Work Text:
"Osamu, really?"
"Yes! Come on Chibi, it won't be that bad!"
"Ugh. Fine but do we have to wear these ugly ass sweaters?"
"But Slug, these sweaters are cute! We also match!"
"You are such an ass, Mackerel."
"I know but I am yours."
"That you are. I am yours as well."
Chuuya smiled at the genuine grin that lit up his boyfriend's face.
_____
Chuuya watched the fire in front of him burn as he pulled the blanket around him tighter. He missed the days when everything was fine and when he and Dazai were together. It has been a year since Dazai broke up with him. It was out of the blue. Chuuya didn't see it coming, especially in text form. He didn't know where everything went so wrong. They were fine the day before, having just had a date in their special spot. A spot they had found when they were younger, it looked out over the city but it was far enough away that they could see the stars at night. Chuuya smiled forlornly at the fire as he remembered all the good times they had shared. He really thought everything was fine.
_____
Smiling, Chuuya looked at his boyfriend with softening eyes. He couldn’t believe they have been dating for 4 years now. He honestly thinks it is a miracle considering they hated each other when they grew up together. He snuggles his knees closer to his chest as he watches his boyfriend frown at his phone.
“Everything okay, Mackerel?” He didn’t like the frown that was on Dazai’s face. Dazai had been distant lately, always looking at his phone. He stared at his phone as if he wanted to be anywhere but reading whatever was on it.
“Yeah. Just idiots thinking they can tell me what to do, Love.” Dazai smiled at him which made Chuuya move from his spot. He cuddled up to Dazai’s side with a sigh. He felt an arm wrap around his shoulder squeezing him tightly as if Dazai didn’t want to ever let go.
“I love you, Chuuya. Always remember that.” Chuuya’s brows furrowed as he looked up at his boyfriend. He moved to his knees wrapping his arms around Dazai’s neck, looking into molton brown eyes.
“I know you're shitty at times but I always know you love me. You have shown me that you do every day and I will never forget. Especially since we plan to stay by each other’s side until we grow old. I love you, you bastard.” He watched as pain seemed to cross his Mackerel’s eyes. He will ignore it right now as he knows that talking about feelings is hard for his boyfriend. He will later regret not asking that day as the next one everything came crashing down.
Waking up, Chuuya yawned as he tried to feel for his boyfriend, opening his eyes when he felt the cold space next to him. The space next to him was empty but it didn’t really worry Chuuya as he was used to Dazai waking up before him. He yawned as he sat up, rubbing his eyes trying to get the sleepiness to go away. After he felt like he was awake he stood up and headed to the living room where his boyfriend normally is watching tv waiting for him to wake up. He frowned when he saw the couch empty.
“Osamu? Mackerel?” He yelled out into the apartment as he wanted to cuddle as he woke up more. The apartment rang silent as he continued to search for his boyfriend. He felt a slight panic rise in him as he couldn’t find his boyfriend. He feared the worst so ran back to the bedroom to pick up his phone. He prayed that his boyfriend would answer. He clicked the contact but instead of ringing, it said the call could not be completed. It terrified him and confused him. Dazai never turned his phone off, hell he always answers for Chuuya even if he was doing something he shouldn’t. He pulled the phone away from his ear as he looked at the screen. He could feel himself shaking but it didn’t really register to him.
He stopped as he recognized that he had a text from Dazai. Relief spread throughout his body warming it up. Thank god his boyfriend was alright. He opened the message and his heart stopped. The message glared at him as he read the two sentences on the screen. He didn’t understand just last night they were cuddling and laughing with each other.
Osamu 💕: I’m breaking up with you. My stuff is already gone so don’t worry about that. Goodbye.
Tears fell from his eyes as he stared at the screen. There is no way that this is happening. This had to be some joke. He tried calling Dazai again and again but it wouldn’t go through. It…It was like Dazai blocked his number. He quickly tried to type out a text but that too wouldn’t send. Tears were falling like a waterfall as his heart started to break. He tried contacting him through his social media but he was blocked. Dazai blocked him on everything. He broke down crying as he didn’t understand. Why did Dazai break up with him? What went wrong?
_____
Chuuya felt a tear fall from his eye as he remembered what happened that day. It was a day he still hadn’t gotten over even if that was two years ago. He had never attempted to get into another relationship as he loved Dazai too much. He knew Dazai was it for him. He…he wanted to eventually marry Dazai. He sighed as he looked into the fire. He honestly just wanted to forget about that day but it was hard. He was still in love with Dazai.
