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Deku rushed into class breathless and only a minute quicker than the bell. Before he could even finish saying, “Morning, Kacchan!” half the class had stood from their seats to surround him.
Glasses was on Deku like a fly on shit and Katsuki was only half sure he didn’t use his quirk to get there before the rest of the lame-ass crowd could. “Did you get hit by a quirk?” he exclaimed. “Do we need to take you to see Recovery Girl?”
Floaty was second, reaching out a hand to poke Deku’s cheek that the nerd awkwardly ducked away from. “Deku, what happened?”
Chairs scraped against the floor in awful harmony as the rest of the nosy assholes followed their lead.
“What does it do?” Sparky asked, tilting his head like he was trying to make shapes out of the various colors covering the nerd’s face.
“Um, guys,” Deku pleaded. “I-it’s not really-”
“The colors are so manly!”
Raccoon Eyes tried to jostle past the crowd and eventually just jumped on Shitty Hair’s back to get a better look. “How long does it last?” she hollered.
“Are you okay, kero?”
Even through the ring of extras crowding him, Katsuki could see Deku’s stupid nervous face- covered in yellow and blue tones- screwing up in apprehension as he leaned back onto Aizawa’s desk and held out his palms- one purple and the other orange- in front of his body defensively. “Ah, it’s nothing, really,” he said quickly. “Not painful. It’s all okay. Class is gonna start soon though so shouldn't we get to our seats?”
Katsuki scoffed when none of the idiots managed to pick up on the subtext of ‘get the hell away from me’ that Deku was projecting and he stood from his seat with a booming explosion aimed toward the ceiling. “Shut the hell up!” he demanded.
In the resounding silence that followed, the warning bell for the start of class could be heard and they all, reluctantly, swarmed back to their seats.
Deku whispered a quiet ‘thank you’ as he walked by and Katsuki only acknowledged it with an irritated huff.
What the hell had the nerd managed to get himself into this time?
Aizawa walked in precisely thirty seconds later and immediately zeroed in on Deku. “Midoriya,” he said, almost like he was hesitant to even question it. “Why are you…colorful?”
Katsuki could hear Deku slumping lower in his seat.
“Um, there was a crying kid at the convenience store this morning, sir,” he explained quietly. “They accidentally used their quirk on me.”
Aizawa sighed and sent a longing glance towards his sleeping bag. “Are you able to carry out your usual activities while under the quirk’s influence?”
“Y-yes, sir!”
“Good. Now everyone open your textbooks to chapter seven and take a look here at the board.”
*
Katsuki didn’t think much of the way Deku skittered away from his friends in the halls and sat out on sparring during free period- choosing instead to run solo simulations in Ground Beta- or how he’d straight up booked it from the cafeteria as soon as he got his lunch.
Katsuki noticed, but he didn’t ask.
The quirk seemed annoying more than anything else, painting his skin in various shades like a preschoolers art project. Maybe he just wanted to avoid all the questions and prodding he’d barely escaped from this morning?
Katsuki had been largely ignoring it until he was studying with Deku in his All Might shrine and noticed a scraggly looking scar nestled in the purple patch at his shoulder that hadn’t been there before.
“The fuck is that?” Katsuki demanded.
Deku looked up from his notes and followed Katsuki’s line of sight. “Oh, that,” he said. Then he shrugged, fingers tapping erratically on his pencil. “Happened yesterday, I think? It’s just superficial though. Nothing worth bothering Recovery Girl about,” he tacked on with a nervous laugh.
Katsuki frowned. Deku couldn’t lie for shit and his skills of omission were only marginally better. “Bullshit. Out with it Deku.”
Deku cringed and looked up at Katsuki with a shy smile. “After my last broken limb I may have incurred a temporary ban,” he admitted. “It’s like she wants me to learn a lesson or something.”
Katsuki scoffed but it came out sounding faintly amused. “Like anything gets through that thick skull of yours.”
Deku hummed happily and said, “Calculus sure doesn’t. Help me with this, Kacchan?”
“Sure,” Katsuki sighed. “Whatever. Scoot the fuck over then.”
Deku chuckled and Katsuki reached out to nudge his uninjured shoulder playfully, the tip of his finger just barely grazing the patch of dark green revealed by Deku’s loose, open collar. White hot jealousy suddenly shot through his body like lightning and Katsuki’s mind was assuaged with a series of memories that weren’t his, playing in his head like a film strip.
