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Beatrice is a very well-reserved woman. It is one of the qualities that made her one of the best sister warriors in the OCS. She’s always patient, calm, and understanding. She’s not likely to get angry and will rarely have arguments or get aggressive. So, it is very unlikely for her to fidget at 9 AM, worrying about where Ava is and having a raging feeling about knowing where exactly the said woman went.
You see, Beatrice was never a jealous person but ever since Ava went to the fair last week, she barely saw her in the morning anymore (given the fact that Ava was never a morning person) and add the fact that ever since that unfortunate day, Ava got nothing else to talk about but Rebecca. Rebecca this. Rebecca that.
“I and Rebecca went to the park today.”
“Did you know Rebecca loves hotdogs?”
“Can’t believe Rebecca stole my ice cream.”
“I feel like Rebecca and I could be cuddle buddies.”
“Do you think Rebecca’s thinking of me too?”
“Bea, you should meet Rebecca.”
She knows she never should feel this way. She is a nun for God’s sake! But ever since they arrived in Switzerland after they ran from Adriel and had to share a bed in their tiny apartment for almost a month now, it is becoming hard for her to repress her growing feelings for the warrior nun.
How can she not? It seems like Ava also knows how to push her buttons in every given situation – her flirty demeanor at her at the bar, her insistence on mandatory hand-to-hand combat sparring session at the end of their training, her playful out-of-the-blue kisses on her cheek, her constant involuntary touches, her demanding late-night cuddles and of course, her ability to make Beatrice’s heart flutter just for being ‘Ava’.
“Bea!”
Ava, her beautiful Ava, glowing like morning sunshine, smiling at her at their front door, giddy of something like she can’t wait for Beatrice to hear whatever made her morning.
“Guess what Rebecca did today,” said Ava while struggling to take her shoes off.
Beatrice however, lost her lovestruck demeanor the moment Ava mentioned Rebecca’s name. She sits up straight while crossing her arms on her chest and started reprimanding Ava. “We’re supposed to train at 8 AM today Ava. Care to explain what’s more important than making sure you’re well-fit enough to fight Adriel?”
Ava who stopped dead in her track guiltily look at Beatrice. “Uhmm…I’m sorry?”
“Sorry is not enough Ava,” Beatrice countered.
“I know! I swear, I’m just… listen, I went out to grab some breakfast for us and I made a little detour to bring Rebecca some food and then I kind of lost track because she looks so happy when
I gave her the food and…”
“I DON’T CARE!” Beatrice burst out. Ava who was in the middle of her rambling stopped and looked at Beatrice with wide eyes, shaken by the woman’s sudden outburst. Beatrice didn’t notice though, she just continued talking. “It’s becoming an everyday thing and it’s starting to become a nuisance. I mean, I don’t even know where you went. You didn’t even bother leaving a note or something. You never even brought your phone. Don’t you realize that you have someone here waiting and constantly worrying about your whereabouts?”
“Bea…” Ava pleaded. But before she can even explain, Beatrice is already raising her hand gesturing for her to stop.
“Before giving me excuses like you forgot or something, let me remind you that I got this bulletin board on our wall for the very same reason.”
“I know,” Ava quietly answered prompting Beatrice to look at her.
Guilt washes over Beatrice knowing her outburst has been a little too much for someone who shouldn’t be jealous. Ava is not hers and pretty sure will never be hers. Beatrice takes a deep breath and then shakes her head while pinching her nose. “Look, I know despite our situation right now you still want to keep some normalcy in your life and I get it. But you should also know how to prioritize things. Training is important. It is part of our mission Ava.” Bottling up the real reason why she’s upset about Ava’s constant morning run with Rebecca, Beatrice dejectedly added, “I’m not trying to keep things out from you but please, just give me this one, okay? It’s for your own sake. You can do whatever you want in the morning just…just make sure you still prioritize your training.”
Ava, who was still a little lost from what was happening, slowly reached out and placed her hand on Beatrice’s arm. “Okay. I’m sorry Bea.”
