Chapter Text
Phoenix stared at him in shock. His bones felt numb. Miles Edgeworth was staring back at him, the man he thought was dead the entirety of this year. Was now looking at him expectantly.
His heartbeat shifted to his ears, pounding at his head to a beat many dislike. He wasn’t quite sure how he felt right now.
He felt scared, for Maya’s sake. He felt confused, for his client’s case. He felt upset with himself for not being with Maya when she went to take that stupid phone call. And he feels…oh no…he feels angry.
A bubbling rage in the making was deep inside his stomach. He could feel it was close to erupting. Edgeworth was talking to him but he couldn’t hear it through his pounding heart.
Time felt like it was slowing down, Phoenix looked up at Edgeworth only in time to catch wind of what he was doing. His arms caught a mind of their own, and he punched Edgeworth square in the jaw.
Edgeworth stumbled backwards, most likely taken aback by being cut off so roughly. His hand held his jaw softly, like it would break if he held it any harder. His gaze on Phoenix looked betrayed, but still like he was expecting that. Like he was expecting to be punched.
Phoenix’s mind was racing, he could feel two arms looping around his shoulders to restrain him, most likely Gumshoe. But the restraint only heated up the anger in his stomach, making it bubble even more rapidly.
He fought against Gumshoe’s hold on him, kicking and squirming. It was like his body had taken over his mind, reason was out the window.
But he had to give it to Gumshoe, though he looked nice and friendly, he could really put up with a fight. Especially the one Phoenix was giving him.
Phoenix could feel his vision blur for a couple of seconds, but he forced himself to stay aware. Edgeworth had an almost sympathetic look on his face.
Then he noticed Pearl standing behind Franziska’s protective arm blocking her from him. Pearl looked scared, Franziska even looked scared.
Just like that, he could feel the angry persona in him dissipate. Leaving nothing but the sad and scared man that hid behind it.
Phoenix stopped kicking, just standing there for a second. He could feel how tired he was, and hungry.
Gumshoe’s grip on him loosened, seeming sure he wouldn’t punch Edgeworth again.
Phoenix could feel reality smack him straight in the face as he realized everything he just did. He could feel dry pipes filling up with unwanted emotions he tried to hide before now. Since he became a lawyer even.
It was all over when he felt the wetness slide down his cheek. It must be all over, Maya had to be gone if he was crying right now. If a lawyer can’t cry until it’s over, then everything must be done by now. The thought that Maya was gone was what made him cry more.
Phoenix’s hands covered his face as he let out a weak sob. He slid down to the floor, and leaned against the wall next to him. He just wanted everyone to disappear right now. He just wanted to disappear.
He felt like he was on show and everyone was watching him. Judging him as he cried.
He’s failed, he’s a failure. He was supposed to protect Maya, and he’s supposed to be protecting Pearl. Instead, he was crying on the ground while other, more important people, took care of everything.
Like a roadblock, he’s always getting in the way of everyone else. Everyone who he cares for, who the world cares more about.
Oh man…did he hate himself. He’s always too busy taking care of everyone else to care for himself. Did this have to be how he came to this realization.
Another smothered sob escaped his mouth, it was suffocating, taking his breath with it. He felt a little sorry for his friends right now, they probably think he’s a fool, or a wreck of a man. Maya’s probably disappointed too, she probably thinks he’s a failure for not being able to save her. Mia is probably disa-
He feels a hand on his shoulder, gentle, but grounding; it irritates his skin. He chooses not to look at who he knows it is. All he had to do was remember how to breathe, deep breath in, deep breath out.
Oh no, his lungs really didn’t like him right now. They felt like they had dried up and shriveled in the time he forgot to breathe. Only bringing in shuddered, hyperventilated, agonizing breaths.
He has to be a failure if he can’t even breathe correctly. The hand on his shoulder tightened ever so slightly, but he still noticed. It felt crushing, turning his shoulder numb.
All noise was lost in the void of his head. Which felt like static, but wouldn’t stop thinking about how he messed up everything anyway.
