Archive of Our Own ^beta

we're falling in and out, falling in and out

you're making me dizzy, you're mysterious

don't run away from me

i want to be with you, i want to make you angry

blow hot and cold

i don't know my heart

i like you, i want to see you

you're in and out of my heart

- Red Velvet, In & Out

(the full playlist is here)

Nayeon had been dreaming that day. 

Which wasn’t unusual. In fact, it was unfortunately quite common. Im Nayeon was the kind of student who could fall asleep in class and still answer the question when the professor called out her name. It must’ve been some kind of talent or just pure dumb luck. Whatever the case, Mina didn’t really like her that much. It was hard to – the two of them were both gunning to be the top of the class and Nayeon was doing it so effortlessly it was hard not to hold some sort of dislike towards her. While Mina was deep in essays and books about the Philosophy of Religion, Nayeon seemed to simply breathe it in and understand it all perfectly. How…annoying. 

In every class she had, Mina always chose the seat at the very front, directly under the teacher’s nose. She always found herself sitting next to either Son Seungwan or Jung Wheein, both of whom she had grown accustomed to. They shared notes during and after class. Sometimes, she would even share tables with them if they were in the same coffee shop or the same corner of the university library. But she wouldn’t go so far as calling them friends. 

But on that day, the train had been delayed. She found herself running to the lecture room for the first time in her life. After all, she was never late for her classes. Especially not this class, which had her brand practically printed all over it. When she opened the door, the lecture was in full swing and she slipped into the first empty seat she could find in the hopes of being undetected. She ended up sitting next to Im Nayeon who had propped a random book open in front of her and then slunk back into her seat to take a long nap. 

Typical, Mina thought to herself with a slight shake of her head. 

The lecture went on for another hour before Nayeon showed some signs of waking up. First, it was her nostrils flaring (not that Mina was staring or anything), and then it was her lips silently moving like she was about to deliver an impromptu speech against the existence of God. And then her shoulders twitched. Her arms stretched out in slow motion, as if they were being dragged by an invisible puppeteer. Finally, her eyes blinked open with a speed similar to a sloth. She looked around, almost as if she had forgotten where she was, and blinked at Mina sitting next to her. 

“Myoui Mina,” she whispered, like it was a perfectly normal thing to find Mina sitting next to her in that specific lecture class, “I just had the strangest dream.” 

The surprise on Mina’s face must’ve been Nayeon’s go signal to keep talking. The older girl sat up (Mina knew she was older because she was a graduating student and she had taken this class as a final elective to complete her units, a fact that Mina had cursed several times after every debate they had) and leaned forward. Since the two of them were at the very back of the room, this went on undetected. Against her better judgment, Mina leaned in too. She caught a whiff of lavender and chalked it up to Nayeon’s perfume. 

“Do you ever have those dreams where you feel like you’ve lived an entire lifetime?” Nayeon asked quietly, her large eyes fixed resolutely on Mina’s expression, “Like you could be asleep for half an hour in the real world but in that dream, it’s been months or even years?” 

Mina pursed her lips and then gave a slight nod. 

Nayeon smiled, her bunny teeth peeking out. “It was so strange,” she told her, “not because of the dream itself but because you were in it.” 

“Why would you dream of me,” Mina asked in a deadpan tone, which worked to hide the slight alarm in her voice. She and Nayeon were hardly friends – why would she suddenly confess to such a strange thing? 

Nayeon shrugged, seemingly thinking nothing much of it. “I’m forgetting the details now,” she muttered. She looked over Mina’s shoulder and narrowed her eyes, as if she could still catch wind of the dream now slowly fading out of reach. Her stare was so intense that Mina had the urge to look behind her too. 

“What do you remember?” Mina asked curiously, forgetting that this was Im Nayeon she was talking to – the classmate who had been the source of many headaches the past several weeks. Nayeon was a proud atheist and she would always show off just how much she didn’t believe in God or any god for that matter. It was obvious she enrolled in this class simply because she liked getting a kick out of people like Mina, who had grown up in a Roman Catholic household and could recite every Bible verse with her eyes closed. 

Nayeon grinned, looking back at her. “Wouldn’t you like to know,” she said in a singsong voice. Still, she didn’t lean back. Instead, she let a beat pass before she continued, “Well, I dreamed that the world was ending, and the only way to stop it was for you and me to kiss.” 

Mina was so shocked she couldn’t speak. All the blood in her body seemed to rush up to her face, making her skin flush and burn. Nayeon was still looking at her, sizing her up, waiting for her reaction. And when Mina’s face finally cooled long enough for her brain synapses to start working, she realized that her ability to form words and sentences had somehow sadly digressed. 

“Strange, right?” Nayeon asked, smirking. For a brief second, Mina saw the way her eyes dropped to her lips before they quickly moved away. “As if you could stand the thought of kissing a girl. I think you’d rather let the world burn before you’d kiss me, right?” 

The words were enough for Mina’s ability to speak to come back. She scoffed, not at the idea of her kissing a girl (much less Im Nayeon) but at the thought of Nayeon thinking so lowly of her. It was no secret that the majority of Roman Catholics hated the queer community but Mina wasn’t one of them. In fact, her best friends Momo and Sana were dating. Who was she to judge?

“You’re letting your hypocrisy show,” Mina pointed out, “I thought that the one thing you disliked about religion was its inherent prejudice and discrimination. And yet, here you are.”

“So you do agree that religion can be inherently discriminatory and prejudiced,” Nayeon fired back. But there was something in her eyes that caught Mina’s attention – it looked like a question. 

Mina pursed her lips. “Religion has its faults,” she unwillingly admitted, “but it doesn’t mean God is at fault.”

Nayeon hummed and leaned back. “You’re an interesting person, Myoui Mina.” The shadow of a smile played on her lips. “So, hypothetically speaking, if the world were to ever end and the only way to stop it was for you to kiss me, would you?”

Before Mina could respond, the professor called their attention: “I know that you both love to face off against each other in debate but if there’s anything worth sharing in the class, you have the floor, Miss Im and Miss Myoui.” 

Nayeon cracked a cheeky grin. “We were just discussing the lovely points you had about the religious diversity found in the West, as compared to what we have here in our country…”

Mina sighed, a single thought in her mind: there she goes again…  

+++

The thing about Catholic schools, Mina thought to herself as she watched Momo and Sana arguing over where to eat next, is they’re practically breeding grounds for lesbianism. 

“We’ve already gone to the same potsticker place four times already!” Sana told Momo in exasperation, holding the car keys high above her head as Momo tried unsuccessfully to grab them from her reach. 

“It’s what I want to eat!” Momo argued back just as fiercely, “I haven’t stopped thinking about that place since the first time I walked right in. It was love at first sight.” 

Sana gasped. “You did not just say that to your girlfriend.” 

“And so what if I did?” 

Both girls turned to Mina expectantly. “Mitang,” Sana cooed sweetly, bouncing to where the younger of the trio sat on the lower bunk bed, poring over her notes for her Literature exam; “How about you decide where to eat dinner for the three of us? You know Momo can’t say no to you.”

“What power,” Mina drawled under her breath. 

“It’s either you decide or Momo and I break up for the night. Again.” 

Mina regarded her two best friends with muted interest. The two of them had been together since middle school. How they started dating was a funny story, one she liked to hear retold during parties. All three of them had grown up in the same Catholic boarding school when they were younger but Mina was the only religious one. Momo still forgot the lyrics to certain songs and Sana’s favorite Bible story was Adam and Eve because it was the only one she had read so far. Since their families weren’t the traditional, cross-bearing religious fanatics most people feared, Momo and Sana simply fell in love. One afternoon, after a long sermon about the importance of having a father and mother in a household, Sana had turned to Momo and said, very simply, “Do you want to be my wife in the future?” Surprisingly, Momo had agreed. “As long as I get to cook,” was her only condition. And it had been as easy and straightforward as that. They’ve been together ever since. Mina only found out a few days later but that story could be told for another time.

Right now, Momo and Sana were waiting for her decision about dinner plans. Mina’s line of thought was nowhere near food. “Do I look homophobic?” she asked, her expression quite serious. 

Sana blinked at her. “Uhm, no?”

“You’re not holding an anti-gay sign so you’re fine,” Momo said after a beat. She tilted her head to the side, eyebrows furrowed. “Why do you ask?”

Mina shrugged. “No reason.”

“Did somebody say that you were?” 

Mina thought about the question in Im Nayeon’s eyes. “Yes,” she admitted, “but it’s understandable.”

“For God so loved the world He gave his only Begotten Son,” Sana said solemnly, making Mina laugh. It was the only Bible verse Sana had retained from memory and she liked to use it during the most random moments.

“That’s not even applicable to the current situation at hand,” she told Sana. 

“In fairness, Mina-yah,” Momo said, “you’re one of the good ones.” 

Mina hummed, playing with the corner of her Literature notes. “I guess,” she muttered. Then she looked up at her two best friends. “I want grilled pork all of a sudden. Should we have some?” 

The answer to that question came from Momo’s grumbling stomach. 

+++

Contrary to popular belief (well, Nayeon’s anyway), Mina was not the evil, all-high-and-mighty, torch-wielding, queer-cursing Roman Catholic who scorned tattoos and did the sign of the cross when a gay couple passed. In fact, religion was something Mina rarely seriously thought about on a daily basis. It was only when Im Nayeon walked into their classroom, eyes alight with mischief and mouth curled into a devious grin, that Mina felt like closing her eyes and reciting a prayer. 

Simply put, Im Nayeon was everything Mina was not. She was loud, crass, disorganized, and not to mention, a person who simply didn’t respect other people’s belief systems. The first time she heard Mina’s perspective in class, she had tilted her head to the side and frowned deeply, like she was mentally scouring through notes of anti-Christianity until she found the perfect counter-argument. Walking into class felt like a battlefield at most – it was the one thing Mina both looked forward to and dreaded every time the week reset. 

Im Nayeon was a challenge. An entertaining one, at that. 