Beatrice, who finally calm down, looked at the hand on her arm before looking up and catching Ava’s concerned look and misty eyes. Placing her hand over Ava’s hand, Beatrice gave Ava a small smile and say, “I know, I’m sorry too.”
Suddenly, Ava’s launched herself at Beatrice hugging her tight. All the doubts and tension in Beatrice are finally replaced by the warmth of Ava’s embrace. One touch from Ava and her lonely calloused heart is okay and beating again.
***
Their morning routine is back to normal again, as normal as Beatrice can get through. Although Ava is no longer getting late on training, her little morning detour to Rebecca’s is still consistent; and even though it’s making Beatrice upset, seeing Ava happy is enough to wash it all away.
Well, Except maybe today.
Ava is working at the bar while Beatrice is at her usual table working on some papers when suddenly a woman, a very pretty blonde woman, approached Ava with much enthusiasm. This catches Beatrice’s curiosity that she can’t help but watch Ava and this woman like a hawk. There’s so much familiarity between them and Ava, sweet and lovable Ava, is glowing, laughing, and has her full attention with the woman – who in return is also glowing, laughing, and…flirty? Beatrice then wonders, “is it possible she’s Rebecca?”
Blue eyes, red lips, blonde hair, tall with a sexy ass and big boobs, confident, and most of all, hot. Beatrice can’t help but feel intimidated and at worst, inferior. Of course, she’s Ava’s type. If Beatrice is going to be a little bit honest and is not hopelessly devoted to Ava, she might also be charmed by the woman. She seems to be the type who knows what she wanted and is brave enough to parade her attraction with Ava. Unlike Beatrice who got a lot of issues in life, repressed enough to even acknowledge her growing affection for the warrior nun.
“Bea!” Ava waved at her with a big smile that immediately faded upon seeing her sorrowful look at Beatrice. She frowned and excused herself to the woman in front of her and walked towards Beatrice’s table. “Hey Bea, what’s wrong?” Ava asked while placing a hand on Beatrice’s shoulder.
“Huh?!” Beatrice was startled by Ava’s touch distracting her from her inner monologue. “Uhmm…nothing? What are you doing here?”
“I was calling you. I wanted to introduce you to my friend.” The so-called friend who’s still at the bar watching their interaction.
Beatrice frowned at the thought. “No, thank you,” she replied without thinking. Ava who was worried before is now baffled by Beatrice’s response.
“What?! Why?”
Shit, did I say that out loud, Beatrice thought. Looking for an escape, she gathered the papers in front of her and say, “I’m busy.”
“You…you won’t meet my friend because…you’re busy?” Ava asked with a frown not buying Beatrice’s excuse.
“Yep! That’s what I said.” Beatrice shuffled the papers in her hands to emphasize the load of work before waving it in front of Ava’s face. “See? Busy.” Ava who was still baffled at her strange attitude just looked at her trying to read Beatrice behind her façade. “She’s hot though. Good for you!” Beatrice blurted out.
“You…you think she’s hot?” Ava replied with a hint of something in her voice that Beatrice can’t deduce.
Hesitantly, while chewing her lips and fidgeting with her fingers, Beatrice said, “Yeah…Rebecca, right?”
“Rebecca?!” Ava surprisingly asked.
“Uhmm…yeah? I mean you seemed cozy with her so…” If the Earth could swallow her down, now is a good time, Beatrice thought. Ava’s looking at her like she’d grown two heads in an instant and Beatrice can’t do anything but gulp and sweat and wait for the inevitable questions that Ava would throw at her.
Except Ava didn’t. She just suspiciously looked at Beatrice and cautiously replied, “Oh…Okay…yes? I mean, I like her.” Of course, she does. Beatrice scoffed in her head. “But I won’t say…hot?” Ava scrunched her nose while thinking of the right words trying to make sense of Beatrice’s argument. “I mean you do you but I prefer…cute. Maybe, adorable? Hmm…she’s fun to be with and…”
“I CAN BE FUN!” Beatrice cut off with an expression like a deer in a headlight.
“What?!” Ava, for the nth time, was surprised at what Beatrice exclaimed.
“What?!” Beatrice countered. And before Ava could even ask Beatrice, the woman at the bar appeared behind Ava’s back.
