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Chuuya has been stuck in bed for 5 days. He couldn't move, he couldn't eat, and all he could do was sleep. He hadn't had an episode this bad in months, forgetting what the despair felt like. He closed his eyes before hearing a soft knock on his door. Knowing who it was, he didn't have to answer.
Kouyou pushed open the door peering in like she had been doing for the past week. “He how are you doing?”
She said as she saw he was awake. The woman sat down on the side of his bed continuing to talk, knowing she wouldn't get an answer to the previous question.
“Are you sure you’ll be okay by yourself today? Chuuya had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. He loved his big sister. She had taken him in when nobody else would, and finally saved him from the wretched people they had both called their parents.
However, this was the 4th time she had asked that question just today and it was only 8:00 in the morning. He was getting tired of repeating himself.
“I'll be fine, go to work nee-san.” He softly replied, cringing from how his voice had cracked since it had not been used for days. She smiled down at him and placed a peck on his forehead before getting up and retreating to the door.
“Well, I won't be back until later tonight so if you need anything just call me okay?” He nodded before turning over in his bead to face the wall it was pushed up against. He heard the telltale sign of his bedroom door clicking shut and he finally closed his eyes and gave in to the strong pull of sleep that was weighing on him.
Chuuya really wished he had accepted his sister's offer. It was well into the afternoon and he felt even worse than he had when he went to sleep. The silence in the big house had him reeling and only made him feel empty.
His mind wanders.
What would he usually be doing right now? Getting out of school probably and walking home with Dazai. Speaking of the mackerel, this was one of the rare occasions where he wanted nothing more than to be held in the other's arms.
Then the hears the front door rattle. He’s frozen, scared but he can't bring himself to move. The fear quickly dissipates from his body because he hears a key being turned. Now there are only two people who have a key to this house other than him. That's you and Dazai. Considering the circumstances he felt he could fairly assume that it was the latter option.
Chuuuya can't even bring himself to be annoyed. He’s more relieved if anything. Feeling helpless and lonely and it's not like Dazai hadn't seen him like this before. They had known each other for 9 years, going on 10. This was their normal.
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Dazai hadn't seen his boyfriend in a week. Now sure they go to the same school, but Chuuya often stayed around for after-school activities or to help someone with homework. Dazai rolled his eyes at the mere thought of it but it was important to Chuuya so he played along.
The thing that really set Dazai off was the fact that Chuuya hadn't been answering his calls or texts. So with that, there could only be two options. Chuuya flew out of the country, which was highly unlikely, or he was having an episode.
That's what they called them now, or at least what Kouyou had asked him to call them. Like the word, ‘depression’ leaves a bad taste in the mouth.
Chuuya hadn't had an episode in a while and to be honest, Dazai was so focused on the good he had blocked the bad out of his mind.
Before he knew it he was standing in front of the other teen's house and knocking on the door. There was a very high chance of it, not opening but he thought he'd at least try. He waited, then sighed and pulled out his key from his pant pocket.
So that definitely confirmed his original theory on what was going on. He passes the threshold and It looked exactly what he thought it would, Spacious but empty.
“Oh chuuya~, I come bearing gifts!” He ungraciously dropped his bag by the door and brought the gifted care package he had thought to make, onto the kitchen counter.
He didn't get the usual aggravated response to his greeting but it's not like he was expecting to.
He quietly made his way up the stairs and to the direction of Chuuya’s room. Once he reached the main hallway the white door was slightly ajar and waiting to be pushed open.
Chuuya was curled up, facing the wall his bed was pushed up against while his face was obscured by the thick comforter. He could tell by this scene alone, that this was going to be a rough one.
Dazai gently set onto the bed beside the small figure. “Chuuya, I know you’re awake” He softly sighed. The other tensed before he heard a muffled groan
“Alright come on” He delicately pulled Chuuya into a sitting position. The other only looked through him with bleary eyes. When he placed his hand on Chuuyas arm it felt suspiciously warm. With only that to go off of the brushed Chuuyas messy hair aside to feel his forehead.
The other sighed at the feeling of Dazai’s cold hand on his burning face. Dazai knew there had to have been something else going on. Chuuya had overworked himself to the point of fever trying to push through his episode.
He had done it before so it wasn't like it was anything new. Dazai wished he would stop doing this to himself. He sighed for what he felt as the hundredth time today before stating “I'll be in the kitchen, take a shower and put on some clothes hm?” He didn't wait for a reply and ran his fingers through Chuuyas hair one more time before retreating back downstairs.
Dazai was a master chef of anything but he could make a pretty good piece of toast if he tried, which was probably all Chuuyas could eat right now anyways.
5 minutes later Dazai was broken out of his haze by the sound of the shower water running distantly from the hall bathroom and a small smile made its way across his face before he began to pull out a loaf of bread.
15 minutes pass and the shorter boy rose from around the corner wearing sweatpants and one of Dazai’s shirts that he had gotten from a festival last year and left it at Chuuya's house after one of their Movie nights.
The redhead then slumped onto a stool in front of the island and burrowed his head into his arms.
Dazai wordlessly pushed the small saucer towards him. The least he could do is get Chuuya to eat. Chuuya looked up at him with an unimpressed glare before looking back down and bibbling the corner.
They stay like that for what felt like hours before Dazai just had to open his mouth. “So, I was thinking we could try walking to the park tomorrow”
That's when the waterworks started up.
Slowly but surely tears began to cascade down Chuuyas pale face. Dazai felt panic strike his chest like a bolt of lightning in the middle of the hurricane.
He ambled to the other side of the island, approaching Chuuya as if he were a wild animal
“Chuuya?-” He was then cut off by the other surging forward and..capturing him in a bone-crushing hug. Dazai froze up at the touch before realizing that the embrace felt so desperate, He couldn't bring himself to let go.
His hand found its way into Chuuya's hair like it always did and he started to mumble small words of comfort. “Shh...You’re okay Chuuya, just breathe.”
It felt like hours before the tears had stopped but realistically it was probably only a few minutes. Chuuya’s breath had slowed down tremendously but he hadn't removed his face from his lover's shoulder.
“Let's get you to bed slug” Dazai softly teased, feeling Chuuya shove his face into Dazai's shoulder once again but harsher which was this Chuuyas version of a headbutt. He then let Dazai blindly lead him back to his bedroom.
They lay in silence, but not to the point where it was awkward, more comforting, or even serene.
“Osamu?”
“Hm?”
“Do you hate me?” Dazai’s hand stopped in his hair momentarily before continuing the ministrations. “Now why would you say that chibi?” Chuuya fondly rolled his eyes before sighing in response
“Is this about our fight last week?” No reply.
“Chuuya I don't hate you, I could never hate you. Im just..” He paused together his thoughts
“I'm worried for you”
After getting no response for the second time Dazai thought that the other boy had fallen asleep.
“Okay.” that wasn't the response he had been expecting. He thought that there would be at least a little pushback since it was Chuuya after all.
Although he didn't offer a reply since it seemed all Chuuya wanted to do was rest. He ran his other hand up and down his back.
“I'll try tomorrow” the words were slurred with sleep but they didn't lose their meaning and Dazai let a small smile grace his face before feeling the weight of the day crash over him like a tidal wave.
His eyes closed but his hands never stopped moving.