Deku, watching a group of kids crowd around Katsuki showing off their lame-ass quirks and trying to win his favor.
Deku, watching a father lean down and tell his kid they’d make a great hero someday as they lifted a pebble two inches from the sidewalk with a weak telekinesis.
Deku, craning his neck to see as some extra showed off a rare All Might figurine.
Katsuki, being jumped on by Sparky and Raccoon Eyes.
Katsuki, being rescued from the league and taking Shitty Hair’s hand.
Katsuki, laughing over something stupid in the cafeteria.
Katsuki, sharing earbuds with Floppy Ears at the table while they did their homework.
Deku jerked away and fell to the floor in an embarrassed heap, the red in his face still obvious under all the yellows and blues.
“I- I…” his panicked eyes squeezed shut and he let his back fall onto the floor with a groan, covering his face. “I’m sorry,” he managed. “I don’t mean to feel that way but, well…I can’t really control it. Obviously,” he tacked on.
Katsuki frowned down at him even though Deku wouldn’t quite look him in the eye. “You’re jealous of me but…not of my quirk?” he asked, dumbfounded. “Even back then?” Of all the memories from their childhood, not once did Katsuki’s explosions ever make an appearance so what else did Deku have to be jealous of? Had he wanted a quirk like his mom’s?
Deku moved his arms and blinked up at Katsuki incredulously. “I…Kacchan I was never jealous of you.”
“Bullshit,” Katsuki spat. “I was all over those memories.”
A crease appeared between Deku’s brows. “Yeah but…huh,” he breathed. “I really thought you had pieced it together by now.”
Katsuki’s frown deepened. “Pieced fucking what together?”
“That I…” Deku’s voice seemed caught in his throat and the blush returned with vigor, spreading down into the green patch at his neck that Katsuki had accidentally touched. “Nothing!”
Katsuki ground his teeth together to keep himself from shouting. For fucks sake, he thought they were past all the shitty secret keeping. “That you what?” he seethed.
Especially the secrets about Katsuki himself.
Deku scratched the back of his neck and stared at the floor. “That you…that you understood how I felt,” he hedged, gnawing at his bottom lip in frustration. “But it’s not important, Kacchan. Let’s just- let’s just get back to work.”
“No,” Katsuki ordered. They wouldn’t do this shit again. They were…they were better, now. Deku wasn’t about to ruin all their progress with his stupid nerves.
“No?” Deku asked quietly, a little incredulously, eyes slightly narrowed.
Something in his tone made Katsuki’s heart freeze but he glared right back, even while his mind desperately grappled for a way out of the hole he’d just dug himself into. “What’s the quirk do, exactly?”
Deku eyed him a moment longer from his perch on the ground before relenting. “It’s actually really cool,” he started slowly, gaining speed and starting to bleed excitement from the seams as he went on. “The quirk takes a person's emotions, from their whole lifetime, and displays them over their body like a color-coded chart. I think the mom’s quirk had something to do with changing the colors of objects from what I could tell at the store so I assume the other parent is some sort of empath which is just, it’s so cool! And probably touch-oriented as well because while I’m somewhat aware of what all the colors designate I can’t exactly view them unless someone else is touching my skin. Oh! And they don’t all manifest the same way because when Recovery Girl took my pulse- here, in this orange patch- it just felt like we were vibrating and the emotion attached was curiosity! Isn’t that so interesting?”
“Huh,” Katsuki said, eyes roving over the visible skin of Deku’s body with renewed interest. Green was jealousy and orange was curiosity…
“So which one are you hiding from me?” he asked, eyes snapping up to meet Deku’s startled expression.
“I-I’m not hiding anything, Kacchan.”
Katsuki hummed consideringly and shifted closer to the edge of the bed. “And you weren’t hiding a shiny new quirk either.”
Deku laughed nervously and scooted backwards. “That was different,” he defended.
“It was,” Katsuki agreed graciously,” because this time I’m getting answers.”
Deku’s gaze darted toward the door. “Kacchan,” he said. A warning. A challenge.
“Deku,” Katsuki drawled. An acceptance.
The next moment had Katsuki lunging onto the rug while Deku used the back wall to propel himself above Katsuki’s head, landing on the bed Katsuki had just vacated with a thump. “Break my merch I break your face,” he warned.
Katsuki scoffed, making another swipe at Deku. “You could fucking try.”