“Hey, Ava! Sorry to interrupt but I have to go,” the pretty (no, cute as per Ava) blonde woman with a hot (again no, adorable) personality said.
“Oh!” Ava said surprised. “Yeah of course. Sorry, I’m just talking to Bea here.” She pointed at Beatrice with her right thumb to emphasize while the woman just nodded at her and tentatively looked at Beatrice.
“Hi!” The woman briefly addressed Beatrice before returning her focus to Ava. “I would love to talk more but I’m really in a hurry. Should I expect you again tomorrow morning though?”
“Of course!” Ava enthusiastically replied. “Same time, same place. Don’t miss it!”
The quick hug that the woman gave to Ava was enough for Beatrice to make a subtle exit. She’d maybe accepted the fact that Ava would never see her the way she sees her but Beatrice is not yet at the point of becoming a masochist.
Before she could take another step though, she felt someone grabbing her hand. “Bea…” Ava pleaded.
“It’s getting busy Ava. You should help Hans.” When she realized Ava wouldn’t budge on her place, Beatrice lightly squeezed her hand reassuring her that everything between them is okay. “We’ll talk later, okay?” The gesture seemed enough for Ava to understand. She just dejectedly nods at Beatrice before going back behind the bar and helping Hans in serving drinks.
Later that night, they never got the chance to talk. Beatrice pretended to sleep when Ava comes back from work. And as per their usual routine, Ava never bothered to wake her up. Instead, she just carefully laid beside Beatrice as she wrapped her arms around her waist and snuggled at the sister warrior’s neck inhaling the comforting scent that lull her to sleep.
Ava may not love her but for Beatrice, to be able to have the chance to have the woman in her arms is already a gift that she’ll forever be thankful for and cherish in this life – and the next.
***
It’s both their day off upon Ava’s insistence and secretly, Beatrice is also looking forward to this day since lately she barely sees Ava outside their morning training and working hours. She’s planning on having a fun time with Ava because she can be fun, right? She can be like Rebecca. She can be more than Rebecca.
She thought of having a little picnic with Ava at the park and maybe walking along the beach in the afternoon while they wait for the sunset. Then she can cook Ava’s favorite dinner and they can watch Ava’s favorite movie that she keeps on insisting for Beatrice to watch while Ava cuddled with her on the couch. It is this little moment with Ava that Beatrice treasured most.
She is sitting at their old ragged couch reading a book while waiting for Ava to finish her so-called ‘morning errands’. However, morning and afternoon have passed but Ava hasn’t come home yet and Beatrice is starting to get worried. She tried calling Ava’s phone but she’s only being redirected to voicemail. She even distracted herself by arranging the things needed for her planned picnic and when she was finished, she also started preparing the things she’ll need for the dinner. When all is done and there was nothing more to do and Ava’s still not home, Beatrice started pacing back and forth thinking of the places Ava could go to.
Before she can formulate different worst-case scenarios in her brain, the front door opened. Ava entered wearing her favorite denim jumper and has mud all over as she rolled on it. Upon closer look, she got cuts and scrapes on her arms and her hair is messy with some leaves sticking to it.
“Ava!” Beatrice run to her and hugged her tight which, although surprised, Ava reciprocated.
“Hey, Bea! Wow, it’s nice to be greeted like this.” Ava playfully swayed them both while Beatrice tightly hold-on to her. After a second, Beatrice loosened up but never remove her arms around Ava. She just leaned back to further inspect Ava’s appearance.
“What happened to you? I was worried.” Beatrice placed her hand on Ava’s cheek while the latter happily leaned on it like she was savoring the moment.
“It’s nothing Bea,” Ava tried to dismiss.
“It’s not nothing, Ava. You’re hurt and I’m worried.” Beatrice looked at Ava with misty eyes while softly removing the dirt on Ava’s cheek using her thumb. Ava was moved by the sister warrior’s gesture and sweet smile prompting Beatrice to look at her lips and then back to Ava’s twinkling eyes.