He grabbed his cup of hot cocoa off the table and took a careful sip, pulling the blanket even closer. His mind wandered as he looked at the Christmas decorations that were tossed around his ( their) house.
_____
“You shithead! That does not belong on the tree!” He ripped the bandages out of his lover’s hands with a scowl on his face.
“Chibi~! Come on it goes perfectly with the decor!”
“No, they don’t you absolute bandage-wasting machine!” He threw the bandages into the bathroom not caring where they landed. He looked at his boyfriend’s pouting face and sighed. Damn, he really was whipped wasn’t he?
“Fine. We can use them as decorations but not on the tree.” He huffed as he moved away from his boyfriend to hide the blush on his face.
“Ah, you love me slug!” Chuuya felt his boyfriend glomp onto his back, wrapping his arms around his waist.
“Whatever, you ass.”
_____
Chuuya let a smile form on his face as he thought of that year. That year they had used bandages as garland on the doors and walls. Only Dazai would want to use bandages as decorations. He let out a small chuckle. Damn, he really missed the bastard.
“Even when you're gone, you still have me wrapped around your finger, Mackerel.” He stood up not wanting to just sit around anymore. He needed to leave the house. The very same house that he lived in with Dazai. Memories filled this house and he never wanted to get rid of them. He placed his coat on and headed out into the snowy night. The cold rapidly clung to his being as he walked down the road. He wandered aimlessly just wanting to get his mind off of Dazai. But everywhere he looked he saw memories of him and Dazai flash into his brain.
_____
“Dazai? Where are you taking me?”
“Shut up, Slug, we are almost there.” Chuuya sighed as he blindly followed his friend. His best friend, his rival, and his crush had been acting weird lately but he didn’t know what. He let his hand be pulled in some direction trusting Dazai to not let him get hurt.
“Okay! We are here Chibi~!” The blindfold was taken off gently. His eyes take a couple of seconds to adjust to the light that surrounded him. His eyes widen when they take in his surroundings. They were in the forest outside of the city on a cliff that looked out on the city. But it was far enough that Chuuya could see the stars gleaming in the sky. A small gasp left his mouth when he took in the little picnic that was laid out in front of him.
“Dazai? What is all of this?” He hid his shaking hands in the front pocket of his hoodie, actually, it wasn’t his hoodie, it was a hoodie he had stolen from Dazai.
“Well, I figured I could surprise you on your birthday Slug.” Chuuya felt himself stop breathing as he didn’t expect this from Dazai at all. He thought they would just spend the day at their dorm playing video games while snacking on junk food.
“You absolute ass. You did not need to do this. But… Thank you.” He turned his head away from Dazai to try to hide his reddening cheeks.
“Of course Slug. I need to make sure my dog is taken care of!” Chuuya scowled before trying to kick Dazai.
“Asshole.”
They sat there for hours just snacking and talking, for once just enjoying time together.
“Hey Chibi?” Chuuya glanced over at Dazai with a relaxed expression.
“What?”
“I need to tell you something.” Chuuya turned his head to fully look at Dazai with curious eyes. He watched as Dazai’s face cringed up before letting out a sigh.
“Okay. You know you can tell me anything, bastard.”
“Heh yeah, I know. But this involves…feelings.” Chuuya stays silent as he knows how hard it is for Dazai to express what he was feeling. The knowledge came from them growing up together.
“I…well um. Damnit I will just say it. Chuuya I love you.” His eyes widened a bit as he watched Dazai look away from him with reddened cheeks. He did not expect that to come from Dazai. It made him feel a rush of warmth burst through his heart.
“You what?” He couldn’t stop the question from coming from his mouth as he stared in shock. The last thing he expected to fall out of Dazai’s mouth was that he loved him.
“Are you too stupid to understand me Slug?”
“HAH! You shithead, don't call me slug!” Chuuya yelled as he tackled his friend to the ground. He pinned Dazai to the ground looking into his eyes. He could see the sincerity in molten, honey eyes.
“I love you too, you absolute asshole.” He watched as Dazai’s eyes widened slightly. He let out an amused huff as he watched Dazai open and close his mouth like a fish.
“What cat got your tongue Mackerel?”
“Can I kiss you?” Chuuya was startled as he was expecting a clap back not that. He whispered under his breath an agreement. His eyes slowly closed, loosening his grip on Dazai’s arms as Dazai leaned up to kiss him. It was a soft kiss one that spoke volumes of how much they had waited to kiss each other. Chuuya broke apart as he couldn’t keep the smile on his face at bay.
