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“You know when sometimes you meet someone so beautiful, and then you actually talk to them and five minutes later, they're as dull as a brick. Then there's other people and you meet them and you think, 'Not bad, they're okay.' And then you get to know them and...and they're face just sort of...becomes them, like their personality is written all over it. And they just...they turn into something so beautiful”
~~~
Finn squeezed Clarke's hand gently in what was meant to be reassuring. He offered a relaxed smile and pushed Octavia's front door open. Clarke sighed but followed after him anyway.
They'd been together for years, but Clarke had begun to feel increasingly detached. She cared, yes, but she looked at him and couldn't feel it. He did. His smiles were still warm and in love and Clarke loved enough to wish she loved him more. He kissed the back of her hand and disappeared into the throngs of party people for drinks.
In the meantime, Clarke leaned against the nearest wall and let her eyes wander the party. It was almost wall-to-wall people, all of them drunk and all of them excited. Sweaty bodies pressed against one another as some swayed to the thumping bass line from a playlist Raven must have had a hand in making. There was no possible way Bellamy could have made it as his music taste was horrendous and Octavia had undoubtedly been too busy putting the rest of the party together. Clarke had to laugh, her friends were too predictable. She vowed to find them later and ask.
She was about to push off from the wall to do just that, when her eyes found a set of green ones making a beeline straight for her. Time slowed, music muted, colors thrown into sharper relief.
The world always did that when she saw Lexa.
She came to a stop just before Clarke, a hand outstretched with a drink. The blonde took it and raised it in a 'cheers' motion before taking a sip. She pretended not to notice Lexa's eyes on her now exposed neck or her tongue when it traced over her lips.
"Thank you" she said above the music. Lexa nodded. It was immediately obvious that the girl was fighting back her usual soft smile reserved only for Clarke, but she must have known Finn was nearby, so she let her eyes say it instead. Clarke wondered how her own 'heart eyes' looked.
"How long have you been here?" Lexa asked, pressing her shoulder to the wall beside Clarke's. They were close.
"No more than five minutes. Where's Costia?" If Clarke leaned a little into Lexa, no one knew the difference. The green eyes disappeared behind a raised cup.
"Bathroom last I saw. She always takes her time. She says it's the only time a person is granted true privacy" The blond snorted out a laugh and conversation slipped out. They stopped thinking about where they were, who they were with. It was just the two of them in their small quiet island of space. The rest of the house could have burned down and Clarke wouldn't have noticed because Lexa was there, smiling fondly at her. It seemed as if she lost the battle hide it.
She missed Lexa. There was no other way to say it. She missed the school trips they used to take and how they would always get paired together for a hotel room. She missed how Clarke would put on the most ridiculous song possible and dare Lexa into dancing to it. She missed the stupid way her tube socks made her look utterly adorable. She missed the way she could throw her arms around her best friend and press a sloppy kiss to her cheek. That would be wrong now, misconstrued into something else.
"Careful. Drink too much that fast and the whole party will get a recreation of our sophomore Hershey band trip" Lexa teased, her eyes on Clarke's glass. The blond rolled her eyes.
"If I remember correctly, that was entirely your fault"
"My fault?"
"Yes. You said that I couldn't do it and you knew I would take it as a challenge" Clarke saw the unmistakable twitch at the corner of Lexa's lips. She dipped her head to hide it.
"Take what as a challenge?" The sudden interjection surprised both of them. Costia stood just in the door way of the wall Clarke had backed up against. Her eyes flitted from her girlfriend to her girlfriend's friend with a scared sort of curiosity as if she were dreading the worst.
"Streak through the hotel. We were joking around and she said she'd do it but I didn't believe her" Lexa answered. Clarke didn't like the how quickly her voice had gone from its subtle playfulness to a whole level of terse she'd never known existed.
"Last time she ever said that" she tried to joke. For years afterwards, she could recall with perfect clarity the way Lexa had looked at her once she had whipped off all of her clothes. The look in her eyes had been both utterly new and completely familiar. Tension the likes of which they'd never felt before seeped into the empty space between them. There wasn't a sound beside the sound of their breathing in the hotel room until Clarke - naked as the day she was born - grinned devilishly and threw the door open.
"Oh, wow!" Costia laughed uncomfortably. Her cheeks reddened. It was no secret that that woman didn't know how to handle Clarke. Lexa's relationship with the blond had always been ambiguous to her and the story only added to that mystery. Her arm slipped through Lexa's and that was it. There'd be no more talking for the two of them tonight. "Right, well, we're going to go catch up with a few people. We'll see you around Clarke!" The forced civility was obvious, even to Lexa, but Clarke merely offered an equally polite wave and watched the defined muscles of Lexa's back move through her shirt as she disappeared with Costia into the crowded party. The curly head turned just before they were out of sight and green eyes caught hers.
Suddenly she was as alone as when she'd started. She didn't want the half finished drink in her hand, she didn't want to be alone, she didn't want to be on eggshells around Lexa anymore. She closed her eyes and touched her forehead. Why was her face so warm?
"Sorry I've been gone. I caught Murph just at the drinks and god, he doesn't shut up. Anyway, here's your- oh. You already have one" Finn frowned down at the drink in her hand. "Where'd you get that?" he asked. She shrugged, too tired to answer. "Okay, well it's here if you want it" She didn't want it. With a frustrated huff, she dropped the drink onto a nearby table and breezed into the bathroom. Only with the door shut could she think for a moment.
She dapped her face with water and stared into the mirror above the sink. Why did she let all of this go on? She wanted to be with Lexa for the rest of her life. Why was she still with Finn? Why had she never said anything to Lexa? Because what she had now was bearable and easy. And god-forbid she do something risky. She sighed at her reflection.
"You're looking like you fell a little bit in love tonight" she mumbled to herself. And wasn't that just predictable?