Deku used float to propel himself to the ceiling and let out a tendril of blackwhip to pull himself towards the balcony doors, no doubt looking for a larger space where he could actually avoid the blond and protect his figurines in the process. Katsuki shot himself in the same direction half a second later and barely managed to snag Deku’s bare, pink ankle before he could push (or, more likely break) open the door with his face and Katsuki felt his blood surge with excitement, admiration.
All Might, posing in victory on the television.
Katsuki, leading a group of extras and Deku into the forest.
Inko, catching Deku before he could fall from a tree branch.
All Might, in the midst of battle on a huge screen in a theater.
Katsuki, throwing explosions in the face of three older, asshole extras and wiping his bloody nose as they retreated.
Katsuki, handing in a difficult test earlier than everyone else in the class with a smirk.
All Might, standing above a dazed Deku, his signature copied down in a notebook on the ground.
Katsuki, coming in second in the Sports Festival obstacle course.
Katsuki, coming in first place overall, standing over IcyHot and demanding a fair fight.
Katsuki, walking into the dorms after passing the hero licensing exam.
All Might, standing alone against One-for-All.
Katsuki, hugging a dirt-stained Deku after his grand apology in the rain.
Katsuki, slowing his pace as Eri toddled along behind him and copied his every move.
Katsuki, battle-winded and bruised in the midst of the fight on Nabu island that he couldn’t remember.
Katsuki removed his hand with a sharp intake of breath and fell abruptly to the singed rug below. “So you..don’t hate me,” he surmised with a wheeze.
Deku looked gobsmacked, lowering himself to the ground much more gracefully. “Kacchan,” he said. “When have I ever done or said anything to give you the impression that I hate you?”
Katsuki moved to be sitting upright and Deku took a few steps closer before dropping down and mirroring the position. Katsuki growled in frustration, nudging Deku’s leg away by the material of his pants. “It was a logical assumption!” he argued. “You’re just too damn forgiving for your own good!”
Deku continued to gape. “Kacchan.”
“Shut the hell up! I-”
“Did you really think I felt that way?” he continued, unperturbed. Katsuki huffed and rolled his eyes. “Okay,” Deku amended. “Okay, yes. You just said you did, but I…”
Katsuki pressed his eyes into his forearm for a beat. “Whatever. You were hiding that you’re a stalker. Like I care, I already knew that shit.”
“I-” Deku blinked up at him owlishly. “It’s…okay if you do,” he offered carefully. “Care, that is, because-”
“What. Ever,” Katsuki repeated harshly. “Let’s just finish this shitty assignment already.” When Deku didn’t immediately join him back on the bed, Katsuki looked over. “Oi! What’re you waiting-”
Deku started unbuttoning his school shirt.
“What are you doing?” Katsuki demanded, a lot less confidently.
Deku didn’t look up. “I’m embarrassed too,” he muttered. “Don’t make this more difficult than it has to be.”
Katsuki bristled. “Tch. I’m not embarrassed.”
Deku smiled, faintly. “Good, then you won’t have any difficulty with this next part,” he said, gesturing to a messy patchwork of reds sprawling over the middle of his chest. Katsuki slid off the bed and slowly acquiesced, fingers warily skimming the edge where the color was the lightest.
With one last look at Deku’s determined expression, Katsuki pressed down.
The film strip accompaniment wasn’t as straightforward this time, but Katsuki knew exactly what he was feeling.
It was love.
And something twinging around the edge of it like an aftertaste. The feeling was soft and unobtrusive and filled Katsuki with gratitude. Appreciation.
Images flicked through his head of UA classmates and teachers and Inko and Katsuki, and simpler things too like katsudon on cold nights and class dinners and chasing butterflies through the park as a brat and soft morning light falling gently over Deku’s closed eyes.
Katsuki pulled his hand away and hovered over the darkest section next, nearly maroon in color, but changed direction when Deku tensed in front of him. He’d do that part last.
The next love Katsuki walked through was bitter.
Birthday cards from an absent Hisashi, Inko apologizing to a teary-eyed Deku after his quirk diagnosis, Katsuki snapping at Deku and blowing up his notebook, All Might looking at Deku across a rooftop with a weary expression, Shinso saying something mid-fight, Deku biting his tongue about the true nature of his quirk and watching Katsuki turn away from him, Inko trying to take Deku out of UA for his safety. Throughout it all, though, Katsuki could hear the mantra of despite, despite, despite, echoing through his body like a second heartbeat. The hum of it was nearly brutal the way it continued to push through the hurt. It was forgiving, and determined. It was Deku, through and through.
