Work Text:
zero) The first time Soldat woke to the voices, it’d been confusing and overwhelming. He’d known better than to react, and eventually figured out he was hearing the thoughts of the people around him. After that, it didn’t take long for him to realize that his handlers had no idea of his new ability—that this was a side effect and not a goal. For the next several wipes, he had gone through the whole process again, but gradually it became an ingrained as a part of him. Over the years he’d figured out how to shield and control his new ability, but it was rarely useful.
one) Solldat didn’t often use his telepathy around his handlers and others in Hydra. For one thing he’d quickly discovered that most people’s inner dialogue was boring at best, and in Hydra, stomach churning at worst. His handlers tended to switch between trying to decide if/when they should go to piss, what to have for their next meal, and sadistic things they wanted to do to Soldat (with the occasional masochistic things they wanted Soldat to do to them). But his brain was reeling after the mission on the bridge. Brock Rumlow had been there, running the op, so he might be thinking something that could be useful to Soldat to explain what was happening. However all he could glean was pure sadistic glee before Alexander Pearce demanded he be wiped.
two) Soldat was confused and unsure and some other emotion that he couldn’t seem to categorize. The mark was behaving in a way that no other mark had before—of this he was sure. He’d sometimes used his telepathy on his marks to better thwart their attempts or play upon their fears, however when he went to read this mark he got battle strategy calculated at such a rapid pace Soldat had a hard time parsing it let alone counteracting it, determination, and a smattering of fear. Except the fear wasn’t of Soldat, it was for Soldat, only the mark kept using the term bucky to refer to Soldat and none of it made any sense. In the end, the marks confounding thoughts and bewildering words caused Soldat to freeze, unable to complete his mission for the first time.
three) Bucky was doing his best to recover, stay under what was left of Hydra and S.H.I.E.L.D.’s radars, and not make any waves. He was picking up some produce as usual in the marketplace when a frantic “IT’S HIM!” broke through his mental shields. Pinpointing where it'd come from wasn’t hard, and Bucky quickly discovered the newspaper that'd prompted the reaction. Realizing someone had set him up, and that several organizations were already coming after him, Bucky almost wished he hadn’t been able to ‘hear’ what had amounted to a warning. There wasn’t enough time to effectively run before they appeared, there was just enough time to dread the coming confrontations.
four) Bucky thought he couldn’t feel any guiltier about Howard and Maria Stark. He’d been devastated when he’d remembered that tidbit among all the other horrors that had come back to him as his brain healed from all the wipes. He was pretty sure Steve had figured it out, though they certainly hadn’t talked about it. It turned out that watching the video of the mission and dealing with both the emotions rolling off of Steve and the betrayed thoughts coming from Tony that were battering at his mental shields, it was possible for Bucky to feel even worse.
five) Bucky was extremely grateful to T’challa, and he wasn’t about to return his kindness by putting the royal family—or anyone else in Wakanda, for that matter—in danger by running around loose before they’d figured out how to fix his brain. His mental shields had never been as effective around Rogers as they were with everyone else (including other enhanced individuals), but when Steve was upset they were even more useless. It took all of Bucky’s willpower to go back into cryofreeze, despite Steve’s stoic face and silent thoughts begging him not to.
and
1) Bucky remembered the numerous times he’d wished he known what in the world Steve Rogers was thinking throughout their lives. All the times when he had found Steve in the middle of a fight with someone much bigger. All the times Steve had tried to refuse help even though it was obvious he needed it. When Steve had shown up in the war and Bucky was finally told how that happened, Bucky had really wanted to know how Steve could ever have thought any of that had been a good idea. But more than anything, he’d wanted to know what Steve was thinking when Bucky had caught him watching; when that soft look shuttered and turned into something else. Now, as he kissed Steve and Steve enthusiastically kissed him back, Bucky had a rare moment of gratitude that Arnim Zola was sick fuck that had no qualms about messing with other people’s brains. Because if he hadn’t been able to know what Steve was thinking when he looked at him, if he’d had to keep guessing as to what emotions were behind that look, Bucky is not sure he ever would have had the courage to act, and finally, finally touch Steve the way he’s wanted to all along.