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She is going to completely melt away.
As his left hand tangles in her locks while gently holding her face, his right hand warm on her thigh, his lips softly meshing with hers, she’s certain she’s going to transform into an actual puddle.
She wasn’t expecting to be so swept away by a soft, sweet kiss, especially one in view of a Vietnamese food truck and a parking lot.
But it is everything.
It holds so much weight, being the first true kiss between her and Tim that wasn’t labeled with the term “undercover”. This was a kiss with all obstacles removed, where they were free to finally be fully themselves.
She feels every ounce of that freedom as she deepens the kiss, wanting to feel him as close as possible.
Out of all her relationships that came before, she has never felt this steady and sure so fast. It should be freaking her out, but the fear isn’t there. For once it feels so incredibly right. She can already see how her and Tim’s puzzle pieces, even the beat-up ones with the ragged edges, fit together beautifully, perfectly.
It’s unprecedented, but she’s embracing it with open arms. It’s what she’s been hoping for her whole life.
And it finally hits her just how close she came to not having any of it.
She and Tim have had so many close calls over the years, from the very beginning when he was shot on her second day. The risks of the job were always woven into the reality of their relationship, whatever stage it happened to be in at the time.
But the very real fact that Tim could have fallen to his death only hours before seizes her heart with a new level of terror. She could be sitting in grief right now, having lost him before they’d even had a chance to begin.
She grabs his leg to ground herself as the emotions she hadn’t let herself process yet start to pull her under. She wants to stay in her blissful bubble, where Tim continues kissing her and she can bask in her happiness. But she knows they can’t gloss over this and pretend it never happened.
It seems Tim can sense her shift and gently pulls back to investigate.
His soft expression breaks her as tears fill her eyes.
Clearly alarmed, he immediately reaches for her hand. “Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?”
Lucy shakes her head. “No, no you didn’t. This whole night is perfect. You’re perfect.”
Tim scoffs. “I think you, more than anyone, are well aware I’m not perfect.”
“Take the compliment and run, Tim.”
Shaking his head fondly, he says, “Fine. But what is going on?”
She exhales with a small groan, trying to shake the heaviness of the emotions off her a little. “It’s…today, you almost dying. I know I joked with you, but it terrified me. I just wasn’t ready to face the full reality of it, until it hit me just now.”
Tim nods, giving her space to continue as his thumb strokes her hand.
“I mean, I’ve been worried about you lots of times before, but it feels so different now. I could have lost you today. And I swear I’m not trying to ruin tonight, but it just hit hard. Time is not a guarantee, and I’m glad we’re finally doing something about our feelings.”
Tim’s hands move to her face to cradle it, as he looks at her as if she was the most precious thing in the world to him. With a jolt, she realizes maybe she is.
“If we’re being completely honest,” he begins, “when we were hanging off the edge, all I could think about was you. How unfair it would be to die without getting a chance to redo our first date, to have this relationship with you after hoping for it for longer than I care to admit. Worrying about causing you any kind of pain. Wanting to hear your voice one last time. I could’ve kissed the pavement when I made it out of the shop.”
“I’d rather you just kiss me again,” Lucy says, smiling through her tears.
So he does, with even more tenderness than before.
The softness this man is capable of exuding is going to be her undoing. Of that she has no doubt.
“Lucy?” he says as a question against her lips.
“Yes?”
He pulls back so he can face her. “I know we can’t make any real promises about our safety, but what I can promise you is I will do everything in my power to come back to you at the end of each day.”
Placing her hand on his chest, she responds, “I promise the same.”
He grins. “Good.”
“Good.”
“You know, maybe we should try actually eating this food we got.”
She laughs, wiping the last of her tears away. “Yes, great idea.”
They naturally let other topics enter the conversation as they eat, the awkwardness from the night before long gone. Their conversation ebbs and flows at a comfortable pace, and she loves how he can surprisingly keep up with her and all her talking.
After a slight lull, she decides she can’t help herself. “You know, I still can’t believe we’re actually doing this.”
“Me neither.”
“I guess it’s been a long time coming?”
“I guess?” he draws out suspiciously.
“So, longer than you care to admit, hmm?”
Tim affectionately rolls his eyes. “Oh no, we’re not playing this game.”
“Oh come on, at least give me a year.”
“All the years run together.”
“Tim!” She tries to sound exasperated, but she can’t help but giggle.
He laughs.
“I don’t know that I could come up with a specific moment, anyway. You’ve just been growing on me for a long time, Chen.”
“I could say the same…Bradford.”
“You have never called me that.”
“Well, maybe I’ll start.”
“Well, maybe this date’s over.”
“Aha! You admit you’ve always liked me calling you Tim!”
“You’ve always had a knack for being an exception to the rules.”
“Mmhmm. And you liked every second of it,” she says, her heart soaring at how much fun she was having. She still wasn’t over Tim’s near brush with death, and wouldn’t be for a while, but she was determined to keep herself fully in this moment, enjoying every nook and cranny of this date, because as far as she was concerned, this could very well be her last first date, an idea that made her toes curl in excitement.
But was he actually on the same page?
“Hey, um, I didn’t freak you out with the grandkids comment, right?”
“I’m still here, aren’t I?”
“Tim….” she trails off.
He leans in to give her a quick peck. “I don’t think there’s anything you could say that would make me run from this. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Oh, well in that case I’ve been meaning to tell you that I actually hate the Rams,” she says, mentally kicking herself for being unable to hide the smile in her voice.
“Nice try.”
“And the Dodgers.”
“Nope, not gonna work,” he responds, folding his arms across his chest.
“And I’m leaving the LAPD to become a screenwriter.”
“Face it, Lucy, you’re stuck with me.”
Grinning, she leans in to kiss him once more. “I can work with that.”
As her lips brush his, she thinks she could work with that for a really long time.
Maybe forever.