This was why it came as a surprise to Mina when Nayeon suddenly sat next to her at the coffee shop she frequented on the weekends. 

“Myoui Mina,” Nayeon said, sounding pleasantly surprised to see her (even though she must’ve spotted her a mile away). She put her things on the table, which was already crammed with Mina’s stuff, and surveyed the coffee shop appreciatively. It wasn’t anything special really but Mina liked the place. It was small and cozy and the barista played good music. Her usual spot by the window had a perfect view of campus life mingling with the harsh reality of adulthood – teenagers and employees waiting under the bus stop across the street, university students listening to their music, groups of friends talking about their latest exam scores – the same perfect view that was now being obstructed by Nayeon.

“What are you doing here?” Mina asked, knowing that she and Nayeon were past the pleasantries outside the classroom. 

Nayeon smirked. “I’m graduating this semester. Haven’t you heard that caffeine is the main sustenance for us college students?” She tapped the table with the tip of her finger. “Watch my things, will you?”

Mina didn’t know when they shifted from strangers to somewhat rivals in one Philosophy class to this – Mina watching Nayeon’s stuff as the older girl headed to the counter to order. One would even cautiously say that they were on their way to becoming friends. But Mina pushed that thought away. They shared one class together. That hardly warranted friendship. Besides, Mina didn’t want to be blamed if Nayeon’s stuff ended up getting stolen. 

But when Nayeon came back, she was smiling that same bunny smile that made Mina’s stomach twist with displeasure. As if she hadn’t once reduced Mina to crying tears of frustration several classes ago. In her hand was a small plate of cookies, which she pushed toward the younger girl. “You should eat more sugar if you want your brain to function,” she said helpfully. 

Mina eyed the cookies with caution. “Surely you must’ve poisoned them.” 

“If I were ever to poison you, you would never see it coming,” Nayeon shot back, winking deviously; “I’m serious though. Just eat up. My treat.” 

Mina looked at the plate of cookies and then back at Nayeon. A few seconds passed. “What’s the catch?”

Nayeon rolled her eyes. “There’s no catch here, Mina-ssi. Aren’t you supposed to be preaching kindness and selflessness or something? And here I was, thinking it would please you to see me doing something so Christian.” 

“Why would it matter to you if this pleases me or not?” Mina asked, raising one perfectly cool eyebrow.

For a split second, Nayeon almost faltered. “I don’t.” She cleared her throat and took her seat. “I just wanted to be nice for once. Stop being such a stuck-up and take a cookie already.”

If Mina looked closely enough, she would’ve seen the light blush marking Nayeon’s cheeks. But she chose this exact moment to look back down at the cookies and reach out for one. When she bit off a piece, it melted in her mouth. It was absolutely divine. She finished off the first cookie and glanced back at Nayeon, who was watching her, one corner of her mouth tilted into a barely-there smile. 

“Thanks,” Mina grumbled, “It’s good.” 

Nayeon nodded. “Of course, it’s supposed to mask the bitterness of the poison really well.”

“Well, now you’ve just given yourself away, Nayeon-ssi.” And yet, Mina reached for another cookie, albeit shyly. 

Nayeon laughed. For the first time since she met her, Mina didn’t hate the sound of it. 

+++

Mina liked to attend church every Sunday. Not because she felt obliged to but because she sincerely wanted to. She liked the large vastness of the structure and how tiny she was in comparison to the cross that stood behind the altar. She liked the way churchgoers grew quiet when they entered the threshold, how it could grow so silent you could hear the low murmurs of prayer. She liked listening to the preacher’s words, how each verse he spoke of struck a chord in her. She liked to sit in a crowd and feel like she belonged there. It was almost her favorite place in the world, if her bedroom hadn’t taken the aforementioned spot. 

When she was young, Mina loved and longed for Sundays. It had been the only day of the week her father didn’t have work so her mother spent a long time preparing breakfast, infusing their favorites into each specific plate. Her brother Kai had often been the last person to get up from bed but they never missed a single service as a family together. Whenever Mina thought of Sundays, she remembered her family and an ache would always start up in her chest. She missed them dearly. As she listened to the sermon, she made a quick mental note to visit her parents for the weekend. She was starting to miss her mother’s cooking. 

The service ended right on time. As Mina gathered her things, her gaze caught on a familiar figure standing at the very back of the church. It was Nayeon, wearing a light blue jacket and jogger pants. She seemed deep in thought, her eyes fixed on the cross at the very front of the building. 

Mina didn’t really bump into people she knew that often out in the streets but Im Nayeon was definitely a surprise. More than a shock, really. She had always imagined Nayeon combusting into flames the second she stepped foot into a church. Blasphemy was a serious sin, after all. Maybe she just had an overactive imagination. It wouldn’t be the first time.

Mina was debating whether or not to approach the older girl when the decision was made for her. Sensing her stare, Nayeon looked to where Mina was standing and raised a cool eyebrow. 

God, why must you forsake me, Mina thought to herself as Nayeon made her way over, casually bumping into the crowd of people leaving the church.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Mina said in lieu of a greeting. 

Nayeon smiled. “Let me guess,” she said, humming thoughtfully, “you half-expected me to writhe in pain upon entering the holy grounds of the Lord.” 

“Close,” Mina replied, “I fully expected you to burst into flames. At least then you’d be making an entrance.”

“Ah, God is merciful, after all.” Nayeon’s smile widened; Mina resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “You must be wondering why I’m willingly subjecting myself to flawed sermons by a preacher who projects their own biases from a text that was so poorly translated by people who were very misogynistic and had no idea what germ theory probably was.” 

Mina stared at her, waiting for an answer and not bothering to grace the older girl with a response. 

Nayeon huffed a breath. “Sorry, was that too much?” 

“No, that was the right amount of Im Nayeon.” Mina was now immune to such a crass way of talking. 

“Good.” Nayeon pursed her lips. “I was just taking a walk when I heard the church bells ringing. I didn’t know you go here.” 

Mina nodded. That seemed reasonable enough. Still, that didn’t explain why Nayeon bothered to even step inside the church. She had probably hated the sermon, which had talked about the meek inheriting the world. No doubt she already had a rebuttal in the back of her head, claiming that the meek would never inherit the earth because the world was a capitalistic, dog-eat-dog world that preyed on the poor and applauded the rich. It was startling to think like Nayeon but Mina found herself doing so unwillingly. 

Instead, to her surprise, Nayeon said, “I always liked that verse.” She fixed her gaze on a point above Mina’s head. “Matthew 5:5. The meek shall inherit the earth.” 

Mina watched her carefully, waiting for a rebuke. When none came, she relaxed. “It’s one of my favorites,” she admitted cautiously. It seemed wrong to try and pick a fight with Nayeon in front of the Lord. 

Nayeon smiled, her gaze gentle. “I figured.” 

Mina played with the strap of her bag and cleared her throat. “I should get going,” she told Nayeon, “I have a lot of homework to do later.” 

“Right, yeah.” Nayeon seemed to mull over something. “Are you taking the train?” 

Half an hour later, Mina found herself standing next to Nayeon on a train full of bustling people. It was far from what she had expected her afternoon to go, had even planned on going to the bookstore after, but Nayeon had waltzed right in and changed her plans once again. Now they were almost pressed together, her shoulder bumping into the arm that Nayeon held above her to grip the railing over them. Even though the train always smelled terrible on especially sunny days, it was the subtle scent of Nayeon’s perfume that pierced through her thoughts. Was that grapefruit or lavender? She had no clue. It reminded her of the time Nayeon had leaned in close while in class, asking, do you ever have those dreams where you feel like you’ve lived an entire lifetime?

The question itself felt like a lifetime ago. 

The train shuddered to a stop. The person seated in front of Mina stood up and shuffled out of the way, leaving an empty seat. At once, Nayeon lightly bumped her arm into Mina’s shoulder and nodded for her to take it. A moment passed and Mina sat down. 

Now that she was seated and Nayeon was standing, it felt strange to be staring at the older girl’s midriff. So she averted her eyes and pulled her phone out of her bag. A message she hadn’t read before – sent by Sana – was waiting for her. 

r u picking up dinner for us, the message read. 

Mina frowned, thinking about it. No, she texted back, let’s ask Momo to cook. 

And because there was never a single moment where Sana didn’t have her phone in her hand, Mina’s phone buzzed with a reply: okiedokie see u when u get home hope church was fun!!! 

Fun was probably the word people would never use to describe church. Mina snorted and put the phone away. When she glanced back up at Nayeon, she caught the older girl looking away just in time to avoid her gaze. Had she been watching her? Maybe she had zoned out and her stare had landed on Mina. That had happened to Mina on multiple occasions too. 

Mina wasn’t the kind of person who initiated conversation while on the train. After all, it was difficult to talk when a few people could listen in so closely. But then the seat next to Mina opened and it would be strange not to let Nayeon sit down. When they were seated next to each other, shoulders touching, Mina couldn’t help but think of how strange this all was. The only time she paid much attention to Nayeon was in their one shared class and it was the kind of attention that warranted frustration and a few not-so-kind words. But Nayeon looked at ease sitting next to her, like this was completely normal and not just the result born from a string of coincidences. 

Mina felt the need to speak, just to diffuse the tension sparkling in the air, when Nayeon said: “I’m throwing a party this Saturday. You should come with.” Then she smiled, as if that would assuage all the worst-case scenarios bubbling in Mina’s head. “You can bring your friends if you want.” 

“Why are you inviting me to your party?” Mina narrowed her eyes. As she started at Nayeon, she realized she was waiting for her iconic bunny smile to show itself; “Are you planning to ambush me?”

“It’s just a party,” Nayeon answered easily enough, “and you’re here in front of me, so why shouldn’t I invite you? That would be considered rude.”

“Well, you’ve been rude before,” Mina pointed out, “so what’s the difference now?” 

Nayeon’s smile widened, showing off her bunny teeth, and Mina felt satisfied for some reason. “What do you think?”

