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Your breath came heavy, and your throat felt like it was burning, but you couldn’t stop, you just needed to steal one bandana from Raph, you’d never gotten so far before while training with him, but you were determined to win this time.
Ever since the Kraang attacked, Raph hadn’t given you a chance to train with him, always trying to avoid taking too much space, being too loud, too strong when treating someone, you wanted to prove to him that you weren’t something delicate he could crush when in grasp, you wanted him to be loud and big, wanted him to give you back the strong hugs he used to.
He was just about to reach you when your size became useful against his, being small enough compared to the turtle to catch an opening on his stance and rush under his arm, the bandana in your grasp.
You both breathed heavily before your grin brightened as you looked up at him, waving the bandana in your hand at his surprised gaze “Well big guy, looks like I just got movie night privileges doesn’t it?” He rolled his eyes fondly at yours before reaching out with one of his hands to your head, his touch a little softer than it used to be, but familiar as he ruffled your hair.
“Alright shrimp, you just got lucky, but Raph’s gon’ beat you to it next time” he finished with his arms crossed and your grin widened slightly realizing he was willing to train with you again, you were making progress.
“You’re on, but right now I just need a really long shower, ugh” you were finally relaxing from the overexertion and you were sure you reeked, if you were going to have a sleepover here you weren’t going to let Raph smell your stink, plus, if you passed by Donnie in the way he would definitely let you know how bad it was.
Raph lifted one of his arms and sniffed a bit before making a face “Yeah, me too, come on! Grab your bag and let’s go.”
You followed behind Raph to the bathroom, before you could reach the door it opened, and Leo came out through it, a giant wave of mist right behind him while he whistled with a towel on his shoulders.
“Leo!” Raph growled and his brother stiffened up, only his eyes traveling up to the snapping turtle “Did you stay there until you finished the hot water?”
“Noooo?” he dragged the ‘o’ before chuckling slightly and running away before Raph growled again, the eldest just sighed and turned to you.
“You can go first, there’s probably enough warm water for one” He offered and you thought over your options for a moment before coming to a conclusion, a risky one? Sure, but despite your now clammy hands and nervousness you strolled inside the bathroom while one of your hands pulled a very confused Raph alongside you.
“Let’s just go in together, I’ll keep a pair of shorts on and we’ll share the water” You managed to keep your voice firm despite everything but avoided Raph’s eyes like the plague as you placed your bag over the edge of the sink to pull out a pair of shorts, thankful that you carried an extra pair.
Raph had made a strangled noise from behind you but when you whipped to look at him he had his back to you, opening the curtain to the shower and seemingly very interested in the tub.
Once you both were ready you entered the shower with the water thankfully still somehow warm.
Neither of you turned to look at the other, your heartbeat racing as you were still nervous for what you had just suggested, sure, Raph didn’t wear clothes really and he had seen you without a shirt before, but this was just way more intimate somehow and awkward as you both tried to shower beside each other, managing around your sizes to both get turns under the water.
After a bit you kind of bumped into his side and Raph tensed up even more immediately, you looked up at him for the first time since you entered the bathroom and your eyes clashed, you chuckled nervously before speaking “Chill Raph, you look like you just hit me”
In your defense, you weren’t thinking straight right now, if you ever had, but that just seemed like the wrong thing to say after Raph turned away from you with a grimace, once again, he looked like he was trying to make himself smaller, less hostile, your heart clenched.
“Raph, talk to me” You murmured, just loud enough to be heard over the water “You’ve been quieter, smaller, and I know you’re tired, you always seem so tired Raph” with a little bit of confidence your hand reached out for his, he almost pulled away but instead he squeezed back slightly.
You both stayed quiet for a moment before the water went cold, shivering slightly he let go of your hand “Come on, let’s talk in my room” He said, giving you a small smile, too weak for your liking, but you returned it with a nod, the embarrassment of your moment in the shower momentarily forgotten while you both dried up.
Once you’d reached his subway car Raph guided you to his bed, you followed and sat down, his weight soon accompanying you slightly further away.
There was silence at first, just the sound of your breathing before Raph sighed.
“I keep seeing myself hurting everyone, going on a rampage, most of the time I have a tentacle for an arm and it’s around Leo’s neck, holding him up tightly” Raph shuddered for a moment and you leaned closer to him, placing a hand on his knee to remind him you were there, there was a moment before he resumed “I’ve always been an angry guy, and I’ve learned to control most of it, but Raph wasn’t in control back then, I was jus’… so full of rage, and it wasn’ even my rage what if-”
He stuttered slightly before looking at you with those big eyes, glimmering with tears on their corners “What if I lose control, it’s so easy to hurt, I don’t want to hurt them, I don’t want to hurt you.”
Your arms were suddenly around him as far as you could go, and his breath hitched “You won’t Raph” you squeezed “That wasn’t you Raph, that would never be you and it wasn’t your fault, you were being manipulated, you were doing it against your will, there is no way you would ever hurt any of us unless it was against your will” his arms went around you “We’re not made of glass, you won’t break us Raph and you don’t have to deal with this alone just because you’re the eldest brother, you can rely on us.” He was holding you tightly now, unafraid unlike the way he had been with you after the attack, you felt wet tears on your shoulder and let him cry while you held the big turtle, patting his head while you did.
“I missed this,” You said “Missed you holding me tight” his head had lifted slightly from your shoulder and he sniffed with a small chuckle.
“It was harder to avoid you than everyone else, since I always want to be near you."
You both stilled, arms still around each other while processing what he’d said. Trying to see his expression you leaned back slightly, watching his nervous face meeting your own flustered one.
There was a moment of you both just looking at each other nervously before his gaze fell on your lips for a second, your eyes widened, you almost couldn’t believe it, because you weren’t misinterpreting the situation, right??
“Have you-” you cleared your voice and his eyes went back to yours, making you wonder if he had been that close the whole time “have you ever uh…” your eyes wandered traitorously down to his own lips and you heard Raph give the most minuscule gasp you’ve heard before he shook his head slightly, you swallowed looking back up at his eyes “me neither.”
He’d leaned closer slowly like he was asking for permission, but you were so done with him being careful with you, your arms still surrounded him and you pulled him close to connect your lips, at first a bit roughly before you both relaxed into each other, his hands trailed over your back while you kissed, a little awkwardly but it didn’t matter, you could feel him smile into the kiss and it made you giddy, smiling too as your teeth clashed a bit with his own.
You spent the night in each other’s arms, he slept better like that, holding you tight, without worrying that he would break you.