Chapter Text
Logan had known the truth for quite a while, but he hadn’t wanted to believe it.
He was useless.
The more Thomas’ mental state worsened, his anxiety and intrusive thoughts grabbing hold stronger with every passing day, the more Logan noticed his control over any of it slowly slipping away.
He’d worked so hard to keep a firm grip on his own mind, his schedule, his behavior so that he could best benefit Thomas… And yet, here he was, slipping up with sarcastic remarks, angry outbursts, and now laziness?
Thomas deserved better, and Logan knew that.
Thomas needed a logic center who would perform properly, do his job without all these imperfections, and actually succeed in keeping Thomas on track so he could achieve happiness.
Logan couldn’t do that, so why was he still there? Why did he continue to try?
He gazed blankly at the room around him. What was meant to be neat and organized was instead utterly cluttered and impossible to sort without time and patience–neither of which did Logan have to spare these days.
He couldn’t help Thomas in this state, and the workload had long since surpassed what he knew himself capable to handle. At this rate, he would forever be in the red, never able to achieve what he was meant to be, never able to help Thomas simply function as an adult–the one thing he was there to do. His whole meaning for existence left unattained.
He was useless.
Logan honestly wondered if it was more bewildering to him that he hadn’t realized his futility sooner or that he had even managed to last this long without being replaced.
Sure, he had the passion to see Thomas succeed someday. He wanted to see Thomas grow and mature and conquer the world in all the ways he dreamed…
But Logan hadn’t done nearly enough to help. Hell, he’d sabotaged Thomas’ goals with his own incompetence!
If only something had clicked in Thomas’ mind, something had stepped in to replace this faulty part, this broken logic. Then maybe he wouldn’t have to watch Thomas fail.
Maybe Thomas would be happier.
He could argue that he tried, but it didn’t matter how much Logan wanted to help if none of the support he provided benefited anyone. His schedules and charts meant nothing to Thomas and the other sides. The information he provided was clearly only optional, not needed. He was never doing enough. They deserved the absolute best he could give, but what had they all received instead? Doubt. Regret. Irrationality, even.
It didn’t matter if his intentions were good if the resulting impact was terrible.
If he wasn’t producing results, then why was he still around? The others may have dealt more heavily in emotions, but at least they still accomplished what they set out to do.
They served their purpose.
As illogical as those tasks may seem to him at times, the others did always complete them.
They helped Thomas; they made him happy and gave him fulfillment.
When has Logan ever managed to accomplish such things?
Some days, he has the energy to complete an extra project, to get a surplus of work done. Other days, his productivity screeches to a halt, and he winds up with even more work left unfinished for the next day.
One step forward, four steps back. Another step back. Another. And another.
No matter the small progress he makes in one day, it never catches up to the large amounts of detriment that’s already in place and ever-increasing.
It was useless.
He was useless.
Why hadn’t he just stopped wasting Thomas’ time already? He should just give up.
It would be better for everyone that way.