The train shuddered to a stop. Nayeon looked over her shoulder and realized that it was her destination so she stood up, patting Mina’s knee in the process. For some reason, her touch burned. Mina looked up and met Nayeon’s smiling gaze once more.

“I hope to see you there, Myoui Mina,” she said. For once, her words were full of warmth. Then she ambled out of the train and disappeared into the next crowd of people waiting to board. Mina watched her go, staring at the way Nayeon’s hair billowed in the wind until the figure disappeared and there was nothing left to watch.

+++

When Saturday came, Mina had forgotten about the party Nayeon was throwing. She was only reminded about it when she came home from a day spent cooped up in the library and found Sana trying on different clothes in front of Momo, who looked like she would rather suffer from a three-hour lecture than be forced to decide what her girlfriend should wear. Even though Sana was her only roommate in the dorm, Momo liked to drop in unannounced and spend the night, which reminded Mina of their childhood spent cooped up in each other’s houses. 

“Mitang,” Sana chirped, looking excited to have a second opinion, “Help me choose, will you? Momo’s being so uncooperative!” 

Mina walked over to where Momo was lying on the bed and dropped down next to her. Sana was eyeing a floral dress that seemed way too short for any of them to be comfortable with and a revealing pink top that would highlight her collarbones. Either way, both outfits were meant to be teasing. 

“Top,” Mina answered because if Sana was going to a party, a dress wouldn’t be the most comfortable thing to wear when she ended up getting drunk. 

“Why aren’t you dressed yet?” Sana asked after she accepted the answer and went to change right in front of them.

Mina frowned and tilted her head to the side. “Dressed for what?”

“The party!” Sana replied, giving her a look that conveyed thoughts she expected Mina to be able to read, “The one Nayeon invited us to! It’s already starting, you know.”

It took an exceptionally long time before Mina’s brain finally caught up with the information presented to her. In fairness, it was probably because she had a lot of reading to catch up on earlier that day, resulting in the sluggish way she blinked up at Sana and asked, “How do you know Nayeon?” 

“She’s best friends with my roommate,” Momo answered, finally speaking for the first time since Mina showed up, “You remember Jeongyeon, right?”

It was such a terribly small world. Mina shook her head. “Does she know that we’re friends?” 

Now it was Momo’s turn to frown. “I’m not sure, maybe?” She pondered over the question for a good minute. “I think so. Jeongyeon must’ve mentioned it. I’ve only met her a couple of times.” 

As soon as Sana finished dressing up, she went to sit in the empty space next to Mina. Her hair was tied in a high ponytail, showing off the large expanse of her neck. Momo reached over and wiped off a smudge of lipstick, grinning sheepishly at Mina as she did so. The youngest of the three rolled her eyes, used to public displays of affection. 

“You never mentioned Nayeon to us,” Sana pointed out, “Jeongyeon said you share a class together.”

Mina pursed her lips, unsure if she should tell them that the only reason she knew Im Nayeon was because of that one class – the one where she would’ve happily dumped a bucket of ice-cold water on Nayeon if it meant she would stop pestering her about religion. The only reason she hadn’t mentioned Nayeon in the first place was that she didn’t want to release her best friends’ wrath on the older girl, seeing firsthand how protective Momo and Sana could be when it came to her well-being.

“It never came up,” she muttered.

Sana bent down to grab her footwear from under the bed. “But you’re still coming with us, right? You should! She invited all three of us.”

Mina was about to refuse when she remembered Nayeon’s words, warm and inviting: I hope to see you there. Maybe it was the outrageous lack of sleep or the number of books she practically inhaled hours before but she ended up sighing and mumbling, “okay fine let me change my shirt.” 

An hour later, all three girls were maneuvering their way through a crowd of college students eager to forget about their studies for a night. Mina scanned each face as she kept a firm grip on Momo’s hand, dutifully following her toward their destination for the night: the kitchen. Even though students filled the space, there was still room to move around, a fact she was grateful for. Other people had even created a makeshift dance floor in the middle of the party, swaying to the beat of the music that was loud but not too loud to block out the thoughts running through her head, like who to talk to, what to eat, and where was Im Nayeon? Mina’s eyes searched the room, looking for the person who had invited them out here and berating herself for doing so in the first place. So what if Nayeon wasn’t there to greet them? It didn’t matter. 

And yet, the unease lingered. 

Momo pushed a red solo cup full of beer into her hand. “Just pretend to drink,” her best friend told her, “unless you want to be singled out by the crowd for not drinking.” 

Mina never drank so she appreciated the gesture. Plus, it gave her something to hold onto while she continued to survey the room. She disliked parties for obvious reasons – the loud music, the suffocating crowd, the dangers of alcohol — but Momo and Sana both loved the thrill of dressing up and meeting new people. And if there was anything they loved more than each other, it was dancing. Even now, while Mina nursed her drink, Sana dragged Momo to the dance floor and started swaying her hips. Momo laughed and danced along, always chasing after Sana, never keen on being left behind. 

“I always thought they were the cutest couple,” a voice next to Mina said, appearing over her shoulder so abruptly Mina almost spilled her drink. 

Standing behind her was Nayeon, apparently having materialized from thin air. A devious grin was playing on her lips. It reminded Mina of the Im Nayeon she detested every Wednesday afternoon when she walked into a three-hour class and prepared for the worst. 

“Momo and Sana?” Mina asked, even though she knew the answer. Everybody thought they were the cutest couple. 

Nayeon nodded. “I never knew you were friends with them,” she said curiously, tilting her head to the side, as she leaned on the wall behind Mina. 

“Best friends,” Mina said in a voice that was intended to be prideful but came off sounding a bit meek. 

“Hmm.” Nayeon crossed her arms, looking thoughtful. “I want to ask but I’m not sure you’d answer.” 

Mina could already see where this was going. “You’re wondering how I could be friends with them,” she mused.

“Bingo,” Nayeon said with a wink. She jabbed a thumb into the living room. “Come on, tell me all about it. I’m dying to know.”

An exaggeration, Mina knew, but it beat standing around and chaperoning her best friends. So she weighed the lesser of two evils and followed Nayeon into the living room, where Momo and Sana encouraged more people to start dancing as well. Nayeon’s silhouette in the dark hallways of the house, as she led Mina through the hallways until they found an empty room where they could talk, reminded the younger of the night they shared a train ride together. The memory passed and Mina walked into a room that was clearly Nayeon’s, stopping her in her tracks.

The room itself was large, yielding a disorganized charm only Im Nayeon could successfully pull off. A bookshelf took up one corner, the covers showcasing different colors and titles, ranging from the classics to the newly released bestsellers. A vanity table stood near the queen-sized bed, the cosmetics carefully arranged compared to the stuff she had on her study desk, which was stacked with papers – scattered notes about essays and equations that must’ve had some relation to her major. It occurred to Mina that she had no idea what Nayeon was studying and yet here she was, standing in the older girl’s room and being given a peek into what she saw every single day. With the door shut behind them, the music outside sounded muted, as if they had stepped into a bubble that only they knew about. 

Nayeon went and sat on her bed, appraising Mina with a searching look. “So,” she started but didn’t follow up with anything else. If Mina didn’t know any better, she would’ve thought Nayeon was nervous. 

Before Mina could even think of what to say next, the door swung open behind her and a girl she thought was vaguely familiar poked her head in. 

“Yo,” the girl said, seemingly surprised to find Mina there. Then she spotted Nayeon waving frantically at her from the bed; “Right, sorry, didn’t know this room was taken.”

Nayeon sighed, reaching up to rub the bridge of her nose. “Go away, Jeongyeon. I don’t even want to know.” 

Oh right, Mina thought to herself, realizing that this was Momo’s roommate. 

“Fine, whatever.” Jeongyeon grinned at Mina. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“Please, you’d flirt with a piece of fish if that meant getting laid,” Nayeon pointed out scathingly and Jeongyeon sputtered out a half-assed response before finally leaving. 

Nayeon’s gaze moved to Mina. “So,” she began again, nodding at the chair situated in front of the study table; Mina took a seat; “Tell me about Momo and Sana. How long have you been friends?” 

Mina frowned. “Since we were kids,” she replied. 

“Really?” Surprise was a good look on Nayeon’s face, Mina thought. It made her seem more likable, less harsh. “How did you take it?” 

Mina was aware that Nayeon had this specific image of her in her head. And maybe that image was slowly crumbling apart, hence the reason why Nayeon was suddenly keen on meeting with her outside of class and getting to know her most intimate circle of friends. Maybe she was even going so far as to write a paper on her. Perhaps she thought Mina was an exceptionally curious case, one that deserved to be documented. That would make the most sense. Whatever the case, Mina felt like she was being analyzed. 

“You mean, how did I react when I found out they were together?” Mina clarified, her back rigid. 

Nayeon leaned forward, perching her chin on the fist that was resting on her crossed knees. The expression on her face was open and curious, clear of judgment, and it was a startling sight. “Yes,” she answered simply.

Mina racked her brain for that specific memory. “They got together sometime in middle school,” she said, her tone slow and careful, “I remember that it was raining and classes had just ended for all of us. Momo didn’t bring her umbrella and I was struggling to get mine out of my bag. Those two never bring anything when it comes to the rain, not even a stupid raincoat. But then Sana grabbed Momo by the hand and pulled her under the downpour. Both of them were smiling. Sana said something like ‘it’s just like in the movies, Momo-yah!’ and Momo laughed. It was like it was just the two of them against the world. I think they even forgot that I was watching them because a moment later, Momo shyly got up to Sana and kissed her.” 

The memory made Mina smile. “They’re like my older sisters,” she told Nayeon, meeting her still-curious gaze, “When they got together, it made sense. I want them to be happy and they’re the happiest with each other.” 

Nayeon was staring at her, the curiosity long gone now. Instead, it was replaced with an unreadable expression. “And… what about your religion?” she asked carefully. 

Mina’s smile turned brittle. “It doesn’t define me, you know.” In a moment of bravery, she lightly tapped her foot with Nayeon’s leg. The gesture was met with a hesitant smile. “Just because I love God doesn’t mean I’m judgmental. I don’t have any right to pass judgment.” 

