Chapter Text
He last remembered being in L'manburg. Falling asleep in his drug van after a long day of, well, making drugs. He had a home and bed but the drug van was obviously the better option.
Now all around him was a lichen green tree circle. He thought it was another stupid prank that maybe Tubbo or Wilbur played on him, but sitting up revealed no flag flying high in the sky. No castle, just a familiar voice.
"Tommy?" Wilbur appeared from behind a tree, waving his hand to gesture to Tommy to come closer. He was scared of the strange new surroundings, so scrambled to his feet and speedwalked to Wilbur. "Do you know where we are?"
"No?-" He answered, a puzzled look crossing his face. "Why would know Wil?"
He sighed. "There's these people going on about 'soulmates' and 'lives', I know about canon lives but where are we?"
Tommy relaxed slightly realizing Wilbur most likely wasn't pranking him, but immediately stood on edge realizing even Wilbur didn't know where they were. And Wilbur had a 10 country streak on geoguessr.
Tommy heard a distant scream, a familiar one at that. Tubbo rounded a tree to their clearing, Ranboo in tow, as they looked increasingly panicked.
"TOMMY! WHERE IN THE RIGHT HELL DID YOU TAKE US THIS TIME!" The raccoon hybrid got on the defensive, retorting and defending himself until the two descended into a screaming match.
"I DID NOT!"
"YOU ABSOLUTELY DID! LAST TIME WAS HIDING MICHAEL AND NOW YOU'RE TAKING US TO RANDOM PLACES WITH STRANGERS?"
"I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE WE ARE!"
"TAKE US BACK NOW! MICHEAL IS GOING TO GET HURT NOW TAKE US BACK IMMEDIATELY!"
"Calm down for Primes sake-"
"SHUT UP RANBOOB! YOUR HUSBAND HERE IS ACCUSING ME OF RIDICULOUS THINGS-"
"QUIT TALKING TOMMY! WE ALL KNOW DID IT!"
Wilbur stood to the side, smoking a cigarette. Ranboo looked exasperated.
"Usual Sunday for me. Tommy's always upset 'n complaining until Tubbo comes with his newest bomb prototype." The enderman nodded, still looking tired of the clingy duo's bullcrap.
Several distant, now unfamiliar voices sounded from the forest. "Do we investigate and leave them to?-"
"It won't take long, just give them a moment."
"WELL LISTEN HERE YOU BITCH!"
"I DON'T WANNA HEAR SHIT FROM YOU!"
"WELL-"
"YOU!-"
Both of their faces softened, having run out of steam.
"I'm sorry Tubbo. I shouldn't have yelled at you. Or called you a bitch." Tommy apologized, ears pinning into his hair in shame.
"And I'm sorry for blaming you. And calling you a bitch. Even though you are o-"
Ranboo cupped a hand over Tubbo's mouth. "Great, great, now to know where that screaming came from."
"Is it safe?" Tubbo pulled out his receiver, sound buzzing his attention to it. "Tango blew up." He quoted, staring at the screen for a moment and squinting. "And...Solid- Solidar-" Tommy took his out as well, reading out the name for Tubbo.
"Solidaritygaming?"
"Solidaritygaming died." Tubbo looked up. "Who the hell?"
Everyone shared an unknowing stare. Curiosity got the better of the group, and they wandered off toward the screaming-turned-yelling.
"Hi! Hi," A yellow-haired...something hybrid greeted the blue collared jacket person behind them, sheepishly smiling in his direction.
"Tell me what happened." The blue shirt guy demanded, rather upset.
"Well, you see, there was a hoard of zombies," They started, ears pinning back and still nervous. "And- Who?"
"What?"
"Who're they?" The seemingly blaze hybrid gestured toward the group, as Tommy scrambled on his feet out of a bush.
"I," He glanced backward to a nervous Ranboo. "Er, we, have no idea where we are. Please help." Tommy said rather eloquently, smiling up at the duo in a hopefully harmless and inviting manner.
Though he is very menacing, trust him. Even the Spirits of Prime cower before him, his immense power and handsomeness. There is no match to Tommy Innit, haver of women. But not really. He doesn't like them.
"We never invited you." They shared a puzzled glance to the side, looking closer at Tommy and peeking behind him at his gang of friends. Of course. He was magnificently 6'3, no matter what Wilbur says.
"Have you found your soulmate yet?" The blue shirt guy asked, but like, rude first question. What's up with these people and soulmates, man? He doesn't like people like that! His soulmates (platonically, of course) were maybe Tubbo and maybe Ranboo. Maybe. When he wasn't a little whiny bitch boy. Or enby. Bitch enby.
"No? Sorry man, I just don't roll with that romantic bullshit alright? Don't assume." Primes, what were with these people?
The blazebornes face flushed slightly pink. Blue shirt guy couldn't see him but like, man, romance is weird business. "No, I mean your soulmates for the server. We don't mean it romantically!" He quickly blurted out, unsure and unsteady in tone.
"What's with the soulmate talk then?"
Blue shirt guy looked confused. "You seriously don't know?"
"No?"
Everyone stayed cowering in the bushes. Maybe because of their trust in his amazing charisma skills and charm! Just saying.
He sighed. "You get assigned soulmates, we're currently trying to figure out who's soulmates with who. But, anyways, if you take damage, your soulmate does as well. And if they die, you die. That's why I died along with Tango here."
Tango, as the blue shirt guy called him, was busy sharpening a sword. He waved awkwardly.
Tommy gave a wave back. "Strange." He thought for a moment before blurting out, "What's your name, by the way?"
