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Lindir sighed for the umpteenth time that day since he woke. Here he was, on the ship to Valinor when his friends and family were fighting for the victory of the free peoples back in Middle Earth. He absolutely loathed it.
He wanted to be at home, wanted to be by the side of his lord and his kin, wanted to fight side by side with them and share in their victories and grief with their lose. But he could not. Because he was here.
He grumbled about stubborn lovers and him not being strong enough to let said lover down. He fought at first, refusing to leave them all behind to go to an unknown land alone, but of course Elrond managed to persuade him with his tears and talks of broken hearts if he died or whatever else.
Of course he couldn’t say no when his usually head strong lover broke down in tears in front of him, he could never be so cruel. He may have agreed to take the ship to Valinor, but he did not leave with a glad and peaceful heart.
If he had to be honest with himself, he only wanted to spend more time with Elrond in Middle Earth because he was afraid of what would happen when they arrived at Aman, when they met up with Celebrian.
Lindir was afraid. It was not his right to be by Elrond’s side. It may be the wish of both of them but marital ties are stronger than a single elf’s wishes. Lindir and Elrond were not wed, Elrond still wore his wedding band on his finger, how could Lindir give his heart to someone whose own heart was not theirs to give?
And what if Elrond loved his lady wife more than him? What if he wished to return to Celebrian and think Lindir of only a thing of the past? Lindir, of course, would not be able to survive that and would undoubtedly fade regardless of whether he was in the most peaceful land on Arda or not.
And there was also his parents. Would they welcome him even though he had arrived without his brothers behind him? Legandir and Meludir had been entrusted into his care ever since their parents sailed, he was supposed to nurture, protect, and make sure they made it back into their parents’ arms but here he was, on the ship to Aman empty handed of brothers, friends and lover.
By the Valar he wanted to jump into the sea and swim back to Middle-Earth.
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Lindir stayed at the back of the crowd of elves moving to leave the ship, the others were so much more eager to step upon the shores and into the arms of their beloved kin, he would not wish to impede them.
He sighed when he inevitably had to leave the ship and face whichever familiar faces on the sandy beaches. All around him elves were hugging, kissing, cheering, and crying. But it was all in happiness of seeing lost kin. But here he was, moping around and the very air around him seemed to be tainted black.
“Lindir!” He jumped as he heard the familiar cry. His head whipped towards the female figure darting towards him, her hair billowing behind her like a curtain of brown silk. His arms opened and received the elf into his tight embrace.
“Nana…” His eyes pricked with tears. He had not been small enough to fit into his mother’s embrace since he had reached his maturity but having her in his arms had always brought a sense of peace to him.
Another pair of arms enveloped the both of them into a warm chest, “Ion-nin…”
“Ada!” Lindir pulled back to look at his father, tall and regal as he was when Lindir was but a child, no longer looking like the weary old man when he had sailed.
When they released each other from the others hold, Lindir stood back wiped at his eyes. “Nana, Ada, it is so good to see you.”
His parents smiled, “And it is good to see you too Lindir.”
Lindir never knew how much he had missed the smiles of his parents until then. But then… “What’s wrong?” His mother asked seeing his frown.
Lindir averted his eyes, he did not think he could look at the disappointment in their eyes, “I… Legandir and Meludir.” They gasped and Lindir flinched. “No no! They’re alive! It’s just… they did not wish to sail yet.”
He did not know how they would react but he certainly did not expect the gentle touch of his mother’s hands on his cheeks. “Lindir… look at me.”
Lindir hesitantly raised his eyes to look into his mother’s own grey ones.
“It is not your fault that they decided to stay, they themselves will know when their time in Middle Earth is over, just as you yourself knew when it was time for you to sail.”
Lindir nodded, relieved that his parents understood that he could not force them to take ship. But also, he didn’t quite agree with his mother, it was not his time to sail, his heart stayed with his kin in Middle Earth still.
“Now, do stop moping and come home with us, it is good to be family again.” His father looped his arm around Lindir’s shoulder and off they went.
It turns out his parents had built a house near the beach, his father had always relented to the wishes of his mother, and her being a Teleri it was only natural. His father worked as a smith, he built much of the wares and frames of their house while his mother decorated. Lindir felt as if he had returned to the home of his childhood, a house with the perfect blend on Noldor and Teleri.
He had gotten settled quickly, he hadn’t brought much with him over the seas, the only things he truly wanted to bring with him being his brothers and lover, which evidently did not follow him over.
His mother forbade him from getting a job. Nobody needed much to survive in Aman, the money his father made was enough to give a family of five a comfortable life. And also his mother wanted him to spend more time with her, which he thought was the real reason for his unemployment.
He tried hard not to be sad around them, he knew they worried enough for his brothers, he didn’t need to be one more burden for them. His mother would of course tell him he was no burden but he secretly didn’t want them to know anyways, just in case things didn’t turn out the way he wished they would when Elrond arrived.
He told them of his life after they had sailed, that he moved them to Imladris when the High King was killed, his position in Elrond’s house, his brothers growing up and moving away from him –which made his parents laugh because he made a face as if he was a mother hen unhappy that her chicks had found their own way in the world-, about the fellowship of the ring and all that had transpired since they left. He left out his more intimate relationship with his lord.
The elves that crossed the sea often brought news of Middle Earth over so there was not much about the ongoings that he had to fill in, just that of his personal life. In turn they filled him in on their lives and about Valinor, the places where each Valar stayed and the existing realms, they had also informed him of the new Imladris which the Lady Celebrian had built.