“It was just a silly accident, Bea.” Ava’s voice is soft. But before Beatrice got tempted to lean in and close the gap, Ava added, “I was walking at the park with Rebecca…” Beatrice felt like cold water was thrown at her ruining the serenity of the moment. She immediately took a step back as she got burned by Ava’s touch. Ava on the other hand was puzzled. “As I was saying, I’m walking with Rebecca at the park, and clumsy I didn’t see the big rock on our path. To cut the story short, I tripped and then I didn’t realize it was a sloping path so I fell, face first in a puddle of mud then I started rolling over straight to the bush.”
Beatrice could laugh at Ava’s misadventure if not for the fact that this happened with Rebecca on her side. Ava strolling in the park with Rebecca. Ava having fun with Rebecca – at the park, where Beatrice planned to have a picnic with Ava.
“Rebecca didn’t even help you.”
Beatrice’s question only urged Ava to recount a happy memory – if the little jumping and the keen expression on Ava’s face was enough proof. “Oh yeah, she did! But she also ends up falling and rolling.” Ava laughed oblivious to Beatrice’s sour expression. “You should see us, Bea, we’re both dirty and stinky.”
“Dirty and stinky,” Beatrice repeated with a tinge of disdain in her voice. “And she didn’t even bother with your wounds?”
Ava still unaware of Beatrice’s change in tone answered, “well she tried to kiss it better…”
Beatrice scoffed. Loud and mad with both of her hands on her waist while tipping her head up and looking at the ceiling. Ava on the other hand is puzzled. She’s trying to decipher Beatrice who is now tapping her foot like she’s contemplating something.
“Bea…Beatrice.” Ava called her out but Beatrice still refused to look at her. When Ava tried to reach out for her, Beatrice stepped back and shake her head. If Ava is not looking directly at her she’ll miss the small drop of tears that escaped from Beatrice’s misty eyes. “Bea…” she tried again. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing Ava. Just go and take a shower while I prepare our dinner. The halo should have healed you by then.” Beatrice turned her back not allowing Ava to see her pain.
“It’s not nothing, Bea,” Ava called out. She’s determined to figure out this tension between her and Beatrice. “I feel like lately, all I’m doing is disappointing you.”
“Ava”
“No Bea, let me finish.” Ava tried to reach out to Beatrice again but contemplated it. She just tucked her hands in her pocket while trying to gather her thoughts. “Something has changed and… I’m not sure what it is but… Bea, are we okay?”
Beatrice who still had her back to Ava slowly and tentatively stepped forward at the kitchen table and leaned in placing both of her hands on its surface. She’s lost in her thoughts and drowned in her sorrow. Ava’s happy voice saying ‘Kiss it better’ keeps on being repeated in her head. She never even realized that Ava already approached her, hugging her from behind.
“I’m sorry Bea. Whatever I did, I’m sorry.”
Out of the blue and with so much force, Beatrice punched the table and cried, “I COULD KISS YOU BETTER!” Her whole body is tense and shaking. So many years of repression and bottled feelings. Beatrice is like a volcano – ready to erupt at any moment. “Yes, I can do that.” Beatrice confidently nodded at herself with tears flowing in her eyes. “I can be fun. I can roll in the mud. I can be dirty and stinky. I…I can be flirty. I can be normal. I can revoke my vows. I can… I can be whomever you want me to be. I…”
It’s like a dam has been broken and Beatrice lost all her strength. Ava who’s stunned at this revelation catches Beatrice when her legs started to give up. They are slumped now on the floor. Ava hugs Beatrice from behind murmuring assurance and encouragement to calm the sister warrior who is on the verge of having a panic attack.
“I’m here Bea. Breathe with me.”
They stay like that until Beatrice calms down. They never spoke to each other after, instead, they silently went to bed, wrapped in each other’s arms, exhausted from the flood of emotions that were released that night. Tomorrow, they will talk.
***
They didn’t talk.
Beatrice avoided Ava like the plague and Ava is losing her patience. Enough is enough though, it’s Beatrice’s birthday and Ava is determined to make the most of the day and maybe solve this little tension between them and maybe, if she’s lucky, they can seal the day with a kiss.