"Tommy. Tommy Innit." He settled, glancing toward where Tubbo, Ranboo and Wilbur should've been cowering as he and Jimmy conversed.
But no! They're off chatting with Tango, without him! This was worse than when Ranboo started on the server. Top ten anime betrayals.
"Yeah. I'm soulmates with Tango, if you couldn't tell, and now we're both the first on yellow. Jimmy double-checked his receiver, and confirmed his words. "I kept taking damage, so I thought it was Scar!"
"Never thought Scar and his soulmate wouldn't end up first in yellow." Tango joked, handing his sword sharpening task to Tubbo and Wilbur. Ranboo just looked concerned.
"We lost everything, and I'm pretty sure everyone else is decked out in iron at least by now. So," Tommy patted himself down as Jimmy explained how he was so peaceful until Tango up and died, realizing he lost all of his items. He had a single pile of seeds to his name.
Crap. Everyones coming for them.
"Want to set up an alliance?" Tommy blurted out, not thinking much about the timing or what Jimmy was going on about.
"An alliance?" Tango queried, cocking his head sideways like a curious puppy.
"Yeah, I lost everything from my previous server when got here. Assuming it's a different one. We'll call it uhm, Broke Boys™, so people will take pity and donate to us."
Tango and Jimmy looked...concerned. Awestruck? Of course, he was so poggers he'd strike anyone with awe instantly.
"Kid, we need to be intimidating." Jimmy explained, laughing with him. Tommy rolled his eyes, he clearly didn't understand business.
"We need to incite pity, Jimmy. You clearly don't understand business."
Tango gave a confused glance to Jimmy. "Do that yourself. So I was thinking Tango, we build ourselves a..."
Tommy turned around and definitely did not stomp off. He'll teach them. He's already intimidating, in fact he could intimidate someone into handing over all their armor in sheer terror of him! Thomas kraken innit, the biggest big man of them all.
"...Ranboo wanna try this out on you."
Ranboo nervously back away from the tip of the wooden sword, as Wilbur smoked another fucking cigarette. You lose your drug van, you start smoking. Er, smoking more.
"I'm fine!-" Ranboo held it away from nicking his arm. "I'll be okay without being a test subject Tubbo,"
Tubbo frowned. "Why not boo?" He sounded so sad. Ranboob, being the massive (platonic of course) simp they were, caved.
"A little bit." He shut his eyes as Tubbo tried stabbing his arm.
"The fuck?" He asked Wil, and the arsonist shrugged.
Tubbo yelped. It scared all three of them, and Wilbur stopped mid-drawl.
The other, smaller arsonist tugged on his green polo shirt in a similar spot to where he stabbed Ranboo. "Again."
"Wha- What? said once- The heck Tubbo!?" He made a strange warbling noise, similar to an Enderman.
"Whatever you feel, I feel." Tubbo slapped himself across the face.
Ranboo held the side of his face, disoriented and looking like he had an epiphany.
"Soulmates?" Tommy said, As the bee loving duo gave him a strange look. "Tango didn't teach you?"
Their awe stricken faces at Tommy's knowledge were a giveaway to the answer. "Whatever pain your soulmate feels, you do too. Your lives are tied or something." Wilbur nodded passively.
"Well this is certainly a situation." The Enderman muttered, tail flicking back and forth out of a nervous habit.
"WE're soulmates? Us?" He looked up to Ranboo excitedly. They sighed.
"Mhm. Mhm." He was very disappointed. Probably.
"This is incredible Ranboo. Our bonds are strengthened. I don't know what that means, but Wilbur taught me it earlier. This is great."
Jimmy and Tango had long disappeared with the talk of a ranch, and he'd also forgotten his sword. Tommy considered stealing it and running away to go caving, but it was probable he had a soulmate as well.
"I swear to god if I'm stuck with Wil," Tommy hummed, annoyedly eyeing him as he finished his cigarette.
Wilbur pinched his own arm. Tommy felt nothing, while looking out for noises of mild distress anywhere nearby.
"Well we need to find out if there's more people here, and if the rest of the SMP got transported as well." The tallest of the group mentioned, and Tommy nodded in agreement.
"We should at least set up a base first. Assuming the world here is similar to where we came from, there's going to be monsters roaming. And it's already midday." Wilbur glanced around for building materials that wouldn't look like crap. He had high standards, with his drug van and all.
"All we need is to survive for the night. Split up?" Ranboo asked for confirmation. "To find other people I mean."
"That'd be fine. I can survive on my own. Not sure about Tommy though."
The raccoon gave an offended glare. "I am fine by myself, thank you very much, but it'd be best if Ranboo tagged along with Tubbo." Such useful advice he gives, innit?
Ranboo gave an exasperated sigh and looked down to the smaller.
"I'll go with you boo." He sweetly said, a sickeningly saccharine smile crossing his face. "Let's go north, that way." He pointed to the sky.
"That's not north Tubbo, that's the sky."
"I'll go uhm-" He pointed to a random direction. "East! Bye bye now!-" He called, before bolting away from their space between the trees. He hoped he remembered the direction Jimmy and Tango ran off to correctly.
"Tommy, I don't think that's—"
A definitely regular day in the life of Tommy Innit, haver of wives (multiple) none of which were his.
He plotted to steal Phil's wife. He called him a chaotic gremlin boy, but Tommy never got that.
He wandered briskly into the thicket of trees, imagining plans for a mansion in which to house his incredible pogness.
It was gonna be so great.