The world felt so lost right now, he was in a different reality by comparison. He didn’t realize the exact moment his hands fell from his face, but soon he realized they weren’t covering his eyes. Abandoned on the floor like himself.
His vision was blurry, so much so he couldn’t see the world in front of him. His shoulder felt numb, and the sensation of the hand was long lost. He couldn’t even feel his eyes crying. If they even still were.
Then a new feeling touched him, two hands grabbing at either side of his face, pulling his head in a different direction.
This feeling yanked him from his world of misery, though he still believed he deserved to stay there. Bringing him back to the reality he wasn’t fit for.
It hurt a lot being brought back to the painful world. Maya was still kidnapped. Mia was still dead. Miles was still dea-
No, Miles was alive. He punched him, and ruined the trust they had by doing so.
His vision started clearing, letting in only blinding light that burnt at his eyes. Or maybe he just had to blink…did he even blink this whole time? It feels almost impossible to close his eyes, maybe the tears kept them from drying. If he was even crying anymore.
Like lifting a thousand tuns, he forced his eyes to blink again. And just like if you had actually lifted that much, his eyes fell back open.
This time he could at least make out blobs in front of him. Who they were, he had no idea.
He assumed the large one in the back was Gumshoe, but colors weren’t really coming through for him right now.
His eyelids became heavier the longer he tried to make them out. Man, he really should have taken a nap sometime in between yesterday and today. But Maya is more important, who needs sleep, who needs food? All he needs is his best friend and sister-figure back.
Seconds away from actually passing out, the person holding his face starts shaking him. Probably in the hopes to keep him up. His ears can slightly make out the voice of someone close.
“Don’t shake him like that!” A scrutinizing voice pierces its way into his eardrums. He must be sensitive to noises right now.
He blinked a few more times, and the blobs became more detailed.
Revealing Gumshoe holding Pearl, standing a couple of feet away from him. Keeping her from interfering. He turns his head to see Edgeworth to the left of him with a hand on his shoulder. As he suspected. A disgusting bruise already on his jaw.
Franziska is on his other side, glaring at him, while holding his face a little roughly. Though he can tell through the glare that she is just really scared.
From the turning of his head, they all seem to realize he was aware again.
The siblings backed up to give him space. But not too far, this was Phoenix Wright they were dealing with.
“I-I’m really sorry you guys had to deal with that. It was selfish of me to involve you in my problems.” He apologized shamefully, keeping his eyes away from what he assumed was their judging ones.
The silence hung a little, suffocating, it dared to pull his breath straight back out of his lungs. He hoped they didn’t notice him start heavy-breathing again.
“Wha-…Why are you apologizing?” Franziska stuttered. “I hardly believe this is your fault.” She still spoke in her normal accusative tone.
Edgeworth spoke up, “Yes, I believe there are more reasonable things to blame here.” His voice was soft and gentle, it felt like it was trying to tear at his skin. He only breathed harder. It was hard trying to breathe through glass-punctured lungs.
“You guys don’t get it.” He could feel the tears already filling his eyes as he retorted. “I-I caused all this to happen. I’m the reason Edgeworth chose death. I’m the reason Franziska hates me. I’m the reason Maya got kidnapped. I’m the reason Mia got murdered. I’m the reason Dollie tried to poison me. I’m the reason no one liked me when I was younger except for Larry Butz. Heck, I’m probably the reason my parents were so repulsed by me…I-I mean, just look how they treated me.” He could feel how his mouth was screwed up in a smile of pain. There was nothing real about it, it was just an illusion to try and disway their worries. Though the tears running down his cheeks didn’t do much to help.
A hand grabbed his, Edgeworth’s. He could feel his skin start to crawl. “Wri-” He started, then shook his head. “Phoenix, none of those were your fault. You're blaming yourself for the fault of others. For them mistreating you.”
He wanted so badly to yank his hand away, like he just touched fire. But he deserved this, he deserved the touch of death from none other than the Demon Prosecutor. “Oh really? Then why did you choose death Edgeworth? Why did an assassin choose to kidnap Maya?” He paused, got more quiet. “Wh-Why not me?” He avoided the man’s gaze, even if it burned through the side of his head.