The third love was more steady, a red-orange flowing into Katsuki like a babbling brook. The kids from Nabu island, Eri, Kota, Inko, his friends, Aizawa, All Might, Katsuki, and he understood, suddenly, that this is what Deku saw when he thought about saving the world. That his heart was willing to bleed, for them. That when his back was against the wall ‘saving the world’ boiled down into these faces, these smiles, and it wasn’t the faceless masses but they who kept Deku going. Plus Ultra, always. It made Katsuki smile, just a little.
The fourth love was fickle. Fiendish. Scattered images tore through Katsuki’s psyche of freckles and scars and messy green curls. Bloodied and broken fingers marred the reflection and the constant barrage of stop and go made Katsuki’s head spin. Smiles. Sneers. Sobs. All of it Deku’s. All of it silent. Steadying only for moments that stretched out into a smile or a gesture or a win.
This is where Deku loved himself. Where that warred with the fact that he sometimes didn’t.
Katsuki pulled back his hand and hesitated. He looked up into Deku’s gentle, emerald eyes and found only soft encouragement. Deku’s fingers prodded his own until they both fell on the maroon patch together.
Katsuki took a deep breath.
This last love was bright. Voracious and demanding and giddy. Restrained, too, but only in the way that a low tide masked the tsunami on its heels. This love was familiar, but instead of the usual green that plagued his vision Katsuki saw only himself.
His hands, his smile, his laugh. He saw his victories just as often as his defeats and he knew, intimately, the phantom squeeze that appeared in his chest when green locks on a hospital pillow were substituted with blond. He saw his growth and Deku’s soundless, teeming pride and a small hand reaching for him in a river and then again on an island. In the second one, Katsuki reached back and somewhere between all the words he couldn’t hear now and didn’t remember back then, this love flared even stronger than the quirk lying just beneath the surface of their desperate grasp. More images continued to flood his head and Katsuki only pulled away when he felt a careful thumb brush something wet from his cheek.
“It’s okay Kacchan,” Deku murmured, eyes red-rimmed and understanding. “I know it’s a lot.”
Katsuki kept his face motionless but Deku’s hand still pulled away. Katsuki’s cheek felt bereft of warmth in its wake even while his veins burned with the revelation. “You never told me,” he blurted.
Deku tilted his head a little to one side. “What did you think I meant when I told you you’re closer to me than All Might?”
Katsuki opened his mouth to respond and froze. “I…didn’t think about it,” he admitted. “Thought you were lying. Making some throwaway comment because I was losing my shit that night.”
Deku untucked the left hem of his shirt and lifted it so that Katsuki could see the same shade of pink from his ankle climbing up the nerd’s side and joining up with the red patch. “Kacchan,” he said, his voice practically a caress. “Half of everything I feel comes back to you.” Then he huffed out a teary laugh and shook his head, bemused. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, though. After all, you did manage to misinterpret ‘Kacchan’s amazing’ as me looking down on you all these years.”
Katsuki’s responding laugh was dry. A little bitter. “I’m so fucking stupid,” he realized.
All these years and Katsuki was too far up his own ego to see things for what they were. Oh how he ached to kick some sense into his younger self.
Deku carefully pushed a few stray spikes away from Katsuki’s forehead. The cerulean buzz of surprise felt like static on his brow. “But amazing, still.” Katsuki frowned at him heavily. Deku grinned. “Do we really need to run through this whole process again for you to believe me?” he asked gently. Like he was willing, even though it was a prod at Katsuki’s bullheadedness. Like he was offering comfort instead of condescension. Katsuki felt a little bit like crying again.
“I’m selfish, Deku,” he said instead.
Deku shrugged and pulled aside his collar to reveal the dark green mass crawling down his jugular and over his shoulder. “So am I. I’m pretty sure that just makes us human, Kacchan.”
Katsuki let out a weak chuckle. “You’re too damn optimistic.”
Deku smiled. “Is that how you’re giving compliments now?” he teased lightly. “Thinly veiled critiques?”
Katsuki shrugged. Tried to appear calmer than he felt. “Depends,” he hedged. One glance at the nerd told Katsuki he could see right through him. “Close your eyes.”
Regardless, Deku obliged. Katsuki took a steadying inhale and breathed out, “I feel the same. About you.”
