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it's not like you've ever tried to stay

Summary:

Arven sighed. He really didn't know how to start this.

"Hi, Mom." Okay, that's a good start, he supposed.

Then he sighed. "I don't know how to feel about you."

or: arven's feelings toward his mother are complicated. he tries talking it out with her. takes place in the scarlet universe.

Notes:

hi i did not beta this lmao. anyway i have thoughts about arven so i'm gonna write something else. you ever think about how he probably doesn't know how to rely on other people for help with his problems because he's had to help and care for himself for so long

anyway title from ykwim? by yot club its a banger go listen

Work Text:

"Sorry, Mabosstiff. You're gonna have to sit out for this one."

The pokemon in question whined, giving him the sweetest and most persuasive eyes it could manage. Arven almost felt his heart sway, but he stood firm. He scratched behind its ears as he grabbed its PokeBall. "I'm sorry, bud. I want to do this alone."

Mabosstiff whined again, this time maybe in concern, but Arven put him in his Pokeball before he could protest any more. He sighed, dropping his head, before standing up and facing the lab.

Really, he figured he should be feeling a bit more. But mostly he felt numb. Anxious, maybe, but mostly numb. He rolled his shoulders back half-heartedly, before sighing and walking into the lab.

Arven set down his bag gently, taking in the scene before him. Even though he had seen it before, back when he hadn't confirmed the truth, the sight was still… jarring. Maybe even more so, now that he knew what happened here. Juliana had only told him bits and pieces, but he could fill in the blanks.

Slowly, Arven sat cross-legged on the floor, rubbing his knees anxiously. stared ahead at the destroyed furniture blankly, wondering how different his life would be if this crater never existed. He wondered if his Mom would hear the words he was going to say. He didn't know if he wanted her to.

Arven sighed. He really didn't know how to start this.

"Hi, Mom." Okay, that's a good start, he supposed.

Then he sighed. "I don't know how to feel about you."

The silence resounded around him, and his words bounced around in his brain. He closed his eyes. "The AI said you really loved me. I…"

Arven leaned back. "I don't know how that's true. You… left me. You left me alone for your own dream. I was… I mean, I was just a kid. I only had Mabosstiff, and there's not much he could really do, especially after he got injured. In this crater. You left me to chase your dream of Pokemon from the past living here in the present.

"But… you loved me." He chuckled, but it rang hollow. "How does that make sense?"

He had been so lonely those years. Sure, some professors at the academy would come check on him sometimes, but he was usually by himself. Well, with Mabosstiff. But he never found himself making any friends, especially not any his age. He never had anyone to… to hang out with, to play tag with, to have a sleepover with… and he especially didn't have anyone to scold him when he stayed up too late. No one to help when Mabosstiff's health declined further and further, no one to comfort him when he cried, fearing the worst for his only friend.

"Your dream… Why did it take priority over me?" Arven found himself muttering. "You wanted to see the Pokemon from that scarlet book. You… wanted a future with them. That's so…" He wrapped his arms around himself. "I don't know what to think. Did you do it for yourself? You… She said something about paradise. Did you want that? Why? Why would you–?"

He stopped. Blinked his eyes up at the ceiling and forced the tears back as he realized. "...Did you do that for me, Mom?"

Maybe it was just sentiment, or the dying wish of love from his mother pushing through all logic and evidence, but… to him, it made sense. Maybe not on the same scale, but… he knows how hard he worked to hone his cooking skills. He loved cooking, he loved food, he wanted to share that with anyone he might become friends with. He wanted to share that with Mabosstiff. He… wanted to share it with his Mom, if she ever came back.

His eyes drop to the floor. "I didn't need a paradise, Mom. I needed… I needed you." A quiet sob escaped him, and he dropped his head into his hands. Tears ran down his face, no matter how hard he tried to stop them, the pain and sadness and loneliness and grief piercing his heart all at once. He felt another stab every passing second, every passing thought, and for a while, all he could really do was cry.

But eventually, he wiped his eyes, scrubbing them closed and leaving them so. He took a deep breath, and let himself talk.

"I think… I think you were a good person, Mom." He bows his head solemnly. His voice was still heavy with grief. "At least, I hope so. You were so… in love with the past, with your dream… that ideal future you wanted for me, it consumed you. It took priority… over me.

"And… that really sucked, Mom. You kind of messed me up. A lot. Your paradise and your son couldn't fit into the same schedule. I missed you so much, and I hated you so much. I didn't know anything. And even now, I'm still… upset. But I get it now. I'm not happy about it, but I get it. And despite it… I don't hate you anymore, Mom."

He sighed, the sadness resonating somewhere in his chest. Not as a dagger, but maybe as a shield. Slowly, Arven stood up, swinging his bag over his shoulder as he did. He rubbed his thumb over Mabosstiff's Pokeball.

"I hope you're enjoying the past, Mom. Goodbye."

He turned towards the door, but paused.

"...I... love you, Mom."