“I-I…I was searching for what a prosecutor really is.” He answered a little rushed. “D-did you say Ms. Fey has been kidnapped? Why haven’t you told anyone?” He was raising his voice, it hurt his ears.
He verbally winced, loud enough to be heard by the others. “I…I told Gumshoe.” He pulled his hand away faster than he’d intended. “The assassin told me to get Engarde a full acquittal by the end of the first day in court, and I’d get Maya back. B-but, I don’t know what to do, and I haven’t eaten or slept since Maya was taken.” He tries to hold in the sob, failing. “A-and…and I just have to pretend everything is okay, I have to act strong because if I give up, then Pearl gives up.” He gives a wet chuckle that nearly chokes him. “I guess I failed at that too. I’m just a big old failure…you guys don’t deserve me.”
They were all looking at him, he could feel it. He knows how bad Edgeworth always was at comforting people. So he could assume Franziska was also pretty bad too. Pearl was just a child, she hasn’t learned skills like those yet. And all Gumshoe could do was probably hug him, but he had to hold Pearl so that wasn’t an option. The only people that could help are Mia and Maya, both of which aren’t here.
“What makes you say we aren’t deserving of you?” Edgeworth says, concerned. He’s pitying him.
His hands start shaking, he doesn’t bother hiding it. “I-I don’t know…you guys always know what to do. You’re smart, and everyone knows you. I’m just some good for nothing lawyer…I know if you guys were there, you wouldn’t have left Maya alone…” He rambles, feeling his body start to tremble as well, he still doesn’t hide it. “I mean, j-just look at me…I’m just some loser who lost his best friend, and forgot to sleep. Forgot to eat every-so-often…”
Franziska looked at him concerned, “You're forgetting to eat? Was Maya the only thing keeping you together?” She spoke more quietly, more shy in what she’s saying.
“Th-that’s not the friend I’m talking about…yes I haven’t eaten or slept since Maya was taken…b-but, she’s not who I’m talking about right now.” He looked down at his hands in shame, seeing them shaking out of his control. Why did it have to feel like the world was ending?
A sigh was heard in the direction of Edgeworth. “I never meant for you to feel like this, Phoenix.” He spoke in a small voice, “I just felt like I needed to leave; to rebuild my world that went and collapsed on me.” Another sigh, “I’m sorry it happened like this.”
Phoenix couldn’t respond, his jaw locked. He wanted to feel angry, but the feeling just didn’t want to come. He was too drained of energy, too tired.
He still couldn’t meet Edgeworth’s eyes, afraid that the gaze would blind him. That once he looks back he’ll be gone, or worse…
Why was he so scared right now? Why was his heart ready to beat out of his chest, smacking against his rib cage in the process? He felt so lost, he didn’t realize he was just staring off. Off into the void again.
Until a hand was back on his shoulder. Grounding, but could turn anytime. He flinched before he could catch himself, moved away from the hand. His voice came out weak and scratchy, “P-please…” He held himself, as he curled inward. “Please don’t…”
Edgeworth winced, the sound new coming from him. “M-my apologies…h-how are you feeling?” He asked timidly.
Phoenix would have been fine, if he didn’t have the sudden urge to choke up his own guts. Hack out his lungs until they’re left covered in cuts and bloody, like back in the day. Stare off until he eventually passes out from all the pain.
Man…how concerning would that be if he said it aloud.
“Wh-whoa pal…do you need someone to talk to about that?” Gumshoe spoke up in concern. Shock overtook Phoenix’s face, a burning sweat forming at his forehead. Giving his temperature a feverish heat to it.
His lungs felt like they were burning; with how hard he was trying to use them, he wouldn’t be so shocked if they were over-exerted. Gasping for air they didn’t have the energy to take.
Wait…he was gasping for air. He looked up to see them trying to talk to him, concern plastering their faces. He couldn’t hear them; everything felt too slow.
He could feel his eyes droop for a second, almost slipping shut. He tried to force them open, only catching one last glimpse of his friends shocked faces.
Sleep quickly overtook him. Sending him into a realm of dreams…or nightmares.