A wobbly smile overtook Deku’s lips and he pushed his face into the side of his mattress. It looked to Katsuki like he was trying to smother the pure force of his excitement so as to not frighten him off. Deku didn’t yet realize that Katsuki wasn’t scared of this. Of them. That it actually felt a lot like reaching safe harbor after weeks spent lost in a storm-ridden sea. Then Deku turned his head, cheek still resting against the blanket, mouth still smiling, eyes still closed, and said, “Even the years of misunderstood childhood admiration?”
It was a lighthearted comment and Katsuki knew he was meant to concede agreement here. Lean into the joke and accept Deku’s unwavering patience with grace. Accept his forgiveness. Deku quirked a brow in concern when Katsuki stayed silent. “Kacchan?” he asked. “I didn’t-”
“It was repressed but it was there,” Katsuki conceded instead.
Deku’s eyes flew open in surprise. “W-what?”
Katsuki crossed his arms and looked at Deku’s rug. His pink ankle. “You were the only one smart enough to ever challenge me- threaten me academically,” he explained, sneaking a peek at Deku’s open-mouthed expression. “The only one brave enough to stand up to me when I was being an asshole and the only one stupid enough to not be afraid of me.”
Deku’s eyes started to water. “Kacchan,” he breathed. “I-”
“I recognized heroic qualities in you, Deku,” Katsuki continued. “Only then I thought you were looking down on me and I was always so mad that the only leg up I had on you was my quirk and you never even seemed to care. Said you’d be a hero even without one.” Katsuki scrubbed at his own eyes for a second before finding his voice again. “You scared the shit out of me because I thought if anyone could do it it’d be you and my quirk- that everyone praised so highly and said would take me so far- wouldn’t be enough and then everything that made me worth praising wouldn’t matter anymore. I’d just be a lucky loudmouthed brat.”
Deku actively bit his lip to keep himself from interrupting, little hiccuping sobs escaping every now and then, but he reached for Katsuki’s hand to squeeze and the surprise melted into something like acceptance as Deku stroked his lavender thumb across Katsuki’s knuckles. Katsuki caught a glimpse of himself there, too.
“It’s no excuse for how I acted but it's the reason,” he finished simply. “All that stuff I was afraid of became my reality and now…I have genuine friends and teachers who actually help me improve instead of sucking up to me and I started to be proud of you without all that anger, and it was good.”
“Kacchan’s worked so hard for everything he has,” Deku finally blurted, unable to keep a lid on it any longer. “No luck about it.”
Katsuki smiled and shook his head fondly and found that he didn’t really mind.
“It wasn't until your life was in danger that my shitty heart decided to let me know you’d taken up residence, though.” Katsuki sniffed and turned away from Deku. “You didn’t even pay rent, you asshole.”
A bark of surprised laughter bubbled out of Deku. “Sorry,” he said, “were my starry-eyed longing gazes not enough for you?”
Katsuki rolled his eyes, just a hint of a smile pushing up the corners of his lips. “Not nearly enough.”
Deku brought his hand to Katsuki’s cheek and turned his face until they were nose to nose. “Mm, and my confession?” he murmured. “What was that worth?”
Katsuki pretended to think on it. “First month’s deposit,” he decided. And a promise, hopefully, to keep on letting Katsuki live in the red on his chest.
Deku snorted and leaned up to press a firm kiss to Katsuki’s forehead. “I love you, Kacchan.”
Katsuki used their closeness to wrap the nerd in a hug, pressing his nose into the fabric at Deku’s shoulder. He didn’t need another trip down Jealousy Lane right now. “Me too, or whatever.”
Deku squeezed him closer, nuzzling into Katsuki’s hair, and he could feel the hushed remnants of joy slipping off of Deku’s yellow nose. “Kacchan, you have such a way with words.”
Katsuki leaned back to press an aggressive kiss to Deku’s blue cheek, noting the melancholy even as he grumbled, “Shut the fuck up,” and dove back into the embrace.
Katsuki was fairly certain he wouldn’t surface for a long while.
He was fairly certain that was okay.
Deku hummed happily and started stroking Katsuki’s back, dropping kisses onto his hair from time to time while Katsuki just breathed, hands prickling with the anxious remembrance of his own tears- a weakness he hadn’t shown in years- and soothed just as quickly by the soft humming of the most heroic crybaby he’d ever known.
Maybe it was okay, just this once.