It seemed as if a light had switched on in Nayeon’s brain, allowing for a genuine smile to finally push through. Mina’s heart raced at the sight. It was only upon seeing Nayeon’s bunny smile did she realize how she had looked forward to seeing it.

“You’re an interesting person, Myoui Mina,” Nayeon told her, “Have I ever told you that?”

+++

It was hard to shake off old habits. For Mina, it was especially difficult to not jolt at the sight of Im Nayeon already seated at the very front of the class, sitting in the empty chair next to the one she normally occupied. She shared an apologetic glance with Son Seungwan, who had walked into the lecture hall at the same time as her, and sheepishly shrugged her shoulders. Guess this meant that Seungwan would be sitting somewhere else then.

“Good luck,” Seungwan told her as she took a seat behind Wheein, who immediately turned around to share her notes. 

Mina sighed, wondering if she should find another chair. But before she could look around, Nayeon was already staring at her. She wore sunglasses so Mina couldn’t tell what the look in her eyes was but it didn’t feel good. In fact, it made her skin tingle. 

“Hi,” Mina said cautiously, placing her books on the table, “You’re here.” 

Nayeon nodded. “I figured I’d sit here,” she said, answering Mina’s unspoken question. Her lips twitched into a half-smile. “Do you want me to sit somewhere else?”

“No!” Mina said a bit too quickly, judging by the way Nayeon’s smile widened; “It’s fine, you can sit wherever.” 

“Good.”

“Great.”

“Wonderful,” Nayeon quipped and Mina couldn’t help it – she found herself smiling as well.

“Fantastic.”

+++

It happened so slowly that Mina wondered if it was even happening at all. But there was a shift, not because of the seasons changing from spring to summer but of something else – something just lying underneath the surface. She couldn’t quite place her finger on it but she noticed it everywhere she went. The sun seemed a little brighter, time seemed to go by faster, and the world seemed altogether kinder. Gone were the days people wore whatever they wanted in the spring season, replaced now with shorts and tank tops. Steaming cups of hot cappuccino were switched in favor of iced teas. Instead of staying inside cooped up all day facing the electric fan, many went to the beach and lounged under the heat of the sun. 

Sana poked Mina on the cheek as the younger girl struggled to focus. 

“Let’s go to the beach, Mitang,” the older girl cooed. 

“I have an essay to finish,” Mina muttered. Finals were fast approaching.

“When is it due?”

“On Friday.”

Sana looked at her phone. “It’s Sunday.”

“And the beach is like two hours away from the city,” Mina pointed out, her eyes still fixed on her computer screen; “Why don’t you ask Momo to go with you?”

“She is coming with me,” Sana told her, “along with Jeongyeon and Nayeon. They invited other people too.”

Fingers stilled on the keyboard then curled and flexed. Suddenly, the words on her laptop screen seemed to have blurred together. She could feel Sana’s gaze on the side of her face, curious and wondering. For some reason, the room felt slightly hotter than it did a few seconds ago.

“Oh,” she mumbled, trying to find the right words, “that sounds fun.” 

In Mina’s peripheral view, she saw Sana smiling. “You have enough time to finish your essay, don’t you?” the older girl asked gently. 

“Well…” Mina didn’t want to give in so easily. If she did, it would feel like giving up something she had been holding onto tightly. She just didn’t know what it was. 

Sana reached out and shut the laptop for her. “Be ready in twenty.” Now she was full-on grinning. It made Mina want to sink down in her seat and never show her face ever again. 

Half an hour later, Mina found herself crammed in a van with eight other people – Park Jihyo, the designated driver for the entire party, Jeongyeon who called for the shotgun seat, Nayeon who was busy deciding the playlist for the entire ride, Momo who had prepared a picnic basket practically exploding with food, Sana who was fussing over Mina about wearing the right amount of sunscreen and three younger girls – Kim Dahyun, Son Chaeyoung and Chou Tzuyu, whom Mina felt were very familiar but had never formally met before.

Normally, Mina would be worrying about meeting new people but Kim Dahyun immediately warmed up to her. “Hey,” she greeted shyly, “I think you attend the same church as me.” 

It all clicked in Mina’s head. “You’re part of the choir, aren’t you?” 

Dahyun brightened. “Yup, I play the piano.” 

Apparently, Dahyun was best friends with Son Chaeyoung, who turned out to be a close childhood friend of Jeongyeon. Chaeyoung was dating Tzuyu, which had been a recent development, and Tzuyu was a junior Park Jihyo had taken under her wing. Mina digested all this information as they headed to the beach, wondering how the already small world she lived in could get even smaller. She was seated next to Momo, who was busy passing on snacks to everybody in the van. Her eyes would drift to Nayeon who sat directly behind Jihyo, complaining about the volume of the songs in the vehicle. Every so often, Nayeon would look over her shoulder and catch Mina’s stare. Her lips always twitched into a grin each time that happened. 

It felt like they shared a secret – one that Mina wasn’t entirely sure she should be keeping in the first place. There wasn’t even a secret in the first place. She and Nayeon were no longer butting heads in class, no longer intent on one-upping each other when it came to the existence of God. They were cautiously treading the territory of being friends. And maybe that was what felt so off about the entire thing. Mina couldn’t quite grasp the idea of being friends with Im Nayeon. All of her defenses always came up at the mention of the older girl. It felt strange and anticlimactic to start tearing them down now. 

And yet, Nayeon gave her more reason to. When they arrived at the beach, the sun high up in the clouds, Nayeon walked over and placed a straw hat on Mina’s head. She did this silently, not even sparing her a smile before she was off to chit-chat with Jihyo. And when Mina walked with Dahyun to the shore, wiggling her toes in the sand, Nayeon was kind enough to point out a starfish inches away from Mina’s feet.

The day was spent peacefully. Mina found herself talking to everybody in the group. First, it was Dahyun, who she found a common ground with regarding their church. Then it was Chaeyoung and Tzuyu who seemed more than happy to share their love story, detailing how it took years for them to finally confess their feelings and get together. When Momo and Sana pulled out the liquor, it was Jihyo who acted as the gunner, passing everybody the shot glass that most (except for Mina and Tzuyu) drank greedily from. Jeongyeon enlisted the help of Chaeyoung to gather firewood from the nearby rubble. When night fell, they had a bonfire ready, providing warmth that only an intimate group of friends could provide. 

“It’s nice to finally relax,” Park Jihyo began, smiling at all of them, “Time flies by so fast, don’t you think?” Momo and Sana had long since passed out from drinking. Chaeyoung was fast asleep on Dahyun’s shoulder, muttering something about how she had pulled an all-nighter for an exam the night before. The rest were basking in the warmth of the bonfire, identical smiles on their faces. 

Nayeon let out a long-suffering sigh. “I can’t believe I’m finally graduating.” She was leaning on Jeongyeon, legs stretched out in front of her. The smile on her face was tired but content. Mina couldn’t look away, her gaze drifting back to the gentle curve of the older girl’s mouth. It made Nayeon look softer. 

“What are your plans after university, unnie?” Tzuyu asked. 

“I don’t know.” Nayeon’s lips twitched. “Apply to a bunch of companies and pray for the best?” 

Jeongyeon snorted, accepting the glass from Jihyo. “Since when do you ever pray?” 

“Hey!” Nayeon slapped Jeongyeon’s knee, almost spilling the drink. “Just because I don’t believe in God doesn’t mean I don’t pray anymore. Old habits die hard.” 

Nayeon caught Mina’s gaze, the two sharing a look that went unnoticed by the others in the group. 

Jeongyeon passed the now full shot glass to Nayeon, who paused and surveyed the drink. Then she looked up and locked eyes with Mina once again. Without breaking eye contact, she finished the whole glass. 

Mina suddenly felt thirsty.

+++

When night fell, it was time to pack up.

Jihyo and Jeongyeon took charge of getting everybody in the van, Dahyun put out the fire, Tzuyu gave Chaeyoung a piggyback ride, and Mina stretched out her hand for Nayeon, who was still sitting cross-legged on the sand, to take. 

Nayeon didn’t seem too buzzed. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes hazy, but she took Mina’s hand and pulled herself up with apparent ease. 

Mina couldn’t help it. Her image of Im Nayeon was changing, becoming better. 

“Why don’t you believe in God?” The question was hushed, meant to only be heard by the two of them. 

Nayeon’s gaze sharpened. “Why should I?” she asked, her voice lacking the bite it normally had during their class. 

“Because you used to,” Mina pointed out, thinking back to the bonfire; Nayeon’s words ringing in her ears. 

Just because I don’t believe in God doesn’t mean I don’t pray anymore.

It took Mina a while to realize Nayeon was still holding her hand. Her grip was firm, her touch warm. The dying embers of their bonfire burned behind them, fruitlessly providing its own warmth that would soon die out. The moment felt precarious, like it was seconds away from tipping over and spilling all over their laps. 

Nayeon’s smile faded until there was only a shadow of it left behind. “Oh, Myoui Mina,” she said, her words slow and gentle, “you have yet to unlock my tragic backstory.” 

+++

Mina had a crush. 

She had crushes before – the kind that made her heart race and her cheeks flush, the kind that made her look forward to waking up each day, the kind that made her stumble on her words and wish that the ground would swallow her whole. She crushed on boys mostly, especially the ones who had nice smiles and were gentle with her, but there was the occasional girl who would make her throat go dry and her hands sweat. 

Im Nayeon was… an unfortunate exception. 

Mina wasn’t stupid. She recognized the tightening in her chest each time she saw Nayeon, the dryness in her mouth when Nayeon met her gaze, and the sudden weakening in her knees when Nayeon spoke to her. It was an unfortunate crush – one she was determined to push down the deepest part of her heart and forget about. She felt more embarrassed about it than anything else. 