_____
Chuuya's eyes glistened as he looked upon the cliff in front of him. He didn’t expect his feet to bring him to the one place that held every wonderful memory he had with Dazai. He could feel the tears slip down his face as he took in the spot. He could see the stone that they carved their names into, well their nicknames. The stone reads Slug + Mackerel until death. He let out a laugh as he remembered how drunk they both were when they did that.
He looked around to see if there was any more evidence left behind of them. His eyes stopped when they landed on a form sitting on the edge of the cliff. His breath stopped as he recognized that form. It was a person he hadn’t seen in two years.
“D-Dazai?” He whispered in the quietness of the snowy night. He watched as Dazai’s back tensed up before slowly moving to look at him. He could feel his heart stop when dark, empty eyes looked at him.
“Chuuya…” They stayed silent as they looked at each other not knowing what to say. Chuuya slowly moved to sit next to his ex-boyfriend, just looking out at the city below them.
“What brings you here?” Chuuya needed the silence to end. He ignored the tears that were falling down his face as relief filled him. He was glad that Dazai was okay.
“Memories. I normally come here during Christmas.” Chuuya didn’t know what to say to that. He just assumed Dazai had just forgotten about him in these last two years. As Chuuya was still blocked on everything that he could possibly contact Dazai with.
“You goddamn asshole.” Chuuya stood up and moved away from the cliff before he punched Dazai off the cliff. Tears fell faster as he couldn’t hold back the emotions he had bottled up anymore. He was so angry, frustrated, and hurt. He wanted to know what happened. Why was he suddenly dumped? Why was he left all alone? He could hear Dazai move behind him.
“Chuuya at least let me explain.”
“No! You don’t get to explain right now! You are going to listen to me!” He whipped around glaring at Dazai. His hands formed into fists, shaking as rage and hurt filled him. He punched Dazai in the face as his rage came to a head. He looked down at his once boyfriend with a glare full of not hatred but of extreme hurt.
“You left me. You broke up with me over a text and blocked me so I couldn’t contact you to get any clue as to why. You left me after we had just spent the day telling each other we would be together forever and that we loved each other. Was it all just a lie? What happened Dazai?” He huffed as he put every emotion he was feeling into what he was saying. He couldn’t help the sob that fell out of his mouth. He couldn’t hold it back anymore. He fell to his knees as he wrapped his arms around himself.
“Chuuya…” He felt Dazai wrap his arms around him, holding him close.
“I-I didn’t want to leave but I had to.”
“No, you didn’t bastard.”
“Yes, I did. You would have been in danger if I didn’t. My father contacted me six months before I broke up with you. He gave me an ultimatum. I either break up with you and come back home to train to take over the company or he would ruin you. He would make sure you were blacklisted from every job you could have possibly wanted. He would have made your life hell. I didn’t want that. I couldn’t let that happen, you mean too much to me Chuuya.”
Chuuya stayed silent as he took in the information. He looked down at the ground trying to process it all. It made him furious that Dazai didn't just talk to him. He thought that they would be there for each other no matter what.
"No. You didn't. You could have talked to me. We could have figured something out. We could have spared ourselves all of this! No, instead you decided to take my heart and stomp on it like I meant nothing to you. That our whole relationship and what we have been through meant nothing! I loved you with my whole being." He growled out as he glared at the ground, tears not wanting to stop.
"You have no idea how crazy I went when I received that text! I tried looking for you, I tried messaging you anywhere I could. It hurt having no explanation as to why you just upped and abandoned me. No, it didn't just hurt, it destroyed me." He looked up into pained brown eyes but his eyes expressed deep sadness and brokenness.
"I spent 3 months with no breaks trying to find you. You just…just disappeared from my life. Now you are here in front of me saying it was for the best! Fuck that!" He punched Dazai's chest with enough force for the other man to feel but not hurt him. He slowed his assault down when he no longer had the energy to be mad. He just sobbed as he was pulled into Dazai's chest.
"Damn you, just damn you." He hiccuped as his tears finally started to slow down.
"I am so sorry, Chibi. I…I never wanted to hurt you like this. Fuck. I am so sorry." Chuuya felt himself being squeezed closer to the warm body before him. His brain wanted him to pull away but his heart wanted him to cling to Dazai and never let go. He finally had Dazai in front of him again; he didn't want it to end. Fuck what Dazai's father thought. Honestly, Chuuya wouldn't mind going up to the man and telling him where to stick it.
