tapped at his cheek and then he drank greedily as if they’d been denying him. He watched Jonathan as the man held him, then waved an arm around and smacked lightly at his face, grabbing the man’s glasses as soon as he made contact. Laughter went around the table again and with her free hand, Martha plucked the glasses from Joren’s grasp and put them back on her husband’s face. Joren’s eyes started closing, falling asleep again even as he continued eating. Kara leaned close and murmured what had to be a lullaby, though Tim could only understand a few words.
Once Joren was fully asleep and had finished what he would drink from the bottle, Kara looked over at him again. “I don’t know too many, but I could send you what Kryptonian children’s stories and songs I know.”
A lump formed in Tim’s throat. “That would be incredible, thank you.”
Access to Kryptonian culture was something that Tim was adamant on getting for Joren. It was something that Kon would have been desperate for. Kon’s relationship with the rest of the Kryptonians had gotten better, definitely, but there had still been so much pain and uncertainty that stemmed from the early rejection and condemnation. Tim swallowed and refocused his attention.
“I’ll bring you up to the Fortress sometime, show you around what we have.” Clark offered.
Tim’s hands twitched. “Yes, I’d like that. Thank you.” He looked around the table at everyone. “Thank you all. For inviting us here and being so accepting and for loving Joren, even though -” the lump in his throat returned and he couldn’t continue. He pressed his fingers into his eyes and tried to get himself under control, but the accumulated stress of the past couple of weeks combined with the relief that the worst seemingly wasn’t going to happen was finally too much. He stood, eyes blurry. “I’m sorry. I just need a minute.”
He looked over to Joren, still sleeping in Jonathan’s arms and Bruce put a hand on his shoulder. “Take your time, Tim. We’ve got Joren. I’ve got him. It’s going to be okay.”
Tim turned and stumbled his way back down the hall, easing the front door open and stepping out into the cooler air outside. In the back of his mind, he knew that it probably wasn’t any different from in the house, but it was fresh and open. The sun was still high in the sky as he walked around the side of the house, away from the driveway and the questions he’d had there. He leaned against the house and pressed an arm against his eyes, trying again to get himself under control.
After a while, he heard soft footsteps in the grass. Not Bruce, he wouldn’t have heard Bruce come up. Besides, Bruce wouldn’t have left Joren, not after he’d promised. He wanted desperately to stay hiding in his arm, even though he knew it was probably the cowardly option. But despite the number of people in the kitchen, there was only really one person it could be. He straightened up to look at Clark as he approached.
The Kryptonian took in his red eyes, his scattered breathing, and probably his heart rate as well. There was no doubt that Clark could have heard him from the kitchen and there was no characteristic that defined a Super quite like the preference to meet things head on. But he looked so sad and hesitant and Tim honestly wasn’t sure what he’d come out here to do.
“Hey kid.” Clark reached a hand up as if he was going to put it on Tim’s shoulder like Bruce had, then hesitated and dropped it back to his side. “I know it’s long overdue and probably insufficient, but I really just wanted to say I’m sorry.”
Tim stared at him blankly.
Clark swallowed and looked out over the farm. “I didn’t know you and Conner were so close. That’s on me, probably. I really tried to be there for him and to make him feel accepted as part of the family, but I know that I didn’t do that right away. That there was a length of time where I did pretty much the exact opposite. And I know that that hurt him. He kept more than just his relationship with you a secret probably because of that foundation.” Clark met his gaze again. “I’m sorry that I didn’t realise that you needed more support or that you lost more than just a friend when Kon died. I should have reached out more. I shouldn’t have left you as alone as I did. I am so sorry, Tim.”
Tim’s face crumpled and he couldn’t stop the tears. “It’s not the same as Luthor, I promise. I promise. Even before Conner and I were friends, even before I trusted him, I didn’t really think about how it must have been for you. To come back and find him like that. And then when we were friends we were all so mad at you for him. But it never really hit me how much of a violation that must have been for you.” Clark’s face was stricken and he held himself so still Tim distantly thought he might actually have stopped breathing. “I promise it’s not like that, I wouldn’t hurt Conner like that. I know it looks the same, but it’s not. I’m sorry.”
Tim sucked a lungful of air but still felt like he couldn’t breathe. He felt two hands on his shoulders and then he was pulled into Clark’s tight embrace. “Tim, none of us thought that. You’re right; what Luthor did was a- a violation. But we all knew that that’s not what Joren was. He isn’t a manipulation or a threat. Joren was made from grief, but he was also made from love. We know that it’s different. I know that it’s different.”
Clark stepped back from the hug but kept his hands on Tim’s shoulders and looked him in the eyes with a solemn look on his face. “Tim, none of us were angry at you for what you did. Even when I showed up with everyone back at the lab, it wasn’t because of anger. I was so scared for you. We were all so scared for you. That was such an extreme reaction. It was so reckless, so dangerous. So many things could have gone wrong. What if Joren had been older? What if he’d been like Match? What if he’d hurt you, or someone else?” Clark clenched his jaw and looked away, taking a breath before he looked back at Tim. “Listen, you and Joren are family to me, to us. Bruce and you and your siblings are all family to us, you always have been. But you cannot do that again. Not ever.”
“I know.” Tim husked. “Bruce and I have talked about it. I knew it wasn’t a good idea, even at the time. But I was just so…”
“Lost?” Clark quietly offered.
Tim reached up and covered his eyes with his hand again, nodding. Clark pulled him forward and held him tight again. “You can come to me, okay? About anything, no matter how small or how big it is. Even if you have to come to me late, when you’re already deep in it. You come to me. Do you understand? You are not alone. Not in this, not in anything.”
Tim nodded into Clark’s chest. “Bruce and Dick said the same thing. Bruce wants me to talk to Dinah.”
“That’s probably a good idea.” Clark’s voice was gentle.
“It’s a hypocritical idea.”
Clark snorted. “Maybe. But it’s still a good one.”
Tim slumped a little more into Clark and then pulled away.
“Ready to head in?” Clark asked quietly.
“Yeah.” Tim wiped at his eyes and turned back. As soon as they got in the door, Tim could hear Joren crying. He hurried into the kitchen to see Bruce walking with him and bouncing him lightly. Joren was already looking at the doorway and raised his hands as soon as he saw Tim.
“I think he heard you two.” Bruce murmured to him as Tim took Joren from him. “He could tell you were upset.”
Joren started to calm down as soon as he was nestled in Tim’s arms. Tim felt a pang in his chest as he looked down into his son’s watery eyes. He pressed a kiss to his forehead and whispered softly to him until Joren was reassured. Tim sat back down in his chair and Bruce stretched his arm across the back of it. Joren lay quietly in his arms, but didn’t go back to sleep. Instead, he clutched at Tim’s shirt in one hand and looked around the room as conversation picked up. Tim smiled down at him as Martha started in on a story about Clark’s powers coming in and Clark protested good naturedly. Kara laughed too loudly at one point and Clark retaliated with a story of her own learning curve. Tim could so easily see Conner laughing here and loving the conversation. Wheedling Clark and talking up his own adventures with TTK. The thought hurt still, probably always would, but he wasn’t lost to it. Instead, he found himself looking forward to being able to share his own stories of Joren’s trials and errors.
The future looked bright and warm with his son in his arms, his father beside him, and family all around.