Because Im Nayeon was definitely crushable. Not only was she effortlessly beautiful, she was also one of the smartest people Mina got the chance to meet. Nayeon knew her way with words, had a large group of friends, was graduating this semester, and had a strong sense of individuality that was unshakable. There was a lot to admire about her and Mina’s heart had, unfortunately, borne witness to such character. 

Mina had a stupid crush on the girl who had challenged her the very first time they met, who had questioned her faith, and who confused her with every single thing that came out of her mouth. 

It seemed masochistic or even nihilistic to like someone with such conflicting beliefs – beliefs that directly went against hers. But recently, Nayeon had stopped challenging her in class. When finals rolled around, it had already been weeks since Nayeon spoke up and had instead sat next to Mina the entire remainder of the semester, listening to her when she was called upon and making a cute face each time their gazes met. Seungwan had commented on this new development, citing ‘a change in heart.’ 

But was it a change in heart? Or had their different group of friends simply merged and given Nayeon less reason to antagonize her? And yet, Nayeon’s gradual change of behavior had happened long before she knew Mina’s strong friendship with Momo and Sana. So what had changed? What happened? 

Mina pondered over this question as she waited in line for her coffee at Starbucks. She usually hated mainstream coffee – the overpriced, underwhelming kind – but she had a paper due that afternoon which she still had to finish on account of dealing with these new unwanted feelings and this was the closest cafe to the university. Her thoughts were stuck on a loop, circling to and from her final requirements and Im Nayeon’s warm smile that sunny day at the beach. 

Nayeon must’ve been such a permanent fixture in Mina’s thoughts that God must’ve surely heard all about it. Because one second, Mina was alone. Next, Nayeon was standing next to her, wearing that cute bunny smile that made Mina oh so weak in the knees. 

“Hi, you’re here too? I was just about to grab some coffee –” Nayeon greeted and then frowned when she saw the look on Mina’s face; “Mina-yah, you okay?” 

Mina’s eyes surveyed the entirety of Nayeon standing before her – the dark brown hair tied back in a tight ponytail, the large glasses sitting on the bridge of her nose, the glossiness of her pink lips as they curled into a pout, the books she held against her chest, the long purple nails tapping her left thigh. She took in every detail, drinking her in, committing her to memory. For some reason, it wasn’t enough to simply look at Nayeon. Mina wanted to watch every emotion pass through Nayeon’s face – anger, happiness, regret, sadness, frustration, everything. She wanted to hear Nayeon’s thoughts spoken out loud, wanted to know her life story, what her childhood was like, why she still prayed, even when she wouldn’t – didn’t believe in God anymore. 

Maybe having a crush was just an insatiable urge to know everything about another human being. Maybe it was as simple as that.  

“You have something on your face,” Mina finally said when the silence stretched to something socially unacceptable. 

Nayeon’s frown deepened as she reached up to touch her cheek. There was nothing on her face but Mina feared that the same couldn’t be said for hers. 

“Is it gone now?” Nayeon asked, puzzled. 

Mina’s throat bobbed. “No,” she said, reaching out to brush an invisible eyelash from the older girl’s cheek, “it’s still there.” 

+++

Since finals were already over, there was nothing else to distract her from Im Nayeon. It was as if she was racked with some unknown illness – her thoughts were cloudy, her speech stuttered, her knees weak and shaking. But she knew what it was, had accepted it as easily as she would accept a piece of cake from Momo. She just had to do something about it. Nayeon was graduating, after all – on her way to becoming a responsible adult who had to pay rent and wake up early to go to work.

The easiest thing would be to forget all about the embarrassing crush but Mina understood that if she did so, it would only deepen her affection for the older girl. If she stopped paying attention to her feelings, they would grow like weeds in a garden she had so meticulously cultivated. But if she took the time to pull these pesky weeds out by the roots, it might actually do her some good. Remind her once again why liking Im Nayeon was a bad idea. 

The reason why it was such a bad idea had less to do with Nayeon’s strong feelings about religion and more to do with Mina’s belief that it wouldn’t work out anyway. One thing had never been made certain – Nayeon’s sexuality. Did she even like girls? Sure, she supported the queer community like any other person did but would she swing that way? She had made a comment long ago about having a dream where she had to kiss Mina to save the world but that had just been a dream. It hadn’t meant anything, just a curious question Mina hadn’t even answered in the first place.

Mina wished she could go back in time and purge herself of these feelings altogether. She wasn’t used to liking somebody like Im Nayeon, who seemed to show up everywhere she went, who was always seconds away from materializing from her thoughts. She wasn’t used to the way her heart raced when Nayeon looked at her and said her full name tantalizingly slow, as if it was a delicious desert that deserved to be tasted with the utmost respect. She wasn’t used to the attention she got from Nayeon, who acted as if she too wanted to know what was on Mina’s mind, what her childhood was like, what her entire life story spelled out and why, against all odds and shreds of evidence and arguments, she still firmly held onto the idea of God. 

“The Song of Solomon is one story many young lovers read back on,” the preacher read, drawing Mina’s attention back to the sermon she had drifted away from; “and for good reason as it talks about the desires of love and how it affects even the most rational of people.” 

Mina remembered the verses. Song of Solomon 6:3: I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine: he feedeth among the lilies. I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine; he grazes among the lilies. I am my lover's, and my lover is mine. They were one of her favorites as well. She played with a piece of lint she found clinging to her jeans, her eyes on the statue of Jesus Christ. The preacher continued, “Love is both selfish and selfless. We want to be the best for our partners and yet, they are the ones who see us at our worst. We want our partners to be happy but we are pained when our partners are happy without us. Humans are flawed, fickle-minded sinners. We try our best, but it is not always enough. We make mistakes and we hurt the ones we love.” 

The church was heavy with silence and Mina held her breath, waiting for the next words.

The preacher shared a smile with the crowd as if he too understood the intricacies of love. “Song of Solomon’s message is that we must wait for our beloved to come to us so that we may build a life worthy of God,” he said, “but while waiting is no doubt important, it’s also imperative to let our beloved know how we feel.” 

Oh, Mina thought to herself. A small smile blossomed on her face.

You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace. 

God always had the right answers at the right time. 

+++

Love was a gift from God. Of course! How could Mina forget such an important message? 1 John 4:8: Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. Her feelings for Nayeon, albeit surprising, were nothing to be ashamed of. She just had to tell her. And even if her feelings were not reciprocated, it did not matter. The only thing that mattered was that Nayeon knew. 

But confessing her feelings was easier said than done. Graduation was around the corner for Nayeon, which meant that she was busy running around completing her requirements. For the first time, Nayeon did not appear out of thin air when Mina thought of her or when Mina visited countless coffee shops in the hopes of running into the older girl. Even her best friends had not seen Nayeon, mentioning something about Nayeon coming and out of Momo’s dorm to borrow a few things from Jeongyeon. Meanwhile, the rest of the student body was packing up for the summer, eager to go home and forget about school for the next few months. Momo and Sana were headed for Japan that very weekend and they spent the majority of their time lounging around on top of Mina’s bed, whining about their limited time together. 

“Mitang,” Momo began, burrowing deeper into Mina’s mint green sheets, “can’t you come with us? We haven’t even seen you that much this sem.” 

Mina shook her head, smiling fondly. “You can see me after the summer,” she pointed out. 

“It’s not the same.” Sana groaned when a stray foot hit her square in the face. “We always hang out at that noodle shop near Momo’s house! What if Grandpa starts looking for you?”

“Then you tell him that I’ll come to visit next summer,” Mina answered patiently. 

Momo and Sana sighed, identical looks on their faces. “You’re always so reasonable it’s annoying,” the former muttered. 

Mina laughed, finally tearing her focus away from the boxes of clothes she had been busy packing. Her best friends sat up immediately when she walked over and squeezed in between them. The bed creaked under their combined weight but she didn’t care, giddy at the immediate way both Momo and Sana wrapped their arms around her. A bubbly feeling in her chest grew, filled with love and affection. 

“You guys are so clingy,” she said in an effort to seem unaffected by how much they would miss her. 

“Well, of course!” Sana exclaimed, sounding offended, “You’re our little Mitang. Who’ll take care of you while we’re away?” 

“Why are you staying in Seoul anyway?” Momo asked with a pout. 

Mina hummed. “I just have a few things to do,” she answered, bumping her shoulder with Sana’s; “Besides, I can take care of myself.”

“I’m telling Jeongyeon to keep an eye on you,” Momo said, narrowing her eyes, “Why are you being so secretive? It’s not like you to keep things from us.” 

Mina frowned, realizing the truth in those words. When Nayeon came into her life, she had been nothing more than a nuisance, a presence she dreaded every Wednesday, somebody she was sure would never be able to understand her. But things had changed since then. Nayeon was no longer the academic rival who kept Mina on her toes. Instead, she was this curious person who looked at Mina like she wanted to know every thought that went through her mind. It hadn’t occurred to her how attractive that certain trait was. To voice out her thoughts and still want to be heard. 

“I don’t like keeping secrets from you,” she told her best friends after they continued to stare her down. She hesitated when their stares got more intense. 

“Mitang,” Sana began cautiously, “are you in some kind of trouble?”

Was she? Perhaps but it wasn’t the kind of trouble Momo and Sana were probably thinking. 

“No,” she quickly said, waving off their worries, “I’m just…” It was starting to get embarrassing – being the subject of their scrutinizing gaze. She let out a deep sigh. “I just have a crush on someone, that’s all.” 

Their stone-faced reactions were not what Mina expected out of this conversation. She faltered, wondering if crushing on somebody would even be considered a big deal. But then Sana started screaming and Momo grabbed her by the shoulders and spoke so fast her words were an incoherent mess, “Who is he? What’s his name? Where did you meet?” 

“Her,” Mina managed to choke out, taking hold of Momo’s arms and forcing her to stay still, “It’s a her.” 

Momo and Sana were stunned into silence. Mina felt her cheeks warming up. 

“You’re…” Sana stood up, walked around in circles, and fell back on the chair Mina had occupied a while ago. “You like girls too?” 