He pulled back, wiping his face of the tears that seemed to cling to him. He felt hands grip his face gently bringing it up while wiping the tears on his face. He sniffled as he wasn't fully calm down yet but he felt a warm take over him when he saw a look of love directed at him. An unconditional love that could warm even the darkest of hearts.
"Chuuya Nakahara, I love you. Always have. You mean the world to me regardless that we bicker or get in a fight at times. I returned to Yokohama because I told my father that I wouldn't run the company without my heart. You are my heart Chuuya. I was able to convince my father to let me stay by your side but I was…" Chuuya watched as Dazai looked down worrying at his lip.
"You were what?"
"I was scared you would never see me again. I know what I did was a shitty thing and I wouldn't put it past you if you hated me. I have come to this spot for the past week trying to figure out how even to approach you. I wanted to at least give you an explanation as to why I left."
"Dazai…"
"I just…I want you back in my life Chuuya. I want to be by your side for the rest of my life. You are my everything." Chuuya could see tears forming in molten brown eyes, it broke his heart even more. There were only a couple of times that Chuuya had ever seen Dazai cry. He could count them on one hand. To see that Dazai was this upset just hurt him more. He knows Dazai fucked up but he didn't deserve to cry.
"Dazai, you are an absolute idiot. A selfish asshole who sometimes thinks way too much. Someone who likes to take everything on so it doesn't burden anyone. But you are the love of my life and you always will be you bastard. It might take me some time to really be able to trust you in not leaving." He lifted his hands so they were on Dazai's cheeks bringing his head down so he could rest his forehead against Dazai's.
"You better not make me regret this…Osamu." He could hear the slight gasp that left Dazai's mouth, making him smile slightly.
"I won't. I won't be able to ever leave you again now that you are here." Chuuya pulled back letting their eyes meet as nothing but warmth and love surrounding them. He leaned closer placing a gentle kiss on Dazai's lips.
"Let's go home, Mackerel."
They walked into the house with small smiles on their face. Their hands locked tight, not letting go of each other once. It felt as if they did all of this would go away. Really it felt like it was all a dream to the both of them.
Chuuya moved them to the kitchen as he wanted to make Dazai hot cocoa. He remembers how much Dazai loved it during the cold months.
_____
"Slug! You are making hot chocolate?!" Chuuya watched as Dazai's eyes sparkled. He could help the laugh that flowed out of his mouth. His boyfriend looked like an overgrown child who was just told Santa was real.
"I am. I figured you would want some as it is snowing and you have been working so hard on your manuscript." He was proud that his boyfriend was actually working for once, instead of putting it off.
"The chibi does love me!" Chuuya was then swept up into a hug as kisses landed all over his face.
"Osamu!" Laughter filled the house as they went about their night.
_____
He set the ingredients out on the counter after having finally letting go of Dazai's hand. He could feel the excitement radiating from his…boyfriend. The warmth that filled him at that word made him smile as he never thought he would have this again.
He set the pot onto the burner to start heating up the cream as he got the chocolate mix ready. He worked his way around the kitchen getting the mugs the preferred to use out. He never got rid of Dazai's things in the house as he always hoped that maybe one-day Dazai would come back. He is glad he didn't now.
He set the chocolate aside and headed to the living room. He needed to start a fire as he put it out before he left. He quickly added logs into the fireplace adding a starter log as to make sure the other would light. Once he got the fire going he headed back to the kitchen just in time for the timer for the cream to go off.
"Chibi…you have mini marshmallows right?" Chuuya let out a chuckle as it didn't seem like Dazai really changed.
"I do. They are in the cabinet by the refrigerator." He could hear the chair behind him move quickly as Dazai went to grab the marshmallows. Chuuya shook his head in amusement as he poured the warmed milk into two mugs with the chocolate. He couldn't help but chuckle when Dazai filled his mug with a mountain of marshmallows. He grabbed his own mug and Dazai's hand and lead them to the living room. He sat down in front of the fireplace holding his mug close. Chuuya felt Dazai sit close next to him. The warmth from the fire and Dazai made things feel bright and safe.
"Merry Christmas, Chuuya." A blanket was moved to wrap around them both as they sat there basking in the warmth and love that filled the room.
"Merry Christmas, Osamu." He snuggles into Dazai's chest just wanting to be close. After all, he had a year's worth of loneliness to make up for.
They sat there lost in their own thoughts as never did they think they would be here with each other again.