You see, Ava might be thoughtless and at one point self-centered or her ignorance is a little bit of a downer sometimes but Ava is nothing but patient and determined – especially when it comes to her growing feelings with Beatrice; feelings that she now knew are reciprocated without a doubt.
“Ava!”
Speaking of.
“Hi, Bea!” Ava, sitting in the kitchen with her feet at top of the table, greeted Beatrice with a wide smile but the sister warrior just ignored her as she hastily gathered her things. “Why are you in a hurry?” she innocently asked.
This provoked Beatrice to stop and frustratingly looked at Ava. “Why am I in a hurry?! You switched off my alarm and now I’m 30 minutes late for work. Fuck, where are those damn keys!”
“First, language. Second, no you’re not and third, are these the keys you’re looking for?” She showed Beatrice the keys and jiggled them to further tease the woman now scrutinizing her for whatever game she was planning.
Sighing, Beatrice stands straight, crossed her arms, and give Ava her most intimidating look. “Ava, I don’t have time for your games. Give me the keys and please, take your feet off the table”
Ava just gave Beatrice a nonchalant shrug. “Why? You don’t need this. I just told you that you don’t have work.”
“What do you mean I don’t have work? My off-day is on Wednesday not today.”
“Nope, you don’t. I changed the schedule.”
“You what?! Ava… you can’t just change the schedule without informing me.” Beatrice is starting to get agitated. Whatever Ava is planning she’s not ready. She knows at some point they have to talk. Confessing her feelings in the middle of a panic attack was awkward and messy. Besides, Ava is still seeing Rebecca, and what Beatrice needed right now is a soft blow of rejection.
“But Bea…I have a good reason though.” Ava pouted.
“If you’re just going to say something about going to the park or trying hotdogs in a cart, you could just ask Rebecca. You don’t have to bother me and ruin my schedule.”
“Rebecca?” Ava frowned thinking of why the hell Beatrice is talking about Rebecca. Then, as if a light bulb lit on her head, Ava figured it all out. Beatrice is jealous. All this time, Beatrice is jealous – of Rebecca. Ava laughed. She laughs and laughs almost to the verge of tears.
Beatrice is confused and mad. Ava is mocking her. “If you’re just going to laugh at me, I better get going. I have work to do.” Beatrice attempted to leave but Ava just blocked her.
“Oh no you don’t,” Ava said. She’s looking at Beatrice in mischief but her eyes are showing an affection that sends Beatrice into a pit of different emotions. “I have plans for us today Bea.”
“You…you do?” Beatrice is in a puddle of a mess now. Ava is stepping closer to her, leaning in to nuzzle her neck before whispering, “Happy birthday Bea.”
It is just when Ava loudly kissed her on the cheek that Beatrice gets back into consciousness.
“You remember my birthday?” No one remembered her birthday, Beatrice thought. Even her parents never bothered. The sister at the OCS was too busy with training that most of the time, birthdays just slipped off their mind. But here, in Switzerland, Ava, her dear Ava, remembered her birthday.
“Of course, I do. I’ve been planning your birthday for two weeks now. It’s why I went to the fair alone. I was looking for the best gift for you.”
Beatrice smiled at Ava. She can’t help but reach for her and caress her face, her beautiful face. “You don’t have to buy me anything, Ava. Having you here with me is already a gift.”
Ava grinned at her while placing her arms around Beatrice’s neck. “Sister Beatrice, are you flirting with me?”The nun in question was startled as she tried to step back but Ava kept holding her. “Hey, no. Bea, look at me.” Beatrice did look at her with unshed tears in her eyes. “We’ll talk, okay?” Ava softly looked at Beatrice waiting for the latter to give her attention. When Beatrice nodded, Ava continued “Good. But first, we will spend the day according to plan. I worked a lot for this day to be perfect because you deserve that. And secondly, you got nothing to worry Bea. I can assure you the feeling is mutual. Okay?”
Beatrice is dumbfounded. Did Ava just say the feeling is mutual? Does that mean she feels the same? Before she could spiral down the rabbit hole, Ava is already tugging her.