Mina nodded slowly. “I’ve had a few crushes before,” she mumbled, “Most of them were guys but I did like a few girls here and then.” 

“And you didn’t tell us?” Momo pointed out, sounding aghast. 

“Most of them were just fleeting,” Mina explained, shying away from the shock written all over Momo and Sana’s expressions. A flicker of doubt passed through her mind; “Are you guys… upset with me for not telling you?” 

Immediately, the shock was wiped clear from her best friends’ faces. They both cooed at Mina, Momo reaching out to squeeze at the younger girl’s cheeks while Sana bounced over to wrap all three of them in a warm, happy embrace. Mina laughed, startled at the intensity of their reactions and how quickly they shifted from one emotion to another but returned the affection with as much vigor as she could offer. 

“Thank you for telling us,” Sana said, her cheek pressed against Mina’s shoulder.

Momo squeezed Mina harder. “Mitang, you’re going to get a girlfriend soon!” She sounded close to tears. 

A shocked laugh erupted out of Mina’s mouth. “I haven’t even told her yet,” she stated, eyes wide. 

Sana pulled away first, assessing Mina with a glare. “Who would say no to you?” she gushed, “You’re the prettiest, smartest, kindest, most amazing girl ever! Anybody would be lucky to date you.” 

“Now you’re making me jealous,” Momo said jokingly, her voice lacking any bite. 

Sana winked at Momo, who rolled her eyes good-naturedly. “You know what I mean, Momoring.” 

Mina’s face was getting warmer the more they talked about her crush. She leaned forward, placed her elbows on her knees, and covered her face. Momo laughed at the sight, pinching her side and causing her to yelp. Sana joined in the laughter, affectionately patting the younger girl’s head. 

“If you’re not ready to tell us who it is, we won’t judge,” Sana told her. 

“Take your time, Mitang,” Momo echoed. 

“It’s not that,” Mina muttered under her breath, thinking of the best way to announce that the girl she was crushing on was Nayeon. 

Based on the silence that followed, she knew that her best friends were watching her curiously, only held back by their sisterly desire to give her the space and time she needed. She peered at Momo and Sana through the spaces between their fingers and only found warm, gentle, encouraging smiles looking back at her. That gave her enough courage to take a deep breath and drop her hands from her face. 

“It’s Nayeon,” she said, almost anti-climatically, and it was chaos all over again. 

+++

The weekend finally rolled around, meaning that it was time for Momo and Sana to go home. Their flight wasn’t until late afternoon so Mina had the idea of eating out at a restaurant close to the airport. Since Sana was already in the room when Mina woke up, they waited patiently for Momo to waltz right in like she usually did.

This time, when Momo did walk through the door, she wasn’t alone. 

“Morning!” Im Nayeon greeted them with a happy wave that made Mina’s insides flip. She looked the same as always – long brown hair cascading down her shoulders in gentle waves, eyes wide and happy, bunny teeth peeking out from a genuine smile – but it seemed like she had grown even more beautiful since the last time Mina saw her. Had something changed with her appearance or did her beauty only grow simply because Mina had finally accepted her feelings? It was hard to tell but Mina found herself almost tripping over thin air. Great. 

Mina exchanged a look with Momo who winked deviously at her. 

“Hi, Nayeon-unnie,” Sana greeted. Judging by her smile, she was clearly in on the plan; “Thanks for agreeing to drive us to the airport. We didn’t want Mina to be lonely once we board the plane.” 

Nayeon waved Sana off. “Of course, it’s not a problem.” She finally looked at Mina and smiled her bunny smile that did wonders to Mina’s heart and made her question why it took so long for her to appreciate this woman before her. 

Mina almost dropped her phone when Nayeon stepped closer to her. “I’ll meet you outside,” she said in a rush, power-walking out of the room so fast Momo and Sana barely got the chance to stop her. She caught sight of the confusion on Nayeon’s face on the way out and wanted to melt straight into the ground. 

Ugh, having a crush was so annoying. 

+++

Nayeon’s car smelled like grapefruit. 

That was Mina’s first thought when she slid into the backseat after they dropped off Momo and Sana at the airport. Perhaps she hadn’t been aware of the scent on the way to their destination earlier, too caught up with the influx of questions Momo and Sana were asking Nayeon. What did she want to do after graduation? Had she dated anyone before? Was she currently seeing someone? How many siblings did she have? Did she get along well with her parents? It made Mina want to die. Thankfully, Nayeon seemed invested in answering the questions to notice Mina silently dying in the backseat. 

Nayeon still wasn’t sure what to do after graduation. Armed with a Bachelor’s Degree in Marketing, she was looking to start a business in the future but to do that, she needed the capital first. She had dated before – both boys and girls – and that answer had been enough to make Mina choke on her spit. And no, Nayeon wasn’t seeing anybody, too busy with her studies to seriously date. Maybe that would change once she finally got a stable job. Who knows? Nayeon had a younger sister named Seoyeon who was currently enrolled in a different school. And she didn’t answer the question about her parents, only muttering about how she talked to them every once in a while. That had made Mina insanely curious but she had kept her mouth shut and looked out the window, trying to tune out the exaggerated winks and looks both Momo and Sana kept sending her way. 

Lunch had been more or less the same. Mina had focused so much on her food she had all the visible ingredients practically memorized. Nayeon’s curious expression was a permanent fixture in her mind. God, why were Momo and Sana so insufferable? 

But now they were alone and Mina’s senses were heightened. She wondered if Nayeon could hear the unsteady pounding of her heart. It felt so loud to her own ears. 

“What are you doing all the way back there?” Nayeon asked after she had buckled in. Her sunglasses covered her eyes but she pushed them on top of her head to look at Mina through the rearview mirror. 

“I sat here earlier,” Mina answered, her heart increasing its unsteady pace, as she realized what Nayeon was going to ask. 

“You can sit here,” the older girl said, gesturing to the passenger seat, “I feel like a taxi driver if you’re all the way over there.” 

“Right.” Of course, Mina should sit next to Nayeon. Why shouldn’t she? 

Nayeon was staring at her. Mina realized she hadn’t moved an inch. “Sorry,” she breathed out, unbuckling her seat belt and opening the door to switch places. When she was finally settled next to Nayeon, the scent of grapefruit seemed to intensify but not to the point that it was almost sickening. 

“Myoui Mina,” Nayeon began, her careful tone causing Mina’s to skin break out into goosebumps. She paused, choosing her next words with the utmost care; “Did I do something to offend you?”

Mina blinked. “What? No.” A frown made its way to her mouth. “Why would you think that?” 

For the first time since they met, Mina saw the uncertainty cross Nayeon’s features. There was something else too – something that Mina couldn’t quite place but was painfully familiar with. Was it fear? Fear of what? 

Nayeon leaned back in her seat, pursing her lips. “I got the feeling that you were avoiding me or something,” she muttered, looking shy, “I haven’t seen you around.” 

When Mina didn’t respond, too shocked at the older girl’s interpretation of the situation, Nayeon seemed to grow more uneasy. She crossed her arms and looked away.

“I thought it was because I didn’t answer your question back at the beach,” she continued, her gaze fixed on the airport signage just outside the parking lot, “I might’ve been tipsy but I still remember stuff after I drink. I can’t think of any other reason you would suddenly start avoiding me.” 

Nayeon had it all wrong but Mina’s brain finally started working by the time the older girl said, “You asked me I why don’t believe in God anymore.” She took a deep breath, looking as if she was about to launch into another debate. 

“It’s okay, unnie,” Mina interrupted, reaching out to place a hand on Nayeon’s arm, “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” She realized her mistake as soon as the words were out of her mouth so she hastily amended her words by adding, “And I’m not upset at you. I think you’ve been pretty busy, right? Maybe that’s why we haven’t seen each other.” 

Nayeon’s jaw was tense. “I want to tell you,” she murmured, shocking Mina into silence again; “Consider it an explanation as to why I was so harsh on you in class.”

“We have different opinions,” Mina said, shrugging. Her hand was still on Nayeon’s arm. She didn’t want to retract it and it seemed like the older girl didn’t even notice that it was there in the first place; “That’s what I like about us, Nayeon-unnie. We can argue and debate all we want but when we leave the classroom, we’re like friends.” The words were something that had been on her mind for a long time and it made her nervous to be saying them out loud, especially to the person she was currently crushing on. 

A slow smile was starting to form on Nayeon’s face. “We are friends,” she said, looking amused; “Why wouldn’t we be friends?”

It was that bunny smile, Mina realized. It was what had started it all. Ever since she saw that smile, Mina was a goner. And now, sitting in Nayeon’s car, she came to another realization – this was more than a crush. In fact, this was probably never a crush in the first place. She didn’t know the exact moment she had fallen so deeply but the racing in her heart slowed down as her brain, along with the rest of her body, assessed and then accepted this new realization. 

She was in love with Im Nayeon. 

“And since we’re friends,” Nayeon went on, oblivious to Mina’s epiphany, “I’ll tell you a little bit about myself.” As if noticing Mina’s hand on her arm for the first time, the older girl reached out and held it between her palms. It was such an intimate gesture; Mina wanted nothing more than to melt into Nayeon’s touch. For the first time, she wondered what it would be like to kiss her. Would her lips be as soft and gentle as the way she said Mina’s name? The thought was enough to get her heart racing again. She was thankful human beings couldn’t read minds.

“You remind me a lot of myself,” the older girl said, drawing Mina’s attention back to the topic at hand. The smile from earlier had shrunk into something that was devoid of all emotion; “I was pretty religious. You would’ve liked me better back then.” The words were said teasingly but they failed to deliver the right effect when Nayeon wasn’t smiling. 

“I went to church every Sunday, read the Bible every single night, even attended youth camp every summer,” Nayeon explained, drawing circles on the back of Mina’s hand, “I loved God too. I just didn’t love the people who claim to love God.” 