At the mention of Celebrian he became uneasy. He was great friends with her but now he feared to face her, he may have to avoid going to this new Imladris even though he knew most of the past residents-and his friends- of Imladris would be there.
His mother had, of course, seen his uneasiness, a mother’s instinct, but had thankfully addressed it only when they were alone without the presence of his father.
“Is there something you’re not telling me?” Lindir paused in his chopping. “No?” He tried, resuming his cooking.
“Lindir…” His mother paused in her stirring of the soup in the pot and looked over at him, “I know I haven’t been the best of mothers, leaving all of you when you had only passed your majority,” she shook her head when he tried to protest, “no no don’t deny it, no matter what the circumstances, I should have stayed and took care of all of you.”
“Nana! You and me both know you would not have survived if you had stayed, Meludir took much from you to birth him. I would rather you sail than have you stay and fade.” Lindir put down his knife and pulled his mother into a hug.
“I had no say in that decision, it was all you and your father. But now, now will you let me do the duty of a mother and help her distressed child?” And of course Lindir could not let his mother down in her need to be responsible of her children.
And so he told her. She had tried to persuade him to seek out Celebrian but he would not have it, he would wish to hear the news of their imminent doom from no other than his partner.
And thus he spent his days in worry, for both the fates of his kin and lover and also for the impending doom of his relationship.
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Come the day when Elrond arrived on Valinor, Lindir had to be dragged by his mother to wait by the shores. His father knew nothing of why Lindir was so reluctant to go but he wanted to support his son in any way he could so he followed along.
Lindir stood terrified, staring off into the sea and refusing to look around because he knew he would find Lady Celebrian there. If he, Elrond’s lover, knew when the Lord was arriving then surely Lady Celebrian, Elrond’s wife, would know it too.
So here he stood, jittering from the anxiety and cold sea wind, his parents standing behind him, awaiting his fate. That is, until a hand upon his shoulder jolted him from his focus.
“L-Lady Celebrian!” He hurriedly bowed his head to his Lady.
“Lindir.” She greeted him, her voice like bells ringing in the wind and her smile radiant as always like the morning sun. She stood alone.
Lindir didn’t know what to say, he just stood and stared as Celebrian and her parents exchanged greetings. Celebrian was, as usual, pleasant and courteous. It surprised Lindir when she brought him in for a hug.
“Lindir, my good friend, why did you not visit with me? Imagine my shock to see you here, none of the Imladris elves even told me you had sailed.”
Lindir hesitantly returned her embrace. “My Lady… I..”
“None of that! We are still friends are we not?” She pulled back and held him at arm’s length to look him over from head to toe. Lindir didn’t reply, he merely averted his gaze.
“Lindir,” her voice had suddenly grown soft, “I know what it is that worries you.”
Lindir’s eyes focused on Celebrian’s so quickly he felt as if he pulled a muscle in his eye. “What?”
Celebrian smiled gently at her friend, “I know what it is that worries you and I would like to ease your mind.” She now looked over to the vast seas, “I am healed but I no longer wish to love.” She then scrunched up her nose, “Well that is not exactly right.”
“I can still love. I love my friends, my family, and Elrond, though never again in the way I used to, those times are passed.”
She now looked back at him, “And I love you my friend, if I had known you were hiding away from me merely because you were scared I would have marched right to you and put your mind at ease.”
Lindir stood gaping, mind still comprehending her words. “I… you… oh Valar.” He threw his hands up and pulled his friend into another tight embrace.
“I- Thank you.” He whispered against her silver shining hair.
Celebrian grinned, happy to hear the relief in her friend’s voice, “It is nothing. I wish you happiness, I would want to see Elrond happy too, he deserves your love.”
And so they stood side by side, Lindir’s parents close by, awaiting for the arrival of their kin.
----
Lindir stood on the top of the hill, his hair billowing behind him in the strong wind, his features highlighted by the setting sun, he smiled. Beside him stood Elrond, one arm wrapped around Lindir’s waist, body snuggled close up with his lover’s, sharing in their warmth.
“This is beautiful.” Lindir commented at the sight of the sun and its rays blending with the line of the vast blue sea.
“Indeed.” Elrond mumbled as he stared only at Lindir, his beautiful nightingale.
“We have come very far.” Lindir smiled and looked back at Elrond only to blush at finding himself under such an intense gaze.
Elrond’s heart warmed at the blush on his lover’s cheeks, even now, so many years after they had first gotten together, he could still make Lindir blush as he did when he first courted him. He leaned in to slide his lips over Lindir’s, silently gathering the courage to do what he was about to do next.
When he pulled back, he turned their bodies to face each other. “Lindir,” he started, “I have wished to be by your side ever since I knew of your love for me, and now that I am able to, I wish to give my heart to you for all eternity.”
He reached into the pocket of his robe and pulled out a small metal box. Inside it was lined with lavender velvet and right in the middle sat two rings, one slightly bigger than the other.
“Lindir, will you receive my heart and give me yours in return?”
Tears of happiness pricked at Lindir’s eyes. This was it. This was what he had been waiting for for all those years. “Yes, Elrond Yes!” His voice cracked, evidence to how emotional he was at the moment, overjoyed.
They slid the rings onto the other’s finger, Lindir pulling Elrond in for a fierce kiss then a tight embrace when the comfortable weight settled onto his finger.
“I love you, oh how I love you.” Lindir muttered with his chin resting on Elrond’s shoulder, arms still tightly wound around him. Elrond pulled back and placed a kiss on Lindir's lips then laid their foreheads together, “I love you too my nightingale, and now I will have all eternity to love you.”