“C’mon Bea! First stop, the park.” Ava tightly holds Beatrice’s hand. She lovingly stared at Beatrice for a second before she playfully grin. “I think it’s time for you to finally meet Rebecca.”
Well fuck! Beatrice thought.
Beatrice saw her before they even approached her. The cute blonde woman with an adorable personality. She’s holding a dog while talking to another attractive woman. God! no wonder why Ava loves the park, Beatrice thought.
Ava excitedly tugged her hand as she introduced Beatrice to the women. “Hi, guys! This is Beatrice, my Bea.”
In return, the women smile and waved at Beatrice. “So, you’re the infamous Beatrice. It was nice to finally meet you. My name is Therese,” the other attractive woman said. Beatrice shakes her hand but her attention is on the cute blonde woman.
“She wanted to meet Rebecca!” Ava eagerly said.
Caught off guard, Beatrice tried to remain casual. “Oh, yeah. A pleasure to meet you,” she tight-lipped smiling at the cute blonde woman while offering her hand for a shake. But the woman just amusedly stared at her hand for a good minute before she hesitantly shakes Beatrice’s hand. Ava, on the other hand, is struggling to contain her laugh which confused the hell out of Beatrice.
Woof!
The awkward moment was cut off by the dog who decided to nudge Beatrice with her paw. “Oh, hi there! And what is your name?”
Woof! The dog barked and just stare at Beatrice as if they are stating the obvious. Beatrice is not sure what to do though. She looked at Ava to ask for help but the warrior nun just bursts out laughing.
“Ava, what on earth is funny?”
“I knew it! I fucking knew it! Now it makes sense.”
“What makes sense?” Beatrice is confused and maybe a little bit ashamed.
“Her name is Rebecca,” the blonde woman answered for Ava. “And my name is Lucia.”
“What?!” Beatrice is now fully mortified. Rebecca is…a dog. A fucking dog. All this time, she’s been jealous of the dog. Rebecca loves hotdogs, Rebecca loves to cuddle, Rebecca rolled in the mud, and Rebecca kissed Ava. “Oh my God!” she exclaimed.
Ava is still wiping the tears from the laughter in her eyes when Beatrice faced her. “Rebecca is a dog?” Ava nodded with a big smile on her face. Beatrice looked at Ava before looking back at Rebecca in disbelief before she laughed. She laughed so hard and Ava laughed with her.
They are walking hand in hand on the beach looking for the perfect spot to watch the sunset. They just had a meal in an upscale restaurant that Ava’s been eyeing since they arrived in Switzerland.
“I think we overspend in that restaurant,” Beatrice said. “But I can also say that it is worth our money.”
“Hmm…don’t worry Bea. We still have enough in our savings. You have to thank Rebecca for that,” Ava teased.
Beatrice’s face is turning red from blushing. She still can’t believe Rebecca is a dog. “Care to save me from my further embarrassment by explaining that?”
“Oh well. As I said before, I’ve been planning your birthday for weeks now. And by planning it means I’m also saving. Then I met Lucia, Therese, and Rebecca at the fair. The ladies saw how Rebecca easily get at ease at me so they offered me a part-time job to dog sit Rebecca while they are at work.”
Oh. Now the ground can swallow Beatrice.
She takes both of Ava’s hands and lightly squeezed it asking for Ava’s attention. “I feel like I owe you an apology Ava,” Beatrice said sincerely.
Ava just stared at her and smiled. She removed one of her hands from Beatrice's grip to touch the woman’s cheek. “How about a kiss to make up for it?” she wistfully asked.
“Are you sure?”
“Are you?”
“I’ve never been sure of anything Ava.” Beatrice leaned in with tears in her eyes and Ava meet her with her lips. The first kiss was tentative and soft as if they are still both trying to grasp the moment. “I love you, Ava.”When Beatrice leaned in again for the second time, Ava intensely reciprocated; both trying to convey all the love and devotion they have for each other.
“I love you too Bea.”
With Ava around, Beatrice allowed herself to be open and washed all the doubts and guilt her parents made her believe. With Ava around, there’s no question about whether her vow still matters or not. As long as Ava is around, Beatrice will devote herself to her. Love her and protect her in this life or the next.