The silence that followed was so heavy Mina wondered if she should say something to lighten or even address the drastic change in the mood. But Nayeon wasn’t finished, her voice cold and detached – so far from what Mina personally witnessed on a regular basis: “My parents found out I liked girls when I was in high school. They were… unhappy with me.” Even though this had happened years ago, the pain in Nayeon’s voice resurfaced easily, as if it had never fully gone away. “They sent me to a conversion camp for four weeks. When I came back, they thought I was all fixed. I wasn’t. I think they knew that too. When they found out I was dating a girl who was a year older than me, they sent me off to live with my aunt and never spoke to me again. Thankfully, that aunt is crazy rich so at least I traded parental love with a big ass room, right?” 

Nayeon let out a dry laugh. “I was very angry for a long time. I was angry at my parents. I was angry at myself. But most of all, I was angry at God.” Her fingers stilled on Mina’s palm. “I took out that anger on you when we met in class. It was my way of releasing all this pent-up frustration and pain that I had held back for many years. You were an easy target because you believed in God so much. I think I was projecting on you. I felt that you and I were the same and I wanted you to snap out of it. But your experiences are not the same as mine.” Their gazes met. “I can tell that you’ve been loved the right way. I’m sorry.”

The confession was spoken quietly and Mina could hear the shame in Nayeon’s voice. 

“I thought you said you still speak to your parents every now and then,” the younger girl whispered. 

“I do,” Nayeon answered with a sad smile, “They just never pick up.” 

It was all too much – Mina’s realization about her true feelings, Nayeon’s tragic backstory, the scent of grapefruit filling the air. She had always prided herself in being the level-headed one out of her tight-knit friendship group, the one who never let anything get to her, but this was Nayeon’s story she was listening to, Nayeon’s eyes she was seeing fill up with unshed tears, Nayeon’s thumb drawing senseless patterns on her skin. A moment of hesitation passed and Mina took Nayeon by the wrist and pulled her in for a hug she hoped would convey everything she wanted to say. 

Nayeon chuckled, wrapping one arm around Mina to squeeze back. Their position was awkward with the gearshift sitting between them but Mina didn’t care. She just wanted to hold Nayeon for once. She wanted it to matter. 

“I’m okay, Mina-yah,” Nayeon said, her voice muffled against the younger girl’s shoulder, “It was a long time ago anyway.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why? I should be the one saying sorry. You did nothing wrong.”

“I’m sorry that happened to you,” Mina whispered, realizing that this was what she had wanted from Nayeon – to see every emotion cross her face, to hear her thoughts spoken out loud, to know what her childhood was like, why she still sometimes prayed, even when it hurt too much to do so. But even though she had gotten what she wanted, Mina realized she wanted something else too. Despite it not making any sense, she wanted to be there for Nayeon. She wanted to be there for Nayeon when she was a scared high-school kid whose feelings felt too large and terrifying. She wanted to be there for Nayeon through every failed phone call to her parents. She wanted to be there for Nayeon as they sat in her car, hugging it out and trying their best not to cry. 

But this was not the moment for ill-timed confessions. 

“Come on,” Nayeon grumbled, pulling back with a sniffle, “Let’s go home. I still have to pick up my toga after this.” 

+++

In the days leading up to Nayeon’s graduation, Mina devised a game plan. That game plan was basically to spend as much time as possible with Nayeon. And what was the end goal of that plan? She wasn’t sure. All she knew was that she wanted to see Nayeon before the graduating student got swept up in the world of job applications and company interviews. 

It almost felt selfish – wanting to see her, wanting to be as close to her as possible, wanting to hear her voice, wanting to touch her, even if it was only for a second. Is this what falling in love was like? To never be satisfied with just seeing somebody or thinking about them? Mina felt overwhelmed by her emotions, by the bubble in her chest that kept growing each time she saw Nayeon, by the insatiable desire to kiss her. 

God, she really wanted to kiss Im Nayeon. She had never kissed anybody before. Even if Nayeon turned out to be a terrible kisser, Mina still knew that it would be the best first kiss she would ever have simply because it was with somebody she was in love with. But would Nayeon even want to share that experience with her? 

“Mina-yah,” Nayeon called, reaching out to touch the younger girl’s shoulder, “you’re zoning out again. Hello? Earth to Mina?” 

Mina blinked. “Sorry,” she said, waving off the concern in Nayeon’s eyes. 

The two of them were in the coffee shop Mina always frequented. A plate of cookies sat on top of their table, one of which had already been eaten by Nayeon. Since the days were getting hotter, she wore a tank top that showed off the muscles in her arms and cuffed shorts that accentuated her long legs. The first time Mina had seen her wearing that kind of outfit, all the words she knew in both Hangul and Kanji language vanished into thin air. Only Nayeon could have such an effect on her. 

“Were you daydreaming?” Nayeon asked with a smirk, taking a long sip of her coffee; “Was I in it?” 

Mina’s face felt warm to the touch. “No,” she lied as she grabbed a cookie, “I was just thinking.” 

“Okay.” Nayeon perched her chin on a closed fist, watching her. “You should come to my graduation ceremony. I have an extra ticket.” 

A piece of cookie almost got lodged in Mina’s throat as she choked. “What?” she yelped after Nayeon helpfully thumped her back to get that piece out of her airway. “Are you sure?” 

“Yeah!” Nayeon smiled brightly at her. “You’re my friend. Besides, the only people attending are my aunt and Jeongyeon. The others are busy.” The word friend had never felt so good and terrible at the same time. 

It seemed too much. A graduation ceremony was one of the most important events in somebody’s life. There were going to be dozens of pictures. In the future, Nayeon would look back and remember that Mina was there. The thought itself was daunting. What if Mina confessed her feelings and Nayeon realized she couldn’t stand for them to be friends? She should say no, say something about having prior plans, tell Nayeon that she just booked a flight to Japan that very same day. 

The older girl was staring at her again. “Mina?” she called. This time, the concern in her voice was palpable. “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.” 

But Nayeon was inviting her. Nayeon wanted her to be there. It made Mina’s heart soar with giddiness. 

“I’ll go,” she said.

Nayeon smiled and it was a blinding sight. 

+++

On the day of Nayeon’s graduation ceremony, Mina was the first one to show up with a bouquet of flowers she handpicked herself from the nearest flower shop. She texted Nayeon that she had already arrived, to which the older girl replied: cool!!! save a seat for my aunt and jeongyeon plz thank you <3. It was embarrassing to admit that she spent an inhumane amount of time staring at the heart Nayeon carelessly sent her and wondering if it meant anything. Friends can send each other heart emojis, right? But what if this was a sign? Should Mina send one back? 

Her thoughts were interrupted by Yoo Jeongyeon who yelled her name from a few feet away and immediately bounced over. Behind her was an older woman Mina had never seen before. She was beautiful and regal with kind eyes that immediately scanned Mina upon seeing her. This must be Nayeon’s aunt, Im Yoona. 

“You must be Mina,” Yoona greeted when the younger girl bowed, “I’m glad to see that you and Nayeon are now friends.” There was a knowing look in the older woman’s gaze. 

Mina felt her cheeks burn. “Oh, she told you about that, huh?” 

Jeongyeon snickered. “Nayeon tells Auntie a lot of things.” 

The words were daunting. Normally, the thought of Nayeon possibly sharing stuff about her to somebody Mina had no idea about would’ve given her an anxiety attack. But Yoona’s gaze was warm. When she smiled, it calmed Mina’s nerves. 

“Only good things,” the woman promised with a grin that was reminiscent of Nayeon’s.

Even though Mina had only met Jeongyeon a handful of times, she warmed up to her easily enough. The three of them headed to the theater hall where the ceremony was held. Mina listened to Jeongyeon rattling on about Nayeon’s most embarrassing moments, which included eating a slice of butter in front of their fifth-grade class.  It was nice to hear stories of Nayeon being a total idiot, a sentiment shared by Aunt Yoona, who laughed along with every retelling of Nayeon and Jeongyeon’s childhood. 

The ceremony began right on time and the crowd dissolved into silence. Nayeon had sent Mina a selfie of what she was wearing earlier that morning but in the sea of togas and graduation of caps, it was still difficult to see where she was. Mina longed to see her. Her day wasn’t complete if she didn’t see Nayeon’s bunny smile. She thought of it as a shot of serotonin, something that would help her get through the day. 

When half of the student body was called, Jeongyeon bumped her shoulder with Mina’s, seemingly bored. “Nayeon likes you,” the other girl said out of the blue, gauging Mina’s reaction.

Mina’s heart started racing. “I like her too,” she said, hoping that the words wouldn’t be taken romantically. 

“Nah, you’re different.” Jeongyeon smiled. “Did you know that Jihyo and Chaeyoung are hella mad that they didn’t get tickets to the ceremony?” 

Mina raised her eyebrows. “I thought they couldn’t go,” she mumbled. 

“That’s such a fucking lie from Nayeon,” said Jeongyeon with a dry chuckle, “She wanted you here. That means something.” 

The words filled Mina with a different kind of warmth – one that she remembered feeling that day back at the beach, when Nayeon had held her hand. She tried not to smile, tried not to put meaning into Jeongyeon’s observation, but it was hard not to. She wanted Nayeon to return her feelings. What kind of sane person didn’t want the one they’re in love with to return their feelings?

The school finally called Nayeon’s department and Mina swiped her phone open, noting how Jeongyeon and Aunt Yoona did the same thing. A small section of the crowd below stood up and Mina finally caught sight of Nayeon glancing at their side of the bleachers. She didn’t see Mina but it was enough. The fact that she was even looking for them filled Mina’s heart with joy. She resisted the urge to raise her hand and wave, knowing that it might cause a distraction. Instead, she watched as Nayeon followed the line leading to the stage, grinning at her classmates. Even from afar, she was beautiful. Mina couldn’t tear her gaze away but she had to if she wanted to get a good angle. 

After what felt like forever, the announcer called Nayeon’s name, listing her various achievements and honors. Jeongyeon hooted, pumping her fist in the air and making Aunt Yoona laugh. Mina started recording, her phone focused on the older girl as she walked up to the stage. The large, happy grin on Nayeon’s face was infectious and Mina’s own lips curled upward in response.

Nayeon must’ve finally found out where they were sitting because as soon as she got her diploma, she waved it in Mina’s direction, throwing her a thumbs-up along the way. 

Jeongyeon was watching Mina as she put her phone down. “See?” she said knowingly, “She likes you.” 

The ceremony ended an hour later and everybody milled out of the theater hall in a calm manner. As soon as Nayeon spotted them, she ran over, nearly tripping on her toga. Aunt Yoona opened her arms at once, allowing Nayeon to fall straight into them. Jeongyeon snapped a picture. Mina smiled, happy that her friend had a parental figure in her life who seemed to love and cherish her like any real parent would. Life always figured out a way to balance both the good and bad. 

“Now it’s time for the real world,” Aunt Yoona mused, running a hand down the length of her niece’s hair. 

“Aw, are you kicking me out?” Nayeon asked with a small pout. Mina wondered if she imagined the slight fear in the older girl’s voice. 

Aunt Yoona laughed, shaking her head. “And who would throw parties while I’m away on business trips?” 

Nayeon looked sheepish. “Okay, you got me there.”

Mina was still holding the bouquet she had bought. Jeongyeon nudged her lightly, giving her the encouragement she needed. 

“Congratulations, unnie,” Mina said, hoping that the blush on her cheeks wasn’t too noticeable under the heat of the sun, as she handed Nayeon the bouquet. 

Nayeon accepted the gift graciously. “Thank you for coming, Mina-yah.” She looked like she wanted to say something else but must’ve thought better of it, glancing at her aunt and best friend both watching the scene with amused smiles.

“Come on, I’ll take a picture of you two,” Jeongyeon declared, ushering both girls in front of the theater hall. Nayeon’s arm immediately encircled Mina’s waist, pulling her in. The gesture was so intimate that it deepened the blush Mina could feel on her cheeks. But she still leaned into Nayeon’s embrace, letting her hand linger on the small of the older girl’s back, as Jeongyeon took several pictures. The scent of grapefruit filled her senses. In the back of her mind, she wondered if Nayeon tasted like grapefruits too.

+++

Later that night, Mina finished packing to head back home for the summer. Her family had a house in Gangwon but she often spent her break back in Japan, living with either Momo and Sana or her grandmother. All three of their families were all close – a family within a bigger family. But her selfish desire to spend more time with Nayeon had resulted in her first time staying in Seoul. Now she was left in an empty dorm room, the walls bare and the tables devoid of any belongings. Her older brother Kai was going to pick her up the next morning and drive them both home to where their parents were already expecting her. 

Mina still needed to get used to the feeling of not being with Momo and Sana. The empty space around her felt almost unnerving, causing her to jump in surprise when there was a light knock on the door. The time on her phone read 10:09 PM. She was definitely not expecting any guests to come over. 

There was really one person she was hoping to be on the other end of the door but it still pleasantly surprised her to find Nayeon, holding one large pizza box from the local pizzeria down the street in one hand and a plastic bag holding two milkshakes in the other. Mina raised her eyebrows, asking a silent question, and Nayeon simply shrugged. 

“You’re going home tomorrow, right?” she asked, stepping inside when Mina opened the door a bit wider; “I figured you hadn’t eaten anything yet.”

The two of them ate on Mina’s bed, talking idly about their plans for the summer. Nayeon wasn’t immediately going to start applying but she planned on helping out at Jeongyeon’s bakery, like she always did when the season came around. Mina talked about getting a headstart on her capstone project, which she knew was on the syllabus. 

As they talked, Mina realized that Nayeon had stopped eating. In fact, she had only nibbled on the first slice of pizza she took and was now playing around with her food, cutting it into tiny pieces and leaving the rest on the plate. The action was undoubtedly not her. Nayeon inhaled food as if it was a form of oxygen she needed to absorb for survival. 

Mina nudged Nayeon’s knee. “What’s on your mind?” she asked. 

“Hmm?” The older girl shook her head. “Nothing.” But there was a frown pulling at the corner of her lips and Mina had spent enough time with her to know that there really was something on her mind, something she wasn’t confident enough to share. 

Mina gently put away the pizza box after a long pause in which neither of them spoke. “You know you can always tell me anything, right?”

There was an unreadable expression on Nayeon’s face. This expression was harder to decipher. It made Mina’s heart race, wondering if she had done something to warrant such a tough exterior. The worry must’ve been clear in her eyes because Nayeon slowly relaxed, the tension leaving her body. She reached out and placed a hand on top of Mina’s. 

“Have you ever had those dreams where you feel like you’ve lived an entire lifetime?” Nayeon asked, her eyes still unreadable. 

The question was achingly familiar. Mina paused at the intensity of Nayeon’s stare. “I think so,” she answered. 

“I’ve asked you this question before,” Nayeon told her, nudging her in the right direction; “I don’t know if you remember but I told you that I dreamt of you.” 

Mina was nodding along now. “You told me that the world was ending,” she whispered, not really knowing why but simply understanding that this moment was precious, “and the only way to save it was for you and I to kiss.” 

The thought of kissing Im Nayeon, even in a dream, made Mina’s throat go dry. She wanted to say so much at this moment – something crazy, like if you asked me now, I would kiss you or even if the world wasn’t ending, I would still kiss you. But as she licked her lips to say those exact same words, Nayeon was already looking away. Her gaze was transfixed on the wall behind Mina’s head. Whatever she had to say next, it seemed like she needed to say it without holding the younger girl’s stare. 

“I had another dream earlier,” Nayeon told her, her voice so hushed it really did feel like the world was ending. 

Mina swallowed. “What was it about?” 

Nayeon sighed, biting her lip. The action was enough to send a rush of heat through Mina’s chest. It felt like she had just been shot. “I’ll spare you the details,” the older girl said, closing her eyes briefly, like she could still imagine what the dream had been about, “but it was a dream that I didn’t want to wake up from.”

No, Mina wanted to say, fueled by the growing bubble in her chest; tell me, tell me everything. Tell me all your hopes and dreams. Tell me all the prayers you whisper when you’re desperate. Tell me how your day went, how all your days will go. Tell me what scares you in the middle of the night. Tell me how you feel about me. Tell me, I want to know. I want to know everything about you, Im Nayeon. 

Nayeon finally looked her in the eye. “In my dream, you loved me back.” The words, Mina understood, were a confession.

Mina believed in miracles. She believed that there were moments God intervened to save a little boy’s life or stop a car crash from happening or even make it rain just enough to halt an exam Mina wasn’t ready for. But this was the biggest miracle she had ever been graced with – the miracle of being loved back by her beloved. And even though she knew Nayeon didn’t believe in God, maybe she had prayed for this moment to happen too – the same way Mina had every single night before she went to bed. 

Mina wanted to say so much. She wanted to assuage the worry and fear that were now plainly written all over Nayeon’s eyes. She wanted to tell her about her own worry and fear of not being loved back, even though it hadn’t stopped her from wanting more. But her desire to tell Nayeon all these emotions and secrets she held close in her heart was overpowered by her innate desire to just kiss her. 

So she leaned forward, closed her eyes, and kissed her beloved. 

Song of Solomon 1:2, Mina thought as their lips met, Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth – for your love is more delightful than wine.

Nayeon’s mouth was soft and yielding. Her lips tasted like the pizza she had nibbled on earlier but Mina could detect the tiniest flavor of grapefruit. Her heart soared with happiness at having the earlier, unspoken question answered. So this is what it’s like to kiss Im Nayeon, she thought, slowly reaching out to cup Nayeon’s cheek and pulling her closer. They broke apart for a brief moment to inhale a few deep breaths before it was Nayeon’s turn to pull her back in and kiss her deeper, harder this time. In that brief pause, Mina had seen the look in Nayeon’s eyes. It was as if she had searched her entire life for all the answers to her prayers and was now greedily discovering them in Mina’s mouth. 

The bubble in Mina’s chest grew and grew until it felt like her heart was about to explode with pure joy and happiness. She couldn’t help the smile that stretched out on her lips, which interrupted their kiss and infected Nayeon’s own mouth. They broke apart again but didn’t pull back, keeping their foreheads pressed together. 

“I’ve wanted you for so long,” Nayeon confessed, brushing her nose against Mina’s; “This feels unreal.” 

“How long?” Mina asked curiously. 

A shy smile softened the curve of Nayeon’s lips. “Since I dreamt of you that first time,” she answered. 

Mina leaned back in shock. “That was months ago.”

“I know.” Nayeon bit her bottom lip and it almost broke all of Mina’s resolve not to kiss her again. “I wasn’t lying when that dream felt like I had lived an entirely different life,” the older girl continued, tracing Mina’s mouth with her eyes; “In that dream, I fell in love with you. The feeling stayed with me even when I woke up. That’s why I wanted to know you. I wanted to see if you were like what my subconscious conjured up.” Her lips spread into the bunny smile Mina loved so dearly. “But I was wrong. You’re so much better than anything I could’ve ever dreamed of.” 

The confession was too much. Mina wondered if this was what it felt like to see God in person. 

“And then I had my second dream of you,” Nayeon went on, her fingers coming up to smooth out the front of Mina’s shirt, “and this time, you loved me back. I realized that it was all I ever wanted. And I didn’t want to let you go home without telling you first. What if we never saw each other again? I didn’t think I could bear it.” 

Mina couldn’t bear it either. She rushed forward, cupping both of Nayeon’s cheeks into her hands and pulling her in for another kiss. This time, they kissed longer, deeper. The giddiness in Mina’s chest threatened to spill over. She couldn’t stop smiling. Thank God, was all that she could think of, thank God for dreams. 

“Myoui Mina,” Nayeon breathed out when they broke apart for the third time, “I don’t believe in God but I do believe that heaven exists.” Her eyes were shining, her lips curling into a lovestruck smile. The sight tugged at Mina’s heartstrings. “And I believe I’ve found it." 

fin.